boyfriend chronic, shameless cheater but I don't want to leave him

[statsgirl]

I was with a guy for 5 years. After 6 mos, when i really felt close to him, he had to serve 3 months in jail for owning an unlicensed hand gun. Of course, i was there for him. The devotion I poured out to get him through it must have really distorted my thinking. He cheated over and over from about 6 months after he got out. I was so devoted to making him see the errors of his ways. I finally got a hold of one of the women he was cheating with. She didn't know he was lying to her and she cut him off totally. He was angry at me for contacting her, and then we started what was a 6 month, dysfunctional, ending of our relationship. I really didn't want to break up. I just wanted him to stop cheating, but I learned the hard way that this is impossible. I wondered if it was something about me, or was it something about the women. No, it is something about him. He admitted that he didn't want to lose me either, but he said that if i want to continue seeing him, i have to understand that "friends" of his might come and see him from his home town(6 hours away). Women call my work(we work together) and ask the secretary to speak to him. His cell service indicates when he is on the phone. He is on his cell at 2 and 3 in the morning ignoring my calls. He admitted that they don't know about me. He admitted that he still wants me, but i told him that he knows that this is the last straw. I have not been with him in a couple of months now, and i have no intentions of being with him. I had to tell him how screwed up he really is. Feelings change and that is fine. It happens. But to do this to me after all we had been through together. To expect me to say that we can work it out after all this when i know his cheating will never end is crazy. The hard part is having to work with him when i wish so badly that i could be with him. It takes a lot to get through some days. If it were a situation where i didn't have to see him, I would have been closer to being over him. There is no in way hell i am going back, but i suffer and grieve bc for outside of the cheating, he was my best friend, my soft place to fall, my biggest support, and the person whom i had the most respect for, and the only person whose opinion mattered to me. He is smart and always made me feel good about myself.........until he started cheating. My relationship is over, my world is shattered, and i have to face it, literally, everyday. Now, being that it is over, and i am not trying to "save a bad boy", how do i get out of this hell i am in if quitting my job is not an option???

 

Has anyone lost someone they didn't want to lose, and still had to face them everyday? How do you move on when there is nothing and noone else that you want? How did you get out of this state of thinking? I really am trying. I have not figured it out. Some days are better than others, but I still cave in real deep and go through bouts of depression just as badly as i did six months ago when the break up started, and just as bad as 2 months ago when i last saw him outside of work. Should i go see a professional about this?

[2KindKay]

I have to say that the saying "once a cheater always a cheater" seems to be so true in your case. I agree with the posts, you should end things with this guy, if your thinking in the back of your mind "he must love me we have been together 4 years and live together" wrong, if he loved you he never would have cheated to begin with. As you said, he already cheated on you once and you forgave him, Once could be a mistake, twice is a habit!

 

Good luck

[statsgirl]

I wish i could have no contact with my ex. I have to work with him. I would quit if i could, but i can't!!! No one at work knows about us. We've been together for 5 years. He is a compulsive cheater. I finally threw in the towel. I wish i could be with him. I didn't want it to be over. I just wanted him to stop cheating. I know it is not about me, or the girls he cheated with. It is just him and he will always be this way. Since no one knows, the attention seeking secretary who flirts with him has no idea how bad he really is and how painful it is for me. He said he would like to see me, but finally admitted that he will always need to be with other women. Women call my job to talk to him. Women come to see him. My world was work, my son, and him. He was my companiion. He won't face up to anything to help me find peace and closure with it. He would never talk to me after i told him i could not be with him anymore, but I have to watch him act happy with all of these other women right in my face. I just keep breaking down. I would be ok if i didn't have to see him, but him and his ways are in front of my face every day!! What do i do?? Please, anyone out there been through this kind of torture??? I actually called a counselor. I have been threw a lot in my life, but this is beyond my coping skills bc it feels like torture!! Does anyone know how i can get through this, or would you also seek counseling in my situation???

[Starnette83]

yes maybe counseling would help!!! ugh he sounds like such a bastard jerk for hurting u this way, how can there be such trashy stupid people like this!! MEN SUCK..not all but some are stupid bastards!!

 

it hurts and i can just imagine how much more it hurts facing them everyday and seeing other women come along, but just know these women he is with, he doesnt love them either, he doesnt love anyone but his damn self, hes a jerk and feel sorry for those girls...dont envy them, they have nothign u dont have, dont compare ureself to them....sooner or later they will realize how unworthy he is...

i knwo in ure heart u love him, its normal u were with him for a LONG TIME and shared alot with this a**h***....but reality is hes a big jerk and he no longer desetres your love, your tears or your respect, i swear the day he loses u forever his dumbass might be feeling sorry....

Just try to get over him, by realizing what an a**h*** he is, and i know this is truly hard cuz u cant see ureself with anyone else, and ure most likely thinking "I wont ever love anyone again, cuz he was my only" but this is the mentality of Blindness and its normal..dont worry..just pray and make ureself get over him, realize that what he is doing is the dirtiest stupidest thing ever..and truly be thankful u dont have kids with this nasty man, or that u wont get married to him cuz he would just make u an unhappy wife and spread diseases..

im sorry once again that u had to get hurt this way, many women go through this and some end up staying with these bad men and jsut keep hurting for several years.....just do yourself a favor and hurt alot for 6 months bhut know that later no more pain, unlike women who stay and hurt on and off for many years and die unhappy and hurt...

 

its better to be alone then with a jerk who doesnt love you anyways..they suck and dont bring yourself down cuz of this man, instead make that push u harder and prove hopw strong u r!!!!!!! Goodluck! i know u can do it..dont settle for less,a nd dont let one sided love stop u...he doesnt love u and he wont love any other girl either cuz he doesnt even know what love is..hes stupidly blind