SMALLTOWNBLUES Posted July 20, 2013 Share Posted July 20, 2013 There's a show for my ex and I's mutual friends band. Everyone in town will be there. I want to go. I know they will be there. This club is small. It will be my first time seeing her with my ex friend she left me for as a couple. She told me that she broke it off with him, but she was probably lying. She probably doesn't know what the hell shes doing. Either way, I feel like if I didnt go, I'd be at our empty house together just being miserable. I don't want them to have that power. Can you all give me some words of encouragement? I don't want to get back with her....just don't know how I'm gonna handle it. What to do also if he tries to come up to talk to me? Or if she does? Also, how do I treat our mutual friends if they are hanging with them? Never had to deal with this before. Link to post Share on other sites
Tinie Posted July 20, 2013 Share Posted July 20, 2013 Go. Don't worry about her. Ignore her. She's nobody, she's history. Don't look in her direction, acknowledge her presence. You're not all alone with her, there are other people there. Maybe you can bring a friend? And I doubt they will try talking to you but if they do, say "I don't want to talk to you" and walk away. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SMALLTOWNBLUES Posted July 20, 2013 Author Share Posted July 20, 2013 but we have the same mutual friend circle. dont want to be awkward. i'll just put on a smile and listen to the music. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted July 20, 2013 Share Posted July 20, 2013 Well, this should be interesting.....if Smalltown isn't in jail....... Link to post Share on other sites
crederer Posted July 21, 2013 Share Posted July 21, 2013 I had a similar thing happen last week. Make small talk, it will be awkward if you and your ex act like you don't know each other. Aknowledge they're there and be polite and take the high road if negative comments are made by the other parties. Basically just be cordial and if you feel you cant handle it leave at that point. I agree, I don't think you should let them control what activities you do and don't engage in. Link to post Share on other sites
Betterthanthis13 Posted July 21, 2013 Share Posted July 21, 2013 So what happened????? Link to post Share on other sites
Author SMALLTOWNBLUES Posted July 22, 2013 Author Share Posted July 22, 2013 (edited) So I went and had fun and didnt see them but I guess they showed up and saw me and left. Then I went to a bar down the street and they were there and they left. My ex sent me an email today that said, "Saw you at the show. You looked good. Wanted to come talk to you but I know how you feel about Matt (new guy.) Hope you're doing alright." I cut off all the social media but kept the Instagram and they've been posting their dates up on line. I need to stop looking at it. What's making me mad is my friends who are telling me they suck and this and that are liking all their photos. I know that sounds insanely stupid to be upset about, but I feel like I need to cut them out too. So the plan is to go complete and total NC. Crederer, I can't make small talk with these people who've put me through this. If that makes me the lesser man, I guess that's what I am. I'm hurtin but I'll make it through. This girl did a number on me. I'm gonna stay away from the bar scene, not cos I'm not enjoying myself, but I am spending too much money and feeling like crap in the mornings. Ahhhhh......breakups suck. Edited July 22, 2013 by SMALLTOWNBLUES Link to post Share on other sites
New User Posted July 22, 2013 Share Posted July 22, 2013 ...... Crederer, I can't make small talk with these people who've put me through this. If that makes me the lesser man, I guess that's what I am....... It most definitely does not make you "the lesser man." I don't know the details, but I don't see the point in engaging someone that (I'm gathering) betrayed your trust. It can suck if you have the same circle of friends- probably more so in a small town. There's sometimes sort of a quasi-custodial battle over said friends depending on who they feel closer to or who they sympathize more with. My ex-wife and I shared several friends- that is how we met. Now she has no real contact with them as far as I can tell. Not because of anything that I have done, but because of her own actions; trying to drag my name through the mud kind of backfired on her. I'd be lying if I said that didn't give me a bit of childish satisfaction. Particularly when even the ones that were closer to her knew that she wasn't being honest about how our relationship ended or about my actions after the relationship ended. Link to post Share on other sites
crederer Posted July 22, 2013 Share Posted July 22, 2013 It doesn't make you less of a man. I didn't realize she betrayed you. I just felt empowered how I handled myself when I saw my ex in a social setting for the first time. Granted she is still single, didn't leave me for another guy/cheat and we've met up in person privately a few times prior to this, so I can see how it's a difference scenario. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted July 22, 2013 Share Posted July 22, 2013 So I went and had fun and didnt see them but I guess they showed up and saw me and left. Then I went to a bar down the street and they were there and they left. My ex sent me an email today that said, "Saw you at the show. You looked good. Wanted to come talk to you but I know how you feel about Matt (new guy.) Hope you're doing alright." I cut off all the social media but kept the Instagram and they've been posting their dates up on line. I need to stop looking at it. What's making me mad is my friends who are telling me they suck and this and that are liking all their photos. I know that sounds insanely stupid to be upset about, but I feel like I need to cut them out too. So the plan is to go complete and total NC. Crederer, I can't make small talk with these people who've put me through this. If that makes me the lesser man, I guess that's what I am. I'm hurtin but I'll make it through. This girl did a number on me. I'm gonna stay away from the bar scene, not cos I'm not enjoying myself, but I am spending too much money and feeling like crap in the mornings. Ahhhhh......breakups suck. Uh huh..... thought she told you that she was done with good ol' Matt! More lies I guess. You should be close to leaving right? We want updates from the road!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author SMALLTOWNBLUES Posted July 22, 2013 Author Share Posted July 22, 2013 Updates you shall get. It really is true about the social media thing. Set me back a few steps to see vid/pics of their date. My brain of course thinks they are the happiest couple in the world. They've already had a fight tho, so I know it cant be all that. Anyways, not my problem anymore. Just got one more month left in our house by myself, with no stuff and jesus if it aint lonely. Been NC for a few days. Gonna stick to it. I feel pathetic for even talking to her....she just tells everyone what they want to hear. Really wish that tour was tmrw! Link to post Share on other sites
shakenandstirred Posted July 22, 2013 Share Posted July 22, 2013 What is really going to jack her up is when she sees vids/photos of you with another lady. You will start getting lots of texts then rooted in jealousy. Her loss. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted July 22, 2013 Share Posted July 22, 2013 Yep! I agree. Get a camera and take a bunch of pics! The space needle and fish market in Seattle, the Golden Gate Bridge, Napa Valley, Hollywood Sign, Santa Monica Pier, The Grand Canyon.....and if pretty girls happen to be in the photo's with you then so be it! Link to post Share on other sites
Author SMALLTOWNBLUES Posted July 23, 2013 Author Share Posted July 23, 2013 so I've gone NC for 4 days and seen all this instagram loveydovey crap and what do I get tonight.... a text that says, "My car broke down on the side of the road....not that you care" I used to fix her car all the time. She can get all these things she needs from new guy but when the chips are down, she is grasping at straws. Just what I needed to realize she is a self absorbed user who doesnt think about anyone but themselves....NEXT! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted July 23, 2013 Share Posted July 23, 2013 OH MY GOD!!!! What a massive guilt trip she pulled on you! And why should you care? You're right. She's got the douche rocket to help her with that crap! But, chances are he doesn't know a thing about cars! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BeholdtheMan Posted July 23, 2013 Share Posted July 23, 2013 a text that says, "My car broke down on the side of the road....not that you care"Don't even bother replying...if you really have to, try "wow, you can read my mind :D" 1 Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted July 23, 2013 Share Posted July 23, 2013 If he can get her running he should be able to do the same for her car, she's not your problem anymore. Just keep saying that to yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
The Way I Am Posted July 23, 2013 Share Posted July 23, 2013 so I've gone NC for 4 days and seen all this instagram loveydovey crap and what do I get tonight.... a text that says, "My car broke down on the side of the road....not that you care" I hope you replied, "You're right. I don't." Link to post Share on other sites
Author SMALLTOWNBLUES Posted July 23, 2013 Author Share Posted July 23, 2013 She later called me up at midnight drunk asking if she could come sleep with me....then I caught her in a few more lies and told her to go sleep in the bed she made. Obviously this chick is crazy but in regards to my previous posts asking about whether or not I should sleep with her, the answer of course is NO. faced with the reality of being able to I realized I would never want to again.... She's so messed up in the head she can't even play people properly. It was good for perspective and I feel a lot better moving forward.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author SMALLTOWNBLUES Posted July 23, 2013 Author Share Posted July 23, 2013 Later on last night, round midnight, she calls me up drunk for a booty call. I grill her about her behavior and she proceeds to tell me a few lies that I bust her on and then she tells me she misses me and needs me. This chick and crazy and faced with the reality of being able to have sex with her, I realized I def. could not sleep with her again after where she's been. Which is weird cos if she had been with strangers maybe I wouldnt care, but cheating on me with and trying to date my ex friend. nah...... So I'm good now. Situation sucks but not as much as she does..... Link to post Share on other sites
Author SMALLTOWNBLUES Posted July 23, 2013 Author Share Posted July 23, 2013 Was editing and got called to do something at work and thought I had to start over! Sorry folks. Yeah, she sucks!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted July 23, 2013 Share Posted July 23, 2013 Dude! Why did you even answer? That late at night, you know damn well it's gonna be a drunk dial! And another thing? Does she know you're leaving to go on tour? Because if she does, the calls and texts are going to get worse leading up to the day you leave. If you know she sucks and you know there's no chances of going back to her, then why bother picking up the phone? Link to post Share on other sites
Author SMALLTOWNBLUES Posted July 23, 2013 Author Share Posted July 23, 2013 (edited) I actually am ok with picking up the phone last night because I got to tell her off, catch her in lies and basically reaffirm that I don't need to be sad about this. It's nothing something I plan to do anymore....just that it gave me that perspective I needed. If she's calling me up for a drunk dial or some kind of attention, she is not getting it from the asshat she left me for. That kind of kills some of the inadequate feelings I've been dealing with. It also taught me that social media is misleading cos of course everyone puts their best face on for that crap. I left our conversation with me saying, "I'm getting my life together. Sorry your new guy isnt giving you attention. Show me some respect and please leave me alone." She knows about tour and was saying me losing weight, going out and having fun and eating right and touring is a "big stab" to hear. God, she's so oblivious to how she sounds. Thinks she doesnt believe I'll do it, cos I told her right when we were breaking up so I think she thought I was bluffing. Like AliveAgain said, Not my problem. So it wasn't totally weak on my behalf. Agreed though, shouldnt pick up anymore. Edited July 23, 2013 by SMALLTOWNBLUES 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted July 23, 2013 Share Posted July 23, 2013 She knows about tour and was saying me losing weight, going out and having fun and eating right and touring is a "big stab" to hear. God, she's so oblivious to how she sounds. Thinks she doesnt believe I'll do it, cos I told her right when we were breaking up so I think she thought I was bluffing. Like AliveAgain said, Not my problem. See, the best revenge you can get is living a DAMN good life. The thing with talking with her is that you put her on blast. Therefore, you're giving her permission to forgive herself and her behavior. She could say to herself, " Damn! Well, screw him! He just proved my case that he's a douche rocket and I'm glad I got rid of him." See, she just let go of her guilt. She needs to hold onto it to learn from it. That her actions have consequences and her actions have hurt people. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author SMALLTOWNBLUES Posted July 23, 2013 Author Share Posted July 23, 2013 I didnt put her on blast in a mean way. I didnt call her any names or yell at her. I just got to catch her in a lie and tell her firmly, I know you are lying. Thats when she let open the floodgates of missing me and needing me. Either way, I left it with the request that she leave me alone. Even if I had put her on blast, she doesnt have guilt to let go of. She has willfully brainwashed herself to think that it is perfectly acceptable that she got with my friend because she doesn't believe in emotional cheating. She thinks that her behavior was perfectly fine and that she got physical with him AFTER I saw the texts....right......I saw the texts. She must think I have amnesia. I'd say flirting, making out with, getting the number of, texting, planning an escape route from me and saying sexty stuff is cheating. And what about that night she didnt come home? hmmm. Anyways, she's dumb. It's just becoming increasingly obvious how lucky I am to be done with her. Hopefully this time she gets the hint and leaves me alone. I've deleted her from all my social media, I'm not calling her and I'm feeling better today than I have since this crap started. Chi Town and Alive Again, I owe ya a beer. Link to post Share on other sites
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