This my spouse and he wants to change. Any hope?

[loyalwife]

Examine if your spouse knows how he/she is acting toward you and whether he is condescending around others. In some cases your spouse has been chronically condescending to the point where the behavior is part of his/her personality. Also, if your spouse is overcompensating due to an insecurity, he/she may be so determined to muster confidence he/she may not realize that the behavior is offensive.

Does your spouse continue talking with you after a condescending remark, acting as though nothing happened? If this is the case he/she may not be aware that the remarks are rude and inappropriate.

Does your spouse seem to speak to everyone around him/her in the same manner or are you the only target? A sarcastic person may believe that condescension is just part of “his/her charm.” He/she may not realize that instead of being funny the comments are mean-spirited and hurtful to some people.

Are the remarks delivered around the same topic? Perhaps you’ve talked to friends about what it’s like to have a baby, but every time you bring up the subject your spouse rolls his eyes, delivering the non-verbal comment that he’s sick of hearing the story. Instead of just going to you to say that he/she is a little annoyed by the topic, does your spouse instead make caustic comments?

More info: He is a know it all, very defensive and don't take responsibility for causing trouble instead, he blames others. Any hope for a change or am I dreaming?

[Leegh]

I have never been married, but I do believe that most people do not change, as the saying goes "It is what it is". It would take a tremendous event for a person to change, but it can be done if the person is willing. Your husband sounds as if he has a touch of narcissism. I believe my sister is a narcissist, as she too will blame a wrongdoing which she started, on someone else. I think it is called "projecting"; instead of taking responsibility for one's actions, it is projected onto the other person, and they are responsible for the wrongdoing. This is how it is seen through the narcissist's eyes. I am not saying your husband is a narcissist, but you may want to consider the possibility.

[FitChick]

You want to have a baby and he doesn't. There is no compromise. Divorce him and find a man who feels the same as you do. You don't sound happy living with this man anyway.

 

When you act like a doormat, people will wipe their feet on you.