fanine Posted July 16, 2013 Share Posted July 16, 2013 Okay it has only been 3 days.....and I am sick to my stomach about ending it with my MM. I want to cry, and feel so stupid I let it all carry on so long (and of course I do secretly wish he would come back to me and say he is leaving his wife etc etc.) BUT do you know what I don't miss? Wondering when i am next going to see him. None of those sudden phone calls or texts saying, I'm free this evening, this afternoon, this morning, let's meet - now. None of those occasions when we were supposed to meet and I would feel happy we were going to have time together - and then he would suddenly cancel - or even not tell me it was cancelled and I would be waiting to find out what the hell was happening. I can relax at home. Put my feet up, and actually enjoy my own company and being alone. I'm not on tenderhooks wondered maybe tonight? My emotions are already levelling. No extreme highs and then extreme lows....I know it is very early days, but this is something I have noticed already. I can just get on with my own life, and not worry, well what if tonight is the only night he can come around, so maybe I should not make any other plans etc etc - always accommodating around him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted July 16, 2013 Share Posted July 16, 2013 Keep focusing on the stuff you won't miss and the unhealthy dynamic of the affair, and the pain it has caused you. NO man, married or not is NOT worth fighting for if they continually hurt and make you feel constant pain and confusion. You're gonna be okay. Just take it one day at a time. Embrace your good days, stay positive and when those bad and rough days hit, let yourself cry and grieve the loss. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
If-I-Only-Knew Posted July 16, 2013 Share Posted July 16, 2013 Okay it has only been 3 days.....and I am sick to my stomach about ending it with my MM. I want to cry, and feel so stupid I let it all carry on so long (and of course I do secretly wish he would come back to me and say he is leaving his wife etc etc.) BUT do you know what I don't miss? Wondering when i am next going to see him. None of those sudden phone calls or texts saying, I'm free this evening, this afternoon, this morning, let's meet - now. None of those occasions when we were supposed to meet and I would feel happy we were going to have time together - and then he would suddenly cancel - or even not tell me it was cancelled and I would be waiting to find out what the hell was happening. I can relax at home. Put my feet up, and actually enjoy my own company and being alone. I'm not on tenderhooks wondered maybe tonight? My emotions are already levelling. No extreme highs and then extreme lows....I know it is very early days, but this is something I have noticed already. I can just get on with my own life, and not worry, well what if tonight is the only night he can come around, so maybe I should not make any other plans etc etc - always accommodating around him. That's the way to do it, just think positive. Being in an A is so emotionally draining with the roller coaster feeling of emotions. It's been 3 days for you and I'm sure it's driving you nuts but just stay strong. I know how you're feeling. It drives me nuts when I contact my AP and she doesn't reply back in a timely manner because all you can do is wait, and wait, and wait... I've told myself to just not reply as quickly but that never happens. But since you ended it, you don't have to deal with that problem anymore. I am meeting her in a couple weeks and will tell her that it's over...(or at least try..) Link to post Share on other sites
Author fanine Posted July 16, 2013 Author Share Posted July 16, 2013 That's the way to do it, just think positive. Being in an A is so emotionally draining with the roller coaster feeling of emotions. It's been 3 days for you and I'm sure it's driving you nuts but just stay strong. I know how you're feeling. It drives me nuts when I contact my AP and she doesn't reply back in a timely manner because all you can do is wait, and wait, and wait... I've told myself to just not reply as quickly but that never happens. But since you ended it, you don't have to deal with that problem anymore. I am meeting her in a couple weeks and will tell her that it's over...(or at least try..) That was another thing too! I could text or call him and sometimes he would not reply at all - or would take hours and hours. On the other hand if he called or texted me and I did not reply literally within 2 minutes I would get a string of texts and then i would apologise I had not answered immediately! I know I let him get away with this by allowing it at the start - and it set a pattern... Link to post Share on other sites
hippetyhop Posted July 16, 2013 Share Posted July 16, 2013 Good for you! One step at a time. I'm only 52 hours in (but whose counting!) and I'm starting to finally feel a bit better. I still have thoughts on my mind, but it is kind of nice being able to tell friends I'll be over at 5 and not 6 bc I have to wait for him to call after work (although that isn't the reason I said I'd be running late). Little things like helps me through it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Smilingontheoutside Posted July 16, 2013 Share Posted July 16, 2013 Hi guys I'm new here but have spent hours looking for happy endings, that maybe I would have a happy ending with my married man, I was seeing him for about five and a half months and never felt the feelings I had for him, I built my dreams around him and he implied he was going to leave his wife but it was lies to keep me from leaving!!! I'm now exactly 24 hours with nc and I'm struggling I've three great friends I've told but its not fair to continually burden them with my problems. I'm broken and raw and heartbroken and guilty, the emotions are weighing so heavy on me and hoping to get support from fellow ow. Any advice would be great 1 Link to post Share on other sites
If-I-Only-Knew Posted July 17, 2013 Share Posted July 17, 2013 Hi guys I'm new here but have spent hours looking for happy endings, that maybe I would have a happy ending with my married man, I was seeing him for about five and a half months and never felt the feelings I had for him, I built my dreams around him and he implied he was going to leave his wife but it was lies to keep me from leaving!!! I'm now exactly 24 hours with nc and I'm struggling I've three great friends I've told but its not fair to continually burden them with my problems. I'm broken and raw and heartbroken and guilty, the emotions are weighing so heavy on me and hoping to get support from fellow ow. Any advice would be great I've tried no contact before but never succeeded. I do hope you're more successful. I think it helps to think about all the negatives about the A. Each time you feel like you are giving in, you need to talk to someone instead of contacting him. Unfortunately, I have not told any of my friends so I don't have the support you have so you should lean on them. I'm not an OW but an OM but I'm sure I know what you're going through. Sorry you were hurt by his lies though. Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted July 17, 2013 Share Posted July 17, 2013 Throw out every razor in your house. If I want the will power to not hook up with someone I know isn't good for me, I don't shave my legs. And I would never so much as go on a date without smooth legs. Link to post Share on other sites
OpenBook Posted July 17, 2013 Share Posted July 17, 2013 I can relax at home. Put my feet up, and actually enjoy my own company and being alone. I'm not on tenderhooks wondered maybe tonight? My emotions are already levelling. No extreme highs and then extreme lows....I know it is very early days, but this is something I have noticed already. I can just get on with my own life, and not worry, well what if tonight is the only night he can come around, so maybe I should not make any other plans etc etc - always accommodating around him. I hear ya sister. Ah, sweet precious freedom! Savor it!! :bunny: Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted July 17, 2013 Share Posted July 17, 2013 Okay it has only been 3 days.....and I am sick to my stomach about ending it with my MM. I want to cry, and feel so stupid I let it all carry on so long (and of course I do secretly wish he would come back to me and say he is leaving his wife etc etc.) BUT do you know what I don't miss? Wondering when i am next going to see him. None of those sudden phone calls or texts saying, I'm free this evening, this afternoon, this morning, let's meet - now. None of those occasions when we were supposed to meet and I would feel happy we were going to have time together - and then he would suddenly cancel - or even not tell me it was cancelled and I would be waiting to find out what the hell was happening. I can relax at home. Put my feet up, and actually enjoy my own company and being alone. I'm not on tenderhooks wondered maybe tonight? My emotions are already levelling. No extreme highs and then extreme lows....I know it is very early days, but this is something I have noticed already. I can just get on with my own life, and not worry, well what if tonight is the only night he can come around, so maybe I should not make any other plans etc etc - always accommodating around him. Good for you! It does get easier. Sometimes it seems like it is better to have the person a little and endure the rollercoaster to squeeze in some time, than it is to completely walk away; but in fact, it's not true. The little, the tender hooks, the disappointment, the anxiety isn't worth it at all and you do eventually feel so much more relaxed and sane when you're not waiting for spur of the moment stolen moments. Keep on keeping on! Link to post Share on other sites
LimeBlue Posted July 17, 2013 Share Posted July 17, 2013 Fanine this is magic reading a post from someone who 'has seen the light'. I am half way through week three of NC, and it is liberating. Mine however, was not an affair - we honestly were just friends. It was a text and phone only relationship and saw each other on rare occasions. We had a deep friendship, and some may say it bordered on an EA, but either way the burden is now gone. And it was a burden, it had become a burden, because as yourself has said plus many others say, the waiting for a text to come through is actually exhausting when one looks back in hindsight. I dread to think of where I would be if my friend and I had gone into an EA or PA. I have been left devastated enough as it is, yet it is also a relief. Sometimes friendships have to end as well. The first two weeks of NC were difficult, I cried A LOT, I looked at my phone A LOT, every time my phone beeped I would be scared to look. But I know now that he will never contact me again, and I know deep down inside of me that the same applies to me. In fact if he did contact me now, I would blatantly ignore it because I do not want to be sucked back into that exhausting relationship even though I do miss him. It does get easier, so hang in there. You are only a few days in and already feeling better, so keep it up! Isn't it amazing how we do not see or feel how exhausting something is until it is over? We put so much into other people that we spend all our energy worrying about them, and we do not see how we are depleting ourselves in the process. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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