Women, would you date a guy who had used escorts in the past?

[MissBee]

Lets say the guy had struggled with women for years so he decided to use escorts to relieve tension. I ask because some women will ask about their partners past

 

I would feel uncomfortable with this. That's the truth.

 

But I also can't imagine dating a man who was that awkward around women he needed to do that. I suppose you can change, but it seems that if a man cannot get women to spend time with him or have sex with him without paying for it, that one has severe anxiety or other issues which I don't think just go away....I feel their would be some residual signs of this kind of awkwardness and I doubt we'd end up dating each other.

 

I don't mean to make light of men with these issues btw. I'm just saying that I know how I am and the men I like, even if they are more reserved, they still have a confidence about them and get women, so I doubt I'd end up dating a guy who had that problem.

[Sun Devil]

The only reason I would regret using escorts is if my dating luck changed within the next few months. If I dont get my first girlfriend till my 30s' then I will not regret using them.

[Els]

you end up with the extreme absurdity of no behavior ever being a problem.

 

No, you end up with a situation where whatever the did in their past is irrelevant as long as they don't do it to you.

 

If they do, show them the door. No one is advocating that forgiving someone's past = being a doormat. Plenty of alcoholics, drug addicts, cheaters, gamblers reform all the time. People have to be allowed to reform and have a second chance. They might not have it with you, no one is saying they should. But they must be given a chance to prove their worth.

 

I'm not even sure what the point of the bolded is. Do you mean that it's fine if others won't accept certain types of past behaviour, but it's all good with you? In that case, well, uh, great? You certainly have the right to choose to be with them, just as some of us have the right to choose not to be with them.

 

My issue with your posts is that you're basically saying that people can lie about past behaviour ergo nobody should have preferences for past behaviour. That is false logic. Past behaviour isn't the only thing that people can lie about, if one were to go down that line of thought.

[Els]

The only reason I would regret using escorts is if my dating luck changed within the next few months. If I dont get my first girlfriend till my 30s' then I will not regret using them.

 

Then do so, stick to your guns, and seek compatible women who don't have a problem with it?

 

Why ask this question in the first place?

[therhythm]

I don't know why people have an argument in something as simple and personal as tastes and dating criteria.

I think people can find the past of another people important to choose if they want to date them or not and I don't think it needs to be something related to insecurities... some people have strong sexual values and look for people who share those values with them and there is nothing wrong with it.

I also think that people is not obliged to share their past if they don't want to do that, based on that a person can decide to disqualify them or not but it is every person choice how much of their life they want to share and at what point of their life they share it.

I also find fair if a person decides to disqualify another person for requesting sexual information from you... not everyone likes to have to feel a sexual questionnaire to be chosen or not for a date...

 

I think that if people choose to misrepresent themselves and lie about who they are and how they have become that person it is as bad as cheating as they are forcing themselves into someone else life with a lie.

 

In my case I am totally open of who I am because I want the person who chooses to be with me to choose me for who I am with my goods and my flaws... I would not want to settle for someone who just love me because is ignorant of how I became who I am.

Edited July 17, 2013 by therhythm

[SJC2008]

Apples and oranges.

 

I also wouldn't knowingly date someone who'd cheated.

 

The way a person views and values sex itself as well as the opposite sex's body doesn't usually change over time.

 

A person who'd ever hire a prostitute simply doesn't value sex the same way I do. I wouldn't date a reformed manslut or cheater for the same reason.

 

But a guy who'd hire a prostitute does value sex the way a whore/slut does. THAT's hypocrisy.

 

I value sex but I'm human at the same time. I've thought about using a prostitute before but never have. Although I did go to a bath house about a year ago in hopes of getting some but it didn't happen

(funny story) and looking back I'm glad. So to many that may mean I don't value sex but what would drive a man do do such a thing? Could it be because he only had sex once in his life, 8 years ago at the time? How much lonliness can a man take? If I was a woman I could empathize with an isolated situation like that. Now if it was a habit I could definately understand having a problem with that. I have a friend who has used prostitutes while IN a relationship. That's a person who doesn't value sex.

Edited July 17, 2013 by SJC2008

[SJC2008]

My sexual history could very well be immoral to someone. My first sexual exp was at 19 (oral) with a friends co-worker one night after going out for drinks. My second was losing my v at 22 with a coworker, a hookup. And my 3rd was with a woman I was dating about 7 months ago. Two were ONS, one was with a woman I was dating. That means I've never had sex in an exclusive R. BUT I've never had a gf in adulthood. I want a gf, something exclusive. I'm not saying I'll never have another ONS but I'd rather have sex in an exclusive R.

[sweetjasmine]

you end up with the extreme absurdity of no behavior ever being a problem.

 

No, you end up with a situation where whatever the did in their past is irrelevant as long as they don't do it to you.

 

Why should it be?

 

I don't ever want to be with a man who, for example, has raped somebody. Even if he never does it again, to me or anyone else. Because I will judge that person to be a POS. WHY is that a problem?

 

If they do, show them the door. No one is advocating that forgiving someone's past = being a doormat.

 

No, you're saying that because someone can LIE about something, that we shouldn't even worry about it. That we should forgive it because someone else might have done it and just not said anything about it. That is completely illogical and absurd.

 

Plenty of alcoholics, drug addicts, cheaters, gamblers reform all the time. People have to be allowed to reform and have a second chance. They might not have it with you, no one is saying they should. But they must be given a chance to prove their worth.

 

MUST? It's no one's responsibility to give another person a chance by dating them. No one is owed a relationship. I absolutely flat out do not want to give a cheater or meth addict or domestic abuser or animal torturer or murderer or rapist a chance, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. If YOU want to give absolutely everyone a chance to reform their behavior, that's for YOU to decide.

 

I would imagine people who have sketchy pasts that reflect on current behavior would display traits that demonstrate those sketchy pasts.

 

Violent people, or people who steal or regularly cheat are probably going to show signs of that. Someone who saw a hooker one time might not be a deviant.

 

But people are saying that if you don't even know about it, since they're lying to you and apparently good at hiding it, that it's irrelevant. So, no, those people with sketchy pasts wouldn't necessarily have it reflected in their current behavior. Because everyone is saying that even the nice, respectable-looking people could actually have had a million hookers blow them while smoking crack and punching puppies in the face. Because everyone's a scumbag and a liar.

 

If you were dating a girl and found out she had beat up her ex-boyfriend and blamed him when the cops came, getting him arrested, how would you feel about it? "Eh, doesn't matter because she hasn't hit ME" ?

[fortyninethousand322]

But people are saying that if you don't even know about it, since they're lying to you and apparently good at hiding it, that it's irrelevant. So, no, those people with sketchy pasts wouldn't necessarily have it reflected in their current behavior. Because everyone is saying that even the nice, respectable-looking people could actually have had a million hookers blow them while smoking crack and punching puppies in the face. Because everyone's a scumbag and a liar.

 

Let me clarify: to the extent that it would be a problem for you, it is likely to be revealed in current behavior.

 

 

If you were dating a girl and found out she had beat up her ex-boyfriend and blamed him when the cops came, getting him arrested, how would you feel about it? "Eh, doesn't matter because she hasn't hit ME" ?

 

Depends. If I was still the guy I am now who struggles to get dates? Absolutely. If I had options? Probably not.

 

Considering my past is not likely to make women attracted to me (since I have no past really) it would be hypocritical of me to hold anyone's past against them. But, that's why I don't ask about pasts anyway...

[Mme. Chaucer]

So a lot of women wouldn't have a crack at someone like Gosling even if they knew he was dating 5 or so other women? I doubt it.

 

Well, that "lot" of women doesn't happen to be participating in this discussion so you'll be speaking for them, evidently. And the actual women who have a point of view different from yours are lying. Right?

 

Pertinent to this topic, whether you're right or not, there is a subset of men who "wouldn't mind" having a crack at Megan Fox, for example. Where do you think the term, "I'd tap that," comes from? Those guys are not proposing a monogamous relationship.

 

And neither are they if they buy sexual acts from pros. They are in the company of plenty of other customers. It's accepted and fine with them, I guess.

 

Pompeii, I have a personal word of wisdom for you. Take it or leave it (I predict you'll choose "leave it," ). You come off as extremely arrogant and equally ignorant when it comes to the subjects of women and relationships between men and women. It's normal to be like that when you're a young teenager, but even though you are, it would really benefit you to quiet down and actually pay attention and learn about what's really going on. Your preconceived notions and what you think you "observed" are way off base. Going forward with them will only cause you unhappiness.

 

Serious.

[therhythm]

Well, that "lot" of women doesn't happen to be participating in this discussion so you'll be speaking for them, evidently. And the actual women who have a point of view different from yours are lying. Right?

 

Pertinent to this topic, whether you're right or not, there is a subset of men who "wouldn't mind" having a crack at Megan Fox, for example. Where do you think the term, "I'd tap that," comes from? Those guys are not proposing a monogamous relationship.

 

And neither are they if they buy sexual acts from pros. They are in the company of plenty of other customers. It's accepted and fine with them, I guess.

 

Pompeii, I have a personal word of wisdom for you. Take it or leave it (I predict you'll choose "leave it," ). You come off as extremely arrogant and equally ignorant when it comes to the subjects of women and relationships between men and women. It's normal to be like that when you're a young teenager, but even though you are, it would really benefit you to quiet down and actually pay attention and learn about what's really going on. Your preconceived notions and what you think you "observed" are way off base. Going forward with them will only cause you unhappiness.

 

Serious.

 

While I have a very strong respect for what you ladies say in this thread or in this forum I have to say that women posting in this thread are not representative for the whole LS community and then again the whole women posters in LS are not representative for all the women in the world.

If I have to take what a 99% of the women have said in this thread there would be 99% of women who would reject me for my past... actually in real life the women who have ever rejected me for such reason are not even the 1% of the total...

 

I am not trying to lesser the value of what you are trying to say but don't think that because a group of persons claim one position in a thread that is the reality of the situation in real life.

 

I don't think people should stop doing something for fear to rejection, you can choose not to do something because you think it is not the morally correct thing to do but never out of fear!

[Sun Devil]

Well, unless any of you women want to teach me how to have sex, I am going to go see an escort. If you don't want me to go, give me an alternative. Tell me if you have an idea

[clia]

Well, unless any of you women want to teach me how to have sex, I am going to go see an escort. If you don't want me to go, give me an alternative. Tell me if you have an idea

 

You've been "threatening" to go see a hooker/escort for nearly a year on this site. If you really believe it is your only option and you want to do it to gain some experience, then just go do it. Stop being the little boy who cried wolf. Or are you planning on posting another thread about going to see an escort in three months? Are you hoping people will talk you out of it?

[TaraMaiden]

Well, unless any of you women want to teach me how to have sex, I am going to go see an escort. If you don't want me to go, give me an alternative. Tell me if you have an idea

 

No, we're fine with that... it's up to you what you do, feel free.

 

As far as I'm concerned, I really have no preference for you one way or the other.

 

It's your money, spend it any way you want.

[KathyM]

Well, unless any of you women want to teach me how to have sex, I am going to go see an escort. If you don't want me to go, give me an alternative. Tell me if you have an idea

Work on your social skills, your self esteem, your approach to women, your confidence level, your sense of humor, etc. Those are the things that will actually help you get the relationship you want. Having sex with a prostitute will make no difference whatsoever in your ability to get real women, and after spending that $300 or whatever for the hour, you will be no better off in your ability to interact with women.

[Revolver]

Prostitution like McDonalds or apple products will never go away though. There's too much demand for it

[therhythm]

Work on your social skills, your self esteem, your approach to women, your confidence level, your sense of humor, etc. Those are the things that will actually help you get the relationship you want. Having sex with a prostitute will make no difference whatsoever in your ability to get real women, and after spending that $300 or whatever for the hour, you will be no better off in your ability to interact with women.

 

I for once totally agree with you KathyM

[Els]

Well, unless any of you women want to teach me how to have sex, I am going to go see an escort. If you don't want me to go, give me an alternative. Tell me if you have an idea

 

Who has said that they don't want you to go?

 

You asked if we'd date a guy who had used escorts in the past. Some said yes, some said no. I have no idea how you translated that to "No, we don't want you to go."

 

As far as I'm concerned, you should do whatever you please. Knock yourself out.

[KathyM]

Who has said that they don't want you to go?

*Raises hand*. I'm trying to point out that going to a prostitute is not going to help him one iota in finding a woman to date him. He has to work on whatever issues are holding him back, and paying that money to a prostitute is not going to change anything for him. After that money is spent, he will still be in the same boat as before: lonely and with no ability to find someone to date him.

You asked if we'd date a guy who had used escorts in the past. Some said yes, some said no. I have no idea how you translated that to "No, we don't want you to go."

 

As far as I'm concerned, you should do whatever you please. Knock yourself out.

It won't help you. After spending that $300, you will be no better off. You will have lost your virginity to a prostitute. And be stuck having no better social skills than before, and no better ability to attract women. Are you going to pay a prostitute once a week to give you some tiny bit of (fake) attention at a huge cost? At $300/hour, that's $1,200 per month for one hour a week. Pretty costly sum for very little in return, and you will be no better off in finding a real relationship. In fact, you'll be worse off, since you will eventually contract an STD if using prostitutes consistently.

[in_absentia]

Yes, and I have. My most serious relationship boyfriend told me before we got together that he'd been given a happy ending massage when he was single. The last guy I fell in love with had used a prostitute while visiting Amsterdam, again while single. The guy I had a six month open relationship with used prostitutes before, during, and after our relationship (though his using a prostitute for the first time while we were 'together' coincided with me meeting someone else and our open relationship coming to a happy and mutual end). Another friend of mine uses them regularly.

 

It's so much more common than you think. If a guy has been tested and none of them were while he was being unfaithful, I don't care.

[fortyninethousand322]

Lets say you meet a guy who has a great personality, good job, and not ugly. Later after dating for a whole you find out the he used escorts in the past. He did not do it while in any relationships, just when he was single. He has been tested and is clean. Would you overlook his past?

 

Here's what I'm going to do, I'm going to give you a better idea than escorts for losing your virginity. Well, probably only slightly better.

 

Are you from the US? Did you go to high school? Have you had your 10 year reunion yet? My advice to you (which is advice I will also take if I'm still in the same place I am today) is to go to it. There's bound to be women there who will want to hook up, some might be cheating on a spouse of boyfriend but, there has to be women there looking for casual sex with guys they went to high school with.

 

Just hold out until then.

[therhythm]

Here's what I'm going to do, I'm going to give you a better idea than escorts for losing your virginity. Well, probably only slightly better.

 

Are you from the US? Did you go to high school? Have you had your 10 year reunion yet? My advice to you (which is advice I will also take if I'm still in the same place I am today) is to go to it. There's bound to be women there who will want to hook up, some might be cheating on a spouse of boyfriend but, there has to be women there looking for casual sex with guys they went to high school with.

 

Just hold out until then.

 

Loool .... this got to be the worse advise I have ever seen in LS...

[fortyninethousand322]

Loool .... this got to be the worse advise I have ever seen in LS...

 

And why is it bad advice?

[therhythm]

And why is it bad advice?

 

Because even in the event that some women would want to have sex in the anniversary it doesn't need to be with you

[sweetkiwi]

Because even in the event that some women would want to have sex in the anniversary it doesn't need to be with you

He's a virgin himself.....forgive him, he doesn't know the way.