Depression?

[Wambo]

Is depression normal after the affair has ended?

 

I'm not having sucidal thoughts however I'm experiencing mood swings which are very higly irregular for me. For example today I wanted to cry in my car, then I was in a bad mood, then I was down in the dumps and all of a sudden I'm back to my normal self.

 

The problem is I had accepted a friend had used me and left me with a broken heart. I understand our friendship is clinging for it life and in it current situation, the friendship is unlikely to survive. I'm very angry with her and all the trust I had is gone. So why am I experiencing mood swings when I accepted the facts and want to walk away from the mess?

[hippetyhop]

Is depression normal after the affair has ended?

 

I'm not having sucidal thoughts however I'm experiencing mood swings which are very higly irregular for me. For example today I wanted to cry in my car, then I was in a bad mood, then I was down in the dumps and all of a sudden I'm back to my normal self. I actually met my ex-boyfriend for coffee today (we are friends) and made me cry over this just by making a joke/comment. He knew I was mad, but didn't think I was that emotionally upset. A few minutes later, I was back to laughing.

 

The problem is I had accepted a friend had used me and left me with a broken heart. I understand our friendship is clinging for it life and in it current situation, the friendship is unlikely to survive. I'm very angry with her and all the trust I had is gone. So why am I experiencing mood swings when I accepted the facts and want to walk away from the mess?

 

You have described me to a "T". Def. no suicidal thoughts, but the littlest things will set me off and make me upset. A few moments later, I'm fine.

 

I saw a comical cartoon sketch awhile back on a site that shows guys v. girls break-up (wish I could post the link here)...it shows the days after: guy is happy, girl is heart broken; weeks after: both guy and girl are mad; and months after: guy is heart broken and the girl is happy/back to normal self. I'm not sure how true that really is, but for some reason that always put a smile on my face.

[Owl]

Yes.

 

Affairs are highly addictive. Often even moreso than "regular" relationships.

 

And what you're going through is the "withdrawl" phase of the end of that addiction.

 

The longer the affair, and/or the greater the depth of the emotional interaction, the longer/stronger the withdrawl feelings will be.

 

Others will disagree...but this matches both what I've seen in real life (at the end of my wife's EA) and seen over a very long time here on LS.

[myname]

I am very depressed sometimes too. I would say I do have suicidal thoughts although I know I won't act on them. But I feel very hopeless, unloveable and rejected since the affair.

 

I can't imagine ever meeting anyone or having a proper relationship in the future and the loneliness seemingly stretching ahead is very upsetting.

 

I feel like I totally ruined my life and don't know how I'm going to ever fix it or get over it.

 

And it makes it worse sometimes reading here, cos I know he's still with his wife having all the opportunities betrayed spouses give their wandering husbands while I am left with nothing but regret and the consequences.

 

It can feel like as the other woman I will be punished for ever through being alone from now on.

[Silly_Girl]

Is depression normal after the affair has ended?

 

I'm not having sucidal thoughts however I'm experiencing mood swings which are very higly irregular for me. For example today I wanted to cry in my car, then I was in a bad mood, then I was down in the dumps and all of a sudden I'm back to my normal self.

 

The problem is I had accepted a friend had used me and left me with a broken heart. I understand our friendship is clinging for it life and in it current situation, the friendship is unlikely to survive. I'm very angry with her and all the trust I had is gone. So why am I experiencing mood swings when I accepted the facts and want to walk away from the mess?

 

I experienced depression too. It was a heartbreak, with winter, with workplace stress/bullying and prolonged illness. I truly did want to die.

 

All I can say is: THIS IS NORMAL.

 

Please try not to worry. Don't focus on it. Instead try to have a good day today. And tomorrow. Do things that distract you (I found jigsaws and reading the best), and are good for you (walking outside, slowly, maybe listening to music).

 

You know where you are is better than going backwards, so it's a question of waiting for time to pass. Because, as fat a cliché as it is, time does heal.

 

And keep posting. It helps to articulate it, too.

 

Good luck!

[Praying4Peace]

TOTALLY NORMAL.

 

Lol @ whoever said they wouldn't "Dr. Spock" it...

 

It is said that if you don't feel it, you won't heal it. The people who tell you to 'get over it' and 'what's your problem, why do you care'? Are suggesting that you stuff your feelings and that is NOT a good idea. They also will make you feel abnormal, but you aren't so go ahead. I recommend doing all your crying in the shower to get it out of your system. Leave your IPod on with cheesy love songs. Cry it out!!! LOL : )

 

But seriously...you are grieving something immense. If you had an EA and not just a sex/attention thing that was superficial the withdrawal is immense. I honestly doubt that anyone who has not gone through this themselves can understand. (That's why I get cranky when people who haven't been there post so nonchalantly).

 

HippetyHop- that made me smile too. Your username makes me smile, so that's a good thing

[AnotherLife]

I am very depressed sometimes too. I would say I do have suicidal thoughts although I know I won't act on them. But I feel very hopeless, unloveable and rejected since the affair.

 

I can't imagine ever meeting anyone or having a proper relationship in the future and the loneliness seemingly stretching ahead is very upsetting.

 

I feel like I totally ruined my life and don't know how I'm going to ever fix it or get over it.

 

I feel exactly the same way.

 

Thought I was on the road to recovery - 4 months NC, then there was a chance I had to see MM again [which luckily did not happen], but now I feel my emotions are back to square one.

 

It sucks. But I know I just have to 'reset myself', let it go again and start to heal...

[hippetyhop]

I see it this way-- we are somewhat lucky we can show our emotion. Although we are alone, we can still cry when we need, we can confide in friends, and our LS family.

 

Just this once, think about our x married person. If they are mourning, how are they mourning? Likely, they are trying to get through everyday life with their family with everything built up. If you didn't have a DDay how I didn't, and he is upset, knowing him, he's putting on his poker face (unless he is really relieved).

[kareena]

Is depression normal after the affair has ended?

 

I'm not having sucidal thoughts however I'm experiencing mood swings which are very higly irregular for me. For example today I wanted to cry in my car, then I was in a bad mood, then I was down in the dumps and all of a sudden I'm back to my normal self.

 

The problem is I had accepted a friend had used me and left me with a broken heart. I understand our friendship is clinging for it life and in it current situation, the friendship is unlikely to survive. I'm very angry with her and all the trust I had is gone. So why am I experiencing mood swings when I accepted the facts and want to walk away from the mess?

 

Yes,whatever you're going through is very normal. It's all part of the process,I don't think anyone can give you a clear cut answer because people react differently to different things. But generally speaking it's all very normal,you are going through a life changing situation,things are upside down It's great that you have accepted whatever is going on but that doesn't mean that the pain of the process will miraculously vanish. I hope you feel better,I know it sucks but just hang in there and don't read too much into it.

[Wambo]

Thank you all for your replies.

 

My situation is getting easier and I don't even look at her anymore. The only thing I need to stop doing is looking at her twitter page. However it's a great source of knowledge which i have no doubt she wouldn't want me to find.

I'm on the road of recovery but the only thing that will set me back if she becomes pregnaunt. I have no doubt it will break my heart again, especially her much older boyfriend had father other children with a different woman.

[hippetyhop]

Thank you all for your replies.

 

My situation is getting easier and I don't even look at her anymore. The only thing I need to stop doing is looking at her twitter page. However it's a great source of knowledge which i have no doubt she wouldn't want me to find.

I'm on the road of recovery but the only thing that will set me back if she becomes pregnaunt. I have no doubt it will break my heart again, especially her much older boyfriend had father other children with a different woman.

 

Kudos to you for moving on. How long ago did your A end?

 

As for the social media- block her. Don't even delete, but block that way when you go to look she isn't there.

 

I'm 8 days out and I have my moments still. I’m over waiting for his calls/texts. Now I’m at the point where I’m thinking how he is making everything peachy keen with her and continuing on like he did nothing wrong. I think that is the hardest part.

[Wambo]

Kudos to you for moving on. How long ago did your A end?

 

As for the social media- block her. Don't even delete, but block that way when you go to look she isn't there.

 

I'm 8 days out and I have my moments still. I’m over waiting for his calls/texts. Now I’m at the point where I’m thinking how he is making everything peachy keen with her and continuing on like he did nothing wrong. I think that is the hardest part.

 

Difficult to answer because there was always communication between us when I started NC back in November. The best way to answer this is the EA started to unravel back in November and the affair came to it full conclusion a few weeks ago when I discovered her twitter page.

 

I think the biggest problem is most affair partners unaware they are been used/misled. They are under the impression or hoping their romance becomes a full relationship unaware the cheater is dedicated to their primary partner. Sooner people wake up or told they are being used, the better.

[hippetyhop]

Difficult to answer because there was always communication between us when I started NC back in November. The best way to answer this is the EA started to unravel back in November and the affair came to it full conclusion a few weeks ago when I discovered her twitter page.

 

I think the biggest problem is most affair partners unaware they are been used/misled. They are under the impression or hoping their romance becomes a full relationship unaware the cheater is dedicated to their primary partner. Sooner people wake up or told they are being used, the better.

 

The triggers like that are the hardest to not relapse. Are you now having second thoughts of ending it? Although he is blocked, that is why I got rid of my Facebook..so I can avoid even looking at mutual friends.

 

I didn't feel like I was being misled because he was always up front and honest with me, plus, I knew what I was getting myself into. However, I didn't think it would be this difficult when the A ended. I wouldn't ask him to leave his family. His wife became aware of something about a month ago and we went low contact. During that time, we'd talk and it wasn't as often. He would make comments like "I'm not sure how long I can dance around her" and "I have to weigh options with long v. short term." I figured this was my best time to end it as it'll give him time to think about whatever without having to worry about me, and possibly focus on his marriage. Not only that, my feelings for him are obviously strong (and I think it was the same for him) and if isn't going anywhere, then why set ourselves up for disappointment?

 

He knows he is on thin ice right now and whatever she says goes. He's basically on house arrest with a work permit. He's trying to save himself and be all good in front of her. When I ended it, I did so in what I thought was a civil and adult like manner.

Edited July 22, 2013 by hippetyhop

[Wambo]

The triggers like that are the hardest to not relapse. Are you now having second thoughts of ending it? Although he is blocked, that is why I got rid of my Facebook..so I can avoid even looking at mutual friends.

 

I didn't feel like I was being misled because he was always up front and honest with me, plus, I knew what I was getting myself into. However, I didn't think it would be this difficult when the A ended. I wouldn't ask him to leave his family. His wife became aware of something about a month ago and we went low contact. During that time, we'd talk and it wasn't as often. He would make comments like "I'm not sure how long I can dance around her" and "I have to weigh options with long v. short term." I figured this was my best time to end it as it'll give him time to think about whatever without having to worry about me, and possibly focus on his marriage. Not only that, my feelings for him are obviously strong (and I think it was the same for him) and if isn't going anywhere, then why set ourselves up for disappointment?

 

He knows he is on thin ice right now and whatever she says goes. He's basically on house arrest with a work permit. He's trying to save himself and be all good in front of her. When I ended it, I did so in what I thought was a civil and adult like manner.

 

No.

 

She moved in with her much older boyfriend and tried to keep this a secret from me. This is why finding her twitter page was so important because it exposed the lies she was telling me during the EA. She abused my trust and our healthy friendship to plug a massive hole in her relationship and now she must live with the consequences of her actions.

[hippetyhop]

No.

 

She moved in with her much older boyfriend and tried to keep this a secret from me. This is why finding her twitter page was so important because it exposed the lies she was telling me during the EA. She abused my trust and our healthy friendship to plug a massive hole in her relationship and now she must live with the consequences of her actions.

 

I'm sorry you had to find out this way.

 

Did you confront her on this, or just went NC?

[Wambo]

I'm sorry you had to find out this way.

 

Did you confront her on this, or just went NC?

 

 

NC.

 

Confronting her would only make her scared or upset. It wouldn't solve the situation and would make me a lesser man.

[Wambo]

I didn't want to start a new thread and it's related to this one.

 

A few days ago my former friend in my opinion breached LC. It was too friendly but at the sametime she was hurting. I was polite but I didn't give her any ideas.

 

So today was my offical day back at work after a nice relaxing week off. I thought my depression can only be related to my former friend and our last encounter showed some promising signs. Sadly I and many others have problems with my useless manager and within two hours I had a massive depression episode.

 

It's somewhat scary how a Jackass caused so much pain and suffering. All he was doing is being a useless pratt but it was enough to throw me overboard. I just never felt anything like it and was enough to consider me quiting on the spot. I also told HR what I'm going through prior to my week off and I thought they would of told my manager. Most likely they did but my manager's people skill is good as a annoying pranker.

 

 

Edit

 

Just to confirm going NC doesn't emotionally effect me anymore. This episode had been going on since November and I'm strong enough not to care if we speak or not. However the affair exposed me to depression and the useless manager's activities is destroying what I had built.

Edited July 29, 2013 by Wambo