One of my best female friends that I've been crushing on is finally single

[Teknoe]

She confessed to me while we were heading out for a hang out that she is now single, and I'm the first one to know.

 

Don't know how she views me, but I've liked her more than a friend for about 9 months now. She was taken so I never could do anything.

 

She said she's looking to date around at this point a little bit. Not hooking up, but date around. First time she's been single in 7 years.

 

Don't know if I should be bold and come forward, or continue the tight connection and just be there for her. I'm trying to escalate to physical action naturally, rather than a forced confession.

 

Any thoughts?

I am quite crazy about her. She's probably the only person I know in this world that I connect SO well with... I'm wondering if it's legit or just part reality part my imagination. Really value her company though, and everytime I see her, I get this stupid excited feeling I haven't gotten with another girl in YEARS.

 

Sounds crazy but I could easily see myself being happy with her as my wife. She is flawed, but so am I and so is everyone else.

 

I figure out this much though... when she does find another serious BF, I will probably not connect with her so much b/c she'd move toward marriage I'd think. So maybe I should go for it. I mean, the friendship won't be there forever... only if I'm her man. What have I got to lose?

 

We're not young either... maybe I should just chance it and ask her out on a real date. So not a standard confession, but letting her know that yeah, I dig her.

[It-is-what-it-is.]

So I think in this case you are going to have to take a risk. The last thing you want is for her to meet some guy and become exclusive and miss your window.

 

Being a girl, her statements about "dating around" could actually mean she wants to experience the multi dating stuff, but may have just been a deflection.

 

I think, you invite her out (don't call it a date) but go someplace date like. Wine, good food, have fun and then tell her that you know she said she wants to date around, and if she needs to do that you will understand, but that you have cared about her a while and want a chance to see if what you guys have can become more, but that you don't want to be one of many.

 

Then ask her on a real date (right then) if she says yes, you know. If she says no, you know. If she says I'm not sure, you say, ok, the balls in your court if you decide.

 

In this particular case, you have to take the leap.

[Els]

The poster above pretty much covered it all.

 

Good luck, Tek!

[Teknoe]

She's leaving the country Monday for I don't know how long. A break for both of us will be good I think.

[Teknoe]

Last night I sent her a very telling email.

 

Not confessional, but I don't mince words. Told her I'm excited for the growth opportunities she will have living outside the US for a bit, but that I will miss her a lot too.

 

Called her my best friend and emphasized our connection level.

 

I never said I have a crush on her, but it's pretty in-between the lines in a classy way. No regrets! I feel peaceful having sent it, and had some girl friends read it afterward who said "Good job! It's very encouraging to her and it's not too sentimental."

 

Hopefully now she knows what she really means to me, and future interactions will be a little more intimate.

 

What I like most about the email is that it protects her. Gives her clear clarity on where I stand, how one-of-a-kind she is in my life, but nowhere do I ask or suggest her that we should be dating or take things to the next level. Hopefully this allows her to completely enjoy her time overseas, while keeping me in the back of her mind and heart... knowing that when she comes back, she's got a loyal friend in me waiting.

[steveT95]

You seem to have a good idea of what's going on and what to do.

But don't be one of those 'nice guys' that does everything for a girl in the hope of getting something more. Chances are by now that she is no longer considering you as a dating option.

I highly recommend that you use this time apart as a chance for you to go out and meet some other girls.

 

Good luck

[Teknoe]

You seem to have a good idea of what's going on and what to do.

But don't be one of those 'nice guys' that does everything for a girl in the hope of getting something more. Chances are by now that she is no longer considering you as a dating option.

I highly recommend that you use this time apart as a chance for you to go out and meet some other girls.

 

Good luck

 

Thanks. Yeah, at this point I'm not looking to outside sources to really govern my choices. I need to do this on my own, sink or swim. I am definitely considering the possibility that I've been friend zoned, but I don't know if I agree with it just because of the dynamics of our friendship. I don't think it's strictly platonic.

 

Well, she responded. It was just as long as mine, if not a bit longer. She followed my lead and also talked up our connection level and that she too appreciates me as a friend. I'm not going to try and read too much into it, but if nothing else, I know she thinks highly of me and we will definitely be in touch when she gets back in early September. It'll be here before I know it.

 

My plan is to give her space and time to find herself, and then ask her to meet up in Sept. so we can catch up.

 

In person then I'll see how receptive her body language appears to be, and if she's giving me green light vibes, then maybe I'll escalate to a kiss or something... placing my hand on the small of her back as I lead her out of a restaurant for example.

 

I got a month now to kind of rediscover myself as well. I am hoping when we meet back up in September that both of us will be healthier!

[Teknoe]

I responded to her reply, because she made a lot of points I felt I could respond to. So it ended up being a "Quote her and reply" type email, which I had great fun with. It felt like pen pals, lol.

 

Gave some witty responses (I felt so anyhow), some serious ones too. Mixed it in well and if nothing else, I think it will make her smile and continue to see me in a positive light and something she'd want to hang onto going forward.

 

Is there potential between us? I'd say definitely.

 

A lot though depends on our next get together and how much we click after some time off for both of us. I think I'll just take it as it comes and not put a lot of pressure on myself to adamantly make a move next chance I get. I mean, I want to be assertive, but I'm sure it'll happen if it's meant to happen.

[Babolat]

One word, boundaries, and define them. Your post reads "Best Friend..." "crushing on...", Can't be both in my opinion unless you ARE dating.

 

You are playing with words from what I read in these emails. You still don't know and you are giving her the control.

 

Step up to the plate, express your interest, or not. Don't sit around guessing what her comments, words, body language, smiles, etc mean. You will drive yourself crazy.

 

I went thru this recently and I am glad I did not take the next step as she has turned into a best friend and I do not want to date her. We defined our boundaries from the beginning though.

[Teknoe]

Well, after meeting up with an old college friend who help set me straight, I decided I am going to ask her out. Since she is out of the country right now, I'm going to keep my email brief and to the point. I won't mention date, because I think it creates a label, but this is pretty plain as day:

 

"Hey __,

I've been thinking about our relationship since you left the US. I have really enjoyed getting to know you better these past couple months. I would like to take you out when you come back, to see where this can go."

 

Short, simple, to the point. And since she is out of the country right now, it makes an email more appropriate... which I feel most comfortable sending out.

 

Wow, this is good. I can know 1 way or another! And so not drive myself insane wondering