Arabella Posted July 25, 2013 Share Posted July 25, 2013 This might explain a lot about his behavior.Just a thought, but he is an australian needed american citizenship so he maried her got what he was needed, and now that he don't need her anymore probably he thought, this plan with his friend was the best way to end the marriage in favor for him. Maybe i'm wrong but his behavior so far if the story it's true is the least weird. It could help if we knew how long they were married. I swear every time I read this kind of stuff, it makes my blood boil. First off... not every immigrant out there thinks of the US as a promised land. This guy decided to stay FOR HER. Before, he may have had no intent of staying in the country. They had been together FOR A YEAR at that point! Second, it's not like Australia is an under-developed country. In fact, in some ways, it's better off than the US is. If he had really wanted to stay in the US, this guy had other options... he didn't "need" her. It was just the easiest, cheapest, and probably fastest option. C'mon now. :/ 1 Link to post Share on other sites
aias Posted July 26, 2013 Share Posted July 26, 2013 I swear every time I read this kind of stuff, it makes my blood boil. First off... not every immigrant out there thinks of the US as a promised land. This guy decided to stay FOR HER. Before, he may have had no intent of staying in the country. They had been together FOR A YEAR at that point! Second, it's not like Australia is an under-developed country. In fact, in some ways, it's better off than the US is. If he had really wanted to stay in the US, this guy had other options... he didn't "need" her. It was just the easiest, cheapest, and probably fastest option. C'mon now. :/ Without wishing to offend you,you don't know him in person so you don't know why they stayed together you can't assume his feelings but you can draw conclusions from his acts and if her story is true, it's like he was expected or wanted his wife to have sex with his friend that's why i've said that he has some kind of plan. It doesn't matter from wich country you are but what kind of life you have there and it looks to me that he has abandoned his wealthy life in ausrtalia way to easy. There is no reason to get upset and i don't want to disagree with you over a story that is unbelievable anyway. but i thing that you could Reconsider your opinion about the immigration. Link to post Share on other sites
Arabella Posted July 26, 2013 Share Posted July 26, 2013 Without wishing to offend you,you don't know him in person so you don't know why they stayed together you can't assume his feelings but you can draw conclusions from his acts and if her story is true, it's like he was expected or wanted his wife to have sex with his friend that's why i've said that he has some kind of plan. You're right, I don't know him... but neither do YOU. So why are you assuming his plan was to have his wife cheat on him? He had NO way of controlling this. Plus, she's already said that there were other people in the house. It's not like he set up the two of them alone and left the room. It doesn't matter from wich country you are but what kind of life you have there and it looks to me that he has abandoned his wealthy life in ausrtalia way to easy. It absolutely matters which country he comes from, because it's a good indicator of how much motivation he might have had. The standard of living in Australia is pretty high. Heck, they don't even need a visa to visit the US. Again... if he wanted to immigrate to the US permanently, he didn't need to go through such an elaborate ruse. He had other options available to him because he's Australian and educated. Now, if the poor man was from India or China... I'd totally see your point. They are not allowed to enter the US without a visa, and there can be a 7-year wait to come to the US even for qualified immigrants. See the difference? There is no reason to get upset and i don't want to disagree with you over a story that is unbelievable anyway. but i thing that you could Reconsider your opinion about the immigration. Agreed, her story is somewhat unbelievable. But, I am NOT going to reconsider and go under the assumption that this guy meant for this to happen. She made her choices ALL by herself. I don't care if she was drunk and blacked out (even though I don't believe that was the case), it was still her choice all along. His only "crime" was trusting HIS WIFE. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
aias Posted July 26, 2013 Share Posted July 26, 2013 You're right, I don't know him... but neither do YOU. So why are you assuming his plan was to have his wife cheat on him? He had NO way of controlling this. Plus, she's already said that there were other people in the house. It's not like he set up the two of them alone and left the room. . I am not assuming anything, there were other people in the house but that was the first time he was trying to have sex with her, the second time they were alone.Read her first post again. She had told her H that his friend was trying to have sex with her at least once in the past and he didn't do anything about it. He still keeps him as a mate,and leaves his wife wasted, alone with his friend giving him another chance to f****k her.That's her story i'm not asumming anything.To me that's at least an adultery waiting to happen. I think you misunderstand i meant the immigration in general. Anyway there's no need to hijack this thread with our immigration disagreement open a thread about it and i'll be hapy to post up my arguments. Link to post Share on other sites
drifter777 Posted July 26, 2013 Share Posted July 26, 2013 Looks like dee85's gone. Link to post Share on other sites
therhythm Posted July 26, 2013 Share Posted July 26, 2013 Looks like dee85's gone. Yep...zombie thread. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dee85 Posted July 30, 2013 Author Share Posted July 30, 2013 Yep...zombie thread. Hi, No, I'm still here. Been following your discussion... Trying to think things over... Despite the fact that I don't know you guys, will never meet you - you've opened my eyes to few things. Thank you. It's been 2 weeks now, 6kg ago, many tears... I'm fighting, fighting for him, fighting trying not to loose myself. Every day is a struggle, but that's inevitable. Not sure do you want to hear an update... Link to post Share on other sites
Author dee85 Posted July 30, 2013 Author Share Posted July 30, 2013 I swear every time I read this kind of stuff, it makes my blood boil. First off... not every immigrant out there thinks of the US as a promised land. This guy decided to stay FOR HER. Before, he may have had no intent of staying in the country. They had been together FOR A YEAR at that point! Second, it's not like Australia is an under-developed country. In fact, in some ways, it's better off than the US is. If he had really wanted to stay in the US, this guy had other options... he didn't "need" her. It was just the easiest, cheapest, and probably fastest option. C'mon now. :/ Our marriage has never been about his getting visa... He's had a very good life in Australia, have people and things to go back to. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dee85 Posted July 30, 2013 Author Share Posted July 30, 2013 I also don't know what to take from all this... The husband attitude is really strange...he not only don't act in the fact that one of his friends try to have sex with his wife but he keeps the guy as his mate, invite him to his house and let him alone with his drunken wife.. :eek: Then the friend who has already tried to have sex with OP when she is drunk and do it now again (this time with more success...) ... this guy is a rapist or a potential rapist :mad: The wife (OP)... she knows that this guy has tried to abuse her before while drunk but she anyhow manage herself to get drunk again while with him... When her husband goes to sleep she decide (for second time) to stay with the guy who tried to abuse her and drink some more :confused: She doesn't remember anything but after reading her posts I realize that she remembers quite everything... :eek: I am missing something here... if the husband plot the happening why was he angry when he found out? Why would he leave the house? If it was a rape... why would OP don't say so to her husband? Why would she not report him to the police? There is so many whys here that I don't know if the whole story is just a joke or if every person in the story are form another planet... really... Every person is different - we all react in different ways. Our minds think differently. My H has never been jealous, or protective - never had to. We just let things flow and would get on with life. On a night out - we wouldn't even stand next to each other - he would be somewhere, I would be somewhere and then we would just go home. We're both very relaxed. If someone would try to chat me up - he would watch and then after I sent someone away would say "Awesome" with a smile on his face. There was a massive gap between both incidents - Would say about 10 months. Nothing major happened in between. Would you, while on a night out, think that might happen again? I've see this guy few times but never went "That's the guy that tried to have sex with me". It was more like - he tried, he failed, he was drunk - life goes on. Neither of us would even think he would try again. I know the story might be out of this planet but (believe or not) I told you everything... Nothing has been changed, nothing added or hidden from you - I don't know you guys so why would I be scared of you judging me on truth? Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted July 30, 2013 Share Posted July 30, 2013 Have you reported it as a rape? He was caught with his penis in you, was it without your consent? Was it with your consent? There are only two choices, that's why your husband left, he thinks you gave your consent. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted July 31, 2013 Share Posted July 31, 2013 I also don't get why it hasn't been reported. Her husbad obviously believes she was a willing partner. If she wasn't, it IS rape. But I also asked that a little while ago and never got a reply, so... Link to post Share on other sites
Author dee85 Posted July 31, 2013 Author Share Posted July 31, 2013 I also don't get why it hasn't been reported. Her husbad obviously believes she was a willing partner. If she wasn't, it IS rape. But I also asked that a little while ago and never got a reply, so... I don't know... I don't remember. My husband does think that I was willing partner. I simply don't want to report it - it broke my relationship and reporting this guy won't change anything. Knowing my husband - if i report it now it will just annoy him as he'll see it as me trying to get more attention. Please don't write - IF YOU DON'T WON'T TO REPORT THAT MEANS YOU DID WANT IT TO HAPPEN... because I didn't. Link to post Share on other sites
therhythm Posted July 31, 2013 Share Posted July 31, 2013 I don't know... I don't remember. My husband does think that I was willing partner. I simply don't want to report it - it broke my relationship and reporting this guy won't change anything. Knowing my husband - if i report it now it will just annoy him as he'll see it as me trying to get more attention. Please don't write - IF YOU DON'T WON'T TO REPORT THAT MEANS YOU DID WANT IT TO HAPPEN... because I didn't. If you didn't want it to happen is rape..either if you reported it or not. If that is the case then you should speak with your husband because you are a victim... I am just wondering what was what your husband saw that made him think it was a voluntary act... Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted July 31, 2013 Share Posted July 31, 2013 Rather than speculate what your husband may think, why not ask him for his opinion as to what you should do? If you never gave your approval, ask him how he feels you should handle it after all it involves both of you. His friend is secondary to your marriage, you choose the marriage or you choose to protect his friend. Get yourself help regarding the drinking, actions speak louder than words. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dee85 Posted July 31, 2013 Author Share Posted July 31, 2013 Rather than speculate what your husband may think, why not ask him for his opinion as to what you should do? If you never gave your approval, ask him how he feels you should handle it after all it involves both of you. His friend is secondary to your marriage, you choose the marriage or you choose to protect his friend. Get yourself help regarding the drinking, actions speak louder than words. Drinking is under control - the easiest thing to live without. When it comes to my H - he doesn't want to talk about it. For the last week, he's been spending every night with me, sleeping in the same bed etc Looks like he just wants to forget and move on. Things are way more "normal" than they were week ago. I don't know where are we but at least I get to see him, talk to him etc Not sure how to take what he's doing - is there something to save or not. We've been out together and I didn't drink - easy Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted July 31, 2013 Share Posted July 31, 2013 That's just it, he won't forget about it, that image of other man and you on the table is forever burned into his mind. It will show up in other ways unless you find a way to deal with it. He needs to feel safe with you that includes decisions you make regarding being around other men without him. You are never to be alone with a man without him being present. Get yourself help even if he refuses to go again actions speak loader than words. Your staying up drinking with OM still bothers me and is why my gut tells me you gave OM some kind of approval. You never answered my question regarding what you meant when you said you and other man had to stay up when your husband went to bed? Link to post Share on other sites
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