Author MrCastle Posted July 20, 2013 Author Share Posted July 20, 2013 (edited) I think this type of shallowness "omg he's only 5'9, next!" and whatnot was born and bred on the internet. It's a by-product of OLD. The only place I hear about dealbreakers like that is online, by people who date online. Oh definitely. But that's an entirely different thread I may make in the future. Are we more shallow online because OLD allows us to be? Or are we all shallow deep down and OLD just gives us an outlet where it's accepted? Edited July 20, 2013 by MrCastle Link to post Share on other sites
veggirl Posted July 20, 2013 Share Posted July 20, 2013 Oh definitely. But that's an entirely different thread I may make in the future. Are we more shallow online because OLD allows us to be? Or are we all shallow deep down and OLD just gives us an outlet where it's accepted? I don't know! and the hypothetical Denny's waitress, oh yeah she's shallow...and entitled or crazy or over compensating for her perceived short-comings. Sad all around really. I guess it's shallow to nit-pick. Putting a min height of 6ft is nit-picking. Putting a min cup size of C is nit-picking. A general "he/she just doesn't do it for me" is different. I guess I can't put my finger on it. There is a line somewhere, I'm not sure where until I see someone cross it 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mrlonelyone Posted July 20, 2013 Share Posted July 20, 2013 To address the OP. Yes there is such a thing as being shallow when it comes to relationship choices and yes it is a bad thing to be. Choosing someone to live your whole life with based on looks is a bad investment. Everyone gets fat and less attractive with age. Personality is usually forever. The way I see it if someone is shallow they get what they deserve over time so I don't worry about it. They wake up in 5 years when their lover is now 20 lbs fatter and wonder what happened. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted July 20, 2013 Share Posted July 20, 2013 Oh definitely. But that's an entirely different thread I may make in the future. Are we more shallow online because OLD allows us to be? Or are we all shallow deep down and OLD just gives us an outlet where it's accepted? That's the internet in general. Political correctness dies with the anonymity of the internet. People always felt that way but would never say it to a person's face. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MrCastle Posted July 20, 2013 Author Share Posted July 20, 2013 I don't know! and the hypothetical Denny's waitress, oh yeah she's shallow...and entitled or crazy or over compensating for her perceived short-comings. Sad all around really.[/Quote] Agreed. She's shallow, and even if she was some supermodel I'd still say the same. I think she has more reason to feel that way, but putting physical nit picky limitations on potential mates is shallow no matter who you are. I guess it's shallow to nit-pick. Putting a min height of 6ft is nit-picking. Putting a min cup size of C is nit-picking. [/Quote] Again; totally agree. A general "he/she just doesn't do it for me" is different.[/Quote] Agree again. I guess I can't put my finger on it. There is a line somewhere, I'm not sure where until I see someone cross it This. This is the most important part of your post in my opinion, and the exact basis for this thread. Maybe I can't find the right words for some people, but I know we've all seen shallow people in our lives. They exist and are among us. Link to post Share on other sites
veggirl Posted July 20, 2013 Share Posted July 20, 2013 Thinking about it a little more, I guess one thing I find very shallow is requiring something that you yourself don't bring to the table. That's why I'd find the hypothetical Denny's waitress to be shallow. She isn't offering any of what she is expecting. Now, this isn't a specific tit for tat...like I want 6 ft so I better be 6 ft...it's the opposite sex equivalent, I guess. If you want a sexy 6ft man, you should probably be a sexy petite or leggy tall woman yourself, for example. Link to post Share on other sites
Revolver Posted July 20, 2013 Share Posted July 20, 2013 Shallow isn't just based on physical features. It many times goes beyond that Link to post Share on other sites
Author MrCastle Posted July 20, 2013 Author Share Posted July 20, 2013 Thinking about it a little more, I guess one thing I find very shallow is requiring something that you yourself don't bring to the table. That's why I'd find the hypothetical Denny's waitress to be shallow. She isn't offering any of what she is expecting. Now, this isn't a specific tit for tat...like I want 6 ft so I better be 6 ft...it's the opposite sex equivalent, I guess. If you want a sexy 6ft man, you should probably be a sexy petite or leggy tall woman yourself, for example. I understand that. But, like, recently I have been working out, and have gotten more female attention as a result. I also am a photographer, so I deal with models or women who are objectively attractive enough to be models all the time. I have turned a few of them down for not meshing with my personality. I'm not saying to myself, oh I'm in better shape, so I'm gonna totally change my physical requirements for who I date. No. Even though my pool has gotten slightly larger as, ironically enough, I got larger. And there is no evidence to support it either. Like with your example, objectively unattractive people can still have high demands, and very attractive people can have low demands. I've seen tons of beautiful women with men who were shorter than them, or not as attractive, etc. I think being more attractive *does* give you the benefit of having more people to pick from, but you can use that benefit for good or bad. If your idea is "I'm hot so I deserve hot." -- You're going about it all wrong. As I said in one of my earlier posts, there are more to people than height measurements and a pair of tits. Link to post Share on other sites
ImSoPathetic Posted July 20, 2013 Share Posted July 20, 2013 I've said this before...I don't think shallow exists in that you shouldn't be "shamed" for wanting what you want. Desire and attraction is unique to each person and it's not something you can readily control. If a guy wants a dumb, big boobed bimbo...then so be it. Is it any more "respectable" to want someone who is smart vs looks? Keep in mind that you don't "earn" your looks OR your smarts. They are both "god given" traits that you are born with. WTF? How are looks and smarts something you're born with? Then how the hell people can get fat and lose weight which alters their look rather majorly? Link to post Share on other sites
USMCHokie Posted July 21, 2013 Share Posted July 21, 2013 How did I miss this thread?? Shallow is something people call someone else out of spite and insecurity. People hate on what they don't have. Link to post Share on other sites
Seductive Posted July 21, 2013 Share Posted July 21, 2013 I became more shallow, because I have tried to date people that I wasn't attracted to. A relationship with no sexual attraction is tough. ISo, I decided that I'm the type of person that needs to be with someone that I'm sexually attracted to. Sexual attraction includes liking how your partner looks. I want to look at my partner and want to rip their clothes off. Sex is important to me. Sorry. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MrCastle Posted July 21, 2013 Author Share Posted July 21, 2013 I became more shallow because I have tried to date people that I wasn't attracted to. A relationship with no sexual attraction is tough. ISo, I decided that I'm the type of person that needs to be with someone that I'm sexually attracted to. Sexual attraction includes liking how your partner looks. I want to look at my partner and want to rip their clothes off. Sex is important to me. Sorry. What's interesting to me is this stigma that comes with being shallow. It's like the worst thing you can call a person. People admit when they're bad cooks. When they have vices like drinking or smoking. When they're a poor judge of character. Numerous amounts of other negative traits. Why don't most people say "I can be shallow at times." Why is that so bad? Link to post Share on other sites
Seductive Posted July 21, 2013 Share Posted July 21, 2013 What's interesting to me is this stigma that comes with being shallow. It's like the worst thing you can call a person. People admit when they're bad cooks. When they have vices like drinking or smoking. When they're a poor judge of character. Numerous amounts of other negative traits. Why don't most people say "I can be shallow at times." Why is that so bad? Because it makes us feel like bad people. To avoid being thought of as a bitch, I chose to go on dates with people that I didn't find attractive. Nothing positive came out of it, so I have to take responsibility for what's going to make me happy. What I find attractive may be okay to below average to others. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MrCastle Posted July 21, 2013 Author Share Posted July 21, 2013 (edited) Because it makes us feel like bad people. To avoid being thought of as a bitch, I chose to go on dates with people that I didn't find attractive. Nothing positive came out of it, so I have to take responsibility for what's going to make me happy. What I find attractive may be okay to below average to others. You know, as I said a few times in this thread, I'm not advocating dating those you feel no physical connection to. I'm merely suggesting people think outside the box. Like I said, back in my teen years, if you didn't have boobs AND ass, I was not interested in talking to you. The thing is though, I outgrew that. That was a phase. I don't require my women have both boobs and ass, nor do they even need one or the other. This is what I think of when I think of shallow: -the man has a face you find attractive -he is in shape -he has a personality you find attractive -he's short So you bypass all the other things you like about him because of that one thing. I'm not saying don't have standards at all, I'm saying make concessions. If I held out for girls who had to have face AND personality AND boobs AND ass -- I would be nowhere. And just for the record, I don't think I'm settling when I date skinny girls. I like them like I like the other women who are curvy. Of course I love curves, but they are a plus and not a requirement. I don't date a woman for her curves, I date her because I like her and the curves are a plus. Edited July 21, 2013 by MrCastle Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted July 21, 2013 Share Posted July 21, 2013 I became more shallow, because I have tried to date people that I wasn't attracted to. A relationship with no sexual attraction is tough. ISo, I decided that I'm the type of person that needs to be with someone that I'm sexually attracted to. Sexual attraction includes liking how your partner looks. I want to look at my partner and want to rip their clothes off. Sex is important to me. Sorry. In all honesty I fail to see how this can be classified as shallow. Everyone should be with someone whom they are attracted to. You trying to date those without an attraction was not shallow IMO 1 Link to post Share on other sites
USMCHokie Posted July 21, 2013 Share Posted July 21, 2013 You trying to date those without an attraction was not shallow IMO But that doesn't stop people from judging you as shallow because you won't date them... The term "shallow" is often not something someone assesses themselves as; instead, it's something that others assess you as. Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted July 21, 2013 Share Posted July 21, 2013 In all honesty I fail to see how this can be classified as shallow. Everyone should be with someone whom they are attracted to. You trying to date those without an attraction was not shallow IMO True... BUT....If you put so much stock in that, what happens when the Honeymoon period is over? Or the person puts on 60 lb and is no longer "sexually attractive"... I find people on this site(not referring to you)..to be sooo idealistic about what it takes to have a long lasting and fulfilling life partner... TFY 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted July 21, 2013 Share Posted July 21, 2013 But that doesn't stop people from judging you as shallow because you won't date them... The term "shallow" is often not something someone assesses themselves as; instead, it's something that others assess you as. That is when you need to not care what those people think of you. Some will think that way and others will not. Simple. Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted July 21, 2013 Share Posted July 21, 2013 True... BUT....If you put so much stock in that, what happens when the Honeymoon period is over? Or the person puts on 60 lb and is no longer "sexually attractive"... I find people on this site(not referring to you)..to be sooo idealistic about what it takes to have a long lasting and fulfilling life partner... TFY I can't imagine anything worse than a relatinship that has NO honeymoon phase. And that's what happens when you date someone that you have no sexual attraction to (I have done it, never again). Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted July 21, 2013 Share Posted July 21, 2013 True... BUT....If you put so much stock in that, what happens when the Honeymoon period is over? Or the person puts on 60 lb and is no longer "sexually attractive"... I find people on this site(not referring to you)..to be sooo idealistic about what it takes to have a long lasting and fulfilling life partner... TFY To me there is more to attraction than just sexual related. That does play a huge part but not all. Other stock that SHOULD be included when marrying or being with someone long term should include things that help you build a connection with that person that isn't sexually related. Link to post Share on other sites
USMCHokie Posted July 21, 2013 Share Posted July 21, 2013 I can't imagine anything worse than a relatinship that has NO honeymoon phase. And that's what happens when you date someone that you have no sexual attraction to (I have done it, never again). And I truly believe that that "honeymoon phase" can last with effort from both parties... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
USMCHokie Posted July 21, 2013 Share Posted July 21, 2013 To me there is more to attraction than just sexual related. That does play a huge part but not all. Other stock that SHOULD be included when marrying or being with someone long term should include things that help you build a connection with that person that isn't sexually related. Like logic skills. Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted July 21, 2013 Share Posted July 21, 2013 And I truly believe that that "honeymoon phase" can last with effort from both parties... Impossible. Part of the honeymoon phase is the excitement you get when just getting to know the person. The excitement when you learn new things about your partner that you enjoy. EVERYONE will go to the comfortable stage. That isn't a bad thing. Just don't get TOO comfortable. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted July 21, 2013 Share Posted July 21, 2013 Like logic skills. Goes without saying Gary. Link to post Share on other sites
KungFuJoe Posted July 21, 2013 Share Posted July 21, 2013 If I held out for girls who had to have face AND personality AND boobs AND ass -- I would be nowhere. Lemme tell you...knowing what I know now and having been with the same woman for nearly 14 years, if I had to do it all over again, I'd hold out for girls who had face, personality, boobs, ass, the whole nine. I'm talking every thing I want and then some. Because that is the one reason why I'm as happy as I am. Because there is not even the slightest iota of "I settled" in me...or my wife. We both got exactly want we wanted...and a whole lot more. Physically, mentally...we wouldn't change a thing. People talk about how the divorce rate is rising...what they fail to add is that people also live a lot longer...so there's more chance to grow tired of who you are with and want a divorce. Imagine spending 10 years with ONE woman. Just one. That's it. Now imagine it for 20 years. How about 30? No? Let's try 40 years now. You're only 25? Hell...lets make that 50 years. 50 years. One partner. That's it. You scared yet? That partner better be everything you've ever dreamed of. No settling. None of that growing to like the other person. Be as shallow as you want. Want it all. Get it all. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
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