Dating and religion

[MrTurk]

During my online dating stints I have sometimes notated that I am atheist on my profile. More than a dozen women have told me that they would have contacted me for a date, but when they saw I was atheist they changed their mind. So I posed the following example to them.....

 

*Say you are out somewhere, and you meet an amazing guy. You have an instant connection with him, and could definitely see dating him seriously. But after the night is over, you do not know where he stands on religion. Now if you ask him, and his beliefs counter yours....does that change who he is? Does that make him any different from that great guy you enjoyed hanging out with? No it doesnt. You simply made religion an issue*

 

I grew up in a religious home. I attended 8 years of catholic school. I know what is preached about, and how you are supposed to live. But I just find it a huge contradiction, that religious women instantly turn their back on someone that doesnt believe exactly what they believe. Arent religious people taught to be accepting of others?

 

Do you know how many people fake their religious beliefs just to date and marry someone?? Or to simply not cause conflict? That sh*t happens all the time. Yet someone like me that is openly honest about it gets black balled for it.

Edited July 20, 2013 by MrTurk

[jcrew11]

Dude, you are reading it wrong.

 

When women see "Atheist" = sexually immoral, non-monogamous, socially unconventional, anti-authoritarian, anti-society, anti-social, hates religious people, hates christians, hates much of conservative society, polyamorous, doesn't like rules or regulations, etc.

 

Basically, women see a potentially unhinged hippie that is angry at society and religion, likes to debate and pick fights, and will probably cheat on her and want a threesome, orgies, or other weird bdsm fetish stuff.

 

Women want a "monogamous socially conventional husband or boyfriend" that won't cheat on her or give her problems, or embarrass her or her family.

 

If you are a strict Atheist, then you probably won't get along with any christians or catholic women anyway, so its better than they avoid you.

[Phoe]

o.O

 

jcrew11, if people would stop stereotyping an atheist as everything you listed above, people would get along a heck of a lot better.

 

 

Many atheists are normal every day people. Not automatically argumentative, not immoral, not problematic, not anti-social, not poor citizens.

 

 

People hear atheist and automatically think "OH MY GOD SATAN-WORSHIPPER" - heyyyy. no. atheists don't believe in satan either. It's just a matter of being totally non-religious. It's not ANTI-religious, just personally non-religious.

 

 

I'm atheist. People assume I'm christian, because I don't walk around advertising being atheist. I don't care if people assume it, and I don't care if the people around me are religious. I have several WONDERFUL friends who are very strict mormons. They don't care about me being atheist. We get along fine because we are GOOD PEOPLE. Religion does not play into our friendships.

 

 

I have never, ever, acted combative or disdainful towards someone who is religious, but alternately, have been instantly attacked or jumped on by devout christians just for mentioning that I'm atheist. Not very Christ-like to judge, eh?

[MrTurk]

o.O

 

 

I have never, ever, acted combative or disdainful towards someone who is religious, but alternately, have been instantly attacked or jumped on by devout christians just for mentioning that I'm atheist. Not very Christ-like to judge, eh?

 

Thats been my experience too Women that are religious just instantly write me off. I dont get why some of them have to be so close minded when it comes to this? In my opinion, many of those women simply believe what they believe because thats how they were raised, and they just dont think any other way, not because they learn, research, and decide on it for themselves.

 

Think about it....if religion still had its way, scientists would be banished to house arrest or death, and books would be burned if they were deemed a threat to the church.

 

I think everyone, NEEDS to watch the below clip....it puts into perspective the reality of our place in existence.

 

Carl Sagan - Pale Blue Dot - YouTube

 

 

.

[KathyM]

Women generally want someone who is compatible with them and shares their core beliefs. That's pretty normal. Wanting someone who is a match and who will be compatible. That is usually the reason most women are dating, to find a compatible partner. They are not dating just to get to know random people. They are dating to find a guy who is a match for them whom they can have a compatible relationship with. I do know that there are men who try to put on a false "coat of religiosity" in order to convince women that they are a good match, rather than being who they really are. It's too bad that people aren't honest about who they are. Honesty is the way to find someone who is compatible with you. Why do you think women should want to date someone who doesn't share their core beliefs? Most are dating for the purpose of finding a compatible partner, not just for the heck of it.

[MrTurk]

Why do you think women should want to date someone who doesn't share their core beliefs?

 

I understand that side of it to a point. But women date guys and put up with them in all facates of a relationship. One guy may drink a little too much, but the wife "puts up with it" with it. Another guy may have an anger issue, but the woman "puts up with it" with it. There may be a guy that is very loose with his finances, and the woman "puts up with it". Think of all the aspects that a woman may put up with when in a relationship with a guy. Most of those are physical, real attributes that can have a physical affect on her personally. So why are so many of those traits "put up with".....and something that is just a "belief" is a deal breaker?

 

Me not beleiving in your religion is totally harnless to the relationship. Its not different than a woman having zero interest in something that I cherish. People have relationships with each other all the time where one of them isnt into something that the other person is.

 

Can anyone come up with a solid argument for how me not believing can affect the relationship?? Even if she wanted me to go to church with her I'd go...doesnt mean I have to believe to be there. Because we all know theres many others that are faking it every Sunday,.

[sillyanswer]

Arent religious people taught to be accepting of others?

 

Yes some do but...

 

1) some religions have teachings against forming relationships with unbelievers

 

2) atheism is pretty much a religion in itself (and not one with particular teachings about accepting of others, although that's not my point)

[sweetkiwi]

I only dated one "religious" guy, and that was enough for one lifetime.

 

Mo-fo doesn't even believe dinosaurs existed.......

[youngnlove89]

Me and my ex broke up due to religious differences, he thought he was God and I didn't.

 

:bunny::bunny::bunny:

[KathyM]

I understand that side of it to a point. But women date guys and put up with them in all facates of a relationship. One guy may drink a little too much, but the wife "puts up with it" with it. Another guy may have an anger issue, but the woman "puts up with it" with it. There may be a guy that is very loose with his finances, and the woman "puts up with it". Think of all the aspects that a woman may put up with when in a relationship with a guy. Most of those are physical, real attributes that can have a physical affect on her personally. So why are so many of those traits "put up with".....and something that is just a "belief" is a deal breaker?

Core beliefs is a biggy for many people. Most people are looking for someone who is compatible with them and shares their core beliefs. I'll give another example, other than religion. If someone were an animal rights activist, they would probably not be interested in dating someone who did animal testing, or was a hunter or a trapper, or a furrier. Not a match in core beliefs, and makes for a more contentious relationship and a lack of respect for the other person's beliefs.

Me not beleiving in your religion is totally harnless to the relationship. Its not different than a woman having zero interest in something that I cherish. People have relationships with each other all the time where one of them isnt into something that the other person is.

People who are religious generally want a partner who is going to be supportive of their faith, and not against it. Christians, specifically, are instructed in the Bible not to be unequally yoked. That is true of other religions as well.

Can anyone come up with a solid argument for how me not believing can affect the relationship?? Even if she wanted me to go to church with her I'd go...doesnt mean I have to believe to be there. Because we all know theres many others that are faking it every Sunday,.

Being present in the church just for show or just for accompaniment is not being supportive of her faith.

[KathyM]

. Arent religious people taught to be accepting of others?

Being accepting of others doesn't mean you have to date them or marry them. It means you accept their right to believe what they want and the freedom to believe what they want. Doesn't mean you have to date them or marry them. People want someone who is a match for them. Someone whom they can share their interests, their beliefs, their core values. Someone who is compatible with them.

[sweetjasmine]

Do you know how many people fake their religious beliefs just to date and marry someone?? Or to simply not cause conflict? That sh*t happens all the time. Yet someone like me that is openly honest about it gets black balled for it.

 

Okay. And? Why would you want to be with someone who thinks atheists are horrible, irredeemable people?

 

I'm an atheist. I couldn't be in a relationship with someone who wasn't precisely because of all the BS interpersonal religious conflicts cause.

[MrTurk]

Mo-fo doesn't even believe dinosaurs existed.......

 

Wow are you serious?? How did you even get into a relationship with someone like that?

 

I met a woman on a dating site, and somehow astronomy came up in the conversation. I was talking about the Sun, and the size of it, and she let out a serious giggle...telling me "The Sun isnt that big...you can see how small it is when you look up in the sky"

 

 

 

Okay. And? Why would you want to be with someone who thinks atheists are horrible, irredeemable people?

 

LOL Not every religious person thinks that, but many do. But thats kind of my point...why are so many religious people close minded, when they are preached and preached at to be open? And I dont mean being open as in marry the guy....but at least dont cast judgment just from one word. But I'm sure within the religious community atheists and agnostics are instantly labeled as "bad" people, or people that are out to destroy religious faith.

 

I really shouldnt even call myself an atheist, because I dont even want to be associated with the many of the idiots of that group either. I simply dont believe any god, power, or being of any kind exists. And atheist is the term that fits best.

[sweetjasmine]

LOL Not every religious person thinks that, but many do. But thats kind of my point...why are so many religious people close minded, when they are preached and preached at to be open? And I dont mean being open as in marry the guy....but at least dont cast judgment just from one word.

 

Well, not all religions actually preach openness. Some might preach acceptance and tolerance but often contradict it with preaching that such-and-such is sinful, such-and-such is immoral, such-and-such is unholy.

 

But I'm sure within the religious community atheists and agnostics are instantly labeled as "bad" people, or people that are out to destroy religious faith.

 

A lot of religious communities take "atheist" to mean "out to destroy my religion." Nevermind the numerous "I don't give a f- about your religion" atheists out there.

 

I simply dont believe any god, power, or being of any kind exists. And atheist is the term that fits best.

 

It is the term that fits best. But people often take it to mean active hatred of a specific god. If you find someone who's willing to listen when you explain your worldview, that's great. But the ones who walk away from you when you drop the a-bomb are doing both of you a favor.

[MrTurk]

the ones who walk away from you when you drop the a-bomb are doing both of you a favor.

 

Kinda funny how the F-bomb can be used with no problem...but the A-bomb is the word the makes people dislike you

[Eclypse]

I get what you mean OP. But would you want to date someone who reay has an irrational fear of atheists? I don't online date but if I did maybe I'd put down "non practising Christian". Seems a bit softer that way.

[KathyM]

If you have such disrespect for Christians, why would you want to date one, and why would you want to pretend to be one? Makes no sense. Just be honest about your beliefs and you will find a match who is compatible with your beliefs.

[jcrew11]

Thats been my experience too Women that are religious just instantly write me off. I dont get why some of them have to be so close minded when it comes to this? In my opinion, many of those women simply believe what they believe because thats how they were raised, and they just dont think any other way, not because they learn, research, and decide on it for themselves.

 

Think about it....if religion still had its way, scientists would be banished to house arrest or death, and books would be burned if they were deemed a threat to the church.

 

I think everyone, NEEDS to watch the below clip....it puts into perspective the reality of our place in existence.

 

Carl Sagan - Pale Blue Dot - YouTube

 

 

.

 

Mr Turk, why do you even want to date a "religious close minded woman"? You want to be with a woman who goes to church everday and forces your children to pray to god?

 

Attractive women deal with so many losers and scumbags that they look for "red flags" that are signs of problems, troubles or issues.

 

If a woman doesn't think she is Religiously and Spiritually compatible with your beliefs, then she is avoiding a lot of wasted energy fighting or debating religious topics.

 

My advice, if you want to date christian women, leave the "Atheism" topic for the 4th date, and take it off your profile.

[jcrew11]

Me not beleiving in your religion is totally harnless to the relationship. Its not different than a woman having zero interest in something that I cherish. People have relationships with each other all the time where one of them isnt into something that the other person is.

 

Can anyone come up with a solid argument for how me not believing can affect the relationship?? Even if she wanted me to go to church with her I'd go...doesnt mean I have to believe to be there. Because we all know theres many others that are faking it every Sunday,.

 

Religion does effect marriages - (1) she will want to be married in a Church with her pastor, (2) her family and parents are Christians and want to keep the religion, (3) she wants to raise any children as Christians and go to Sunday School, (4) she wants to practice her religion without skepticism or arguments and celebrate religious holidays and attend weekly Church services, (5) she wants a monogamous, socially-conventional relationship with a guy who has a strong moral foundation and won't cheat on her or believe in "free love"

[MrTurk]

Religion does effect marriages - (1) she will want to be married in a Church with her pastor, (2) her family and parents are Christians and want to keep the religion, (3) she wants to raise any children as Christians and go to Sunday School, (4) she wants to practice her religion without skepticism or arguments and celebrate religious holidays and attend weekly Church services, (5) she wants a monogamous, socially-conventional relationship with a guy who has a strong moral foundation and won't cheat on her or believe in "free love"

 

Those a good solid points. And if a woman is that involved in her religion, than I can understand her side of it. But from my experience....all the women that I have known that "say" they are this faith or that....only go to church maybe 1 or two holidays a year, and thats about it.

 

I firmly believe there are way more part time religious people, than real full time religious people. But when it comes to dating....I guess they still want someone that says they are religious, even if its a part time interest, just like theirs is.

[jcrew11]

Those a good solid points. And if a woman is that involved in her religion, than I can understand her side of it. But from my experience....all the women that I have known that "say" they are this faith or that....only go to church maybe 1 or two holidays a year, and thats about it.

 

I firmly believe there are way more part time religious people, than real full time religious people. But when it comes to dating....I guess they still want someone that says they are religious, even if its a part time interest, just like theirs is.

 

Well, as a I mentioned, its a lot easier to be a non-confrontational part time Christian, than it is dealing with the issues associated with a confrontational, argumentative anti-religion atheist.

 

You may be non-practicing or have no opinion or be a closet agnostic.

 

But women see "Red Flags" in men who are different and strange to them, and won't date anyone too different or unknown to her own lifestyle. There are regular, normal guys you bring home to Mom+Dad and marry; and then there are the creeps, weirdos, jerks, and players that have "Red Flags"

 

Your goal on a dating profile is to make yourself seem like a nice, normal, well-adjusted guy that is marriage-material.

 

There is also an issue of morality - because some Atheists might not like moral biblical social "rules" like monogamy, and she will think you will cheat on her.

 

People who are Atheists are "actively Atheists" and have chosen Atheism because they are anti-Christian, anti-Religion, or anti-Conservative, or anti-Authoritarian; and they might be mad at their conservative parents and hate their parents. Active Atheists, are also more argumentative and into debating and proving practicing Christians wrong all the time.

 

Now, I'm not saying that Atheism is wrong, but no Woman wants to "Argue over Religion" on a first date or even after they are married.

[MrTurk]

You may be non-practicing or have no opinion or be a closet agnostic.

 

Atheism is the belief that no god, power, or any sort of higher being exists.

 

Agnostic is the belief that nobody can know for sure if any of those exist, but is not shut off to it if it does go one way or another.

 

So I would say I'm atheist. I truly believe that nothing exists, and everything is a product of evolution.

 

 

Your goal on a dating profile is to make yourself seem like a nice, normal, well-adjusted guy that is marriage-material.

 

Agreed...but in my weird twisted mind, I refuse to conform just to get a date. Even though I know that probably 90% of the people on dating sites do. They will do and say whatever it takes to get their foot in that door.

 

 

People who are Atheists are "actively Atheists" and have chosen Atheism because they are anti-Christian, anti-Religion, or anti-Conservative, or anti-Authoritarian; and they might be mad at their conservative parents and hate their parents. Active Atheists, are also more argumentative and into debating and proving practicing Christians wrong all the time.

 

Also very true. Thats a huge problem for anyone that says they dont believe in god, and are an atheist. Because the majority of atheists are morons that are argumentative, if your face type of people.

 

I believe what I believe and thats it. I have no problems with what others believe. What does bother me, is being judged by women ahead of time. Seems to remind me about a very popular saying many women use about a book and a cover...but I cant recall exactly

[HokeyReligions]

During my online dating stints I have sometimes notated that I am atheist on my profile. More than a dozen women have told me that they would have contacted me for a date, but when they saw I was atheist they changed their mind. So I posed the following example to them.....

 

*Say you are out somewhere, and you meet an amazing guy. You have an instant connection with him, and could definitely see dating him seriously. But after the night is over, you do not know where he stands on religion. Now if you ask him, and his beliefs counter yours....does that change who he is? Does that make him any different from that great guy you enjoyed hanging out with? No it doesnt. You simply made religion an issue*

 

I grew up in a religious home. I attended 8 years of catholic school. I know what is preached about, and how you are supposed to live. But I just find it a huge contradiction, that religious women instantly turn their back on someone that doesnt believe exactly what they believe. Arent religious people taught to be accepting of others?

 

Do you know how many people fake their religious beliefs just to date and marry someone?? Or to simply not cause conflict? That sh*t happens all the time. Yet someone like me that is openly honest about it gets black balled for it.

 

If I were looki g for a relationship absolutely faith and religion would be an issue. Its a dealbreakerofor me and yes it does add another facet to the guy making him more or less than the guy I had a great time with the night before.

 

Why would you want to date someone for whom YOUR faith does not match? Atheism IS a faith.

[jcrew11]

Also very true. Thats a huge problem for anyone that says they dont believe in god, and are an atheist. Because the majority of atheists are morons that are argumentative, if your face type of people.

 

I believe what I believe and thats it. I have no problems with what others believe. What does bother me, is being judged by women ahead of time. Seems to remind me about a very popular saying many women use about a book and a cover...but I cant recall exactly

 

I just think its rather naive to think that religion doesn't matter or shouldn't matter in relationships. For many people, it is a cultural lifestyle - do you spend your Sundays going to Church, helping the poor, or are you the type of guy that wants to get drunk, smoke weed, and watch football? Women have 10 seconds to look at your profile and judge your character. Does this guy have the same moral values?

 

As I mentioned, there is also peer pressure from her Mom and Dad to keep and practice the religion. There is more inter-faith marriages now, but those couples don't meet online. Jews can marry Christians, Hindus, Muslims, etc. but that doesn't mean it will be easy or there will be difficulties between the couples or their families.

 

However, you can play up the "atheist, rebel rockstar, hipster, new-age" persona if you want to shag easy hippie yoga girls. But I think you need to stay away from the Christian girls if you want to prevent stress and headaches.

[MrTurk]

Why would you want to date someone for whom YOUR faith does not match? Atheism IS a faith.

 

Atheism is a belief. Just like any religion is. Anyone can label anything as a belief or religion. Theres really no rules to it.

 

Its hard for you to understand how and why a person like me doesnt prioritize the belief of a person I date, because you deem it as something that is extremely important, but I dont. Technically, its no different than if you believe in working out 5 days a week, and live your life around that....and someone else only sees it fit to work out 1 day a week.