Do you judge a guy on his job?

[Weezy1973]

Oh I fully agree that most people are idiots.

 

However, value of college or not - if you give me a number of dating profiles to read, and just by the way men express themselves - I am able to tell if they are college educated. Actually, I have not been wrong yet. How is that possible?

 

Someone that is college educated (or beyond) is not necessarily intelligent but is more likely to be.

 

True, but someone that is intelligent can also be an idiot. And keeping in mind that there are many different kinds of intelligence beyond IQ (most of those people are also idiots).

 

I don't have many friends, but my cat is brilliant.

[Revolver]

Certain jobs in our society are seen as high status for males

 

Doctors,Lawyers,Ceo's, Atheltes, musicians etc

 

And some are seen as lower status

 

Construction workers, Electricians,Plumbers, anything in retail etc

 

If you asked the average woman in America, who would you rather have... The Lawyer who makes 55,000 a year and the plumber who makes 66,000 most would take the Lawyer. People will say no way revolver, but its not just about the money, its about the status and prestige. Even though it has been proven time and time again alot of lawyers don't really eat like that its still a job held in high regard(thanks to TV/Movies). A girl telling her friends she pulled a plumber doesn't have the same ring to it as I pulled a Lawyer....

[soccerrprp]

I can't believe there's another discussion about a subject that is vastly over-discussed. People simply over think things regarding a number of topics and this is one of them.

 

There's is nothing metaphysical or mysterious about why and how women and men prefer people of one working class over another. Nothing mysterious.....

 

People are influenced by family expectations, security, pretentious entitlement, smug arrogance, money, money, money, status, elitist predispositions, etc. A number of reasons. As I see it, so what? It's simply another preference that proves to be a hindrance to dating, but so are all the other preferences we have.

 

I've been smacked on the head by a woman who didn't think I was worth her full attention and consideration b/c I am a teacher. Mind you, I have three degrees, spent a year in law school, cancer research, etc. and yet, she couldn't get past the fact that I was "just" a HS teacher (I teach computer programming, architecture, environmental science, biology, physics, animation). Eh, it hit me briefly, my ego that is, but I quickly got over it. It turns out that I much more financially secure than she is/was (she is a doctor). We matched up intellectually, but, financial potential was more important to her. And, oh, I LOVE WHAT I DO!

 

I've dated doctors, lawyers, therapists, administrators, so, only white-collar. Not b/c of status or financial potential, rather, I feel that I have a greater intellectual connection (this is not always true, of course).

 

One is not WRONG to have such a preference unless your intention to avoid blue-collar is based on prejudices that attack the fundamental character of such people, to demean, put down....or predicated on some notion that you are better b/c what you do is more highly regarded by society as valuable. I teach and I can tell you there is no doubt that what I do is as or more important than most, if not all, other white-collars jobs. But does society have high regard for teachers? In the USA, not so much....

 

Still looking for the 6-figure salaried woman who'll let me stay home and lounge around a bit and take care of the kids, of course....[sigh, where are they all?]

Edited July 18, 2013 by soccerrprp

[Shepp]

Hey now- I don't look down on blue collar men.

 

But in every relationship study ever done, it was strongly proven that like attracts like. People with similar backgrounds and education levels tend to stay married for longer and rate their marriage satisfaction higher.

 

I am not saying I would never date a blue collar man. I am just saying that MOST blue collar guys I have met are NOT compatible with me for a LTR.

 

I love culture, books, operas and theater and I want someone who will be able to enjoy it and discuss it with me, not be forced to go. It's like a guy that is crazy about sports wanting a sporty girlfriend. How come that is perfectly OK to say and my interests are "snobby" and I am asking for "too much"

 

^ This is very true!

 

Im a working class (or blue collar, as you call it) guy from a blue collar family.

Im a firefighter - a lot of girls seem to like that, least they come over when im out in uniform or a branded shirt or something, even girls who are more middle class (or white collar - do you refer to girls as a collar?).

 

But I probably, whilst saying never say never, go for a girl like that - like I can scrub up and go to the opera or a fancy restaurant where they give you about 2 mouthfuls of food on your plate - I could do all those things but all id really want is to be outdoors somewhere, fishing, biking, playing sport - it wouldn't work cause you'd never enjoy the time spent together.

 

Money isn't a big deal to me, as long as ive got enough to pay the bills im chilled - I don't need a fancy car or a shirt that's the right brand. I'd never chase money and I couldn't keep a girl who wanted the finer things happy, whilst enjoying life myself.

 

I mean I don't doubt relationships can work between people from different classes but I doubt I could do it. Unless said middle class girl was very down to eart and up for getting stuck outdoors with me.

[Treasa]

Don't give a **** as long as it's legal and he can financially support himself.

[soccerrprp]

Don't give a **** as long as it's legal and he can financially support himself.

 

Ultimately, this is the best attitude to have. You're better for it!

[runningfar]

I would date blue collar guys. I don't care about the job. They would have to be intelligent - but that's white collar or blue collar.

It's been more coincidental that all three of my relationships have been with white collar men who make significant income. Income matters very little to me.

 

But, I am just a low - class coarse personal trainer and group fitness instructor.

[runningfar]

he's not crazy about my sister-in-law because he feels she just wants to raise kids and never go back to work...leaving finances all on my brother.

 

The bitch! Putting her children ahead of financial advancement!

(I know it is your dad who said it not you, but it makes me laugh. I think it's better if either the father or the mother stays home with the kids.)

[LittleTiger]

No, I judge people on who they are - on the inside. Sometimes the job reflects the person and sometimes it doesn't.

 

I certainly don't equate intelligence/education with white collar and lack of intelligence/lack of education with blue collar - although sometimes this is the case.

 

My own guy has a university degree and used to have his own business - one that involved leading from the front ie hands on. He's currently a blue collar manual worker, working for someone else - he enjoys the hard labour and feels good at the end of a working day. He works with some great guys, many of whom are also educated or ex-business owners and who have chosen blue collar in the current economic climate in order to keep the wolf from the door.

 

I respect his decision to do what he does and I'm proud of him for working so hard.

[grkBoy]

The bitch! Putting her children ahead of financial advancement!

(I know it is your dad who said it not you, but it makes me laugh. I think it's better if either the father or the mother stays home with the kids.)

 

I agree he's over-reacting. I think most of it was because my father worked in and owned a few restaurants in his life, and thus he's been exposed to many waitresses who were honestly women I'd tell most guys to stay away from.

 

We're talking women who have had one or more babies from several men, but were never married. Women who keep going back to the guy who beats them severely, but she claims he loves her. Women who do seriously seek out a meal ticket.

 

My sister-in-law is nothing like that, but my father is being a father, and he worries about my brother stressing out to make money for his family while the wife doesn't seem intent on bringing income into the house anymore.

 

I simply tell him (in my opinion) that he worries too much, and to give my brother a little credit. Mom stayed home to take care of us under my father's insistence. I think if he wants to judge, then judge when the kids are in school and suddenly my sister-in-law has plenty of free time.

 

In all honestly, I know she loves motherhood, but I can also tell she's itching to get out and do more now in life. So I can see her going to work again or starting a home business.

[MrTurk]

I have tried dating blue collar guys in the past and we just...have nothing in common. We are worlds apart. It's nothing to do with money. I highly value education; they make fun of it. They tend to be rough around the edges, I prefer some class. It's to do with compatibility and connection.

 

 

I'd like to know if you knew they were blue collar before went on the date. Or does that subconsciously affect you once you find out.

 

Thats the problem with online dating....most women dismiss guys based on traits that they assume makes the guy incompatible with themselves. As I said before....many women dismiss a huge part of the male population before the women even get out of bed.

 

They have this mold of what they "think" a man needs to be to qualify as a date. Whereas most men leave the house blank....and are attracted to women they see and interact with.....without passing judgment, before they even meet them.

[MissBee]

When you meet a guy online or in person....how important is his job? I know I have seen a ton of women online, that have wrote "seeking professional man"....which basically means most blue collar guys can take a hike.

 

I have noticed a few times when talking to women, they seem to change their tune slightly when I tell them I work for a retail company. How many of you see that as an instant deal breaker? A 40ish yr old man in retail?

 

The thing is though, I dont work at a specific store, like a manager, or sales person does. I'm a technician that travels the district, and fixes the issues at different stores, computers, phones, alarm system, etc. I actually make good money, am almost debt free, own my home, and have 2 cars.

 

Yet I just get the feeling that when I tell a woman I work for such and such retail company....that pops the balloon right there. I dont think many women care to date a guy that works in retail. I also think a lot of it has to do with her friends and family, asking where her new man works....she doesnt want to be embarrassed saying he works for a retailer.

 

In dating a man, I of course consider his job, like I would anything else: his family, hobbies, where he lives, everything gives a picture of who he is and whether or not that's a good match for me.

 

I really don't think it makes sense to worry about the women who dump you instantly or pass you by, without even getting to know you further. Why worry about them?

 

I have gone to Ivy League schools my entire higher education, just graduated with my Masters and am on to my PhD, also at an Ivy League. It can be weird in dating sometimes, as not even me, but men I date make assumptions about me and how I will perceive them based on those credentials. Once the conversation comes up of what you do...it's often like dropping some bomb where they act like you're a two-headed unicorn. However, reality is, my focus is on dating men whose interests, intellect, values etc. are compatible with my own and not if their job or school brand matches mine. This is not only based on job, prestige of your education etc. as the guys I attend school with, who should be the most compatible with me by that logic, many times are absolutely not! I've dated a guy who is a truck driver and who only has a high school diploma. I was attracted to him before knowing anything about his job. He was gorgeous, brilliant, really well read and could engage in conversations with me and all my friends without missing a beat. He also went on to own his own trucking company and he makes in the 6 figures. We went out to nice places, nice vacations, he was a gentleman and everything about him was top class, even though on paper it would seem like we'd not be a match or people would assume such a guy could never carry himself well. His job didn't matter, it was his ability to be on the same wavelength and his passion and ambition for HIS work and for us to enjoy similar lifestyles, which we could. Every man won't do what I do or have the same education as I have...I don't care. I just want a man who is passionate, ambitious and excels in whatever is his calling and where we won't be broke or our lifestyle preferences are totally different and incompatible.

 

I really don't look at credentials and jobs as the final say on anything...they are part of the package, but aren't the deal breakers for me. I won't lie and say that status doesn't matter, esp to other people. Of course some kinds of jobs or education carry a certain sense of prestige that people see favorably and like to flash around, that's the way of the world, but it's not the end all-be-all and a sensible woman will look at the total package and prioritize more important things than being able to tell everyone her boyfriend is a corporate exec or be ashamed to say he's a trucker.

Edited July 18, 2013 by MissBee

[sweetjasmine]

It can be weird in dating sometimes, as not even me, but men I date make assumptions about me and how I will perceive them. Once the conversation comes up of what you do...it's often like dropping some bomb where they act like you're a two-headed unicorn.

 

That's been my experience as well, and not just in dating. My H teases me about dropping the [schoolname]-bomb. It changes the way people treat you and often makes things awkward. I've definitely had people treat me like I'm some sort of freak or horrible snob who is going to whip out a red pen any minute now and mark down all their grammatical mistakes and whatnot. Like I'm an alien species of some sort. Some people react with hostility. Others with discomfort. Luckily, some don't really give a sh-t.

 

However, reality is, my focus is on dating men whose interests, intellect, values etc. are compatible with my own. This is not only based on job, prestige of your education etc. as the guys I attend school with, who should be the most compatible with me by that logic, many times are absolutely not!

 

Yep, also matches my experience. Some of my former classmates from a world as different from mine as mine is from, say, a goat farmer's in Maine.

 

Overall, I've found that people in occupations similar to mine tend to be people I generally relate to more easily. The areas I've worked in tend to attract specific types of folks.

 

Again, I really think social class has a lot to do with people judging occupations.

[MissBee]

That's been my experience as well, and not just in dating. My H teases me about dropping the [schoolname]-bomb. It changes the way people treat you and often makes things awkward. I've definitely had people treat me like I'm some sort of freak or horrible snob who is going to whip out a red pen any minute now and mark down all their grammatical mistakes and whatnot. Like I'm an alien species of some sort. Some people react with hostility. Others with discomfort. Luckily, some don't really give a sh-t.

 

 

Yep, also matches my experience. Some of my former classmates from a world as different from mine as mine is from, say, a goat farmer's in Maine.

 

Overall, I've found that people in occupations similar to mine tend to be people I generally relate to more easily. The areas I've worked in tend to attract specific types of folks.

 

Again, I really think social class has a lot to do with people judging occupations.

 

LOL wonder if we're dropping the same bomb:laugh:....but yepp it was a very bizarre thing that I had to adjust to, where you'd almost feel like you had to apologize for your school or downplay it so people wouldn't think you're trying to be a snob. I got over it though. I'm like this is the school I attend and I cannot control if other people assume I will be snobby without knowing me first. In some ways it's the opposite side of the OP's dilemma...instead of being written off as not good enough, you're written off as being "too good/snobby/intimidating" before even getting to know you.

 

But to the OP, and anyone else who's being judged in that way, eff 'em! Put who you are out there and people like it and can deal with it or not. It's not a reflection of you, but them.

[fortyninethousand322]

I like talking about sophisticated subjects, so I've always preferred college educated women. But, even though I have a college degree, I'm not "white collar" myself, and probably won't ever be at this rate.

 

I'd hate though for educated women to write me off simply because my career isn't glamorous or because my field of expertise doesn't aid me enough to make a decent living. Well, at least not a moral living. I could probably make an immoral one using my degree. But that's neither here nor there...

[Dread Pirate Roberts]

Why would he have to change-lie about his job to anyone.

Does that mean if he drove garbage track he would forever had to be single?

Good Lord those calculating b... have already counted how many dinners presents and how big diamond he can afford in first hour of meeting and found out not enough.

 

 

 

May I kindly suggest you quit meeting woman at bars and start church volunteering and take few classes events to meet someone ...

 

I don't care what a woman does as long as she likes it and/or can sustain herself. Even if she was a starving artist I'd go for her, though I might be biased, since I love creativity.

[MrTurk]

Think about it though.....

 

When a woman tells another woman she just met a new guy.....

 

The first and second question is one of the following.....

 

-What does he do

-Is he cute?

 

Am I wrong or not???

[Dread Pirate Roberts]

Think about it though.....

 

When a woman tells another woman she just met a new guy.....

 

The first and second question is one of the following.....

 

-What does he do

-Is he cute?

 

Am I wrong or not???

 

Usually. I think it's more genuine if a woman asks the first question based on whether or not he is passionate about what he does, more than the $$$ signs attached to it.

 

The cute part, is really subjective. Lots of male friends of mine would probably not go for some of the women I'm attracted to and vise versa.

[MrTurk]

The comedian Sinbad....had a great skit on this whole male/female job scenario relating to dating....

 

 

Skip to 3:00 of the video....he describes it perfectly

[Dread Pirate Roberts]

The comedian Sinbad....had a great skit on this whole male/female job scenario relating to dating....

 

 

Skip to 3:00 of the video....he describes it perfectly

 

That's called male privilege. Didn't you know?

[ScreamingTrees]

Sorry, just giving my opinion as you'd asked in the OP.

 

So, basically, you would automatically dismiss me as of lesser intelligence than someone else because I worked in physical labor rather than behind a desk, making roughly around 100 grand yearly? Do you not consider that everyone's circumstances are different? What if someone's passion and ambition lies in things other than a desk job in a prestigious corporation?

 

I would feel quite insulted for "miss priss" to try and tell me that I can't keep up with her or her husband's intellectual back-and-forth.. Get real.

 

This whole thread should be inserted into the virtual shredding machine. Seriously. It's a moot argument. No one cares about anyone's preferences unless they affect them. It may affect someone if you treat them like a primitive mentally underdeveloped beast..

[MissBee]

So, basically, you would automatically dismiss me as of lesser intelligence than someone else because I worked in physical labor rather than behind a desk, making roughly around 100 grand yearly? Do you not consider that everyone's circumstances are different? What if someone's passion and ambition lies in things other than a desk job in a prestigious corporation?

 

I would feel quite insulted for "miss priss" to try and tell me that I can't keep up with her or her husband's intellectual back-and-forth.. Get real.

 

This whole thread should be inserted into the virtual shredding machine. Seriously. It's a moot argument. No one cares about anyone's preferences unless they affect them. It may affect someone if you treat them like a primitive mentally underdeveloped beast..

 

 

I agree with this.

 

I think our society definitely privileges certain kinds of work over others and equates certain jobs or education with intelligence and earning potential, when that's not quite true. In fact, lots of the well-paying jobs, I'm talking you make millions, are things like professional athletes and entertainers/ those in the entertainment industries (musicians, actors, record executives). These professions don't require degrees, although some of them do also hold degrees, and a lack of degree doesn't means one isn't intelligent or won't make lots of money. I believe everyone has a different calling in life and I believe you should follow your passion and the money will come.

 

It boils down to interests and compatibility for me. I am mostly around highly educated and intelligent people in the traditional sense and some of them are as uncultured as ever, boring as ever and it also depends on your field. Some people are very narrow-minded and are very book smart or knowledgeable about their field but otherwise, are quite ignorant about the world and life outside of their lab. Others of course are more worldly, speak many languages, are widely-traveled, very multicultural, can speak on philosophy, politics and cinema etc. Two of the most interesting, intelligent, made me really stop and think, challenging, knowledgeable guys I dated didn't go to college, one was the trucker who went on to own his own trucking company and the other, he worked in IT and then went on to have his own design firm. They could spar with me like none other and knew a lot about art, philosophy, history, everything. I didn't feel at all embarrassed or hesitant to bring them around my friends as they could hold their own. That's what's important to me. I can't date a man whom I feel I have to constantly explain things to, or whom I feel is not on par with me and who I can't grow with and who doesn't understand me and what I do.

[Imported]

Usually. I think it's more genuine if a woman asks the first question based on whether or not he is passionate about what he does, more than the $$$ signs attached to it.

 

 

I like a nice tight sexy body on a woman because it makes my dick hard. Of course I don't actually say that, what I say is I like a girl that takes care of herself because it shows she has dedication and is conscious about her health and some other **** that doesn't sound as shallow.

[Woggle]

I have a college degree but I actually find blue collar types to often be more intelligent than so called intellectuals. Going to the opera and listening to classical music does not make a person more intelligent. In a crisis the only white collar folks who would really be needed are doctors and maybe scientists. The rest would be useless. Without the blue collar class nothing would be built and nothing would be done.

[skydiveaddict]

 

I have noticed a few times when talking to women, they seem to change their tune slightly when I tell them I work for a retail company. How many of you see that as an instant deal breaker? A 40ish yr old man in retail?

 

 

I get the same response. As soon as they find out I work on wind turbines, in their minds I'm some kind of uneducated slob.