How I got my ex girlfriend back- My story

[Payitforward]

When I was going through my breakup I actually spent a lot of time on this website... crazy but it seemed like it helped me a lot. I never actually registered until today though. So to start I would like to give back to this site by telling my story, especially since I found that a lot of people never actually came back and posted about how they won their ex back or eventually got over it. So here is my story and maybe some advice.

 

We first met in early 2012 while attending college. I was 22 and she was 20. We thought of each other as just a thing that would pass, but soon we fell hard for each other. It was awesome, I thought for sure this was the girl I was going to marry. She was my best friend, she could make me laugh like no one else could, sexy beyond belief, she made my world complete (cheesy but true). Of course we eventually broke up. Mainly because of the immature things on my part, I was drinking, chewing tobacco, getting sh*tty grades in school, and pretty much being a lowlife. She had asked me to quit chewing and drinking and to get my life together many times, but of course I passed it off as something I could take care of later. Which I couldn't.

So she broke up with me. And I dont know if most girls are like this, but she is a very determined, stubborn girl. When she decided to do something, she didn't do it halfway, but went full blown rambo style and never looked back. She did love me a lot, and she cried for hours when we broke up that night, but it was over after that.

Now started my long hellish journey of the break up. I've broken up with girls I thought I loved before, but never had it been this bad. I went crazy. I tried calling her, texting her, leaving her notes, everything this site tells you not to do I did. And everytime I did one of those things she became more distant, and everytime that urged me to do something more crazy in effort to get her back! Finally she told me never to call her, or ever leave her notes again or else she would get a restraint. That was like a knife right to the stomach. The only thing I had to comfort me was my dip and my alcohol, and I started doing both constantly and more than ever, I didn't even care what happened to me anymore. If any of you know dipping, I was dipping 2 cans a day for the next 3 months! I was seriously broken, I had no friends or family to talk to, but just me and myself. I felt depressed beyond belief and probably should have gone in to get help, but I told myself counseling and pills were for pu**ies and I didn't go in. EVEN THOUGH I SHOULD HAVE. If you have no one to talk to I would seriously recommend counseling!

As time went on I never got better, I would see her on campus all the time, I would see her car parked somewhere as I drove to class. Always there was a constant reminder of her everywhere I looked. It drove me insane. And plus if I ever saw her, she wouldn't even give me the time of day, which killed me to see us go from best friends to nothing.

I started reading get back together books, looking online for how people managed to get their girlfriends back (where i found this site), anything that might help me win her back. And the only solution I found was to go into "No Contact" and get myself back together. Finally I removed everything that reminded me of her. Though some of the notes I had from her when we were dating I stored somewhere I would never look (just in case we did get back together).

As months passed I refrained from calling or texting her, and even tried to avoid her on campus (though sometimes when I was dressed up really nice I would try to walk a way to class where I was sure she might see me lol). I focused all my energy into school, and I became a straight A student. I never missed class or an assignment. I started trying to talk to girls again, even though there was never a girl who could have matched up to my ex I still tried. I cut down on my chewing, and eventually stopped drinking because I would get so depressed the next day I felt like giving up life.

After about 7 months of no contact I still thought about her a lot and sometimes we would see each other on campus only to give each other cold looks. And I could see that she was dating someone now, a new guy that looked like he was better than I was. This was like another dagger right in the chest. But I think I had ran out of tears, and now all the pain was being directed right at my heart. Literally, hypertension runs in my family and I was having signs of prehypertension at age 22. My blood pressure was destroying my body and I could feel it. So I quit dipping, I started finding stress relief, yoga, exercise, walking for at least 8 minutes a day. THIS is when I started to find myself again. though I felt like I was permanently less happy than I had ever been.

After 2 months it finally happened. She texted me while I was on a date and said she really missed me. Of course I texted her back, only to find that she was mad at her boyfriend and wanted to talk to me. So immediately I stopped talking to her and resumed no contact. I hated her, but at the same time I loved her more than anything, weird I know.

After 3 more months of no contact I felt like I could begin living my life without her. I still thought about her sometimes, but it did not hurt like it used to. Until one day I was getting out of the research lab where I worked, I saw her pull into a parking lot of where she worked. I hesitated thinking whether or not I should talk to her, then thought hell why not. She got out of her car and I could see she was dressed up in really nice business clothes looking beautiful. This made me WAY nervous. So I walked up an said hi and we started talking. My voice might have been trembling and my mouth was really dry but I sucked it up and kept talking to her. Later that day she texted me and said it was really good to see me. I replied and said I was glad I got to see her too and that she looked really good. So she said thanks, and I never texted her back. The next night she called me crying, and asked me if I would like to go star gazing with her (we used to do that when we dated). So I said sure why not, I mean I still loved her as much as I hated to admit it. I asked her what her boyfriend did this time, and she told me nothing, but that she still loved me and had been thinking about it for quite some time. That no guy ever treated her like I treated her, and she had never been as happy as she had been with me. She said she was sorry and hoped that I could come to forgive her eventually... So I told her I would think about it. And I had been for past last year. So I told her the truth, that I still loved her.

A couple months later we were engaged. One month from now we are getting married.

 

So my advice to everyone who is struggling over a breakup at this moment. I know what you are going through, I've been there. If I had given up on life after the breakup I never would have come to this position where I am at, and would have missed this opportunity that I thought would never happen again.

-If you are trying to win back your ex you need to win back yourself first.

-You need to find yourself again, and do whatever it takes to find peace without that other person before even thinking about trying to reconciliate. If my ex never would have come back to me I could have lived a perfectly happy life without her.

-When you break up, you need to give her space! I found this out the hard way. She even told me eventually that if I would not have tried to make contact with her so much she would have been more inclined to talk to me again.

- You need to realize how you treated her when you were together. Did you treat her like the princess she is? or like a dirtbag? The better you treated her the more likely no one else while be able to make her happier!

- Think about the reasons why you broke up? Can you change them or work on them?

- Find ways to distract yourself when you are feeling down. The biggest factor in helping me recover mentally and physically was to start exercising again. Seriously, no matter how lazy or depressed you feel, you need to exercise. Make time for it. I promise you it will make you feel better. Or start reading a book, I started reading the Game of Thrones series and it actually helped me quite a bit for some reason. I recommend it!

- Whatever you do, do not look towards substances or alcohol to make you feel better. This is a dangerous area you need to avoid at all costs. I know it seems like the thing to do to get a quick lift me up, but really it drags you down lower and lower.

 

Well good luck out there everyone. Thanks for all the advice you have given me and I hope I could somehow give something back.

 

payitforward

[AllTooWell]

Congratulations on getting the girl, but most importantly getting your life together.

 

(You better take good care of your mouth now. I want to smack every guy I see with a lip in!!!!)

 

 

How long did you guys go without talking at the longest points? How long was the break up in total?

 

Thank you for coming back and posting Good luck in your marriage!

[lessica]

I was the dumpee, although it was very mutual in a lot of respects, I had broken up with him and asked him to leave at the beginning, but he didn't go for a while, then he officially left making it his decision.

 

I can honestly say the right now I would never ever go back there, only exception being if he some how mustered the strength/courage that you have pulled off.

 

Good for you!!

[Jay10]

amazing story and congratulations.

i am going through something similar right now. been broken up with my ex for a month now. we initial talked a bit right after it happened then we didnt speak for 2 weeks. no contact is sooo ridiculuously tough, its almost like the more you push them out of your mind the more you end up thinking about them but i am trying soo hard. briefly spoke a few days ago but i am determined to stay strong and push through.

 

PayitForward you dont know how much it means to me to hear that things do work out if its meant to be. Soo many people just say to give up and never speak to your ex again but sometimes with those special people its very hard and almost impossible to completely forget about the one you truly love.

 

i guess patience and focusing on one's self is the answer!

 

 

much love brother and thanks for sharing your story

[AllTooWell]

amazing story and congratulations.

i am going through something similar right now. been broken up with my ex for a month now. we initial talked a bit right after it happened then we didnt speak for 2 weeks. no contact is sooo ridiculuously tough, its almost like the more you push them out of your mind the more you end up thinking about them but i am trying soo hard. briefly spoke a few days ago but i am determined to stay strong and push through.

 

PayitForward you dont know how much it means to me to hear that things do work out if its meant to be. Soo many people just say to give up and never speak to your ex again but sometimes with those special people its very hard and almost impossible to completely forget about the one you truly love.

 

i guess patience and focusing on one's self is the answer!

 

 

much love brother and thanks for sharing your story

 

I just want to say that there is a difference between giving up and doing what's right for you! Going NC and allowing yourself time to heal isn't giving up, it is doing what is best for you. You HAVE to put yourself first and take care of yourself (this is a prime example). It's not about forgetting or replacing, or giving up.

 

You have to let what will be, be. Whatever is going to happen, will happen!

[madmax87]

Congrats man!

 

I've been hurting from my breakup for the past couple of months and was pretty clingy until only a couple of weeks ago. It's nice to hear that every once in a while former lovers show up in our lives again. I wish you and your bride-to-be the best.

Edited July 18, 2013 by madmax87

[HobGadling]

Really pleased for you.

 

Also you give a lot of good advice. Thanks.

[ggas]

It is a really nice story and I am happy it worked out for you this way. HOWEVER, this has the downside of giving lots of false hopes to people on this site. EXs DO NOT USUALLY COME BACK!!! It is almost proven science! And most of the times even if they do they come back for all the wrong reasons and eventually breakup again. People that go away they do so for a reason. They do that because they are just not compatible with the dumpee most of the time, they get bored with the dumpee or they want to explore and all that jazz. It is false to assume that after a while they will eventually miss out on what he/she had going with the dumpee. What would they miss exactly? Boredom? Neediness? Sure, they have good memories with the dumpees but then again they are very aware there are a million other partners out there that will be able to offer even better ones. I don't want an EX to come back to me just because she is in a down moment or needs an ego boost. I want her to come to me because I am the first choice, that she is truly happy with me and wants no one else than me. I have lots of love to offer but I also need love in return. Love should be a 2 way street.

 

That being said. You do make good points about working on self and winning yourself back. I think that indeed improving yourself as a person does wonders. It just takes some patience and energy and everything will be OK.

[Talulah]

So jealous of you, congratulations!!!:bunny:

[Talulah]

I was the dumpee, although it was very mutual in a lot of respects, I had broken up with him and asked him to leave at the beginning, but he didn't go for a while, then he officially left making it his decision.

 

I can honestly say the right now I would never ever go back there, only exception being if he some how mustered the strength/courage that you have pulled off.

 

Good for you!!

 

This is so similar to my situation:rolleyes:

[Mack05]

I hate to be the guy who keeps it 'real' but this girl is 20/21? She has broken up with you once all ready..The odds on this relationship working out for those two reasons alone are small..Lets hope you are the exception and not the rule..

 

Marriage is a huge step and it seems to me at least you are riding on that adrenaline and magic that the honeymoon period gives you. I have no idea why you would want to marry so quick. This is a massive decision and it seems little thought has gotten into it. While I commend the improvements you have made to your life, neither of you have 'grown up' yet.

 

I mean you have gone from drinking, chewing tobacco, immature guy to a fully grown responsible man in a what a year? She has gone from immature girl to not knowing what she wants, to a woman who wants to spend the rest of her life with you. Dude this is crazy. She has left you at your worst before. She came back when you got back to your best, but what happens when life gets hard (and it will)? Can you REALLY be sure she won't leave again?

 

Is your thinking well if we get married she won't leave? To me this is just two insecure immature people making a HUGE decision with little or no thought to the possible reprecussions. I know my post won't be popular, but I really want you to take a step outside the box here. There is a reason the divorce rate is close to 50% these days. Getting married requires so much of everything to make it work.

 

The stars have to be aligned in the right way (i.e you both need to meet at the right stage in life). There has be be high standards of communication, trust, stability, loyalty, respect, compromise, compassion, openess, honesty, empathy etc etc etc. God damn it marriage is sooooooooooooo much more then Love, chemistry, butterlies and great sex. This 'marriage' lacks so many of the attributes I have mentioned above.

 

The biggest red flag I see in a woman is someone who is all about her. No one treats ME better, so I will go back..Honestly I could go on and on but I think right now you are in love, in denial, incredibily naive and are about to the make the biggest mistake of your life. I know you will tell me I have never met you both (and how amazing you are together) but honestly I don't need to. I have read the book a million times and the story nearly always ends in the same way...

 

Why on earth can't you both show maturity and responsbility and be boyfriend and girlfriend for 3/4 years before making such a HUGE decision.......Sigh...

Edited July 19, 2013 by Mack05

[Combo]

Mack05 makes good points. There's nothing triumphant about getting back with a girl after she dumps you then rushing into marriage -- do you either of you have any insight into why you broke up in the first place? If she got back with you because you made her relatively more happy than the guy she dated after you, then what happens when difficulties arise and you can't make her happy because you're depressed, unemployed, ill, etc.? The whole thing sounds like youthful naivety -- been there, done that.