If it wasn't the norm for men to approach women ....

[MomsSpaghetti]

.... then would the dating world be any different?

 

Here's why I ask. When I bring up the fact that any woman above average in looks has zero problem getting attention from the opposite sex and has to put in zero effort to get laid or find a date, while, on the other hand, it seems that a very small percentage of men find dating easy, a lot of people will respond to this fact by saying that the discrepancy can be explained by the fact that it's the norm for men to be the pursuers. So, if they're right, that means that if the "men are supposed to approach" norm disappeared, we'd have a situation where men the average guy would find himself getting as much attention as the average woman does today.

 

What are your thoughts?

[sweetkiwi]

I am an attractive woman who peruses. Why? Because I generally like quiet/shy/intellectual types who see me as intimidating (at first). So if the "norms" of dating changed, it wouldn't effect me at all .

[hotpotato]

I doubt it would change for me.

 

I would still only date men I am attracted to. I would rather be alone than with someone I deem unattractive. Ive heard guys says they are willing to go down the ladder so to speak to increase their chances of getting a date or getting laid. I wont do that.

 

In short, im not going to drop my standards for a guy even if I were approaching.

 

If any significant number of women are like me, the population would drop overnight.

[Philosoraptor]

I've never had an issue and would get approached. I think it has to do with how approachable you make yourself. Do you look happy, inviting, and fun? Give off an aura of happiness and you'll have no issue having women flirt and approach you.

 

The same goes for women though, if you don't look approachable you won't get approached. If I see someone looking like a turtle with her head in the shell I've always just assumed they wanted to be left alone.

[MomsSpaghetti]

I've never had an issue and would get approached. I think it has to do with how approachable you make yourself. Do you look happy, inviting, and fun? Give off an aura of happiness and you'll have no issue having women flirt and approach you.

 

Would you give this advice to an ugly guy? Can an ugly guy go to a bar, order a drink, stand around looking happy and then be approached by women?

[ThaWholigan]

Would you give this advice to an ugly guy? Can an ugly guy go to a bar, order a drink, stand around looking happy and then be approached by women?

I'd tell him to do that and actually engage people (not women, people) in conversation if you can. I've gotten many women's attention by doing the above - any time I don't do that, I'm left alone.

 

Then again, my looks are subject to debate.

[Philosoraptor]

Would you give this advice to an ugly guy? Can an ugly guy go to a bar, order a drink, stand around looking happy and then be approached by women?

Sure, but not at a bar. I have some friends that many would agree were not keen on the eye, but have no issues with women approaching them as they are just happy people and that aura glows off of them. Girls are superficial, women on the other hand look at the whole picture.

[Phoe]

my dating world wouldn't change TOO drastically, I think.

 

I don't get pursued much as it is, so I'm already at the point where I know I need to be the one pursuing and making the 1st move to ask guys out. And having been rejected several times in the past I'm now aware of what it's like and can process getting past that fear of rejection in order to keep pursuing.

 

 

So, for my own sake, I'm already living in that alternate universe where women are the pursuers!

[therhythm]

I am an attractive woman who peruses. Why? Because I generally like quiet/shy/intellectual types who see me as intimidating (at first). So if the "norms" of dating changed, it wouldn't effect me at all .

 

Ohh that is really sad ... there is nothing more far from me.... I have no chances..

 

You are an attractive woman to those you attract but by your own admission quiet, shy, and intellectual types aren't who you attract. You pique the interest of a seedier variety. If the dating paradigm changed then this attention which you act disgusted by but yet need to advertise and have taken for granted would disappear. Your dating life and confidence would change accordingly.

 

I think it was clear that she approach the guys because they find her intimidating and don't dare to approach her... not because they don't find her attractive... you are a master of miss reading and miss using other peoples posts...

[sweetkiwi]

Ohh that is really sad ... there is nothing more far from me.... I have no chances..

 

For you I think I could sit back and let you be in the driver's seat .

 

I think it was clear that she approach the guys because they find her intimidating and don't dare to approach her... not because they don't find her attractive... you are a master of miss reading and miss using other peoples posts...

I guess all the guys I've ever dated or had a relationship with didn't find me attractive, makes sense. I will let the ones who approach me have all the fun. Do I have to date every single one who asks me out, or can I not choose that either...... Edited July 18, 2013 by sweetkiwi

[Dread Pirate Roberts]

my dating world wouldn't change TOO drastically, I think.

 

I don't get pursued much as it is, so I'm already at the point where I know I need to be the one pursuing and making the 1st move to ask guys out. And having been rejected several times in the past I'm now aware of what it's like and can process getting past that fear of rejection in order to keep pursuing.

 

 

So, for my own sake, I'm already living in that alternate universe where women are the pursuers!

 

You seem like a fairly nice girl and you're cute. I don't see why someone wouldn't pursue you.

[Dread Pirate Roberts]

Ohh that is really sad ... there is nothing more far from me.... I have no chances..

 

 

 

I think it was clear that she approach the guys because they find her intimidating and don't dare to approach her... not because they don't find her attractive... you are a master of miss reading and miss using other peoples posts...

 

Why would anyone want to intimidate the other person in the first place? I'm not intimidated by anyone. Intrigued, most definitely, but can't say I've ever been intimidated. I wouldn't be attracted to someone that did anyway.

[Nick D1980]

I am an attractive woman who peruses. Why? Because I generally like quiet/shy/intellectual types who see me as intimidating (at first). So if the "norms" of dating changed, it wouldn't effect me at all .

I only got approached once and that was in middle school. I was intimidated more of her brother than she was.

[therhythm]

Why would anyone want to intimidate the other person in the first place? I'm not intimidated by anyone. Intrigued, most definitely, but can't say I've ever been intimidated. I wouldn't be attracted to someone that did anyway.

 

Obviously she was not actively intimidating them but rather they were intimidated because she is an attractive lady...some shy guys find attractive ladies intimidating

 

It is great to read that you have never felt intimidated or that you are not attracted to intimidating people... but it has nothing to do with the post from OP...

[KungFuJoe]

I can see how sweetkiwi would intimidate quiet shy guys.

 

I was one of those guys when I was younger and attractive women that seemed to emit an aggressive sexual aura were very fascinating, intriguing and, yes, intimidating to me. Like I didn't know if I could handle that kind of woman or even know what to do.

[ThaWholigan]

I can see how sweetkiwi would intimidate quiet shy guys.

 

I was one of those guys when I was younger and attractive women that seemed to emit an aggressive sexual aura were very fascinating, intriguing and, yes, intimidating to me. Like I didn't know if I could handle that kind of woman or even know what to do.

That's my life story right there .

[KungFuJoe]

That's my life story right there .

 

One thing I eventually learned is that these kinds of women aren't this mystical creature that you need to be Superman to handle. They want to be loved and appreciated just like any other woman. They can't help that they look or act in seductive ways.

 

For some reason I'm thinking about that line from Jessica Rabbit in Who Framed Roger Rabbit:

 

"I'm not bad. I'm just drawn that way."

[Seductive]

.... then would the dating world be any different?

 

Here's why I ask. When I bring up the fact that any woman above average in looks has zero problem getting attention from the opposite sex and has to put in zero effort to get laid or find a date, while, on the other hand, it seems that a very small percentage of men find dating easy, a lot of people will respond to this fact by saying that the discrepancy can be explained by the fact that it's the norm for men to be the pursuers. So, if they're right, that means that if the "men are supposed to approach" norm disappeared, we'd have a situation where men the average guy would find himself getting as much attention as the average woman does today.

 

What are your thoughts?

 

 

I feel that a lot of attractive women DO have problems. People think they're taken. People think they wouldn't give them a second look. People don't want to get rejected. I remember hearing some famous swimsuit models saying that they didn't have a boyfriend at all in highschool or college.

 

I've known quite a number of women that approach. Some are successful, while others aren't. For me, a man not approaching me has a good reason. He's either taken, just wants to look at eyecandy or is just not interested.

[Pompeii]

I feel that a lot of attractive women DO have problems. People think they're taken. People think they wouldn't give them a second look. People don't want to get rejected. I remember hearing some famous swimsuit models saying that they didn't have a boyfriend at all in highschool or college.

 

I've known quite a number of women that approach. Some are successful, while others aren't. For me, a man not approaching me has a good reason. He's either taken, just wants to look at eyecandy or is just not interested.

 

It's also said quite frequently that the last thing you want to do is make an attractive woman your wife.

[Dread Pirate Roberts]

I feel that a lot of attractive women DO have problems. People think they're taken. People think they wouldn't give them a second look. People don't want to get rejected. I remember hearing some famous swimsuit models saying that they didn't have a boyfriend at all in highschool or college.

 

I've known quite a number of women that approach. Some are successful, while others aren't. For me, a man not approaching me has a good reason. He's either taken, just wants to look at eyecandy or is just not interested.

 

Or he's afraid you wont like him.

[SensitiveTJ]

.... then would the dating world be any different?

 

Here's why I ask. When I bring up the fact that any woman above average in looks has zero problem getting attention from the opposite sex and has to put in zero effort to get laid or find a date, while, on the other hand, it seems that a very small percentage of men find dating easy, a lot of people will respond to this fact by saying that the discrepancy can be explained by the fact that it's the norm for men to be the pursuers. So, if they're right, that means that if the "men are supposed to approach" norm disappeared, we'd have a situation where men the average guy would find himself getting as much attention as the average woman does today.

 

What are your thoughts?

 

I don't have an answer for your question, because I find these hypotheticals uninteresting, but I have to take umbrage with a phrase you used: "a very small percentage of men find dating easy." This is false. Dating is not difficult, most people navigate it with little trouble. The wide majority of human beings do not experience significant difficulty forming opposite-sex relationships. Frankly, you have it backwards. Only a small percentage of men find dating hard.

[Pompeii]

I don't have an answer for your question, because I find these hypotheticals uninteresting, but I have to take umbrage with a phrase you used: "a very small percentage of men find dating easy." This is false. Dating is not difficult, most people navigate it with little trouble. The wide majority of human beings do not experience significant difficulty forming opposite-sex relationships. Frankly, you have it backwards. Only a small percentage of men find dating hard.

 

Is that so? Then why is PUA a million dollar industry? Why are dating books such as "The Game" and "The Rules" best sellers? People are just buying these for fun?

[KungFuJoe]

I don't have an answer for your question, because I find these hypotheticals uninteresting, but I have to take umbrage with a phrase you used: "a very small percentage of men find dating easy." This is false. Dating is not difficult, most people navigate it with little trouble. The wide majority of human beings do not experience significant difficulty forming opposite-sex relationships. Frankly, you have it backwards. Only a small percentage of men find dating hard.

 

THIS.

 

Of all the guys I know in my circle and my circle's circles...only a very small percentage have NO luck with women. Everyone has had some various level of success, either with dating, or even getting married, having kids, etc, etc.

[ImSoPathetic]

I can see how sweetkiwi would intimidate quiet shy guys.

 

I was one of those guys when I was younger and attractive women that seemed to emit an aggressive sexual aura were very fascinating, intriguing and, yes, intimidating to me. Like I didn't know if I could handle that kind of woman or even know what to do.

 

What if ALL women intimidate you, young or old, attractive or not?

[sillyanswer]

What are your thoughts?

 

I think the really pretty girls who always have guys hitting on them would:

 

1) be glad to have a break from the unwanted attention

2) be totally lost about how to approach the guys they find attractive

 

and I think that would be hilarious.

 

You could probably make a rom-com about this, if it hasn't already been done. Don't forget to give me credit for the idea and invite me to the premier.