I cheated he still wants me. Why would he?

[sunrays012]

I don't want to get into the story I just want to ask a generic question. Why would anyone be so quick to forgive cheating? I cheated on my b/f of 4 years and he didn't leave he asked me to drop the other guy and stay with him. It's been 4 days since I told him and he told me this morning "I just want you to come back". Honestly it makes me feel terrible because I expected him to hate me, plot revenge, leave. I just want to know does how this work. Why would someone want to stay with someone who cheated? How would they ever get past it? He's not begging me to stay with him but he's given me the option to still be with him. Why would he do this?

Edited August 17, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[therhythm]

I don't want to get into the story I just want to ask a generic question. Why would anyone be so quick to forgive cheating? I cheated on my b/f of 4 years and he didn't leave he asked me to drop the other guy and stay with him. It's been 4 days since I told him and he told me this morning "I just want you to come back". Honestly it makes me feel terrible because I expected him to hate me, plot revenge, leave. I just want to know does how this work. Why would someone want to stay with someone who cheated? How would they ever get past it? He's not begging me to stay with him but he's given me the option to still be with him. Why would he do this?

 

Honestly I don't understand it either, people who cheats deserve only to be dumped and never looked back again... but some people become dependent on their partners and choose to accept the unacceptable to keep being with a person who doesn't even respect them

Edited August 17, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[mercuryshadow]

Co-dependency would be my only thought on this. Do him a favor, cut the cord yourself. Considering that you claim you feel like crap over what you've done, it will be the kindest thing you can do for him at this point.

[TheDingo]

I think he's just too shocked to react. I know this because when my soon-to-be ex gf confessed to cheating on me last week, I was calmed and didn't even raise my voice.

Now it's kicking in and will be dumping her again. I just couldn't think at that moment.

[shatteredworld]

This happened to me, my ex cheated and I still wanted to be with him. I think the reasoning behind it was that I just couldn't fathom what life would be like without him, I just didn't want to lose him. I loved him very much and apparently would accept things like that in order to not be alone.

[aliveagain]

Was this an exit affair, to risk a long term relationship for a bit of strange is destructive behavior. The man has honor and integrity even though you did your best to s**t on it. He may be watching your actions to see if the gift of reconciliation was a mistake. You may still get your wish when his anger kicks in. Don't waste this gift, if your not on your knees begging for his forgiveness you probably don't deserve this second chance.

[jphcbpa]

maybe he is coming from a place of real unconditional love

[sunrays012]

yes it was an exit affair I love the other person. My intention was to tell the truth and let him go but he caught me by surprise. I am waiting for the other shoe to drop. He lives in my house so it's been a process.

[WhiskeyJack]

Why don't you just tell him you want out?

 

Would be easier on everyone.

[sunrays012]

Why don't you just tell him you want out?

 

Would be easier on everyone.

 

[FONT=Calibri]I did. He confronted me about it. (I was going to tell him but he beat me to it) I admitted it he said to me “stop seeing him” I told him I didn’t want to. He asked me if I loved him and I said yes. He accepted it 2 days later he caught me crying because I felt bad and it’s this is not easy for even though In am the one in the wrong here. I told him I was sorry for everything I took responsibility and he asked me again “get rid of him and we can work it out”. Then this morning he told me he just wanted me to come back. I have said to him even if I did how will you ever trust me again how would you look at me the same etc? I was just curious because I know cheating is one of those unforgivable things. How could he still want me after this? How do people do this kind of thing and stay together?[/FONT]

[Chi townD]

He's in shock....never thought that you would cheat on him and treat him with such distain. Wants to believe it was an isolated incident and that it was poor judgment on your part and that you're still truly in love with him. That you made a mistake....

 

But, you're stringing him along. You need to tell him it's over and that you want him gone so you can bring this new guy into your life and you can't do that with him hanging around. Would that be hurtful to say? Yep! But you already broke his heart, so you need to say what you need to say to get him away from you.

 

You're pulling the Band-Aid off slowly and that isn't fair to him. You're hurting him even further. If you get him away from you, do the poor man a favor and DON'T text him and ask if he's "okay" because I'll tell you right now he's not. So, don't ask him. If he texts or calls you, ignore it. You want him out of your life and all you're doing is filling him up with false hope if you respond.

 

When the shock finally wears off, you're going to get what you expected. He's going to hate you. He's going to be so hurt for giving up 5 years of his life to someone he thought loved him. He's going to be broken for a while....a LONG WHILE considering the length of the relationship. He's going to feel lost and alone and become very depressed. His self confidence is going to be in the toilet and he's not going to see his own self worth. But, with time, he'll start to heal. I hope he would find his way here and we could help him with getting over you. Then, maybe one day he can view you with nothing but indifference. How do I know he's going to go through all this stuff? Because I was JUST LIKE HIM. But, I got through it, and so will he. And my life is so much better without a girl that would cheat on me.

 

So, I'm sorry if anything I wrote upset you, but it is what it is. You cheated on him and it's going to hurt at any angle and in any direction. Nothing you do or say is going to soften the blow that you gave him. So, let him go. And maybe one day he'll find a girl that won't cheat on him, be his partner in life and will love him unconditionally.

 

Oh, and if you and this guy you cheated on him with is going to be "the one" chances are he's not. Stats show that LESS than 14% of relationships that start from an affair actually make it for the long haul. Because the foundation of the relationship was built on the pain of others. Plus, if Prince Charming had no problem cheating WITH you, he'll have no problem cheating ON you.

[Joaquin]

4 years and this is all u can manage. What a crap way to treat someone. An exit fling!!!

 

Tho u were incapable of showing a bit of decency and basic humanity to break up with him in a considerate way before ****ing someone else u could at least do the right thing now and let him go.

 

Hes broken and not thinking right. Thats why he is with u today. Tomorrow may be another story.

Edited August 17, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Chi townD]

Sorry, double post.

Edited July 19, 2013 by Chi townD

[sunrays012]

Chi TownD.

I am sorry this hits close to home but if I didn't care I woulnd't be going on forums and posting things and as far as the judgement by others sorry you feel the need to judge but I can't change what I did. I used to judge people like me too. I can only move forward.

[aliveagain]

How long did you cheat? The affair is still going on I take it? Is this the way you would want him to end it with you? Is ending your 5 year relationship what you want, if so end it because now you not only cheated on the man you were with but you now proved to the new guy you have it in you to cheat. Don't you think he might be worried that if you can do it to someone your in a long term year relationship with that you can just as easily do it to him? You have just proven to two men you can't be trusted and your word means nothing.

[sunrays012]

3 MONTHS. as far as the other guy I am not getting into his back story but with the 2nd guy it will not be an issue. No the 1st will never be able to trust me again and thats the point I made to him when he asked me to drop the other guy and stay with him

[Ninjainpajamas]

Just do the right thing and end it with him, stop making this all about you.

 

You wanted him to react in a certain way and he didn't do it, he just took you back...there's a lot of reasons you're trying to "understand" this, but moreso because you are selfish....seriously, stop being an idiot with this guy, you already know this guy isn't good enough and you're not in-love with him, and the other guy is probably going to leave you or doesn't want you anyway, so stop using this guy and dragging him along because you're being dramatic over your feelings and scared and thinking of yourself.

 

Don't wipe your feet on this guy just because you know you can and he appears to be a sucker, it really doesn't make a difference how he feels, why he doesn't leave is just making you feel more guilty and the fact he isn't lashing out at you is causing you to feel even worse.

 

I hate when people play stupid when they already know the answers but just want all this focus and attention on themselves so they play "Oh my, why would someone do this? does this means he loves me and can't let me go? omg I'm so valuable right now, I have two men who want me, so many options to be loooved"

[Chi townD]

What's there to judge? You did what you did! You're not sorry for doing it, you're just sorry on how this all came about. I can already see that. So, there's nothing to judge.

 

You ask why would he do this, and I told you. But, I also gave you a glimpse of what he will be going through.

 

I also gave you advice on what you need to do in regards to your boyfriend. Because I think that the reason you REALLY came on here is to get advice on how to soften the blow. And I told you, the most humane thing for you to do is get rid of him and never look back. Don't entertain talking with him, going out for coffee with him....nothing. He needs to heal from you and what you did to him. And it's going to take a while for him to heal from this.... but even longer if you're still in his life in some form.

 

You are not his friend. He didn't get into a loving and caring relationship with you for the end result is that he's nothing more than a "really good friend" to you.

 

Look, you feel guilt about hurting him....and, well you should. A good definition of love is literally giving your heart to someone and trusting that person enough not to break it. Well....take a scientific wild ass guess what you did. So, there's consequences to your actions. You hurt someone. There it is. You hurt them and you're going to feel guilty about it. But, if you value this other guy more than your boyfriend....well, that's the price you pay. And that's something that you're going to have to live with for a while.

 

Yeah, what you did hits home a little and you have to understand that you're coming to a forum where a LOT of us have been hurt by the same actions you did to your boyfriend. So, if my post or anybody else's seem a bit "harsh".....well, you have to remember where you're at.

 

So, my advice is to get him out of your house and never look back. That would be the most humane thing to do.

[aliveagain]

Be honest with yourself first, what do you want? Do you want to end the relationship with your partner? Do you want to peruse the new relationship? Is the other man married by any chance, is this why you don't want to discuss him, are you breaking up a family? If you are you have way more problems than your telling us, get help before you do anything permanent. Is your question really about wanting to stay in your relationship with your spouse and how do you unf**k yourself in his eyes so your infidelity goes away and you go back to the time before you became a cheater?

[Keke1]

Chi TownD.

I am sorry this hits close to home but if I didn't care I woulnd't be going on forums and posting things and as far as the judgement by others sorry you feel the need to judge but I can't change what I did. I used to judge people like me too. I can only move forward.

 

You care lol. Well if it happens to you the exact same way don't cry or be irrational just know the person who intentionally broke your heart cares. What a load of ****

[youngnlove89]

My boyfriend of 2.5 years cheated on me. I don't know to what extent because he lied about everything so I don't exactly know what to believe. It was with an ex gf.

 

I can tell you I would take him back. Because he is comfort. He is familiar. I have devoted emotion and time in him and it's hard to just let that go.

 

It isn't because we love you. It's because we are dependent, we have low self esteem and can't fathom how this person did this to us.

 

"We accept the love we think we deserve."

 

I can tell you that I've gone back to a cheater and I thought I could forgive him. WRONG. I constantly argued with him and threw it in his face every chance I could get. I hated him. I hated how he did this to me. I started to question his love and his morals. He became an addiction. I was scared. I stayed because I was familiar with it, and I was unfamiliar with what life would be without him, after what he did to me.

 

"Better the devil you know than the devil you don't"

 

I can tell you now, going through it it AGAIN (stupid men), that it is just as hard as it was the first time it happened to me. I wake up in a state of panic every night thinking about him and if he is with her. It's awful. My chest hurts. I feel betrayed. Weak. I can't eat or sleep.

 

He killed our relationship. And I'm left to pick up the pieces and try to cope with it.

 

Moral of the story, do what you know you want to do: Leave him.

 

He will be fine. He will eventually get over it. He will love someone else. He will be happy. He will find someone who respects him (assuming you care about his feelings). There are plenty of fish in the sea.

 

You would put him through more hell by staying with him than leaving him.

[stillafool]

[FONT=Calibri]I did. He confronted me about it. (I was going to tell him but he beat me to it) I admitted it he said to me “stop seeing him” I told him I didn’t want to. He asked me if I loved him and I said yes. He accepted it 2 days later he caught me crying because I felt bad and it’s this is not easy for even though In am the one in the wrong here. I told him I was sorry for everything I took responsibility and he asked me again “get rid of him and we can work it out”. Then this morning he told me he just wanted me to come back. I have said to him even if I did how will you ever trust me again how would you look at me the same etc? I was just curious because I know cheating is one of those unforgivable things. How could he still want me after this? How do people do this kind of thing and stay together?[/FONT]

 

What do you want to do?

[crederer]

Taking a cheating partner back isn't off the table for me. It's all circumstantial. Based on what you wrote here though, I really have no idea why he would other than due to being insecure and familiar with you.

[therhythm]

Despite the majority of appearances on LS, cheating is not an unforgivable act for a lot of people.

 

So it's up to you. If you want to save the relationship and you have no intention of cheating again, then do that. Or if not, leave. But your SO has made their decision, so it's time to make yours.

 

Oh we know is not an unforgivable act...but I think it should be unforgivable ( it is unforgivable for me)...I think is one of the most selfish and disrespecting things you can do to someone...and that someone is your SO... it doesn't get much lower than that.

[bubbaganoosh]

Some people would rather be in a relationship that is dead and buried rather than moving on because they fear being alone and have no one in their life. There is a big difference between being alone and being lonely. I've been single for 17 years and yeah there are times when I wish that when I was younger than I am now, I could have had that chance. Well there's a old saying. "be careful what you wish for because you just might get it." I reunited with a old girlfriend after being single for 17 years and it took about a month before I remembered why we weren't together. The next 9 months, she drove me nuts. She was a hypochondriac to the point where she claimed to have so many things wrong with her, she shouldn't be alive and she was a control freak and a hoarder. Refused to get rid of dog hair. Thought she was going to knit me a sweater with it. Well I bowed out and never looked back and now looking back, I like being single. And no I don't walk on water. I have faults too.