20yrs2L8 Posted July 18, 2013 Share Posted July 18, 2013 My OW Story. - 20yrs too late. I originally met him 22 years ago while visiting family in my birth country, We were inseparable for the 2 weeks I had left there. I got to meet his parents and his friends all in the short time we had ... it seemed like it was destined to be. Being so young (19) I was scared to lose the new life I had started 3500 miles away, so we agreed to have an LDR. It was great, until my childhood best friend (who was male) called me and said he saw him with another girl getting quite cozy. Little did I know at the time that it was a lie out of jealousy. I decided to believe my long time friend and regretfully ended our LDR. We did not remain in contact as I was still under the belief that I was cheated on. It took me over 10 years to find out the truth, by then I figured it was too late to even bother trying to find him plus I was already in relationship with the STBX. I have been with the STBX for the past 14 years. We have a child and he had others from a former relationship (the baggage he carried could have filled a boeing 777). Thankfully I have never agreed to marry him. He has cheated several times, lied and verbally abused me. He also has a temper that would scare anyone. A couple of years ago I found my strength and stopped catering to the STBX and started to concentrate back on myself. Within a couple of weeks later I got an unexpected email forwarded to me from a social site I had not been on for several years ...it was my love from 20 yrs ago. He said he had been looking for me and could not believe he finally found me. My heart dropped but then came the heartbreaking news ... He had ended up in a somewhat arranged marriage due to his ethnic background and had kids with her. He told me he would not leave her for fear of losing what's important to him (his financial stability and being able to be with his kids daily as they grow up). He says she will move the kids away and take everything if he left her. I should have told him to enjoy his life at that point and get back to me when he was no longer a MM. Stupidly I listened to my heart and not my head ... I decided to stay in touch. I took a trip a year later to see him. It was like nothing had changed. The connection we shared was still there. Then once again, when I got back I discovered the STBX had cheated on me again. It only fueled my desire for the MM and lessened any guilt I had. A year later I went back to see him again. It was harder this time though. Having him leave me to go home to her night after night was harder to handle. I had fallen head over heels but this time I was TOW. Ive recently told him it is over as jealousy of the BS got to me and was bringing me down badly. It hurts so much to lose the same man twice, but I know I am doing what is right for both of us. I just got a bad feeling that due to our history and the connection we share ... its not going to end that easily. Link to post Share on other sites
Praying4Peace Posted July 18, 2013 Share Posted July 18, 2013 I feel for you : ( Are you and your BF finally over? You write STBX, so I'm assuming yes. Concentrate on getting out of that toxic relationship first, because that is something you can control. Don't go visit him again! I don't know the laws of the country he lives in, but I would assume he'd have to move to your country if you were together and that makes seeing the kids almost impossible even if his W were trying to make it easy for him to have access. Don't torture yourself and him. If you move on from STBX you have a chance to find happiness again... Link to post Share on other sites
Author 20yrs2L8 Posted July 18, 2013 Author Share Posted July 18, 2013 No, against my wishes he is still living in the same house with me as he wants to make right of all his wrongs because of the length of time we have involved + for our child. I say the STBX because I know its not going to go anywhere. The damage to me has been done and there is no going back to him my mind. So we are living in mutual agreement right now. (which is probably whats wearing me down more than anything) Actually, I still have my citizenship of the MM's residing country so I can go back whenever I want to. Plus all my family are still there too so I would have a back up if needed. But honestly, Im far from thinking of that right now. I need my life back first. The only trouble Im dealing with now is the NC with the MM ...like everyone says on here ... its not easy. Link to post Share on other sites
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