ThumbingMyWay Posted October 26, 2004 Share Posted October 26, 2004 Originally posted by immoralist Great posts, but I believe we're banging our wise and weary heads against the steel door. Once those thrill hormones start flowing, and the fatal attraction really kicks in, you just fasten your seatbelt and hope everyone survives the affair's inevitable crash and burn. sad but true Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted October 26, 2004 Share Posted October 26, 2004 Originally posted by ThumbingMyWay .....and thats when the HURT comes in Just want to make one comment here Thumb...take it from the BS...the hurt starts well before that. My wife's emotiona A didn't become physical...but I kinda feel like that was just my dumb luck more than anything else. The hurt I felt/feel is very much here. And I have to say that the pain she went through during the withdrawl is there too... Take a look at my post and you'll see what I mean. Sarah- Take a look at my post, and decide if what I described of my wife's feelings, her actions, and reactions don't sound very familiar to you. Now, trust me when I tell you that my wife is VERY glad that she didn't get on the plane and leave me, and she realizes (now) that what she had would not have survived, nor did the feelings she had for me actually go away...its just that the feelings she had for the OM (and the affair) were the ones she was concentrating on. Let us know what you decide to do friend...I'd bet that you could get some good advice from others here on ways to reconcile and work through things. After all...we've all gone through the same thing you're in now, from one perspective or another. Why else do you think we're all here??? Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted November 1, 2004 Share Posted November 1, 2004 Was hoping to hear how things were going for you Sarah. I'm hoping you've been able to start sorting through everything and start making some decisions. Keep in mind that we're here for you!! Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted November 1, 2004 Share Posted November 1, 2004 Remember the grass is greener on the other side....Really remember that. I know I would never cheat or leave my husband. NOT tempted enough to do that ever let alone cause him the pain of experiencing my selfishness of possibly wondering the what if....FRICK you wanna see some pain, go read DazednConfused's thread about his life. Read it then stop and think is it worth it all?? I have a good online friend, yes we connected and all that jazz...he's married I'm married it was NOT ever gonna happen, but we did some flirting, had some feelings...Felt good and all. I did alot of thinking, soul seaching, understanding and reading everyones' posts here and there on this site and I KNOW that I will never allow myself to do anything like that. I guess I can learn from other's pain and mistakes. Comes down to yes, sometimes I am not pleased with my husband, he is who is he but I know he loves me, treats me well and just because I want sex more than he does, does NOT give me the right to jump into the arms of someone else. We are working on things and it is getting better. Just look at it as flattery when you catch someone's eye. Makes you feel good about yourself and leave it at that. Sorry, I'm in a real pissy mood today as well, so if I sound harsh it is all coming from me today. All the best for everyone though. Just shield your hearts. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted November 1, 2004 Share Posted November 1, 2004 I have a good online friend, yes we connected and all that jazz...he's married I'm married it was NOT ever gonna happen, but we did some flirting, had some feelings...Felt good and all. I did alot of thinking, soul seaching, understanding and reading everyones' posts here and there on this site and I KNOW that I will never allow myself to do anything like that. How would your husband feel if he had read those conversations?? After what I've gone through, I feel like the emotional part of the affair is just as devastating as the physical. And, its good to KNOW that about yourself...but why put yourself into a situation where you may be tempted. My wife likely KNEW that it would never go too far in her chats and IMs...but it did. Better not to get into a situation like that to begin with. Get a girlfriend you can talk with like that, so you don't run that risk. Sorry...not trying to sound mean. Just my thoughts. Had my wife had a female friend to act as a sounding board, I think that it would have been much better therapy for her, and a LOT less pain for me. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted November 1, 2004 Share Posted November 1, 2004 MY POINT exactly!! I woke up and smelt the coffeee!!! I did realize what I was doing was wrong... That was my point maybe I'm in a mood today and that did not come across very clearly. MY husband is aware I was talking to him online. I am sure he knew or figured I had a crush going...I get attached to people easily, I wear my heart on my sleeve and during my lowest times this person helped me through my problems as I helped him. We may have crossed the line...But I would not leave my husband or change my life for this person or anybody else for that matter. That is all I am saying here. I do not work right now, I suffer from an anxiety disorder. I am missing out on alot of daily things...My work buddies, that joking around and bantering...That fun flirting with a coworker...YES we ALL DO IT...Married or NOT, we all do it and it does not mean anything just makes ya feel good!! SO for me I think it was abit of that too. Since I am not around many people these days the internet is it for me! Not an excuse but I also know myself and my heart and my situation. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted November 1, 2004 Share Posted November 1, 2004 So, you woke up and smelled the coffee. You know you're engaged in something that you shouldn't be doing, and would probably hurt your husband big time if he truly knew the whole thing. SO WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT IT??? Just acknowledging it is wrong doesn't get rid of it, doesn't absolve you of it. So what's your next step friend? On a side note, you sound a lot like my wife. She also wears her heart on her sleeve, and gets attached easily to people. That, combined with voluntarily exiling herself to the house (YES, it was voluntary...I begged her to get out of the house, even if we LOST money), the depression, and not truly understanding anything about boundaries (all relationships have some types of boundaries...and most of them SHOULD have them) was what led my wife to the point where she was ready to get on a plane and leave me for a man she'd never met, after 17 years of marriage. Learn about boundaries. You've crossed one with your friend...it gets easier after this. I understand temptation...I've been tempted to do the same thing myself. THAT is why I never allow myself to get into a situation that could get me in trouble...I always use those boundaries to keep any relationship with another woman from getting beyond what it should be. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted November 1, 2004 Share Posted November 1, 2004 Well my friend...I am NOT your wife!! I have NO intentions of leaving my husband!! EVER!! This is apples and oranges. Each situation is different. Just because your wife jumped on a plane does not mean I am going to! I do not have any intention of doing that ever. And as far as my husband is concerned he does know I care a hell of alot about this other guy. He knows how much this person has helped me through my hardest times when my husband could not help me through it, or handle my problems. So in that respect he does know how I feel. But don't you tell me that you have NEVER flirted in a fun or sexual way with any female...Or thought about hmm, if I was single....But you don't pursue it ever! Thoughts are thoughts and THAT my dear is not illegal. Link to post Share on other sites
Amethyst Posted November 1, 2004 Share Posted November 1, 2004 I've only just read through this thread, but I noticed something interesting: Sarah, practically all of your posts are asking people to *clarify* their positions on this guy's actions. The truth is, the posts you want clarified (i.e. that he wants to get in your pants, etc.) are *clear as crystal*. These people have told you in NO uncertain terms that it's clear this guy is looking for sex. (I almost used a metaphore, but I'll refrain so you don't have to ask me to "clarify" what I meant.) They have told you in NO uncertain terms that a man who truly loves you would not put your marriage in jeopardy by trying to get close to you. They have told you in NO uncertain terms that you are currently having an emotional affair and need to STOP before you have a physical one. You asked for opinions and those given were, as I already said, CRYSTAL CLEAR. Now, if you choose not to accept their advice, that's your choice; but, trust me, they couldn't make their views any clearer. Remember, the people on this forum are not here to tell you what you WANT to hear -- they're here to tell you what you NEED to hear. Link to post Share on other sites
sami Posted November 1, 2004 Share Posted November 1, 2004 Thank you for a job well done. It couldn't be better than what you did. Thanks a million. Link to post Share on other sites
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