always put in the friendzone...yyy??

[FaithInTheDark]

Ive always had more guy friends than girls but when i do catch feelings for some i am always put in the friendzone.

Some of us do hook up but its only friends with benefits. Some have picked my friends over ne too but i learn to accept it even though it does hurt.

A best guy friend is now seein a friend i introduced to and they hit it off...and they really like each other

I realized that i felt hurt about it and realized cus i do like my best guy friend more than i thought. My guy friend and i hooked up last month but it was too ackward for both of us.

Anyways why is it every guy ive liked has put me in the friendzone ?

I guess its hard to answer but how can i avoid this and make a guy see me more than one just one of the boys? I am kinda a tom boy in ways but still femine .

Any advice would help.

I feel this rejection fm males has seriously damaged my self esteem.

[404namenotfound]

So this may just be me but I don't believe in the friendzone. I'm not going to take a girl that I would be willing to be in a relationship with and then put her in a friendzone. Sure I'm friends with girls and some times it ends up being more because I see them differently after knowing them for some time but I don't think I'd ever say "we're too good of friends to date". With that out of the way what I'll say next will probably make more sense.

 

Find other guys, go out and meet people with the intention of dating them. For the most part as guys we have to make the first move so if we're your friend it means there is something that's keeping us from making a move, be it attraction, personal things, some sort of vibe you're putting out etc.

 

Given that you have been fwb with your guy friends in the past it doesn't sound like you're scaring guys away you just aren't hanging around guys that want to date you.

[Teknoe]

Faith I feel your pain. I'm a guy, and with my last 10, 15 girl crushes in the last 8 years, friend zone for every single last damn one.

 

After a while, your self-esteem does take quite a beating.

 

Might I suggest professional therapy? It could do one wonders to talk about this with a professional once every (other) week for 45 minutes.

 

Google therapists in your area. And Godspeed. I hope you find peace and happiness

[Avulare]

Story of my life too... I'm 25 and have never been in a relationship or even been on a date, because I've been friendzoned by every guy I've actually been interested in. I only had sex for the first time last year, and now it's been about a year since that. There are plenty of guys that like me, but they all have at least one thing wrong with them that I consider to be a dealbreaker... Obese, smoke cigarettes, dumb, habitually and intentionally unemployed, etc. The thought of forcing myself to even kiss one of those guys is, quite frankly, repulsive to me. Worse than being alone, which is downright miserable.

 

I had one of the worst experiences of my life earlier this year. There was a guy who acted like he was interested in me on Facebook for months who didn't have any of the negative traits listed above. When I finally was able to meet him in person (we lived 7 hours apart but had a lot of mutual friends due to college), he invited me back to his house after we spent the whole day hiking together. Eventually we started making out, and it was the first time in my life I genuinely felt wanted by a guy. But then he stopped and was like "I'm in a relationship, I can't do this", then kicked me out of his house. In the morning, he sent me a friendzone text.

 

I cried for a week after that and still have plenty of days where it's hard for me to get out of bed. I dunno why, I should have seen it coming given my previous experiences with men. As the saying goes, if it seems too good to be true, it probably is.

 

So yeah... Don't think you're alone in this issue, because you're not. But at least you can get the guys to sleep with you. :\

[imtooconfused]

I sympathize a lot with those who get friendzoned because it's something I am very familiar with. The only honest suggestion that I have for those who regularly experience this is... Stop being so freaking nice. I know it sounds counterintuitive, but being overly friendly with someone that you are attracted to can work against you. I have three logical reasons why staying "friends only" with a crush is a bad thing:

 

1. Someone who tells you they are not attracted to you when they know full well that you are attracted to them is really not your friend and are just using you at that point. They don't deserve your friendship.
   
2. I understand that "it's really hard to meet potential partners," but spending time with the "just a friend" is taking time away from meeting someone who could be the right partner.
   
3. Being {distant, unapproachable, hard-to-get} can make you more attractive to your friend. Once they understand what they are missing from your being unavailable, they may see you in a completely different light.
   

 

I know it's very hard to break off a friendship with someone close to you, but to expect the friend to change their mind about you is a futile hope.

[Ashlaria]

I have every sympathy with you. Growing up with a brother who was only a year younger than me, all my friends were guys, only one of them ever liked me and of course I didn't like him!! They used to date the girls in our group and come and ask my advice which was tough but set me up for life when it comes to talking to men.

 

I had my first bf at 17 and that was because I started talking to people on my CB radio (olden day version of online dating!) I made friends of my own and people who didn't know my brother and his gang. I think once you are seen as the 'friend' in a group it's hard to break out of that role.

 

So my advice is to find some new friends and hopefully it will change the pattern for you.

 

Good luck!