Betterthanthis13 Posted July 19, 2013 Share Posted July 19, 2013 Simple question, what do you really wish for with your MM? Are you being honest with yourself? Telling yourself it's just a fling but really hoping for more? I am involved with my MM because: A) I'm in love with him, I want him to leave his wife and marry me B) It's just sex C) I didn't know he was married! D) I'm not into/ ready for a real commitment E) I'm married too, this is fun on the side F) something else entirely G) this is a stupid question Please elaborate! Just want to know WHY a married or involved guy, not a single guy. (Or woman for OM's) I don't care about why he is having an affair for this question. Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
Silly_Girl Posted July 19, 2013 Share Posted July 19, 2013 When it was me... D. Then, out of the blue, a big, fat, scary... A!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Baby123 Posted July 19, 2013 Share Posted July 19, 2013 It started out as sex and developed into a relationship. But now I want to see where it will go but I don't know if i'd go as far as marriage. So a mix of a & b. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
So happy together Posted July 19, 2013 Share Posted July 19, 2013 Ours began emotionally. We were friends for a long time. It then developed into a PA, then to an open relationship. I don't know if I would ever marry again no matter who it was, but I do want a long term monogamous relationship with him and nobody else. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Anna-Belle Posted July 19, 2013 Share Posted July 19, 2013 I am involved with my MM because: I'm in love with him, I want him to leave his wife and I'd like us to live together. He's already left his wife by the way. Hopefully we will be living together in the future but there are a lot of other things that need to get sorted first. Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted July 19, 2013 Share Posted July 19, 2013 At the time of my A, I was with a committed guy, who wasn't married. It started off with me not knowing the extent of his relationship, and due to distance, where I was in my life and a bunch of other factors, I felt it made no sense to push for anything "real"...but I kept up the EA nevertheless and thought it was no big deal, then fell madly in love. When I fell madly in love was when I got more dissatisfied with the limitations and felt I was locked into a dead-end. I didn't want to be married to anyone at that time and logically I felt we didn't "make sense", but it didn't change my feelings, what I really wanted from him was to be exclusive, to be in an open relationship and grow our relationship to its full potential, as each other's one and only without the frustrating A caveats and constrains. Link to post Share on other sites
Got it Posted July 19, 2013 Share Posted July 19, 2013 Simple question, what do you really wish for with your MM? Are you being honest with yourself? Telling yourself it's just a fling but really hoping for more? I am involved with my MM because: A) I'm in love with him, I want him to leave his wife and marry me B) It's just sex C) I didn't know he was married! D) I'm not into/ ready for a real commitment E) I'm married too, this is fun on the side F) something else entirely G) this is a stupid question Please elaborate! Just want to know WHY a married or involved guy, not a single guy. (Or woman for OM's) I don't care about why he is having an affair for this question. Thanks! I was an E, to an A. I handled things a little different and we had a very candid conversation in the beginning about the reasons for the affair, the purpose, timeline, etc. and it was recapped in an email for both parties. We went over communication needs, time, etc. We had an agreed upon year timeline that we both agreed to based on what he needed to straighten out due to financial reasons. I was not interest in making it a lifestyle choice but was an accommodation I was willing to do for him. I left my marriage less than a month into the affair as I was already planning my separation. Link to post Share on other sites
canuckprincess Posted July 19, 2013 Share Posted July 19, 2013 Simple question, what do you really wish for with your MM? Are you being honest with yourself? Telling yourself it's just a fling but really hoping for more? I am involved with my MM because: A) I'm in love with him, I want him to leave his wife and marry me B) It's just sex C) I didn't know he was married! D) I'm not into/ ready for a real commitment E) I'm married too, this is fun on the side F) something else entirely G) this is a stupid question Please elaborate! Just want to know WHY a married or involved guy, not a single guy. (Or woman for OM's) I don't care about why he is having an affair for this question. Thanks! It started out as (E) we were both married. Turned in to wanting more, head over heels in love. Want him to leave his marriage but only if he wants to. Willing to continue as is for as long as it takes. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
wanting more Posted July 19, 2013 Share Posted July 19, 2013 Started as E, turned into A I wanted to be with him all the time. I thought he felt the same. He said he wanted to be with me and would leave his M. After 2nd d-day, he left me quicker than you can blink. Link to post Share on other sites
hippetyhop Posted July 19, 2013 Share Posted July 19, 2013 Started as an EA. Progressed to an A. Only time will tell what will happen. Knowing him, he'll take the easy way out and just start over w someone new. Link to post Share on other sites
thecharade Posted July 20, 2013 Share Posted July 20, 2013 A!!! Except I don't actually want to destroy his wife. At all. She seems like a perfectly lovely person. So, in the face of that truth, I would like to stop wishing for him, like I've been doing for decades, since I was 15. I just love him. So much. Since forever. We were together for years when we were young. But I am trying to suck it up and see it as ugly and get over it. Because it's ugly and I'm ugly. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Got it Posted July 20, 2013 Share Posted July 20, 2013 A!!! Except I don't actually want to destroy his wife. At all. She seems like a perfectly lovely person. So, in the face of that truth, I would like to stop wishing for him, like I've been doing for decades, since I was 15. I just love him. So much. Since forever. We were together for years when we were young. But I am trying to suck it up and see it as ugly and get over it. Because it's ugly and I'm ugly. Oh honey you aren't ugly. And I don't agree it was ugly. You loved him and he loved you. That is an amazing thing. He meant a lot to you and so there is a hole in your life that you are grieving. I am sure there were many great things tied to him and he was a big part of who you are. I don't agree you have to try and make it ugly to move on. And that might be part of why you have been struggling. You are trying to make it something that it just isn't for you. That is okay. You can accept it for what it was and accept where things are today. Link to post Share on other sites
WakingUp Posted July 20, 2013 Share Posted July 20, 2013 I love him. But I don't want to destroy him or his wife or his kids. My wished for outcome is a resolution to this whole situation. To the point where I don't mind which way it goes, just as long as it goes somewhere. I don't want any more drama, it is exhausting. Link to post Share on other sites
Bailey14 Posted July 20, 2013 Share Posted July 20, 2013 We have been friends since 6th grade. Then I lost my virginity to him when I was 17. We have been in and out of each others' lives for decades and then, in our 60s we reconnected......for what I thought was for sex. That was 3 years ago and now we love each other. I don't want him to leave his wife.....she is a lovely woman, I don't want his kids to be hurt. I don't want him to lose everything he had worked his lifetime for. I cannot wish for him to leave his marriage. What I want is to clone him so I can have him and his wife can have him. Too much to wish for, huh??? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
who_am_i Posted July 20, 2013 Share Posted July 20, 2013 My "relationship" with xMM has been over for several months. At the time, I thought I was in love with him. In retrospect I guess I was hoping that he would eventually choose to be with me and when it ended (my doing) I was devastated. As much as I knew it was for the best, if I'm honest I hoped I'd hear from him eventually. Now?!?! I still hope I'll hear from him, but for different reasons. Now I just wish he'd reach out to me so I can tell him to go kick rocks! Looking back, he was such a douche! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Mnogomnogo Posted July 20, 2013 Share Posted July 20, 2013 I'm in love with her. I love the way she is, even though she is split between her marriage and the type of love that goes with that, and the love she has for me. I'm much less jealous of what I miss when I have her, it's a sacrifice I make but it's worth it for me. I value the feeling sexual emotional connectedness much more than I value constant companionship. We're on dday#2 and that is what concerns me most, as much as I invite change. I wonder if he's ever going to give up, and if he does what that means for us. Link to post Share on other sites
cocorico Posted July 21, 2013 Share Posted July 21, 2013 Ours started as B, over time became A, so we did A and we are now M. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SammySammy Posted July 21, 2013 Share Posted July 21, 2013 B. Just sex. My xMW and I had a LTR when we were teens. She had an affair and our relationship ended. We met again in our thirties when she was dating the guy she is currently married to. We had a torrid fling, but I left when I found out she really was in a relationship with him. Years later we met again. She wanted sex and I gave her what she wanted. I ended that also because I didn't want to hurt her husband or her children. I like her a lot. Always have. We've been friends since we were kids. To this day, we still talk every day though the affair ended two years ago. However, I can't see it as anything more than what it was - giving a lady what she wanted. Sex. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Betterthanthis13 Posted July 21, 2013 Author Share Posted July 21, 2013 Totally Unscientific poll results so far: 91% "A"- regardless of how the affair began, most ultimately ended up wanting an exclusive love relationship to be the result of the affair at some point, some with marriage, some not. Some ended up despising AP, some happy endings, some still in progress, but so far it seems like most people on this forum who get involved with an attached person (for whatever initial reason) at some point want to keep them- and are wrestling with all the different complicated issues surrounding the situation, and either stay in the situation(stay in affair or make new life with AP after DDay), leave affair, or are removed from affair not by their choice. 9% just sex So interesting. These are not the results I was expecting. Link to post Share on other sites
love.vs.soul Posted July 22, 2013 Share Posted July 22, 2013 i am in A position at the moment, with a B as well. we started off just talking as friends at work over the course of nine months we have taken it to a higher level. we both took a day off last tuesday she came over first time, i didnt hold any expectations as she is involved with another person. we drank a bit of wine in the sun then we connected and went all the way not going into raw details. she sends me all these messages i emotionally love you but i know she is frustrated at home because her partner never goes out play games and doesn't talk to her or sex. i met him a few times and he is arrogant prick to everyone will she leave him i think not. being the other person is not easy and stupid to begin with. has anyone moved on without being destroyed inside. my head just feels messed up now Link to post Share on other sites
SunsetRed Posted July 22, 2013 Share Posted July 22, 2013 A combination of D and A. Part of me loves being single. Ive got my life set up the way I like it and I don't want anyone coming in to mess it up. I love everything about the house I live in and the locality I live in and I've achieved all of this on my own, without any man's help. So now, I see any man I date as a potential threat to my happiness. I see most men as someone who could take away my happiness and offer little in return. Im pretty sure that part of the attraction w xMM was that I knew he couldn't take my happiness away. He could actually add to my happiness by giving me words of affection and physical affection, but deep down I knew that I'd never have to give up my single life for him, because no matter what he promised, I knew he wasn't leaving. Now, what ended up happening was that all the time we spent together and all of his sweet words made me open up to the possibility of giving up my guarded single life to unite w him. Realizing that he'll never be a real option was a hard blow. So, what would I do if he showed up w divorce papers and said I want you? Well, I'll cross that bridge when I come to it. More than likely I will never cross that bridge, so why entertain the thought? He has showed up over the years so say "She asked me to leave" or "Im leaving, Ive had enough" Each time he was back w her w/in 2 weeks. If it were a possibility for him to be divorced and free from any of her drama, and if he'd love me the way he said he would, then I'd probably take it. The most I will end up getting though is for him to separate again, and ask me to share expenses with him while he sorts out divorce expenses for a divorce that will never happen.....so given the choices reality will offer me, I'll take my great single life along w all of my guarded walls and commitment issues. Link to post Share on other sites
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