imaginary Posted October 25, 2004 Share Posted October 25, 2004 Hi, I have been married for 3 months. Before the marriage my fiancee and me agreed that he would not go to a strip club. He betrayed me and went along with it. I found out with a series of correspondence with his friend. It emerged that apparently his friend had sex with someone. He commented "I had some problems the first 15 min, because I was so trushed". I confronted my fiancee, now HB, about it, he keep saying to me that nothing happened that night, that he never cheated on me and that I am imagining things. Although I have married him, since that night I am unable to get on with my life. I am upset with him because I trusted him and he went behind my back. He says that I have got to believe him because he never got intimate with anyone on that particular night. I do not trust him anymore because I have trusted him in the first place and he did it. In one email to his friend he said that the day after he could not look into my eyes because he felt guilty. He also said to his firend that he was trying to keep his cool but he was loosing it. do you think I am escalating with jelousy for no reason? Thank you! Link to post Share on other sites
VivianLee Posted October 25, 2004 Share Posted October 25, 2004 Originally posted by imaginary Hi, I have been married for 3 months. Before the marriage my fiancee and me agreed that he would not go to a strip club. He betrayed me and went along with it. I found out with a series of correspondence with his friend. It emerged that apparently his friend had sex with someone. He commented "I had some problems the first 15 min, because I was so trushed". I confronted my fiancee, now HB, about it, he keep saying to me that nothing happened that night, that he never cheated on me and that I am imagining things. Although I have married him, since that night I am unable to get on with my life. I am upset with him because I trusted him and he went behind my back. He says that I have got to believe him because he never got intimate with anyone on that particular night. I do not trust him anymore because I have trusted him in the first place and he did it. In one email to his friend he said that the day after he could not look into my eyes because he felt guilty. He also said to his firend that he was trying to keep his cool but he was loosing it. do you think I am escalating with jelousy for no reason? Thank you! I have a few questions... Okay the comment about "I had problems the first 15 min" was that from your husband's friend or your hubsand?? Was this before you were married?? 2 things without your answering my question.... When you investigated without him knowing and you didn't read anything that said he'd had sex, you can probably be a 100% sure he didn't. Unless he knew you were looking, he had no reason to hide that in the e-mails to his buddy. If this happened before you married, he probably wanted to get one more "sow one more wild oat" and nothing more. Yes, he lied and broke a promise but hopefully that won't be the case now that you are married. If he's apologized, you need to move on and begin to forgive and trust or these feelings will set a theme for the rest of your marriage. If you try and try and can't get over it, go to counseling, alone or as a couple, it would be better to stop this now before it gets out of hand.... Link to post Share on other sites
francesca Posted October 25, 2004 Share Posted October 25, 2004 This happened before we were married. The comment about the 15 min was form his friend. Thank you for your help. Link to post Share on other sites
VivianLee Posted October 25, 2004 Share Posted October 25, 2004 Since it happened before the marriage, try to deal with it this way....he knows he did wrong, he's apologized and you haven't seen or heard of anything else happening again. He broke your trust as your boyfriend but now he's your husband... Let the day of your wedding be the day the slate was wiped clean.... You'll have doubts for a while but it will get better as you learn that he is trustworthy and with time!! Try and enjoy being newly married!! Link to post Share on other sites
francesca Posted October 26, 2004 Share Posted October 26, 2004 Many thanks for your support. You are right I have to put this behind us and try to believe that nothing happened. I need to forgive before it will be too late, our marriage has been a hell but yet we want to feel newly married. I have been unable to forgive him and my imagination does not help. Thank you for listening. Link to post Share on other sites
wee Posted August 16, 2005 Share Posted August 16, 2005 the email comments he has made make him sound very guilty of something. if he was just at a club and did nothing, then it would be no big deal and he wouldn't have been that scared to make any of those email comments. from the sound of it, it looks like it was the first time he cheated. hopefully nothing has happened since. if you have only been married 3 months and he might have cheated already and you dont trust him, then guess what? you should get out NOW before you have much more at stake like a child etc. you dont want to be miserably stuck in bad marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
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