Do you judge a guy on his job?

[Imported]

I'll let NewUser and Imported continue the debate - they are doing fine figuring me out without my input...

 

Especially since both have been around here long enough to know me as well as they claim to... :rolleyes:

 

Everything I posted is just repeating what you said about yourself. Also, you talk about me not having been here long enough to figure you out.....not worried or trying to figure you out, just find it laughable you'd say that and then try to imply how all blue collar workers are not into reading books. Here are some eyes rolling at you amazed how far you have your head up your own ass. :rolleyes:

[New User]

Well let's be honest for a sec.

 

There IS a correlation between your job level and how you have lived your life. Someone with an education and a more privileged background will generally have a higher paying and more prestigious job.

 

And some people can relate more with that than a blue collar car mechanic.

 

It's not about looking down on anyone but some people place a higher value on ambition than others.

 

 

There's a difference between an indicator and proof. I'm not really seeing a lot of indicators in the posts of the snobs that lead me to believe they are well educated. Tradesman can also be quite well paid. I make considerably more than the local accountants and nurses do. And unlike... say an accountant... I can look at my work at the end of the day and see what I have built. It amounts to a bit more than being able to make two columns add up to zero.

 

We can all pretend that the posts I've quoted are not examples of classism or stereotyping, but we all know better. It amuses me greatly when shallow people attempt to protest being called shallow or paint it as something else. Particularly when the metric they're using is "but I've f**ked a lot of blue collar guys. I know I'm better than them."

[William]

Folks, let's keep this out of the realm of the personal, as in between members. If one judges a guy on his job or a man feels he's been judged by his job, share those experiences, being respectful of our guidelines. Moderation thanks you in advance for your cooperation.

[ScreamingTrees]

I'm like Eternal Sunshine and it has nothing to do with stereotypes.

 

Look, I lived with a blue collar worker and tried to make a go of a relationship for over a decade.

 

Yes, he would come to operas with me, but had no interest in them. He would ask about the books I was reading, but wouldn't bother to read any himself. He would gladly attend and dine at the finest restaurants in town (that I was reviewing), but didn't have a tie or a jacket to look appropriate in...

 

If there are blue collar guys with less rough edges, I would have dated them in a heartbeat, but most are more interested in less cerebral activities and that has nothing to do with stereotyping. It has to do with the fact that I have been around the block SEVERAL DOZEN TIMES and can speak from experience.

 

Guess I really must be the odd ball.. None of those things are out of my realm, and my job is quite blue collar.

 

Seems that the "white collar girls" are missing the point. Or, at the least, they're not making their points as articulately and well as they could've.

 

I believe in seeing the world for what it is.. All of the beauty within it, and all of the ugliness that may also be beautiful at the same time.. Appreciating sounds, sights, textures, food, etc.. to as great of an extent as one can.. I'd say I'm a very sensitive person.. But that has no correlation to the fact that my job happens to be physical labor. It's just a means to an end, for a comfortable life for me, if not for a family. I feel comfortable saying that I have a very sensitive analytical mind, because I believe that.

 

Surely the "white collar girls" of this world are more likely to share this major internal trait of character, going by the train of thought that you're all riding.. And yes, the types of activities that you're talking about are likely the kinds of things that those people may be interested and involved with.. But they don't have to be on board with all of it, you don't have to be carbon copies of one another..

[Eternal Sunshine]

Hey now- I don't look down on blue collar men.

 

But in every relationship study ever done, it was strongly proven that like attracts like. People with similar backgrounds and education levels tend to stay married for longer and rate their marriage satisfaction higher.

 

I am not saying I would never date a blue collar man. I am just saying that MOST blue collar guys I have met are NOT compatible with me for a LTR.

 

I love culture, books, operas and theater and I want someone who will be able to enjoy it and discuss it with me, not be forced to go. It's like a guy that is crazy about sports wanting a sporty girlfriend. How come that is perfectly OK to say and my interests are "snobby" and I am asking for "too much"

[lessica]

I have a law degree, and am qualified to practice, and am just completing a sociology major.

 

I have known plenty of uneducated people that would make MUCH better partners than me.

[Weezy1973]

I think 'judge' might be the wrong word - wanting to be with someone who has similar values to yourself is MUCH different than saying you're better than someone else.

 

If someone chooses to dedicate their time, money and effort to their education, it probably means they value education and would be most compatible with someone who also values education. It doesn't mean they think they're better than someone who doesn't value education as much.

 

Where it might be an issue is if someone is attracted to someone who holds clearly different values than themselves - for example a woman with a high school diploma who works in retail, but is only attracted to men that are highly educated, ambitious, and accomplished. Or the man who is obese, loves junk food and never exercises, but is only attracted to slim, fit women. There's nothing 'wrong' with those preferences, but, as opposed to someone seeking a partner with similar values, it would probably prove to be an obstacle in finding someone that you can find a deeper connection with.

[New User]

Hey now- I don't look down on blue collar men.

 

But in every relationship study ever done, it was strongly proven that like attracts like. People with similar backgrounds and education levels tend to stay married for longer and rate their marriage satisfaction higher.

 

I am not saying I would never date a blue collar man. I am just saying that MOST blue collar guys I have met are NOT compatible with me for a LTR.

 

I love culture, books, operas and theater and I want someone who will be able to enjoy it and discuss it with me, not be forced to go. It's like a guy that is crazy about sports wanting a sporty girlfriend. How come that is perfectly OK to say and my interests are "snobby" and I am asking for "too much"

 

Job type does not equal interests. We could compare and contrast the relative ethics of the Elizabethan and Romantic era if you like. Or discuss the residual impact of the Victorian concept of duty on modern ethics. Or not. My job does not define me.

[ScreamingTrees]

Well let's be honest for a sec.

 

There IS a correlation between your job level and how you have lived your life. Someone with an education and a more privileged background will generally have a higher paying and more prestigious job.

 

And some people can relate more with that than a blue collar car mechanic.

 

It's not about looking down on anyone but some people place a higher value on ambition than others.

 

But there are different kinds of ambition. Who is anyone else to tell me that they're more ambitious than me because my job allows me to live a comfortable life, when my ambitions are elsewhere? Be it art, or sport, or whatever else you may consider.

 

I probably couldn't relate much to someone whose perception and reality couldn't progress past green pieces of paper and material possessions.. They're likely not as "aware" of things in general. Probably not as interesting as they'd like to think.

[sweetjasmine]

For me, it has more to do with social class than anything. H's family is pretty blue collar, and they make me feel uncomfortable sometimes and often inadvertently insult me to my face when the subject of education comes up. H and I have slightly different priorities than they do, and it matters to me that he and I have the same priorities.

 

And it has nothing to do with necessarily looking down on blue collar folks or any other group. FFS, my brother is a mechanic, and I certainly have a ton of respect for him. But his social world and my social world are quite different. It's silly to pretend they're exactly the same.

[New User]

For me, it has more to do with social class than anything. H's family is pretty blue collar, and they make me feel uncomfortable sometimes and often inadvertently insult me to my face when the subject of education comes up. H and I have slightly different priorities than they do, and it matters to me that he and I have the same priorities.

 

And it has nothing to do with necessarily looking down on blue collar folks or any other group. FFS, my brother is a mechanic, and I certainly have a ton of respect for him. But his social world and my social world are quite different. It's silly to pretend they're exactly the same.

 

It is equally silly to pretend that your job dictates your social world. Or that there is some kind of hereditary blue collar gene that is going to dictate the familial environment that someone grew up in or dictates their interests.

[bluegreen]

No one needs a degree to understand that job does not define person

EACH one of us defines themselves by our actions and thoughts values and character.

Edited July 18, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[ScreamingTrees]

Hey now- I don't look down on blue collar men.

 

But in every relationship study ever done, it was strongly proven that like attracts like. People with similar backgrounds and education levels tend to stay married for longer and rate their marriage satisfaction higher.

 

I am not saying I would never date a blue collar man. I am just saying that MOST blue collar guys I have met are NOT compatible with me for a LTR.

 

I love culture, books, operas and theater and I want someone who will be able to enjoy it and discuss it with me, not be forced to go. It's like a guy that is crazy about sports wanting a sporty girlfriend. How come that is perfectly OK to say and my interests are "snobby" and I am asking for "too much"

 

I don't think anything negative of you, nor do I think you're looking down on anyone. You're probably not addressing me anyway, but I feel your pain.

 

I wonder if I *should* get a medical degree or something like that, just to possibly be surrounded by women who may be more likely to enjoy and see the appeal of a lot of the things that I fill my life with, who'd enjoy having conversations about all sorts of odd, random, interesting topics.. Ranging from space to religion to current events..

 

Unfortunately, the majority of girls that I come into contact with around my age really do not come across as emotionally mature, or mature or open minded in general. I don't want to be with someone just based off of our attraction to one another, that sounds dull and unfulfilling as hell.. No idea what to do, though.

[carhill]

My vocation may be blue collar but I came from a white collar SAHM family and attended private school and did go to college. Tinkering with cars in the garage was probably the scourge of my parent's existence, but they suffered the indignity in silence. I still tinker with their car, even though both of them are long dead.

[StayBeautiful]

I'm not interested at all in blue or white collar, but anyone I date must have a career and make a decent living. I'm not interested in men who flip burgers for minimum wage. So he can work in construction, but he must have ambition and be established in that field.

 

And I love how many men must think this is for "gold digger" reasons. It's not. It's because I'm 41, established myself and well beyond the years of having to add up the groceries as I go around the supermarket. I want an EQUAL relationship. I don't want to carry or be carried. And I've reached a time in my life where I like going out and doing nice things, going to nice places, weekends away, good food and wine. I want to meet someone who can also do those things. 50/50. I don't expect wealthy, just someone who - like me - can afford to enjoy these years on the same level.

 

So yes, occupation matters in that sense.

[TheFinalWord]

When you meet a guy online or in person....how important is his job? I know I have seen a ton of women online, that have wrote "seeking professional man"....which basically means most blue collar guys can take a hike.

 

I have noticed a few times when talking to women, they seem to change their tune slightly when I tell them I work for a retail company. How many of you see that as an instant deal breaker? A 40ish yr old man in retail?

 

The thing is though, I dont work at a specific store, like a manager, or sales person does. I'm a technician that travels the district, and fixes the issues at different stores, computers, phones, alarm system, etc. I actually make good money, am almost debt free, own my home, and have 2 cars.

 

Yet I just get the feeling that when I tell a woman I work for such and such retail company....that pops the balloon right there. I dont think many women care to date a guy that works in retail. I also think a lot of it has to do with her friends and family, asking where her new man works....she doesnt want to be embarrassed saying he works for a retailer.

 

Well, OP, I get why you may perceive that, but I think you need to be a bit more open-minded.

 

A bit of a soap box, but IMHO this is one of those threads, where no matter what they write, the women cannot win.

 

If they say "I prefer a man with a white-collar job", the PC police will say they are stuck up.

 

If they say "I do not care about profession", the men will say, "so many do (OP examine your assumption that "seeking professional man = blue collar take a hike") and you women of LS should do something about that" I always wonder with those types of posts, exactly what are they supposed to do? Affirm a man's confirmation bias?

 

Women tend to want a man that has a life vision and fulfills at least part of that through their career. If men want to claim that a series of tasks they spend the majority of the week performing has nothing to do with their identity, by all means. If you are working towards some alternative goal, such as working retail while building your own business, the ends may justify the means in terms of claiming your job has no association with your identity. But otherwise, most people will not agree.

 

Goals and purpose are associated with masculine energy. For many women, that is attractive. A fireman is not exactly a white collar icon, but they are stereotyped as highly attractive. Why? Because they are perceived as heroes saving the damsel in distress. If you are a mechanic, and have a passion for it, I do think you can spark the same attraction flame. A handy man is an attractive characteristic to many women. Just describe your passion for retail in a passionate way. That you enjoy helping people and why. If you do not like your job and just do it for a paycheck, that may explain the lack of attraction from women in that particular regard. Do you have another passion that defines you? I would recommend, if so, focus on that in your profile.

[T3h L337 d00d]

You should expect problems with online dating and not rely on it what so ever. Also if you're not a cashier or stockroom clerk what ever than don't just say you work retail. Say you're a computer tech at a major corporation.

[Eternal Sunshine]

I just wanted to add an example here.

 

In the past one of the guys I dated for a while was a lawyer. I adored his intelligence and our verbal sparring was so much fun. He was highly educated with two Master's Degrees and was very confident and goal driven. I was very impressed with that because I knew he'd worked extremely hard to get to where he was in life and found this extremely attractive.

 

Then, I dated a guy who drove a truck for a sanitation company. He was adorable and had a good heart, but was very simple-minded, and most of our conversations were extremely basic because he didn't really understand anything too complex. I almost felt like I was hanging out with a teenage kid and simply couldn't make an intellectual connection with him. I dated another guy who worked for a metal recycling company and he was cute and charming too, but again, was fairly simple minded and I was constantly having to explain the definition of words I'd used when we talked.

 

I'm with an Engineer now and have to admit that I love not having to use simple words or phrases, I love that he's intelligent and can spell, and I love that I dont' have to explain everything to him like he's a 15 year old kid.

 

And no, I'm not saying EVERY single blue collar worker on earth is simple minded; I'm just saying that the ones I've met and dated haven't nearly been as intelligent and goal driven as the white collar men I've dated.

 

Your mileage may vary.

 

Exactly the same experiences here. I dated a guy that worked as a waiter in his 30s and had no college degree and zero ambition. He was very physically attractive, but like you say - I had to use simple words around him. We only had most basic conversations that barely scratched the surface. He was never interested in having any philosophical discussions. I felt such a huge void while being with him

 

My ex was an engineer and we were extremely intellectually compatible. Too bad he was a total d-k.

 

If I had to pick one, I would pick intellectual compatibility over physical attraction.

[SoulJazzBlues]

I've dated white collar, blue collar, entrepeneurs, academics etc.

 

A job category really makes no difference and assuming only white collar men can appreciate "meaningful" things like art, culture etc is quite amusing.

 

Personally, I am a fan of blue collar men because a lot of them I know are either running their own business in their trade or working towards it, they tend to be less show offish or drama filled. What you call rough around the edges, I call without pretence. They tend to be more laid back and easy goings, traits I ADORE.

 

Also, not to stereotype, but blue collar man are HANDY . give me a handy man over a "cultured" man any day.

 

As long as a person is passionate about their job or has something outside their jobs that gives them purpose, I don't care.

[Janesays]

Most of the people I went to college with are idiots.

[Weezy1973]

Most of the people I went to college with are idiots.

 

...most people are idiots, college or not...

[Janesays]

...most people are idiots, college or not...

 

Yeah, but the difference is they all THOUGHT they were the cream de la cream simply because they went to college.

 

College is a FINANCIAL institution. They'll take darn near ANYONE nowadays as long as they have the ability to pay. Therefore, the degrees they hand out don't indicate intelligence as much as they indicate a willingness to pay for chance at a 'better' job.

 

Much like the high school diploma, I think college degrees are going to become more and more irrelevant to employers as degrees become less and less difficult to obtain.

 

As someone that edited (read: wrote) college papers to earn extra cash in college, I was personally shocked at how many people couldn't even string together a basic sentence.

 

I had a lot of practice saying this:

 

"Do YOU even know what you wrote means? There are no VERBS in this sentence! How can you write a sentence with NO VERBS?"

Edited July 18, 2013 by Janesays

[sweetkiwi]

I avoid the question about the job as long as possible because it's boring. The guy usually mentions it first.

[Eternal Sunshine]

Oh I fully agree that most people are idiots.

 

However, value of college or not - if you give me a number of dating profiles to read, and just by the way men express themselves - I am able to tell if they are college educated. Actually, I have not been wrong yet. How is that possible?

 

Someone that is college educated (or beyond) is not necessarily intelligent but is more likely to be.

[grkBoy]

I didn't read through all the pages. Only did page 1 and part of page 2.

 

In my experiences, SOME women will judge a man on his professional title and place in the working world. These are the ones who will see white collar guys as ideal, and anyone in a good management or executive position as gods.

 

MOST women aren't like that.

 

MOST women simply want a man who can take care of himself AND potentially be the primary breadwinner down the road. This is not some dream of laying on the couch all day while hubby makes money, but more the dream of being a SAHM or having the money to afford good day care because both work.

 

I don't think it's impossible for the retail worker or truck driver or plumber or janitor to get a girlfriend. I do think though you need to show you are not going to become "a child to take care for" in the eyes of a woman.

 

If she went to college, studied hard, worked hard, and now makes good money in a career, she's not going to deal with a guy who is constantly having financial trouble or worse...he can't afford to live on his own. Women now even will judge an older man if he has roommates, meaning if by late 20s/early 30s he's not in his own place with no roommates, then she won't fathom him.

 

GRANTED, we men are no better. The female aged 24 and up working retail, waitress, bartender, tanning salon clert, etc...will usually get deemed "no way" by many guys or "just sex".

 

The reality is male or female, this person needs to show the potential mate that he/she will not be a financial liability on that other person's life. My father would drill it into my head and my brother's head. He would speak of women looking for "some dummy to take care of them". Even now he's not crazy about my sister-in-law because he feels she just wants to raise kids and never go back to work...leaving finances all on my brother.