He lied, but Im apparently the bad guy.

[Keke1]

As individuals we are pretty private. Him more so than me. We have been under the agreement that our phones are our safe haven, they are be respected by each other. Me waking him up from sleeping and demanding to see his phone threw him off, throw in a stupid man cold he has and I have one grumpy ass boyfriend. In his apology yesterday he made a point of saying that he shouldn't have acted that way, was sorry, and offered up his phone for me to look at if I so please. I'm not excusing his behaviour, but I'm saying it had nothing to do with wanting to hide something.

 

I'm not actually sure he deleted any texts. He could have, but at this point I'm not concerned about it. This girl isn't a threat to me, she's bored and lonely and is reaching out to her childhood friend, who happens to be my boyfriend. Also I know her fairly well and have hung out with her numerous times throughout the years, she isn't a cheater or a **** disturber.

 

Yep you are

[Aveenolover]

I had been seeing a guy for like 6 months and trust me. I was POSITIVE he wasnt cheating. I told people they were stupid for thinking he was. He would randomly disappear or pull away for a few weeks at a time and would come back telling me his feelings for me were soo strong. and then would text me literally all day, everyday. And call. I was certain there was NO WAY he would even have time to cheat on me. and assumed when he was a little distant it was because he was depressed or something or just busy with work. No. I found out he was dating another girl at the same time as me. Making plans with her and literally telling her the EXACT same stuff to her as he was to me.

 

He was a completely different person than i thought he was. I believed ALL the lies he told me. I didnt think he told lies...and then i found out everything he told me WAS a lie.

 

Don't think he isnt cheating. You honestly dont know. You think you know someone...but you really dont. you just have to read the signs and dont ignore them.

[Betterthanthis13]

It doesn't even matter at the moment if he's cheating or not- one problem at a time. He is treating you disrespectfully, almost with contempt, and he is prioritizing another woman. He is rude. He is unconcerned that his thoughtless actions are causing you jealosy and anxiety. All these problems you cannot control.

 

BIG problem you CAN control: you are not sticking up for yourself or establishing (and enforcing) any boundaries with this guy.

 

The last thing you want to do right now is seem needy or clingy o insecure.

He want to spend all his time texting cauliflower?

 

LET HIM. Walk away. Leave him alone for a day. Be busy, go do something fun with your friends or family. Stop prioritizing a man that is not doing the same for you.

 

“If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.”

^^ is so true. Guys who are in love and not along you for granted do not act like he is. They are sappy and cute and you have their undivided attention because they think you are adorable an they don't want to do anything to mess up their chance with you.

 

Does that sound like your guy? Maybe at one point he was like that. But not now. So tell him to bugger off for awhile and get your spine back. Letting him get away with this childish behavior sends the message to him that it's ok, so if you stick around, expect more of the same treatment and him not even feel bad about it next time you complain. Because hey- you are taking it. He's bullying you. Tell him no thanks.

 

This isn't game playing. This is you being too important to be waiting around on hold and treated like a nuisance. Screw that.

 

Don't make excuses for him either. He's a big boy and he can learn how to act right. It's not your job to teach him. I you really feel like this guy is worth the effort, you need to walk away right now. Stay calm, smile, and be busy until he gets his head out of his ass.

[Janesays]

 

Quite honestly this site has made me MORE paranoid because everyone is sooo quick to judge. Every thread someone is accused of cheating. It's upsetting.

 

Hey, you've got a point here. But in our defense, 9 times out of 10, we are USUALLY RIGHT AND HE/SHE IS CHEATING. Consider that.

 

Everyone wants to believe that their situation is so 'unique' and that your relationship is deeper and more special and therefore, there must be SOME other explanation for your boyfriend's behavior. However, and believe me, it PAINS me to tell you this: What your boyfriend is doing here is so common, it is a freaking CLICHE. It's like he's reading up on how to cheat from the 'Cheaters Handbook' and following every piece of advice.

 

We are trying to tell you the truth about this because we don't want to see you throw your youth and time away for a guy who obviously isn't worth your spit. That's all.

 

But, of course, you are determined to learn the hard way. That is ALSO so common it is almost a cliche. So be it. The only thing I ask is that when you discover that we were right all along, PLEASE woman up, come back here, and admit it. If only to help save the NEXT girl that comes here looking for excuses for her cheating boyfriend's behavior some heartache.

[The Way I Am]

Hey, you've got a point here. But in our defense, 9 times out of 10, we are USUALLY RIGHT AND HE/SHE IS CHEATING. Consider that.

 

Good point. Where there's smoke there's usually fire. Just so happens that people don't post on forums for advice unless they see smoke. So odds are that the majority turn out to be fire.

 

Most threads do have at least one poster accusing someone of cheating. But when there's no validity to it, the majority of the posts acknowledge that. For example, this thread where almost everyone told the OP he was making a big deal of nothing. And often threads will have opinions split between "yes, he/she's cheating" and "no, you're paranoid".

 

When there's a thread like this where every poster agrees the person is at best on the verge of cheating, there's something to it.