I'm attracted to a friend but we've had an issue in the past

[gskyo]

Came home in Jan after studying abroad and found that I don't relate to my old friends as much anymore, so I started making friends online.

 

I met N on a dating website when I spotted that he is interested to go to a scifi convention that I was eyeing. That got us started.

 

We got along pretty well and very soon we met up. Turns out, he's a foreign expat working in my country and his geekish & slight awkwardness was totally my cup of tea.

 

Things went on well for about 2 months then my mum got sick and passed away. During that time I got into an argument with him when he started to complain about his ex's current boyfriend. I sensed that he was jealous about his ex's current boyfriend and that he wanted them apart(though the other guy sounded like a jerk, I felt he was being overprotective of an ex).

 

Normally, I think I would be ok if I wasn't so devastated by recent events. I semi-angrily confronted him about it and asked if we've not been on the same page about us dating. I think I caught him quite off guard, and he just said that we should just stay friends. Though he wasn't mean about it and handled my criticism quite gently despite our disagreement, I told him I need time off from the friendship to get my life back together (At the time, I was without a job, lost my mum...basically, rather lost)

 

We came to an agreement that we can still talk and enjoy each other's company but will avoid the topic of love lives.

 

Things are a lot better for me now, I've moved to another country as an expat myself and recovered from my loss. We started talking again. Just last week, I was home for a short time, and we hung out for a movie. I realised I still am very attracted to him but don't think he's interested anymore. I cannot stop thinking about him since that day.

 

Before, there were signs of interest, like touching and requesting that we hang out more. Now, he keeps his hands to himself and he doesn't check me out.

 

We get along just fine, a lot of shared geeky interest but I don't think he sees a spark (or ever saw it).

 

Is there hope for this?