How often do you see your boyfriend? Twice a week isn't enough for me

[missmiss123]

So I recently started dating this guy, only about 2 weeks and I subtly hinted to him that I need to see him more than once a week. To me, even twice a week isn't enough, I would ideally like to see him 3-4 times a week. Especially because we live 2 minutes drive from each other, and we are family friends. He did ask me to be his girlfriend already though.

 

Another dilemma, we text everyday, but he hasn't yet called me just to see how I'm going, he mainly does it through text. I told him "you should call me sometime" he said ok, but still no phone call.

 

Questions:

 

• How do I encourage him to want to see me more often?
  
• Is twice a week enough for everyone else? And would you agree once a week is too less?
  
• Should I just call him? But we've only been dating for about 2-3 weeks so don't want to seem too keen.
  
• It's Wednesday night already and he still hasn't asked me to hang out on the weekend.... I'm waiting for him to ask, I would be so disappointed if he didn't suggest to hangout on the week... esp it's only a couple of days away. Should I do or say anything? Even if I don't want to seem too keen. Because in my past experience, the more keen I am, the more I push him away!
  

Suggestions please

[Philosoraptor]

Questions:

 

• How do I encourage him to want to see me more often?
  
• Is twice a week enough for everyone else? And would you agree once a week is too less?
  
• Should I just call him? But we've only been dating for about 2-3 weeks so don't want to seem too keen.
  
• It's Wednesday night already and he still hasn't asked me to hang out on the weekend.... I'm waiting for him to ask, I would be so disappointed if he didn't suggest to hangout on the week... esp it's only a couple of days away. Should I do or say anything? Even if I don't want to seem too keen. Because in my past experience, the more keen I am, the more I push him away!
  

Suggestions please

Take the lead and ask him out on dates, simple as that.

 

Everyone is different, all that matters is what you want out of a relationship. If you want to see him more than make it happen.

 

If you want to talk on the phone and he isn't calling, then make the first move. What does it hurt to be the one to dial?

 

It doesn't matter what has happened in your past relationships, you only need to concern yourself with what is happening now and what you want out of a relationship. You don't have to settle for what someone is willing to give if you want more than that.

[Mrlonelyone]

Only two weeks in. His actions are reasonable. Most people don't want to get hurt and like to take it a little slow in that first couple of months. Just give him time.

[MidwestUSA]

If you are his "girlfriend" (after two weeks and four dates, by my calculations) then ask him out on a date for this weekend. Simple enough.

[jphcbpa]

We have been dating going on 11 months. We see each other on the weekends. Every now and then we see each other during the week. We both have work, lives and a child. It works for us and it keeps getting better in all facets. The more I focus on me, my happiness, my self love, my self validation the better WE get.

 

Give this time to breath..you are so early in this R. The flow will come.

 

Give him the gift of missing you.

 

If he does not make plans with you, make your own plans with the g/f's.

[Keenly]

If you are texting him constantly all day every day and seeing him twice a week, and then yelling him you want more hanging out and phone calls, good god woman you need to give this man some room to breathe. It sounds like you are ALWAYS in contact with him. Nothing gets more exhausting as a bit than constant contact, hanging out every single day, asking for more and more and more of your spare time.

 

Let him have some space.

[Eddie Edirol]

If you want him to WANT to see you more often, you have to be more interesting to him. Then he will want to cut into his personal time two weeks in to see you more often. Maybe you dont want to seem more keen, but you are oozing it all the time and probably dont even know it, but he probably knows it. That could be why he doesnt have to try to keep you at his side. Other than that, its because he has no reason to see you more often.

[clia]

So, if you've only been dating him two weeks and you want to see him more than once a week...does this mean you've only been out with him twice? And he's already your boyfriend?

 

Your relationship is so new. IMO, it is perfectly normal to see someone only once (or maybe twice) a week at the two week mark. Typically as time goes by you will start to spend more time together, and I imagine at some point you will be seeing each other 3-4 times a week. I wouldn't try to rush that process along, though, or you are going to seem really clingy. Just go with the flow for now -- 1 or 2 times a week is fine.

 

Another dilemma, we text everyday, but he hasn't yet called me just to see how I'm going, he mainly does it through text. I told him "you should call me sometime" he said ok, but still no phone call.

 

It's only been two weeks! You've hardly given him time to call if you are already texting everyday. But, at this point you've told him he can call you, so he knows you want it. You can also call him occasionally.

 

How do I encourage him to want to see me more often?

 

This will simply come with time.

 

Is twice a week enough for everyone else? And would you agree once a week is too less?

 

At the two week mark, I had seen my now boyfriend I think three times -- but that was a long time ago, and we were not "boyfriend/girlfriend" at that point. Now we see each other 3-4 times a week. You can't compare a two week relationship with a six month relationship or a years long relationship in this context.

 

Should I just call him? But we've only been dating for about 2-3 weeks so don't want to seem too keen.

 

If you are afraid to call your boyfriend, maybe he became your boyfriend too soon. I see nothing wrong with calling him a couple times a week if you want to talk to him on the phone. But maybe cut back on the texting if you are going to do that. If you don't want to "seem too keen" you must not know his comfort level with contact frequency yet. Until you figure that out, it is better to not overdo it.

 

It's Wednesday night already and he still hasn't asked me to hang out on the weekend.... I'm waiting for him to ask, I would be so disappointed if he didn't suggest to hangout on the week... esp it's only a couple of days away. Should I do or say anything?

 

Again, he's your boyfriend. It depends if you want to be the pursuer, or you want him to pursue you. You can certainly raise the issue of getting together over the weekend, but I wonder why he hasn't brought it up yet. I personally think it's a bad sign that you are only two weeks into the relationship and you don't have your next date lined up. (What would this be, date #3?) I also think it's a bad sign that with all of your texting he hasn't brought up the weekend yet. If I were you, I would start making other plans.

[MidwestUSA]

You have a child together but only see each other on the weekend?

 

I didn't read child TOGETHER; I assumed a child each, not of this relationship? Maybe?

[Els]

Eh, I know I'm playing the devil's advocate here - but in my opinion, I would prefer more than twice a week in your situation, too. This isn't a casual dating scenario where you're both getting to know each other for the first time. You've been friends before he asked you to be his girlfriend, so I presume your 2-3 weeks starts counting from when he asked you to be exclusive with him? That would be very different from a couple who just met and are still trying to figure each other out. Add to the fact that he lives so close, yeah, I'd definitely expect more. My experience has been that every other day or even every day, was the norm after exclusivity was established.

 

I don't think there's necessarily anything wrong with what he's doing, though, just that there may be compatibility issues. You could wait and see for a few more weeks, and initiate a little bit. Not all the time, but perhaps try to aim for some give and take. If you're already exclusive, you can't expect him to initiate every single time. Don't smother him, but strike a balance.

[Treasa]

That would be almost too much for me. Of course, I prefer my men to be thousands of miles away, so...

 

I think twice a week is plenty, even if you had been dating longer.

 

Also, stop suggesting to him what you would like him to do. He's going to do what HE wants to do. Either live with it or don't. You can't change anyone, and what you're doing is coming off as smothering and clingy.

 

Get your own life going and have so much fun that you forget about this guy sometimes.

[MissBee]

So I recently started dating this guy, only about 2 weeks and I subtly hinted to him that I need to see him more than once a week. To me, even twice a week isn't enough, I would ideally like to see him 3-4 times a week. Especially because we live 2 minutes drive from each other, and we are family friends. He did ask me to be his girlfriend already though.

 

Another dilemma, we text everyday, but he hasn't yet called me just to see how I'm going, he mainly does it through text. I told him "you should call me sometime" he said ok, but still no phone call.

 

Questions:

 

• How do I encourage him to want to see me more often?
  
• Is twice a week enough for everyone else? And would you agree once a week is too less?
  
• Should I just call him? But we've only been dating for about 2-3 weeks so don't want to seem too keen.
  
• It's Wednesday night already and he still hasn't asked me to hang out on the weekend.... I'm waiting for him to ask, I would be so disappointed if he didn't suggest to hangout on the week... esp it's only a couple of days away. Should I do or say anything? Even if I don't want to seem too keen. Because in my past experience, the more keen I am, the more I push him away!
  

Suggestions please

 

If you've only been dating for 2 weeks it seems like overkill to want to see him 3/4 times....

 

For me, it's not until we're more established that I start spending more time with that person, including overnights, inviting them to family events or going to theirs etc. In only weeks of dating it's still very casual and I go with the flow, and twice a week is a decent amount of time.

 

I think you should learn from the past where guys pulled away. I do think expecting to spend majority of your week together in a 2 week dating scenario can seem suffocating. Go with the flow. If things get more serious then the frequency will naturally increase OR you can broach the subject within a more established context and not seem clingy.

Edited July 17, 2013 by MissBee

[dasein]

Two weeks dating? Want to see him more than twice a week and have told him that? Constant texting and contact expectation? If he's a sane, worthwhile man, he's already making exit plans. This one's done. Try to create a full life for yourself that doesn't revolve entirely around your relationship. Never get as involved as you have as fast as you have. Recipe for disappointment. Good luck changing your priorities in life and moving forward.

[superchick]

Two weeks dating? Want to see him more than twice a week and have told him that? Constant texting and contact expectation? If he's a sane, worthwhile man, he's already making exit plans. This one's done. Try to create a full life for yourself that doesn't revolve entirely around your relationship. Never get as involved as you have as fast as you have. Recipe for disappointment. Good luck changing your priorities in life and moving forward.

 

Agreed. It's a recipe for disaster if you continue going at this pace. My boyfriend and I have been together for almost two years and we see each other on the weekends and rarely during the week. We talk on nights when we don't see one another and text a little during the day. I suggest you find a hobby otherwise your boyfriend will get tired of you rather quickly. Besides, you want to be interesting and bring something to the table, conversation and personality-wise, when you see each other. You want to be the girlfriend that he's proud of, not the girlfriend that he's tired of.

[blondie 12345]

hi

ive been with my boyfriend for 3 years now and I still only see him 2 nights a week we live only 5 mins a way from each other but I love the fact that I get 2 nights with him then the rest of the days to myself.

I think id be a bit sad if I had to see a boyfriend everyday of week after spending so long on my own and now 2 days a week.

enjoy your time on your own then when you do see each other on the 2 days a week it will be nice coz u have missed each other all week x

[blondie 12345]

I agree with superchick. I see mine thurs night and a fri night and that's all he rings me during the week.

its great on the days we do see each other because we have something to talk about.

get a hobby or go see friends x

[Eddie Edirol]

Miss you really get attached to guys way too fast. You were ready to commit to the last guy that was sleeping at other womens houses overnight, adding random women on facebook, and does it "to be a cocktease to them".

[firstworldproblems]

two weeks in and you need to cool your jets. I know you are probably intensely infatuated with him, but you two are just getting to know each other, and you need a lot of time away from each other to process the time you spend together. When you are in an established relationship that you know each others moves and such, seeing each other every day or multiple times a week becomes normal, but for us that didn't happen till like two years in.

 

Also, you said that you had previous bad relationships because of smothering. Just let this one happen!! Cautiously be optimistic! Keep your own life, own friends, and enjoy the time you guys get to spend together right now. See what he does, what he brings to your relationship. If he doesn't provide what you need when you have been going out a few months, then you can either ask for what more you need or this guy may not be the one for you. Give it a few months at least to evaluate and get into a pattern or habit you both are comfortable with.

 

 

It is a predictive indicator of what the relationship will be like. Intimacy and contact doesn't increase with time but decreases. If they are already starting out tepid then it will just get worse.

 

I disagree for right now. I totally agree that intimacy and contact decreases with time, if you don't make a plan to keep that from happening. However, I think we are starting at different baselines. You say that it is all downhill from your first getting together-- I say it is downhill from where your relationship is stabillized and comfortable, from when you really know each other.

 

My BF and I got back from our long-distance semester, we were comfortable with each other, but only saw each other two or so days a week even though we both had no job and nothing much else to do. Over time we started making plans with each other and including each other more and more, realizing that we both loved each others company just doing our everyday things. It took 6 months of seeing each other after that to get into a rhythm, and I believe this point that we are at is what is normal, and what we will go downhill from.

 

However, if both of you in the relationship are comitted to keeping communication and intimacy a priority, you can keep it up for many years.

[TaraMaiden]

3 BF's in as many months.

 

Sorry, but to me you sound ultra clingy/desperate and demanding....

[na49]

You've been dating for 2 weeks not 2 years. You're both still feeling each other out to see if this relationship will actually have a leg to stand on.

[1369]

You should try to control yourself. If you want to talk constantly on the phone and see this guy 4 times a week, you are going to wear him out after only 2 weeks of dating.

 

Unless you want to drive him off, you need to relax a bit. Settle on twice a week.

[phineas]

It is a predictive indicator of what the relationship will be like. Intimacy and contact doesn't increase with time but decreases. If they are already starting out tepid then it will just get worse.

 

Bull crap.

Too many men these days fall off the face of the earth when they get a GF.

They blow off their friends, stop going to the gym, stop working on their projects, ect.

 

Essentially they stop being them & eventually, the woman gets bored with him, dumps him & then he all of a sudden remembers the friends he used to have.

 

seeing someone you aren't living with 4 to 5 times a week?

Seriously?

 

OP needs to get some hobbies.

[Brunettie]

My bf and I have been dating a year and we see each other 1-2 times a week. He works long hours and sometimes only get one day off a week.

Sometimes we get to see each other more.

 

Twice a week this early in a relationship is a good amount.

[Steph321]

I see my bf of a year about 2-3 times a week.. It always varies though. Sometimes I'll see him only on the weekend and other times maybe one or two weeknights, in addition to the weekend. I don't really keep score though. It's been especially different lately because he has been focusing largely on getting his freelancing up and running so I have been giving him space.

 

Either way, it works for us! When we don't have plans to see each other, usually he calls me throughout the week.

[missmiss123]

You've been dating for 2 weeks not 2 years. You're both still feeling each other out to see if this relationship will actually have a leg to stand on.

 

Thanks. I agree, I guess I'm scared of relationships developing.. I think I'm being protective of myself by putting up all these barriers and standards to ensure a guy can meet it asap. Because I want to know right up if we're right for each other, not after I've fallen for them...

 

 

You should try to control yourself. If you want to talk constantly on the phone and see this guy 4 times a week, you are going to wear him out after only 2 weeks of dating.

 

Unless you want to drive him off, you need to relax a bit. Settle on twice a week.

 

I will settle on this.

 

My bf and I have been dating a year and we see each other 1-2 times a week. He works long hours and sometimes only get one day off a week.

Sometimes we get to see each other more.

 

Twice a week this early in a relationship is a good amount.

 

I was actually going to tell him that I can date in casually if he only sees me once a week. But if he wants to be my boyfriend, I have expectations. But I don't think I'll say it.... I'll just go with the flow...