My LDR ex contacted me

[ana0pera]

Hi everyone, I haven't posted on the LDR forum in a while, but I am posting now because of something that happened recently, which I am trying to wrap my head around...

 

I broke up with my ex a few months ago, I've made great strides to healing although I do think about him occasionally, and we have talked a little bit, I'd say we are on friendly terms, but I've gone back to NC after I asked him if he wanted to see me and he said he was too busy. Well anyway, he SMSed me out of the blue a week ago and asked if it was okay if he could call me later in the week. Weird, as we haven't had a decent conversation in months and he was never a fan of phone calls, but I am curious so I say it's fine. The week goes on and I don't hear anything from him, not too surprised though...I just go about my life.

 

Well yesterday I sign onto skype and he messages me immediately to let me know that his phone is broken that is why he didn't call and he will call once he gets a new one. It's pretty late his time so we talk a little bit but nothing of substance, before I can send the message asking why he wants to talk, he says good night.

 

I have no idea why he wants to talk to me now, given how messy our breakup was. Maybe he's ready to discuss how he feels? When we broke up he told me something to the effect that it was complicated but there was one major reason. But I am just clueless. He hasn't reached out to me like this since we started courting one another. And he hasn't let on what this is all about.

 

I got a lot of flack before for wanting to get back with him, or even being his friend. I still don't know what I want but right now and I would prefer more feedback on what might be going on in his mind as opposed to how I need to get over him, because I am working on that already.

[MoooOinkBaaa]

Do you love him?

[Leegh]

I think you should see him, and either get full closure or find out what was going on with him. Guys can go months without calling girls. May I ask how many months it had been since you and he had spoken? Anyway, I would say him being in contact with you is not bad news.

[ana0pera]

Do you love him?

 

Yes, I love him, but I know he didn't feel the same way about me so I am trying to get over him.

 

May I ask how many months it had been since you and he had spoken?

 

It wasn't really that long ago, almost a month. I initiated that contact. This is the first time he's initiated contact with me since December. We broke up in March.

 

You said it was late' date=' was he drinking? Sometimes our true feelings come out when we have relaxed late at night and he just wants to talk to you. I am guilty of this..... I am strong during the day and at night i am different. PS sometimes when you sign on to skype you get the message they sent ages ago???[/quote']

 

It is possible but he didn't act drunk (usually when he's drunk he will tell me outright). And this happened twice, he SMSed me and then brought it up again through a different form of communication which is why I doubt he was drunk. I know that the message was sent then because we talked a little (via the skype chat) right after he sent it.

[MoooOinkBaaa]

Are you 100% sure he doesn't feel the same?

[ana0pera]

When we were still together, he told me that he "really, really" likes me but it's too early for him to say that he loves me, and when we broke up he told me again that he "really really likes" me and cares about me a lot. But he has never once told me that he loves/loved me.

[MoooOinkBaaa]

How long were you together?

Edited July 17, 2013 by MoooOinkBaaa

[FitChick]

Sounds like whoever he was dating dumped him.

[almond]

I still don't know what I want but right now and I would prefer more feedback on what might be going on in his mind as opposed to how I need to get over him, because I am working on that already.

 

If you are working on getting over him, then this is counterproductive. If YOU want to get over him, then what is on his mind doesn't matter.

 

No one here will be able to provide feedback on what he is thinking - it would be pure speculation. He might be lonely, he might want to get back with you, he might have ten girls going at the same time, he might have a terminal illness, he might have won the lottery...blah blah. You will need to speak with him.

 

Think carefully though about what you want, and how to achieve it - "closure" is overrated in these situations IMO.

 

Good luck.

[kelly_wandering]

I've had a similar experience - every few months, my ex would contact me and say he wanted to talk.

 

But I never actually got the phone call or conversation. After a while, I ignored him. I figured he just got in touch when he was feeling lonely but then changed his mind the next day.

[loverindistance]

i think the same.

[ana0pera]

so he kept his word and called me today.

 

it was nice, kind of surreal. we talked about what's been going on in our lives over the past few months, my studies, and reminisced a little bit about some of the times we were together, but in a purely platonic way. As if we were friends catching up. I was very proud of myself for not getting emotional during or afterwards, although I did make sure I could do something to distract myself after we said goodbye so that I wouldn't be able to get emotional. It worked.

 

We didn't talk about "us" or the breakup or any of that stuff, I didn't want to force it and I also wasn't sure if I could handle talking about it, tbh, even though I am moving on... it does still hurt a bit. But before we said goodbye he said something interesting... he acknowledged that we only made small talk, said it was great to talk, and that next time we'll talk about other more "serious" stuff because it's hard to talk about those kind of things when you haven't spoken to a person for a few months. He also told me that there was no hard feelings on his side, which was nice to hear out of his mouth because he was so cryptic about that during our break-up.

 

I don't know what if anything will come of this but it was a big relief and overall has had a positive effect on the healing process

[wsid]

I dummed a girl once cause she was wanting me to move in with her and I did not want to , but I never really came out and told her that

 

now I am not saying this has anything to do with your situation

 

I am just getting to the point I have always felt bad and like a real heel over it . maybe he like me is just ashamed of how he broke it off with you and now wants to know that your alright and maybe forgave him and moved on happily

[ana0pera]

I dummed a girl once cause she was wanting me to move in with her and I did not want to , but I never really came out and told her that

 

now I am not saying this has anything to do with your situation

 

I am just getting to the point I have always felt bad and like a real heel over it . maybe he like me is just ashamed of how he broke it off with you and now wants to know that your alright and maybe forgave him and moved on happily

 

I have a feeling that's part of it, that he wanted to make sure I'm alright. He actually did mention something along those lines (I don't remember his exact words, but for background when we broke up I was clinically depressed and basically crazy). I don't know if that was his intent but it definitely helped me to know there was no bad blood, that was one of my real regrets with how things ended, that it was so hurtful to both of us. Who knows if we'll talk again, but I think we both got something good out of this.