My progress thread

[mtnbiker3000]

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[youngnlove89]

Great insight Mack.

 

Thanks for the comments everyone.

 

I will remain NC. I'm going to be speaking with my Psychologist today. I'm curious what she will say.

 

I have heard of the push and pull theory and it's so true with me. I even do it sometimes. I push and then when I feel resistance, I come back. Same with him. It's been our game.

 

I just need to stay strong and continue moving forward. I hate this though. I love him and he's hurting me. Blocking is the hardest thing. It's just like they are dead. I can't cope with that.

[youngnlove89]

Babe he sounds just like a dude I dated when I was in my early 20's. Trust me, when you get over him, you'll look back and wonder why you EVER dated such a douchebag. You need to unlock those shackles he has on you.

 

I know I do.

 

I am SO ready for the weekend, I am having girl time and they will help me through this! It's so nice to have girls in my life again. They really will keep me strong and moving on...

[iouaname]

Young, if you want to join my man-hating club and then enter into a lesbian relationship with me, you know where to find me

[youngnlove89]

Young, if you want to join my man-hating club and then enter into a lesbian relationship with me, you know where to find me

 

I'm in!

[mtnbiker3000]

Blocking is the hardest thing. It's just like they are dead. I can't cope with that.

 

Uhhh... Yes. Yes you can!!! Dig deep. You will find the strength if you give it a chance. I know so!!

[youngnlove89]

Good Afternoon!!

 

So I have some PROGRESS to share! I have had a lot happen the past few days and I've made some big steps. I saw my Psychologist and she was happy to hear that I have made new hobbies and we discussed more about my ex and his crazy mixed signals. It didn't feel like the therapy at first was making an improvement as I was just the only one talking and rambling, but I feel like it is definitely making a mark on me. Slowly, but surely. Just the fact that I am being proactive on healing and moving forward is letting myself know that I love me enough to work on my issues. I love myself enough to let go of the burden I carry.

 

A little update on the ex: He sent me two pictures of himself with his shirt off and posing and also texted me last night to ask if I was out on a date. I just ignored it. I unblocked him, because not knowing whether he texted me or called me really bothered me and gave me anxiety. I just don't think blocking is right for ME. That's all. I hope people respect that. I stayed strong and I ignored it and it really gave me power by doing so.

 

Last night I met my BEST FRIEND. Oh my gosh, we were meant to find each other. She is a beautiful person inside and out and we have so much in common it's scary. We bar hopped last night and we had all these guys buying us drinks and we had such a good time. (First in a long time for me) By the end of the night we were telling each other that we are meant to be best friends. It sounds so corny, but we just really hit it off with each other. We already made plans for next weekend.

 

I thought about my ex last night, but it was different this time. He wasn't on my mind as much, but when I did think of him it was just like, "hmm okay, whatever" and I moved forward. It made me realize that I was so attached to him because I was lonely. He was not only a boyfriend, but my only good friend. So when I lost him, I had no one. Meeting this new girl made me realize how much I need other people in my life. My problem was loneliness and like a magnet, I clung to my ex just so I could avoid being lonely. Of course I still love him and miss him, but I feel like my life is a little more complete now that I have hobbies, interests, plans, and I'm making new friends.

 

It's such a huge difference for me. All the other times we broke up I just wallowed in self pity and became one lonely person. I never took the proper steps to recover. This time I am scrapbooking, making scarves, laughing, going out more, meeting new people and journaling my feelings.

 

I know my ex all too well. Every time he is about to lose me, he tries to pull me in. We get back together. Things are stable for a second, then he pulls away again. And the cycle repeats. I realized I'm just tired of that. I love the guy and I care for him, but there are so many other people out there that I can love. I know I will meet someone else one day, but to be honest, for the first time in my life, I want to be single. I want to have fun and enjoy myself. I am okay with being ME.

Edited August 11, 2013 by youngnlove89

[youngnlove89]

A Broken Heart, Panic Attacks and Seeing Spirits

I've recently (in the past few months) have become more spiritual and open to spiritual things. Such as talking to psychics, tarot cards, numerology, palm reading, horoscopes and burning sage/incense and meditating. I also ask for signs and receive them.

 

I have talked to one psychic in particular who I know is real because she knew things that she couldn't just make up and also because her predictions came true (three times so far). I'm still waiting for her 4th prediction, but that should be arriving before the end of the week.

 

Last night I had a panic attack. I haven't been taking an pysch medications or anything, but my heart is so overwhelmed with the break up that it sneaks up on me sometimes. I had taken Benadryl to help me fall asleep, but this time nothing could stop this panic. So not only was I panicking, but I was exhausted on top of it. Not a great combo.

 

My panic attacks last for a couple hours and come and go. I sweat, throw up, panic, get dizzy and can't sit still. I remember as I was panicking (for over an hour at this time) I had a lady with red hair hover over me and talk to me and she told me everything was going to be okay. I wasn't scared of her or anything, just felt very calm about it, like it was a natural thing. She seemed like an angel. I felt like she took me to a different world and made me calm again. I know she told me more, but this morning I can't remember what else she said to me. I remember telling her 'thank you so much' and then my panic went away and I fell back asleep.

 

Right before I went to bed last night I asked for a sign of some sort since my heart has been heavy. Was this a sign? Or am I going insane?

 

I've received signs before, but never met a spirit. Is there such a thing as spirit guides?

[unexpectedlyhere]

Haven't heard from you in a while, hope you're ok!

[youngnlove89]

I am doing GREAT. Thank you for asking!

 

I have started up a part time job. I am now a Scentsy consultant and selling warmers and making some extra cash. I have my first party this weekend with some family/friends. I'm super excited.

 

I also have been staying focused, being more spiritual, hanging out with my *now* best friend. We are going out to dinner this Friday night.

 

Staying busy. Thinking positive.

 

I am talking to the ex. But this time I have my own separate life, he isn't my priority anymore. And he can sense that, it bothers him. But this time I'm not letting it bother ME. I'm extremely selfish and focused on moving on. I think he is scared of losing me and wanting me back in his life. I said NO. I just want to do ME, now. I think I got tired of waiting for him to change. I got my power back.

 

I have refrained from this site a little because I think it was kind of prolonging my healing. I was focusing too much on the situation vs just moving on.

 

The attraction to my ex is still there, but it's different now. I have plans without him and I'm excited for my new life. I'm more busy now and focused on other things. I no longer worry about what he is thinking/doing. I don't "check" on him anymore.

 

I'm just "using" him while I move forward, slowly detaching myself from him vs going cold turkey. We don't talk everyday, just here and there. He always initiates and if I don't respond right away he freaks out. But lately he has become more clingy probably because he is sensing me moving on. Oh well, tough for him!

 

He is moving into a new house so he won't be living close to me anymore (makes it easier for me). He wants me to see it, but I'm not sure if I really want too. I have better things to do. It's not the same anymore to be honest.

 

I'm talking to other men (nothing serious), being happy, enjoying the single life, no dating sites this time, making plans, meeting new people, got my second job, reading more, focusing on me, myself and I.

 

Accomplishing these things have made me realize that this whole time I had an attachment issue to my ex. It wasn't love, I mean I did care for him, but it wasn't that romantic true soul mate love. Love doesn't hurt, love isn't jealousy, love isn't questioning the relationship or not feeling good enough. That was all attachment. Expecting more than he could give me and being upset when he couldn't meet my demands. Now that I'm detaching from him, I find myself letting go.

 

Who knows what will happen next, but I'm taking it one day at a time.

Edited August 22, 2013 by youngnlove89

[mercuryshadow]

It's good to hear that you are moving forward.

 

I'd just advise you to be really careful if you are staying in contact with your ex. Do not get pulled back into the same cycle again. If you start to feel yourself slipping, read, and re-read your threads about what he did to you, and why you broke up. Remind yourself of why you need to keep distance from this guy.

 

I've moved well beyond my ex and have a wonderful new life and bright future with the man I am going to marry in a few months. Last night, I was looking at my old facebook messages (which I haven't cleaned up in years!) and came upon some exchanges with my ex during the worst parts of our relationship. I was completely shocked, after reading them, that I would have ever gone back to him after what he did. Was I blind? Deaf? Dumb? Intoxicated? I'm in such a different mind frame now, looking back is surreal. I mean, just... make sure to remind yourself of how much pain you were in (because of him) if you ever consider jumping into the old swing of things again.

 

Best to you!

[unexpectedlyhere]

Good to know you're doing well! I had a feeling your LS silence was a positive one.

 

I second mercuryshadow's recommendation not to overdo the contacting even if it feels okay - like you said yourself, you have better things do to!

[Els]

Happy to hear you're doing well, YNL.

[youngnlove89]

Thanks guys!!

 

Overtime I think people just get tired of trying and waiting...for NOTHING.

 

I can safely say I'm getting there. I don't feel the same anymore. I'm past the breaking point. His games have bored me and I find myself just rolling my eyes and moving forward. I have been consumed with girl time and my second job that I don't just don't have time for his indecisiveness.

 

I'm sure there will be days where I will be sad and nostalgic, but I trust that most of my days will be sunshine and rainbows.

 

He is still around hoping I will succumb to his selfish tactics. But I think overtime he will realize I'm done, as my actions are showing that. He is fighting to keep things the way they were, but I'm just not having it.

 

I'm hoping to ween him off and dwindle down to NC, slowly kill it off. I think that is what suits me best.

 

But what matters the most right now is that I am content. And that's better than being the old depressive self I'm so accustomed too.