fiance pocket dialed, wow, my feelings and ego are hurt!

[subliminal]

Out

So it's all because she wouldn't give you a blow job.

My assumption is looking more and more true.

 

No, its about principals, attitude, and respect. I feel that she isn't willing to do whatever it takes. If its not a blow job it could be something else she doesn't reciprocate like a back rub, or kissing me to try to turn me on, or even cook me a meal once in a while. I know it sounds like I'm a typical male pig, but what you're not seeing is that I'm the one who cooks most of the time. She is off work for the summer at the school, so is only working 4 hers a day at her other job. She normally works less than 40 hrs a week between both jobs. I understand wanting to relax, but there's a point where you're downright lazy. She want to get pregnate, yet does nothing to show me that she's ready to plan a future. I am not here to bash her, she has a lot of great qualities, she just seems to have forgotten how to use some of them. Her upbringing wasn't the best and she does better than anyone in her family. Her parents rent a room from her and are both either potheads or drink a 12 pack a day. They do nothing around the house. I see her house being run down and its like she doesn't have enough pride

To say look, I need you to do this or that too. Fact is she shouldn't have to. There's a lot more to it all, I love her to no end, but as of now I have removed myself from the house and am sleeping with family last night. She apparently feels as though I bugged her phone and put software on it that recorded her every move. I would never do that. I did how ever snoop on her Facebook about a month ago and found messages she deleted, that were really nothing, but she lied about, and then hacked her password after busting her to find out she did it again less than a week later after we had a huge fight the week before about not having to hide anything. To me lying by omission is no different than cheating. She doesn't take me serious. Yes, I was wrong to snoop and steal her fb pw, but of course when I did I found ****. This last time was divine intervention, I pocket dialed her and she answered. She doesn't have the call in her call log, her phone has some type of virus on it and she thinks I did it. I showed her the calls on my phone. She still doesn't believe me. So I left, because there's nothing without trust and its clear we both dont. Its gonna be hard, but one day she will see, and I know I have learned a lot myself.

[subliminal]

Bottom line is, she quit trying and the spark is gone it seems. We've fought a lot, when things are good they're great, when they're bad they're awful! It seems as though we aren't compatible due to numerous issues with both people. My main problem is I hyper focus on things and let them get to me. Hers is stubbornness and unwillingness to empathize or understand another persons point of view or feelings. I am sensitive, so is she, but its a double standard and OK for her to take blows at me but not take them. She feels like she can do nothing to make me happy, yet doesn't try like she used to. You want to have another kid (my 1st her 2nd, her son is 13 and has autism and I love him very much, his fad is in and out of jail) yet you stop trying in your relationship. It doesn't make sense. I'm sure there's guilt and emotion on her part, but she drags stuff out and punishes me with sarcasm and won't give me any credit when I am right. She gets ****ty and says things to me like, you deserve better, I say yea try harder. And I'm not good enough, I say you used to try, it turns into a never ending circle of denial and stubbornness that leaves me no choice but to leave.

[Got it]

I think both sides have some validity but the crux of the problem is allowing ego (on both sides) to get in the way of the betterment of the relationship.

 

Women do talk things out but it doesn't have to be done in a disrespectful way and it shouldn't be done with someone that is either going to talk to others or isn't supportive of the relationship. They aren't going to be a constructive person to speak to about the problem.

 

I do agree that you should be open to the Viagra, she should be open to giving a blow job, because ULTIMATELY this mold will produce a gift for her not you (unless you are into some backdoor fun). This is a teamwork project that you guys fell apart on.

 

Before you marry, I HIGHLY recommend couples counseling to discuss your communication skills as a partnership as well as each party's conflict resolution. You guys need to learn how to be more empathetic towards each other and how to fight productively.

 

This can all be a great opportunity to deepen and strengthen the relationship if you guys approach it that way.

 

But if it upset you then it needs to be validated.

[xxoo]

Bottom line is, she quit trying and the spark is gone it seems. We've fought a lot, when things are good they're great, when they're bad they're awful! It seems as though we aren't compatible due to numerous issues with both people. My main problem is I hyper focus on things and let them get to me. Hers is stubbornness and unwillingness to empathize or understand another persons point of view or feelings. I am sensitive, so is she, but its a double standard and OK for her to take blows at me but not take them. She feels like she can do nothing to make me happy, yet doesn't try like she used to. You want to have another kid (my 1st her 2nd, her son is 13 and has autism and I love him very much, his fad is in and out of jail) yet you stop trying in your relationship. It doesn't make sense. I'm sure there's guilt and emotion on her part, but she drags stuff out and punishes me with sarcasm and won't give me any credit when I am right. She gets ****ty and says things to me like, you deserve better, I say yea try harder. And I'm not good enough, I say you used to try, it turns into a never ending circle of denial and stubbornness that leaves me no choice but to leave.

 

One more choice: premarital counseling. Considering that there is a child involved, it might be worth the effort.

 

But I agree that you should not marry as things are now. The ability to resolve conflict together is imperative to a successful marriage.

[subliminal]

I think both sides have some validity but the crux of the problem is allowing ego (on both sides) to get in the way of the betterment of the relationship.

 

Women do talk things out but it doesn't have to be done in a disrespectful way and it shouldn't be done with someone that is either going to talk to others or isn't supportive of the relationship. They aren't going to be a constructive person to speak to about the problem.

 

I do agree that you should be open to the Viagra, she should be open to giving a blow job, because ULTIMATELY this mold will produce a gift for her not you (unless you are into some backdoor fun). This is a teamwork project that you guys fell apart on.

 

Before you marry, I HIGHLY recommend couples counseling to discuss your communication skills as a partnership as well as each party's conflict resolution. You guys need to learn how to be more empathetic towards each other and how to fight productively.

 

This can all be a great opportunity to deepen and strengthen the relationship if you guys approach it that way.

 

But if it upset you then it needs to be validated.

 

Great advice. The viagra comment was said to be hurtful, and she knows that was a huge low blow. Even though I wouldn't have had a problem taking one, its the way she said it and the way she talked about it to this girl that hurts me. It didn't hurt just me, it hurt us, it was disrespectful and careless towards the relationship. If you're serious in a relationship, act like it, its not a joke, especially when children and the planning (or lack there of) of children is involved.

 

Now I agree 100% that we blew it as a team on the mold. Its not just me being insecure, it was also her. I think we both got a little uncomfortable with the situation and sort of froze up. I felt pressure, so did she. The point is, it turned into a huge **** storm because of the conversation behind my back that truly is what its about, I don't care who you talk to, its not cool to talk down on your partner. Now that I know this I really feel like a joke.

[Radu]

OP, your way of acting was incredibly childish.

Childish and emotional.

It's like you were the childish female in all of this and you gave up your soapbox.

I mean seriously ... tattling to her gf ?

 

This is one of the more common complaints that I have heard from men - their wives not respecting their private lives. Some women seem to feel that their privacy needs to be respected but have a sense of entitlement in regards to their mate's.

 

My ex never knew when to keep her mouth shut. But she would do it right in front of me and then acted all shocked when I had a problem with that! It was a major factor leading to our divorce. For me the bottom line is this [my personal reaction to your story]: Tell her that you deserve and demand to be respected. If she can't handle that then the wedding is off.

 

Whatever you feel is the best course of action, this is not something that should be taken lightly. You deserve to be angry and hurt. Don't allow her to make light of this or it WILL get worse, and you'll live to regret it.

I can't stress this enough.

 

I have only met 1 woman who can keep her mouth shut about secrets, etc ... and she's my damn sister.

I love my mother, my aunts, and at the time i also loved my ex's, but none of them were capable of keeping their mouths shut.

So, this warning that Robert Z, i'd like to amplify it, to make it sure it is understood on a grander level than just romantic relationships.

 

Getting back to the subject at hand, this is one of my personal dealbreakers, the inability to keep sensitive couple information to yourself.

I do the same for my gf's, but i have yet to find a girl who can provide the same.

[Radu]

Don't understand the male psyche?

What about you not understanding the female psyche?

Please...

 

 

If I heard my man joking about such things... I would definitely be butt hurt. Then again, I can't really change my tits and if he was joking about diet pills, well then it would only be if I was overweight and was NOT doing anything to fix it.

 

 

She complained about spending money on something that would make you both happy, and that thing she bought you have yet to make the effort to try it. Why? Because you can't get your dick hard long enough. I told you I get that [my ex and I made one, it was hilarious and didn't work due to the cold making him go limp], what I don't get is why, when she came up with a reasonable fix, you got all butt hurt. She wasn't saying you can't keep it hard ever... just in this situation.

 

 

So because of that she went and complained to her best friend, guess what? I would have too.

 

 

You can say all you want about respect and trust and blah blah blah, but ultimately my man and I have an amazing relationship, and we both bitch about things that annoy us to our best friends. I build him up plenty, but there are times in every relationship where something your SO is doing is making you mad and grumpy, and usually its something that doesn't need to be addressed because it isn't actually a problem.

 

 

The fact that you don't understand that is baffling.

Why create a huge problem over something that ISN'T a real problem?

This just sucks because you heard something you shouldn't have, but honestly... it was something that she had already tried with you and you got upset. Not sure what you wanted her to do...

 

 

You don't understand, but i don't think you mean wrong or anything like that.

Instead i'd just like to point a few things out to you ... you live in California, pretty much the best place to be a woman in the world [or one of the best] while this forum is international and finally, if i remember correctly you are 23.

 

Let's talk when you turn 30.

Most of the women who actually posted against this woman referenced in the OP are older women.

There's a reason for their answers.

[subliminal]

ic

OP, your way of acting was incredibly childish.

Childish and emotional.

It's like you were the childish female in all of this and you gave up your soapbox.

I mean seriously ... tattling to her gf ?

 

 

I can't stress this enough.

 

I have only met 1 woman who can keep her mouth shut about secrets, etc ... and she's my damn sister.

I love my mother, my aunts, and at the time i also loved my ex's, but none of them were capable of keeping their mouths shut.

So, this warning that Robert Z, i'd like to amplify it, to make it sure it is understood on a grander level than just romantic relationships.

 

Getting back to the subject at hand, this is one of my personal dealbreakers, the inability to keep sensitive couple information to yourself.

I do the same for my gf's, but i have yet to find a girl who can provide the same.

 

If you look at it like that yes, but I heard her say things about me too, yes I was in raged and took it over the line, 2 wrongs don't make a right, I just wanted to hurt them at that point, very spiteful and wrong, but also a bit of , " let it all out since were all open here"

[Dread Pirate Roberts]

So my fiance pocket dialed me yesterday at work and I overheard her talking about something that hurt my feelings pretty bad. I understand girl talk and all that but I know what was said and I could never dream of saying anything about her and my personal sensitive matters to anyone other than her.

 

My fiance got a penis mold for us as an anniversary gift. I was totally flattered and it made me feel all warm n fuzzy about sex and the whole relationship. I'm not always the most secure man and this definitely boosted my ego. So good job on her part.

 

Ok so nearly 2 months later and after a few times of reading the instructions we still have yet to make it. It requires a lot of steps and what seems to be the moon and stars needing to align and both of us ending up frustrated feeling like its too much work.

 

So 2 nights ago after the boy is in bed, we decide to try again. Read the instructions and again we start feeling like its too much work and I start worrying that I may not be able to focus enough to get an erection in the moment I'm supposed to so I tell her that I don't know if I can do it without her helping keep me up. I mention oral sex and got a bit of an attitude from her. I told her to just forget it then because I didn't think we should do it tonight. So we ended up laying in bed and actually having a great night watching tv and laughing in bed about randomness and then went to sleep. So the next day while watching TV they were talking about viagra and she said, you need that to do the mold. I got pretty upset because she seemed serious about it. I removed myself from the situation and ended up taking a nap.she knew I was upset about it, but just started watching TV and then went to work. So here's the kicker and where I took a huge kick in the nuts.

 

I get a pocket dial from her and hear her talking to a girl she calls her best friend but repeatedly talks bad about to me almost every day. So I hear her telling her that I was a complete jackass to her because she bought a penis mold and I can't even keep it hard for 2 min and now she wasted 45$ on it. Among other things that I really felt were none of this girls business and that will get spread around just like everything else. They were laughing and joking about it and it really made me feel like crap. I mean I'm not ashamed of my manhood but I sorta feel like that's kinda private and that I'm the butt of their jokes at work now. I feel kinda betrayed in a way, like this is the one person that I shouldn't have to worry about saying hurtful things about me. She doesn't understand how that hurt my feelings after hours of me trying to explain, she thinks I'm overly sensitive and need to man up. I feel like she should give the mold to someone else that can keep it hard for 2 min because I'm sure that there are guys that would love to, I'm humiliated and hurt. Imagine me talking to my buddy about her gaining weight and being insecure about it and us laughing in the reverse situation. I think shed be upset even worse. So let's hear it, how would y'all feel?

 

She sounds like an aggressive gossipy self-exalted *******. It'd tell her to get lost (in more choice and unpleasant words).

[Radu]

ic

 

If you look at it like that yes, but I heard her say things about me too, yes I was in raged and took it over the line, 2 wrongs don't make a right, I just wanted to hurt them at that point, very spiteful and wrong, but also a bit of , " let it all out since were all open here"

 

Try not to do that anymore, or else you will lose their respect and women can't love without respect.

 

I see you referenced her 13yr old son having autism.

Is it your son ?; did you adopt him ?

If not, you have not much beyond a moral duty to him, but even that depends on how you and his mother get along.

 

Many women who have been through long marriages [or are still in long marriages] have posted in favour of leaving this woman; as have long time married men.

Listen to their advice, it is sound.

 

Another thing.

Looking back at all my failed relationships, i have always went for the cold-hearted b*tch because there was an assertiveness to them that i liked.

It has only been good for me when i have not went with one of these women.

Change your type, it's worth it.

[Dread Pirate Roberts]

This is the giant statement that is blaring out at me.

 

Subliminal, your emotionalism is an attribute that a potential life-partner should embrace and cherish.

 

The fact that you mention she blames you for this does not bode well in my eyes.

 

It is these small aspects of one's personality that another should find charming in the early part of a relationship because they will become more prevalent as one grows older and is emphasized in later years.

 

That she is so disrespectful about you behind your back is HUGE red flag. People in relationships should build each other up - not tear each other down. If she is doing this now, behind your back, she will eventually do it to your face and this should be a huge concern for you.

 

Women like that don't respect an open and emotional man. The "man up" comment is a way to manipulate your emotions and control you.

[subliminal]

I did kinda stoop to their caddy level, and I'm ashamed of myself for that as well as some of my actions in this for the record.

[Treasa]

I read this yesterday, and I find myself still thinking what I thought yesterday.....are you certain she pocket-dialed? I've never once pocket-dialed anyone. I know someone who did once, but I've never known someone to do it and happen to be talking **** about the person they pocket-dialed at the same time.

 

I don't know why, but I have a gut feeling that this was done on purpose in a very passive-aggressive way.

 

I don't think either of you handled this well, but let's say that she DID accidentally pocket-dial you. If she is saying this **** then, what else is she saying about you?

 

I'd be rid of her, personally.

[BradJacobs]

Her talking to her friend about this was because you shut her down. Who is she supposed to vent to? You removed yourself from the conversation thinking it was just going to go away.

 

Take the V. Keep the erection long enough so you can use the penis mold and so then she can make a vibrator out of that mold.

 

My goodness ... you've created your own issue.

[Dread Pirate Roberts]

I read this yesterday, and I find myself still thinking what I thought yesterday.....are you certain she pocket-dialed? I've never once pocket-dialed anyone. I know someone who did once, but I've never known someone to do it and happen to be talking **** about the person they pocket-dialed at the same time.

 

I don't know why, but I have a gut feeling that this was done on purpose in a very passive-aggressive way.

 

I don't think either of you handled this well, but let's say that she DID accidentally pocket-dial you. If she is saying this **** then, what else is she saying about you?

 

I'd be rid of her, personally.

 

Whether it was a mistake or not it was ****ed up of her. I don't know that OP just wanted his dick wet and got mad, but nothing she's said or done has been indicative that she's any better of a person.

 

The problem is, OP, don't get in the mindset that, because you are willing to do anything for her, that she will. Not everyone is like that and the people that take take take and don't give expect it. If you're not happy with her and she's belittling you and calling you names, she's not the kinda person you need to be with. Change your type, or go for someone different. Try not to get mad if someone doesn't want to do something for you; however, if you give them far more than they give you and they are totally ok with it and make you feel like a bad guy, then they're not the right person for you.

[subliminal]

Her talking to her friend about this was because you shut her down. Who is she supposed to vent to? You removed yourself from the conversation thinking it was just going to go away.

 

Take the V. Keep the erection long enough so you can use the penis mold and so then she can make a vibrator out of that mold.

 

My goodness ... you've created your own issue.

 

Bro, I never shut her down, I simply made it known that it was a BS comment, I had a headache also and laying down seemed to be the best method of cooling off. She could have easily came in there and said "look I'm sorry that bothered you" I was just joking," and made me feel a little better. I mean if I said something to her that she might take the wrong way, which happens , I immediately apologize and explain myself. I won't give her the chance to walk away! Its worth the fight in my eyes, I'm very passionate in my ways

[subliminal]

Whether it was a mistake or not it was ****ed up of her. I don't know that OP just wanted his dick wet and got mad, but nothing she's said or done has been indicative that she's any better of a person.

 

The problem is, OP, don't get in the mindset that, because you are willing to do anything for her, that she will. Not everyone is like that and the people that take take take and don't give expect it. If you're not happy with her and she's belittling you and calling you names, she's not the kinda person you need to be with. Change your type, or go for someone different. Try not to get mad if someone doesn't want to do something for you; however, if you give them far more than they give you and they are totally ok with it and make you feel like a bad guy, then they're not the right person for you.

 

I want to add positive light here. She does do a lot for me, I've made it clear that I appreciate it. I take care of her son as my own and would adopt him in a second. He is my best friend really! I work with him a lot to try to teach him the right way. He looks up to me and it breaks my heart to think that he is missing me too.

 

I feel she is very material, I've had my own farmhouse several boats, bikes and toys. Lost it all due to the economy. Had to start over. She gave me a place to stay, I had other options, but it was the best one because we had fallen in love and I was always there anyways. Plus she needed financial help, even though she didn't admit it at first. Bottom line is she does things for me, and I appreciate them, but it seems she may not appreciate me and the disrespect she showed lately proves that

[subliminal]

But you're right, don't expect anything from anyone I guess. Thing is, she will ho and buy gifts for people, ie. Her brother, and if they don't do something in return, she bitches about it, and gets ****ty with them. I mean I see her point, but its kinda her own fault, as it is mine for doing things for her just to please her. Like if she dud something for me like say do my laundry while I'm at work on Saturday once in a while I'd be floored! She's off on sat and sleeps till noon and then watches TV and goes to chic file a. That's not very inspiring to me or my cock for that matter...(not to sound like a cock, but that fit in this thread)

[CarrieT]

Subliminal, I am going to go back to my first post in this thread which was the red flag at that time and has now been expanded considerably by what else you have written.

 

You said "when it is good it is really good, but when it is bad it is terrible."

 

As a couple, you two are in the engagement period before a marriage and it is as this point that you are planning a life together. The fact that it is not all bunnies and doughnuts and daisies is a giant red flag.

 

You have mentioned many, many factors that should make you question tying yourself to this woman for the rest of her life; that she does not respect your emotional qualities, you are not compatible sexually (a simple blow job shouldn't be a big deal), how she treats others when she doesn't get her way, that she doesn't take pride in her home, the meal cooking thing, her laziness, etc.

 

It looks like you are finding reasons to make it work (i.e. her son?), but like others have said, heartfelt couples and premarital counseling should be an absolute MUST. All these issues - and undoubtedly more - need to come and be discussed openly and honestly before you make a lifelong commitment.

 

Seriously, the way you are writing about your relationship now - today - I would give this even odds and willing to bet $1,000 that you guys will be divorced within a decade of marrying. Another child? Please, please, please do not consider procreating with this woman until you get through ALL the issues you have mentioned.

[subliminal]

Right, why would you say yes to my ring if you weren't ready to start planning it out? I agree we both need to work on ourselves, I'm trying, i even went to a counselor and got her to go with me but she didn't like it because she is very defensive and has a chip on her shoulder at anyone suggesting anything " don't tell me what to do" is her favorite thing to say. Seriously she says it a lot, sometimes joking but its kinda funny, but childish too when serious times come

[Dread Pirate Roberts]

Subliminal, I am going to go back to my first post in this thread which was the red flag at that time and has now been expanded considerably by what else you have written.

 

You said "when it is good it is really good, but when it is bad it is terrible."

 

As a couple, you two are in the engagement period before a marriage and it is as this point that you are planning a life together. The fact that it is not all bunnies and doughnuts and daisies is a giant red flag.

 

You have mentioned many, many factors that should make you question tying yourself to this woman for the rest of her life; that she does not respect your emotional qualities, you are not compatible sexually (a simple blow job shouldn't be a big deal), how she treats others when she doesn't get her way, that she doesn't take pride in her home, the meal cooking thing, her laziness, etc.

 

It looks like you are finding reasons to make it work (i.e. her son?), but like others have said, heartfelt couples and premarital counseling should be an absolute MUST. All these issues - and undoubtedly more - need to come and be discussed openly and honestly before you make a lifelong commitment.

 

Seriously, the way you are writing about your relationship now - today - I would give this even odds and willing to bet $1,000 that you guys will be divorced within a decade of marrying. Another child? Please, please, please do not consider procreating with this woman until you get through ALL the issues you have mentioned.

 

Yeah, I'd be really careful about this.

 

There is a fine line between wanting to have a reciprocal back and forth relationship, with anyone (family, friend, lover) where its give and take; it's not unreasonable to feel bad if you do a lot for someone and they don't do anything for you. It's a completely other thing if someone does this all the time with not just you, but with their family.

 

It's a subset of a narcissistic trait. The person that feels they have to to good deeds and help others, because they can't do it for themselves; when someone doesn't reciprocate, or doesn't stroke their ego, they get mad and lash out at people.

 

"Why don't they do anything for me? I do things for them all the time!" Or the people that do things for you and guilt you for not doing something they want you to do. It's one thing to try to get someone to do something for you, but if you don't do it and they rage on you like you're a piece of ****, its a big red flag.

[CarrieT]

Right, why would you say yes to my ring if you weren't ready to start planning it out?

^^^ THIS THIS THIS ^^^

 

Subliminal, I hope you are not afraid to change the course of your life (i.e., cancel the wedding) *IF* you determine this woman is not ready to travel the course of your life together without working towards harmony.

 

I'm trying, i even went to a counselor and got her to go with me but she didn't like it because she is very defensive and has a chip on her shoulder at anyone suggesting anything " don't tell me what to do" is her favorite thing to say.

As you are learning, the "I'm trying" cannot be a one-sided endeavor. If she is not willing to work on it as well, this may become a deal-breaker for you.

 

An engagement is NOT the marriage. It is much easier to get out of an engagement than it is a marriage and - again - this is the time for you two to start considering and working one what your life together will be like.

 

You don't need to "tell her what to do," but she should be willing to be open and honest with herself and what you two will mean to each other. It is during the engagement that two people bare their souls to one another and are willing to help and build up the other person towards the unity of two people into a new, stronger entity of the married couple.

 

I am seeing too much adversity in all you have been describing to see that this process isn't happening.

[subliminal]

Yeah, I'd be really careful about this.

 

There is a fine line between wanting to have a reciprocal back and forth relationship, with anyone (family, friend, lover) where its give and take; it's not unreasonable to feel bad if you do a lot for someone and they don't do anything for you. It's a completely other thing if someone does this all the time with not just you, but with their family.

 

It's a subset of a narcissistic trait. The person that feels they have to to good deeds and help others, because they can't do it for themselves; when someone doesn't reciprocate, or doesn't stroke their ego, they get mad and lash out at people.

 

"Why don't they do anything for me? I do things for them all the time!" Or the people that do things for you and guilt you for not doing something they want you to do. It's one thing to try to get someone to do something for you, but if you don't do it and they rage on you like you're a piece of ****, its a big red flag.

Yea, I feel like I'm guilty of this for sure, its not meant to be done for something in return though, it just seems like when the opportunity arises for me to do something nice, I

Do it, sometimes I feel like she could be more thoughful and try to woo me a little like she dud when I first moved in, see what I'm saying?

[subliminal]

^^^ THIS THIS THIS ^^^

 

Subliminal, I hope you are not afraid to change the course of your life (i.e., cancel the wedding) *IF* you determine this woman is not ready to travel the course of your life together without working towards harmony.

 

 

As you are learning, the "I'm trying" cannot be a one-sided endeavor. If she is not willing to work on it as well, this may become a deal-breaker for you.

 

An engagement is NOT the marriage. It is much easier to get out of an engagement than it is a marriage and - again - this is the time for you two to start considering and working one what your life together will be like.

 

You don't need to "tell her what to do," but she should be willing to be open and honest with herself and what you two will mean to each other. It is during the engagement that two people bare their souls to one another and are willing to help and build up the other person towards the unity of two people into a new, stronger entity of the married couple.

 

I am seeing too much adversity in all you have been describing to see that this process isn't happening.

I must say that being afraid to leave her is a bit true and I think she knows that. She refuses to chase or reach out during any type of conflict, but rather run, sweep it under the rug and cowgirl up in her words. So as miserable as it is staying with family its what I'm doing because she feels as though I'm a push over. Hence the lack of respect. So I really want her to know that even though its my choice to leave her, that its not what I wanted. She doesn't understand that because its her house she has the control, she never told, me to leave with words, but her actions scream loud and clear. I don't want to teach her a lesson, she needs to learn it on her own.

[almond]

If she cared about you, she would have been devastated to have realised that you heard her, and that she had hurt you like that. She should be going to great lengths to make you feel better, and desperately trying to minimize damage to the trust in your relationship. Instead, she is going on the attack. Telling you that if you don't like it, go and find someone who does. Insulting your masculinity. She is completely invalidating your feelings and refusing to accept any responsibility for her behaviour. What's even worse? She tells you that you're just being a girl. She is effectively saying that you are the one at fault, so this behaviour will occur again in future - she feels there is nothing wrong with it.

 

This woman is no good - you are being emotionally abused. It is very real, and very damaging.

 

She has been incredibly disrespectful, nasty and cold.

 

Run for the hills - drop her the second you get a chance. She sounds like a horrible person.