MelodyJ Posted October 25, 2004 Share Posted October 25, 2004 I cheated on my b/f of 5 years with a much younger man I met thru work. I don't feel guilty! It was the best sex I have had in 5 years! My b/f has neglected me through out our entire relationship. He does not believe in kissing, or face to face sex. Why I have put up with it, because we moved in together and I have kids and he has one, and it got "comfortable" Now that I have crossed the line, I feel like I have to leave. I am a very attractive 40 yr old. I look 30 easy. My b/f does not ever compliment me, ever. I get hit on all the time and never acted on anything, but I have been under a microscope for 6 years with this man, and I think I have snapped. I am not allowed to go anywhere, not my parents, sisters, nowhere. We do not socialize, or go out. He is ready to be old, and I am not. Link to post Share on other sites
Naive Posted October 25, 2004 Share Posted October 25, 2004 So why are you still with him??? Link to post Share on other sites
DazednConfused Posted October 25, 2004 Share Posted October 25, 2004 If you are happy with your decision, why bother posting it here? Unless you feel just a little guilty for not doing the right thing mebbe? Ah well, it makes no difference. You will only hear what you want to so..... Yay for Ms. M, she has single-handedly convinced herself of how unhappy she is and is completely justified in jumping stumps whenever and however she pleases! <standing and clapping> Yep, the boyfriend obviously deserves this for caring for her kids and providing a home. Yup, cuz Ms. M is a little hottie and is hit on all the time, it's a wonder she lasted this long! We bow before your will power and restraint! mmmkay, there ya go. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MelodyJ Posted October 26, 2004 Author Share Posted October 26, 2004 My b/f & I have been together for 6 years, and he has controlled my every action. He is mean, calls me names, and is emotionally and physically neglectful bordering on abusive. 4 yrs ago he stopped kissing me. Then sex went from occassonally to every time facing the closet, literally. He does'nt believe in face to face contact. Then, it was no sex for weeks on end. I met this guy thru work (he is a vendor in another state) and I just did it. I don't even feel bad, thats the worst part. I am a beautiful woman, not to be vain, 5'1 100 lbs. and am very proud of the way I take care of myself. MILF, my kids call it. I also like younger men, thats all I dated before I met him. The guy I was with was 15 years younger than me, and it was the best sex I have ever had, go figure! Since it happened, I have been sticking up for myself alot more lately, and been distant, like I am trying to get him to throw me out (his regular threat at least 2x a week all this year) Now he is crying for me not to leave him, and it does'nt even phase me. My friends and family have been telling me to run for over a year, but I'm afraid. I'm afraid of him. If he found out, he would hurt me, I know it. Part of me feels sorry for him! I'm confused, a little guilty, I will be leaving him in dire straits financially. Plus, my daughter told me she will not live with me & grandparents if I leave, which is where we will have to go for a little while. I don't know what to do. I feel like I have been in jail and got a taste of the outside, and do not want to go back. I never want to be in a full time relationship again, I end up a possession not a person, just like my marraige. How messed up is this or am I in need of serious therapy? Link to post Share on other sites
DazednConfused Posted October 26, 2004 Share Posted October 26, 2004 Yes, therapy would probably be helpful. I will further appologize for my post on your other thread, while I never think there is justification for infidelity, I think abuse of which you are describing is reason enough to end the realtionship. Had you made that a little more clear as you have here, I probably would have been kinder in my original response. My appologies. -Dazed Link to post Share on other sites
UCFKevin Posted October 26, 2004 Share Posted October 26, 2004 Why the hell don't you just break up with him? It's almost like you're gloating here. Why bother? Link to post Share on other sites
amerikajin Posted October 26, 2004 Share Posted October 26, 2004 She's not gloating, Kevin. I think she's looking for reassurance, because even though she knows that cheating is wrong, the circumstances she's in somehow make it feel right, which is somewhat understandable given the controlling nature of her SO. Ms. M, it's never easy to leave someone like your "boyfriend". These losers become dependent upon their mentally stronger partners and latch onto them, never releasing their grip for fear of losing them. They will often use the threat of physical abuse, and many times, they make good on that threat. Regardless, your experience with the fling is proof that you can't go on like this. He won't be any happier discovering you've been cheating on him than he would be if you just left on your own, so you may as well do it the right way. And I wouldn't bother telling him you're leaving. Just leave and go to a friend's or family member's house - or a hotel even. Just pack the things you need to take one day and leave. Link to post Share on other sites
Butchey Posted October 26, 2004 Share Posted October 26, 2004 The fact that you cheated on him tells me how you really feel about him and it's not good. He treated you like s***, but nobody deserves that. You should leave asap. Make a break that will be best for you and not put you in harms way. As for therapy, I believe it will only help you. You are very angry about the past and you have to get through that anger. I suggest you see someone and work on your issues before you go looking for another SO or chances are you will end up in another bad situation. Link to post Share on other sites
honey2005 Posted October 26, 2004 Share Posted October 26, 2004 I think you should break up with him. You're wasting his time and yours. Link to post Share on other sites
arcadia Posted October 26, 2004 Share Posted October 26, 2004 no face to face sex? what exactly does that leave you with? doggy style? reverse cowgirl? really, that's it!? Link to post Share on other sites
sami Posted October 26, 2004 Share Posted October 26, 2004 You have already left him. Just go ahead and leave. Link to post Share on other sites
Naive Posted October 26, 2004 Share Posted October 26, 2004 Once again, leave him. It's for his good and your own. Obviously you are both unhappy with each other, what's the point of staying together? Link to post Share on other sites
Jayman Posted October 26, 2004 Share Posted October 26, 2004 Ms. M, Is he 17??? Did you sit your boyfriend down and talk to him ???? My girlfriend did the work place web thing with a 17 year old kid . No sex with him but lots of kissing and sex talk on line . She never talked to me at all . But I'm no lazy slob I clean cook and even wash the cat and lanudry cuddle and I'm very open to talk . Look she just never talked to me . IF you were to really talk to him Your B/F you might have know sooner that you needed to get rid of him . Don't keep him hanging end it, it's not fair to you or your B/F to keep him hanging . If you had gotten rid of your B/F before maybe the other man could have worked .But relationships born in DECEPTION will die in deception . For you sake I hope this guy isn't just around you for sex ???? Or is he???? Remember guy's can smell out a woman with problem's ..... Link to post Share on other sites
Author MelodyJ Posted October 26, 2004 Author Share Posted October 26, 2004 Jayman, the other guy lives in another state, it was a one time thing. And I have been telling my b/f how I feel for years, he just says he is not responsible for my happiness, my needs, or my self esteem. I have screamed at the top of my lungs that I am feeling emotionally and physically neglected and he just says "not my problem". I have stated my desire for friends and some social interaction, again, too bad, friends are too much work, you should be happy in the house, cleaning something or making curtains. Link to post Share on other sites
sami Posted October 26, 2004 Share Posted October 26, 2004 You may add SHAVING to the " THINGS-TO-DO" list he gave you. Link to post Share on other sites
Jayman Posted October 26, 2004 Share Posted October 26, 2004 All I'll say to that he's wright about your own happiness so WHY are you still with him ????? Why have you wasted your and his time staying in a relationship you have not been happy in for so many year's ???? You see some of us had mate's who never said a word and just went a head and messed around .That's why my self and other's will come across curt with you on this subject . And in my case she was unhappy with some thing I said a year ago , never asked for clarity on my issue with kids . When I met her I was unsure about children . But in time I knew I wanted them with her.For god's sake I work for a children's TV show I think I would make a good father . She suffer's from bi poler dissorder . So she obsess's on thing's said long ago . But it's clear that she's used this as an excuse . Wich I'm not buying . I'm sticking it out mostly the cheep rent and maybe thing's will work out ???? Link to post Share on other sites
DJ_Dork Posted October 26, 2004 Share Posted October 26, 2004 A good relationship always have good communication. Either one or both of you have poor skills in that. Link to post Share on other sites
Jayman Posted October 27, 2004 Share Posted October 27, 2004 DJ_Dork , LOL grate site yes every man should look at that one . I can't really be down on my self the problems I have are small . I'm 35 never married no kid's and have lived with 5 yes 5 woman most of them have been fun relationship's Now I'm looking for more fun but now with a lasting ring . And Sami you rock that last comment was grate I know why I love this site people like you two give me a good laugh . And I see all the other people with there problem's and I don't feel bad anymore . Link to post Share on other sites
sami Posted October 27, 2004 Share Posted October 27, 2004 What did you really like about my comment? Link to post Share on other sites
atty Posted October 27, 2004 Share Posted October 27, 2004 Mrs. M...you sound like a gutless witch!! Link to post Share on other sites
Jayman Posted October 27, 2004 Share Posted October 27, 2004 Sami , It's this (You may add SHAVING to the " THINGS-TO-DO") shaving , LOL are you saying she's the beard in that relationship ???? Sounds like she's the one with the brass ball's not him . An adventitious woman with gut's sound's sexy . Link to post Share on other sites
sami Posted October 27, 2004 Share Posted October 27, 2004 If he gives her a chance to it on him that will work out well to their mutual interest and benefit . shaving is the best way to turn any " cold & tasteless" dish into a " hot & spicy" one . Link to post Share on other sites
Jayman Posted October 27, 2004 Share Posted October 27, 2004 I like you posts Sami , When I needed some thing funny and read between the lines you did it LOL . Thank's I need it . Link to post Share on other sites
amerikajin Posted October 27, 2004 Share Posted October 27, 2004 That's a great site Off on a tangent here, whether it's men or women, I think maybe the best dating is after the age of 30. There's so much b.s. to deal with when you're dating a 20-something. From a guy's perspective, I always see a 20-something and it's always as if she knows just how "hot" and sought after she is; they tend to be fickle because they know there will be other opportunities for them if they are attractive. But women in their 30s are less confident, though not necessarily mistaken for weak. I think they just get to a point in their lives where they want to be treated right and are willing to be less picky for someone who can give them what they need. I'm sure it's the same for women dating men. Almost all of the women I've ever dated have been older. Link to post Share on other sites
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