How do I know?

[Really Sad and Confused]

How do I know if my boyfriend of almost a year is cheating on me...I am a 21 and he is just turned 24...we have the same mutual friends so I figured if he did I would know but I know now his roommate would never tell me...he is a slick and sleazy guy looking to always get laid (his roommate)...my boyfriend is so sweet most of the time and he works 24:7 (this I am sure of)

 

sometimes when I go home from school to visit my family I'll see he called his ex girlfriend or the latest is he had a number from New Jersey on his caller ID a couple times, on his cell phone, and the same numbers on a piece of paper in his desk drawer and it was a girl denise...I know these are knew...he also told me he was going to NYC with his roommate in a couple weeks for the weekend...conviently this girl lives right outside in NJ...if nothing happened why is she calling?...

 

he always told me he has never cheated on a girl and I do question him a lot so he gets annoyed...if I ask, he says he isn't going through this again and that I am so insecure...I really have never been insecure before...I am close to ending this because I do not want to be a fool...but I really do love him dearly...he means a lot to me and we just had a great time for his birthday (Dec 20th) and a nice little early Xmas...I can not ask him about the numbers or caller ID etc because I was snooping and I would be mad if I found out he was snooping...please help...I am going nuts and am so depressed...

[Tony T]

You obviously don't trust this guy or you wouldn't be snooping...and you wouldn't be upset and depressed over something you don't even know is going on. It doesn't sound like a quality relationship to me. I may be way off the mark, but when you're in a great relationship there is ample mutual trust and respect and one or both of the parties don't have to live like you are now...especially at Christmas time.

 

You said you were close to ending this, assuming you were talking about the relationship. So if you may be ending it anyway, and you really have to for your own sanity, you may as well question him more intensely about this girl. Just don't tell him about the phone numbers.

 

Now if you really want to be a super snoop, there are a few things you can do. First, you can have one of your guy friends that you trust call this girl's house and ask whoever answers if you boyfriend is there...just have them use his name..."Is Bill there." The reaction of her parents or roommate or even herself will say a lot.

 

The second thing you can do. Use a reverse directory to get the name and address of the person this phone number is listed under. There are Internet sites where you can use this address to find the names and addresses to people who live next door to her using her address. Then have one of your male friends call her next door neighbor, when you think he might be there, and tell them you're having difficulty getting through to her number. Ask them if they would mind going next door and seeing if (give them the name of your boyrfriend) is OK. That may give you some help.

 

Yes, this is all snooping and pretty sick. I say if you have to do this, dump his butt. It just isn't worth it.

 

I always believe those gut feelings are trying to tell you something. If you don't feel good about this, something's most likely going on. If you have to feel down and depressed about this, you are much better off without this guy in your life.

[Stargazer]

Sorry to be so blunt but yup, I think you should dump this guy. He's got a roving mind and a roving phone.

 

A persons friends are a very good indication of who they are, people with the same morals and prinipals tend to hang out together, you know. Why would someone who is squeeky clean be friends with someone who is sleazy and always looking to get laid, really, if your boyfriend didn't approve of him he wouldn't be his mate. You say he's his roomate so I don't know how much they hang out, but it's something to think about.

 

I think your instincts are talking to you here, loud and clear, you are trying to rationalise them. Don't do that because they will come back to haunt you. Trust is a huge factor in loving relationships, you don't trust him, there's a reason for that. You won't know 100% if he's cheating on you - unless you find him in bed with someone, phone numbers and the like are only that, phone numbers, he'll deny it black and blue. That's another here, people who deny things so angrily and defensively usually have something to feel angry and defensive about - guilt. Let him go. To stay will only lead to further heartache, depression and insanity.

 

Merry Christmas sweetie

[Deejette]

I agree, if you feel something funny is going on, it probably is. When a guy is devoted to a girl, he doesn't call other girls or keep their numbers. The reason you were snooping is because you have been feeling that something is just not quite right. How much more do you have to find out?

 

Let him prove to you that you are the only one in his life. If he can't, and you cannot deal with being just one of his ladies, then it's time to say "Goodbye."

Sorry to be so blunt but yup, I think you should dump this guy. He's got a roving mind and a roving phone. A persons friends are a very good indication of who they are, people with the same morals and prinipals tend to hang out together, you know. Why would someone who is squeeky clean be friends with someone who is sleazy and always looking to get laid, really, if your boyfriend didn't approve of him he wouldn't be his mate. You say he's his roomate so I don't know how much they hang out, but it's something to think about. I think your instincts are talking to you here, loud and clear, you are trying to rationalise them. Don't do that because they will come back to haunt you. Trust is a huge factor in loving relationships, you don't trust him, there's a reason for that. You won't know 100% if he's cheating on you - unless you find him in bed with someone, phone numbers and the like are only that, phone numbers, he'll deny it black and blue. That's another here, people who deny things so angrily and defensively usually have something to feel angry and defensive about - guilt. Let him go. To stay will only lead to further heartache, depression and insanity. Merry Christmas sweetie