Gonna see them together tonight

[Chi townD]

Dude, you're getting played. Out of all the places on the planet, she has to stay with you?

 

And I do believe that they are now probably broken up because your "friend" wants to talk to you. He wouldn't want to do that if he was still screwing around with her. He's done now; he's done having his fun. So, now he wants to mend fences. I would tell him to f*ck off.

[SMALLTOWNBLUES]

Yeah,

 

I didnt respond to OM, he can f**k off but yeah I found out from some mutual friends she's been sending us identical texts and he dumped her cos she would flip out on him one minute and tell him she was in love with him the next...then she comes crawling back to me when he is finished with her. He sucks, she sucks. But no, she's not staying here. Or Im moving out.

 

Never dealing with her or him again but don't care. Through getting played.

 

ChiTown, figured this all out, just wanted to sit back and take it all in.

[aliveagain]

Why are you doing this to yourself? Have her stuff moved, it will cost you as much as a hotel room by the sounds of it.

[ChessPieceFace]

Maybe bring a girl if you can, even if it's just casual / a friend. If the ex & crew talk to you just be polite but not overly friendly. Hang out somewhere in the crowd away from them.

[SMALLTOWNBLUES]

She can just stay there. One thing I forgot to mention is when we moved in, she covered the deposit and I paid it back to her the next week. So, the landlords are going to write a check out to her. I need to play it cool long enough to get that $$$.

 

Also, think when she gets there and realizes that there is no hot water that she will probably be trying to patch it up with her guy. hahaha. so maybe that will take care of itself.

 

I got a friend who offered me a place to stay.

 

Not gonna deal with any of her sh*t anymore. Over it.

 

Come Aug. 15th, we are no longer tied to each other at all. It'll be a relief.

 

Also, great suggestions on hotel rooms and moving her stuff....but these things cost money and dealing with this has already depleted some of my savings (taking on utilities myself, fixing up the house, hotel rooms).

[The Way I Am]

No hot water. Priceless.

 

Glad you found somewhere to stay. The most important thing is making sure you don't give her any chance to get back into your life. She could stay somewhere else if she really wanted to, but she was looking for a way to weasel her way back. Especially since the OM dumped her. Any amount of money would be well spent avoiding her little plan, but it's great that your friend is helping you out so you can do that for free.

 

It's really kind of sad and pathetic that she so desperately needs to have a man to validate herself that she behaves this ridiculously. Sending you both identical texts. She doesn't care what man she has, she just needs to have one, because she has no self esteem. Someone like that can't be faithful until after they've done a lot of work on themselves.

[SMALLTOWNBLUES]

My ex hates me because I spoke to the OM. I just told him she had been sending me identical texts while with him, which is true.

 

I wish I had not even spoke to him but was tired of her playing me.

 

Anyways, all day she has been emailing me how much she hates me and I realized she holds the strings to a 1800$ deposit, 900$ of which is mine.

 

I paid her all in cash though, so she could totally lie and not give it to me.

 

I am going NC, have actually been going to AA meetings for the last week ( I have been drinking alot during all of this) and regret getting further involved in her life (although she had been saying all this stuff, I know now it was nothing.) I truly do not care what she does now and see that her being around just causes me more pain and stupidity.

 

So yeah, I'm dumb, but any advice on how to get this deposit back? We have one more month....was hoping a month of NC would cool things down.

 

Again, I regret furthering any contact with either party. I was drunk and have not had a drink in 3 days as a result. Planning on not drinking til I'm way over this.

 

Since all this I have also finally realized that while she cheated and lied to me, she ultimately does not want to be with me anymore (nor do I her) and what she does with her new life is none of my business.

 

After all this, I'm excited for NC. Tired of torturing myself. The meetings have helped too.

[The Way I Am]

Glad you found support in AA. Sorry to hear about the rest. Is it mean to point out that I warned you telling the OM about the texts would set her off? Don't beat yourself up over it too much. I've done plenty of stupider things.

 

You'll have to make a decision whether the money or moving on is more important. Getting the money back will involve keeping in contact with her until she gets the deposit and gives you what she owes you. It could get in the way of getting over her. If you stay NC, you'll probably get over her faster, but have less chance of getting the money.

 

If choose getting your money back, you'll have to play nice. You have no proof she owes it to you, so no legal recourse. She's shown she's not a trustworthy and honorable person, so chances are that she won't have qualms about keeping your money. The only way you'll get it is if she chooses to pay you. She won't do that if she's pissed off.

 

You can't stay NC or be nasty to her and then turn around a play nice the day before she gets the deposit. She'll see right through it. You may have to suck up your pride, put on a wuss act, and start making nice. Give her a day or so then send her a message about how you're sorry about how things worked out and would like to stay friends. (You don't have to mean it.) Ask her to meet up for lunch or coffee. Then fake like you're glad to see her and forgive her. Respond positively to her any time she contacts you like you consider her a good friend. Help her move her stuff if she asks.

 

If she hasn't actually given up on trying to get you back, you may even have to go to the extent of flirting and leading her to believe you might get back together.

 

Again, it's not going to be easy, and even then she could still decide to screw you over and keep it. You have to consider whether dealing with her is worth the money.

[SMALLTOWNBLUES]

she wants nothing to do with me! i'm just gonna stay NC and just not bother her at all until maybe a couple of weeks....so she can cool off and not have to think about me.

 

the funny thing is, think she's off to another guy! she'd been dating a coworker of the OM to make him jealous, but I think it's gotten more serious.

 

This girl is just looking for anyone. Not my problem.

 

Anyways, I won't pick up contact til maybe a week or two before the deposit is due.

 

I'll play nice! I want 900$

 

If I got her to admit on line I had paid her half, does that hold up in court?

[Chi townD]

So, she hates you because you talked to the other guy? (by the way....why? And how did that conversation go?) She hates you because you exposed her for what she was? That you figured her out?

 

Okay...fine! Makes life easy for you!

 

Time to move on!

[The Way I Am]

she wants nothing to do with me!

 

You really don't get us women, do you? She's pissed that you exposed her, but she's a game player with seriously low self esteem. If you came back around with your tail between your legs just enough to stroke her ego but not enough that you come off as a whiney doormat, she'd lap up the attention.

 

Anyways, I won't pick up contact til maybe a week or two before the deposit is due.

 

I'll play nice! I want 900$

 

Not a good idea. That's transparent as hell and acting all friendly a week before the money is coming is more likely to piss her off than just asking for the money when she already has it. Either start playing nice now or just ignore her until the day the deposit is due. Then text or call her and casually say something like "Hey, I just want to check whether you got the deposit back." If she says yes, say "Great. You can send my half to [where ever she can send it]".

 

Make it a statement like it's a given that she'll send it because it's your money. Don't ask her if she will send it to you.

 

If I got her to admit on line I had paid her half, does that hold up in court?

 

If you can an email from her, it could help. Skype or any chat probably won't help much, because you could get a judge that's not familiar with the technology and would dismiss it entirely.

 

But going to small claims is a pain in the ass, and even if you win, it doesn't force the person to pay you. A friend got a small claims judgement several years ago and still hasn't gotten any of the money.