fiance pocket dialed, wow, my feelings and ego are hurt!

[subliminal]

So my fiance pocket dialed me yesterday at work and I overheard her talking about something that hurt my feelings pretty bad. I understand girl talk and all that but I know what was said and I could never dream of saying anything about her and my personal sensitive matters to anyone other than her.

 

My fiance got a penis mold for us as an anniversary gift. I was totally flattered and it made me feel all warm n fuzzy about sex and the whole relationship. I'm not always the most secure man and this definitely boosted my ego. So good job on her part.

 

Ok so nearly 2 months later and after a few times of reading the instructions we still have yet to make it. It requires a lot of steps and what seems to be the moon and stars needing to align and both of us ending up frustrated feeling like its too much work.

 

So 2 nights ago after the boy is in bed, we decide to try again. Read the instructions and again we start feeling like its too much work and I start worrying that I may not be able to focus enough to get an erection in the moment I'm supposed to so I tell her that I don't know if I can do it without her helping keep me up. I mention oral sex and got a bit of an attitude from her. I told her to just forget it then because I didn't think we should do it tonight. So we ended up laying in bed and actually having a great night watching tv and laughing in bed about randomness and then went to sleep. So the next day while watching TV they were talking about viagra and she said, you need that to do the mold. I got pretty upset because she seemed serious about it. I removed myself from the situation and ended up taking a nap.she knew I was upset about it, but just started watching TV and then went to work. So here's the kicker and where I took a huge kick in the nuts.

 

I get a pocket dial from her and hear her talking to a girl she calls her best friend but repeatedly talks bad about to me almost every day. So I hear her telling her that I was a complete jackass to her because she bought a penis mold and I can't even keep it hard for 2 min and now she wasted 45$ on it. Among other things that I really felt were none of this girls business and that will get spread around just like everything else. They were laughing and joking about it and it really made me feel like crap. I mean I'm not ashamed of my manhood but I sorta feel like that's kinda private and that I'm the butt of their jokes at work now. I feel kinda betrayed in a way, like this is the one person that I shouldn't have to worry about saying hurtful things about me. She doesn't understand how that hurt my feelings after hours of me trying to explain, she thinks I'm overly sensitive and need to man up. I feel like she should give the mold to someone else that can keep it hard for 2 min because I'm sure that there are guys that would love to, I'm humiliated and hurt. Imagine me talking to my buddy about her gaining weight and being insecure about it and us laughing in the reverse situation. I think shed be upset even worse. So let's hear it, how would y'all feel?

[sweetkiwi]

What a bitch. But you are both overly sensitive.

[Silly_Girl]

I'd be furious.

 

Did you speak to her about it?

[subliminal]

Yea, I agree we are both sensitive, I'll be the first to admit that I am a sensitive caring guy, no shame in that. I feel she was very insensitive, which she can be. I'm very sensitive to her and would never say anything about her to that degree to anyone. She tells me that she braggs about me at work to her girlfriends and I believe her and it feels good thinking she does and really turns me on. But hearing the bad unexpectedly really hurt.

 

Yes I immediately txt her and was furious, I overreacted and txt her friend who she was talking to and told her I heard them and was furious and that my fiance talks bad about her to me everyday. I know that part was extremely childish but I was floored and overcome with anger and sickened at what I heard. We fought all night and eventually it came down to me being insecure and her not fully understanding how it hurts me. She apologized and seemed to kinda feel bad but it was late and I needed go to sleep because I had to work early. We somewhat made up, but I'm still a bit bothered. I need to talk to her more but I don't want to fight. I feel like minimized it.

[It-is-what-it-is.]

There is a difference between talking and fighting. You have an issue you do not feel has been resolved. You need to bring it up again and discuss your feelings and expectations.

 

I think that you made good points...Her sharing personal private sexual information with a friend is not cool. She was obviously pissed off at you and did not discuss with you directly and rather talked to her friend.

You found out in a hurtful way.

 

I am sure she has feelings too, I am just guessing. Disappointment that you don't like her gift (maybe?) or that you are making too big of a thing about it and making it a big deal instead of something fun (?)

 

Don't be passive about solving problems just to avoid conflict. Take the risk and talk to her.

[Robert Z]

This is one of the more common complaints that I have heard from men - their wives not respecting their private lives. Some women seem to feel that their privacy needs to be respected but have a sense of entitlement in regards to their mate's.

 

My ex never knew when to keep her mouth shut. But she would do it right in front of me and then acted all shocked when I had a problem with that! It was a major factor leading to our divorce. For me the bottom line is this [my personal reaction to your story]: Tell her that you deserve and demand to be respected. If she can't handle that then the wedding is off.

 

Whatever you feel is the best course of action, this is not something that should be taken lightly. You deserve to be angry and hurt. Don't allow her to make light of this or it WILL get worse, and you'll live to regret it.

Edited July 20, 2013 by Robert Z

[sillyanswer]

Give her the $45. When she asks what it's for tell her about the conversation you overheard.

[subliminal]

Yea, I agree with you ^. I love the gift and its really more for her to use when I'm not there but the ego boost and thought really turns me on, but when it comes down to doing it, I feel like she should be the one who plans it out and is more willing to do whatever it takes to get what she wants. I just kinda choke and it was in my head that I don't want to mess up because of her comment that I don't want to waste 45$. I am not trying to be passive, I just want her to do something to try to fix it but I can't really ask for that ya know. I guess I should just be patient and just try to think positively , at least she likes my penis enough to want a clone. I told her there are things that are and should always be confidential in any relationship or friendship. It sucks feeling like everyone is laughing at you.

[sweetkiwi]

She gets pissed at you for mentioning oral sex.

 

She talks shi.t about you to her friend.

 

She thinks she "wasted" money on you FOR YOUR ANNIVERSARY GIFT.

 

DUMP HER.

[subliminal]

Give her the $45. When she asks what it's for tell her about the conversation you overheard.

I already told her, but that would have been a good way to tell her I knew

[Art_Critic]

You have to talk to her about this and quite honestly you might think about postponing the engagement.

 

She spoke of you in a disparaging way to a friend of hers, that my friend is not good.

 

The convo should have gone like this is there was going to be one " I bought Joe a penis mold, we haven't had a chance to make the mold yet but I can't wait to try it out.. I can't seem to get enough of him.. etc etc etc.

 

Sit her down and tell her she butt dialed you and what you heard, it wasn't your fault that she butt dialed you and it wasn't your fault that she made fun of you to her friend either.

 

Good Luck....

[subliminal]

This is one of the more common complaints that I have heard from men - their wives not respecting their private lives. Some women seem to feel that their privacy needs to be respected but have a sense of entitlement in regards to their mate's.

 

My ex never knew when to keep her mouth shut. But she would do it right in front of me and then acted all shocked when I had a problem with that! It was a major factor leading to our divorce. For me the bottom line is this [my personal reaction to your story]: Tell her that you deserve and demand to be respected. If she can't handle that then the wedding is off.

 

Whatever you feel is the best course of action, this is not something that should be taken lightly. You deserve to be angry and hurt. Don't allow her to make light of this or it WILL get worse, and you'll live to regret it.

Its cool that she talks about me, its just the whole kick in the nuts when I'm not there. Its like I can't help but back off emotionally now. I love her so much and I know she loves me, but you nailed it, its very disrespectful, and she doesn't get that and tries to blame me for having emotions. I think its a double standard. I'm not perfect, she used to make me feel like I was, but maybe I needed a reality check? There are a lot of good things in the relationship too, but lately its always something and she blames me for being too emotional and has been caught hiding things that if she was open with me about would be nothing. I feel like maybe I'm smothering her.

[thefooloftheyear]

Id drop her on her head...Eff that...

 

TFY

[CarrieT]

but lately its always something and she blames me for being too emotional and has been caught hiding things that if she was open with me about would be nothing.

This is the giant statement that is blaring out at me.

 

Subliminal, your emotionalism is an attribute that a potential life-partner should embrace and cherish.

 

The fact that you mention she blames you for this does not bode well in my eyes.

 

It is these small aspects of one's personality that another should find charming in the early part of a relationship because they will become more prevalent as one grows older and is emphasized in later years.

 

That she is so disrespectful about you behind your back is HUGE red flag. People in relationships should build each other up - not tear each other down. If she is doing this now, behind your back, she will eventually do it to your face and this should be a huge concern for you.

[subliminal]

You have to talk to her about this and quite honestly you might think about postponing the engagement.

 

She spoke of you in a disparaging way to a friend of hers, that my friend is not good.

 

The convo should have gone like this is there was going to be one " I bought Joe a penis mold, we haven't had a chance to make the mold yet but I can't wait to try it out.. I can't seem to get enough of him.. etc etc etc.

 

Sit her down and tell her she butt dialed you and what you heard, it wasn't your fault that she butt dialed you and it wasn't your fault that she made fun of you to her friend either.

 

Good Luck....

Oh, she knows I heard, I went off! I don't think she realizes that it was said in a hurtful way and was making fun of me, she continued to tell me that she doesn't understand why it hurt my feelings and that if I wasnt good enough, she wouldn't want it. But its besides the point, you humiliated me to your best friend. I understand girl talk, but damn now I feel like I'm a joke and everyone and can't trust her with my emotions. I'm not one to give up but I feel like I'm worth a little effort in making it right. If its too much for her then maybe you're right? She even says that and cops out by saying if she's so terrible, go find someone who makes me happy. That's like damn, you won't even try......

[subliminal]

This is the giant statement that is blaring out at me.

 

Subliminal, your emotionalism is an attribute that a potential life-partner should embrace and cherish.

 

The fact that you mention she blames you for this does not bode well in my eyes.

 

It is these small aspects of one's personality that another should find charming in the early part of a relationship because they will become more prevalent as one grows older and is emphasized in later years.

 

That she is so disrespectful about you behind your back is HUGE red flag. People in relationships should build each other up - not tear each other down. If she is doing this now, behind your back, she will eventually do it to your face and this should be a huge concern for you.

You said it perfect! I'm a passionate person and embrace her, at times I can be hard to handle, but I think her unwillingness to accept my emotions is pulling us apart. She used to go above and beyond and be totally in tune, now she runs away.

[thefooloftheyear]

Maybe its just me....but I would look at it this way....

 

You inadvertently overheard something that wasnt so nice...and thats putting it lightly....Now, what do you think the odds are that this one time you actually caught her was the one and only time she said something about you that was unflattering?

 

Id say somewhere between veeery slim and none...

 

TFY

[xxoo]

You said it perfect! I'm a passionate person and embrace her, at times I can be hard to handle, but I think her unwillingness to accept my emotions is pulling us apart. She used to go above and beyond and be totally in tune, now she runs away.

 

How long have you been engaged? Did the change happen before or after proposal?

 

All people marrying should strongly ponder this question in the months before the wedding: Would I still propose to this person today? Engagement is a sort of trial period, not a promise. Do you want to marry this person as she is now?

[subliminal]

Maybe its just me....but I would look at it this way....

 

You inadvertently overheard something that wasnt so nice...and thats putting it lightly....Now, what do you think the odds are that this one time you actually caught her was the one and only time she said something about you that was unflattering?

 

Id say somewhere between veeery slim and none...

 

TFY

 

Yes, this is exactly why I'm having problems with it. Its a trust thing. I understand girl talk, and I encourage it, I'm not controlling or like that, I just think about what all everyone else knows. Like I'm not always the most secure person, she tells me I shouldnt be but seems to not care to try to help. She has done things that have caused it, and I'm not innocent, I have snooped and found things that weren't really a big deal but were hidden from me because she said she didn't want to hurt me.

[subliminal]

How long have you been engaged? Did the change happen before or after proposal?

 

All people marrying should strongly ponder this question in the months before the wedding: Would I still propose to this person today? Engagement is a sort of trial period, not a promise. Do you want to marry this person as she is now?

 

Since November, I do want to marry her, she's a great woman, I just wish shed be more understanding of my feelings. When she tries, its the best feeling and the most amazing feeling I've ever felt. The feeling I get is that we live together and its kinda like she isn't in to me like I am into her. Its like I'm smothering her at times. I've tried laying back and she gets upset and notices. I try treating her exactly like she treats me and she gets upset and insecure too. I try to show her how much I love her, and she does me too, but she tells me she tired and its hard. So I don't know what to do. Its her house, she makes more money and its hard to put her in my shoes sometimes. I don't wanna make it sound all bad, cuz its not, its just things you notice, especially when you're in a funk.

[subliminal]

Just want to add that she did apologize, I accepted her apology and told her I was sorry for messaging her friend about it. I feel like she meant she was sorry but I don't think she truly knows how it damaged me. She has the , he'll get over it attitude. She even said she can't promise it won't happen again. So what can I do, aside from leave. I'm not one to give up on a good thing, she makes me happy, but says that I make her feel like she doesn't. Its a vicious cycle, both of us feel like were not good enough. I've tried to be very sincere, rub on her, do thoughtful things and enjoy our time together. I do a lot for her son who is 13 and has autism , he is my best friend too. I just kinda feel like she doesn't take it as serious as me when it comes down to it, I'm not one to be all heavy and enjoy joking around and sarcasm, I like her itchiness, especially towards other people, but there is a line and I feel like she crossed it here. I told her all this too. She just says she's done trying and I deserve better. She is stubborn and isn't good at being wrong. I'm not trying to be right, I want to be happy and know she is too.

[aliveagain]

Doesn't matter who makes more money, this is about compatibility. She doesn't want to give you oral even just to help you get hard enough to make the mold she bought you as a gift, your both still in the wooing each other stage when you do your best to show your worth marrying, bad juju friend. What's your marriage going to look like in ten years when some of the newness has worn off? When you overheard her talking to her friend about you, that is the real woman you are about to marry, you just got a free snapshot into your future. May I suggest a few counseling sessions before you finalize your wedding, maybe even delaying it if what comes out of your counseling isn't what you expect to hear? You still have time.

Edited July 20, 2013 by aliveagain

[subliminal]

Doesn't matter who makes more money, this is about compatibility. She doesn't want to give you oral even just to help you get hard enough to make the mold she bought you as a gift, your both still in the wooing each other stage when you do your best to show your worth marrying, bad juju friend. What's your marriage going to look like in ten years when some of the newness has worn off? When you overheard her talking to her friend about you, that is the real woman you are about to marry, you just got a free snapshot into your future. May I suggest a few counseling sessions before you finalize your wedding, maybe even delaying it if what comes out of your counseling isn't what you expect to hear? You still have time.

 

You have good points, I did have an attitude in her eyes about not being able to stay hard, she kinda acted like I was being a baby and needed to man up, I wanted it to be fun and not like a chore. I felt like she wasn't in to it and that's why I got a bit frustrated which is why I said I don't think I can do it. Which is why I said I'm gonna need a bj or something and its gonna be hard to get everything right. She acted disgusted about the bj so it totally ruined it for me right there. I was OK with that and she made it clear that she felt like it was a chore and wasn't really into it. She does give me oral, just maybe once a month or so. Its not a big deal, but yes I need wooed too. She is good in bed and I know she likes anal but won't let me because she says I'm too big, which I don't believe because I'm not huge. It just seems like she is insecure about herself but won't accept that I she is beautiful and sexy!

[subliminal]

Also she has gained weight, but I still think about nobody else. She is beautiful but doesnt believe that. The sex is great, its just I feel like she is holding back and I don't get why? I have my own insecurities, I just can't handle knowing they are exploited by someone who I care deeply for. Even if she didn't mean to, she did, and it took 6 hers of arguing for her to admit she was wrong. It felt sincere, but I'm going to question it until actions prevail.

[TheGuard13]

What is a "penis mold" exactly?