TheSea Posted July 20, 2013 Share Posted July 20, 2013 Hey everyone, how are you?? ill try to make the story short cos its way too long, Im a gay guy, and im in love with my best friend and he is not....im from argentina, and he is from Long Beach, Ca, we met online in 2006, he came to argentina to meet me, then i came to LA to see him, we had sex that time, and now i moved to California for work (unconsciously he was the reason i think). The first time i saw him after not seeing him for 2 years i started begging for kisses he didnt want to, he said, we are not boyfriends, if we start doing that you will want more, and more, and if we go out together and ill like someone you will get all mad and crazy, i got so desperate that i didnt want him to leave my friends house (another friend). So basically, he gave me the silent treatment for a month and half....and today i threatened him to go to talk to him to his house or to his brother shop where he works, because honestly ive always been a GREAT friend with him, and i dont deserve the silent treatment like i did something wrong.... So basically he said he doesnt want to be friends anymore and if i keep contacting him he will call police, which seems ridiculous lol I love him, but i also love him as a friend, if the situation was other i would just send him to hell, but this is really complicated, because we had the nicest friendship (until i fell in love with him...) what should i do? any advices? thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
hoping2heal Posted July 20, 2013 Share Posted July 20, 2013 You can't force yourself on another person, friendship or otherwise. If he doesn't want to be friends you need to respect that. It may seem to you like a terrible way to treat you and maybe it is but it happens. People drop friends all the time for good or bad reasons. If he's threatening to get the police involved then he very strongly does not want you bothering him and it may seem like a dramatic move to you but then again you were threatening to show up at his work or his brothers place of business and that's a real violation of boundaries. You need to accept that this person doesn't want you in their life no matter how badly you do. Leave him alone before you get yourself into legal trouble and make friends elsewhere. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TheSea Posted July 20, 2013 Author Share Posted July 20, 2013 thank you for your reponse....he is the love of my life, it sucks, and throwing away all the memories we had as friends, we didnt meet too often cos we used to lived in different countries we would used to chat for hours every single day, we were really really close :S, i dont know how i will get over him Link to post Share on other sites
hoping2heal Posted July 20, 2013 Share Posted July 20, 2013 thank you for your reponse....he is the love of my life, it sucks, and throwing away all the memories we had as friends, we didnt meet too often cos we used to lived in different countries we would used to chat for hours every single day, we were really really close :S, i dont know how i will get over him I understand that it's hard and it may not seem very comforting of a thought right now but, many many many many people have gone through a painful breakup and they moved on. It's painful and it takes time but you will get through it and find someone who wants to be with you and wants to spend time with you. Link to post Share on other sites
sillyanswer Posted July 20, 2013 Share Posted July 20, 2013 what should i do? any advices? Walk away. He doesn't want you in his life. Find someone who does. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author TheSea Posted July 20, 2013 Author Share Posted July 20, 2013 my questions is, i know he liked me at least as a friend, i scared him off acting like a FREAK begging for kisses and not letting him leave from my friends house, i really freaked him out, few days after that day, through facebook he told me "I JUST DONT WANT TO DISCUSS ANYTHING WITH YOU RIGHT NOW" like he needed time, and maybe in the future.....and then he started the silent treatment to all the other text messages i sent him, and today threatening him about going to his house or job, made things much worse, i just coudlnt take how he ignored me for weeks,and today he finally deleted me from facebook..... I think i screwed everything up , if i had remained calm after he said he didnt feel like discussing anything with me right now, maybe in some months we would make up, but not anymore...... Link to post Share on other sites
hoping2heal Posted July 20, 2013 Share Posted July 20, 2013 my questions is, i know he liked me at least as a friend, i scared him off acting like a FREAK begging for kisses and not letting him leave from my friends house, i really freaked him out, few days after that day, through facebook he told me "I JUST DONT WANT TO DISCUSS ANYTHING WITH YOU RIGHT NOW" like he needed time, and maybe in the future.....and then he started the silent treatment to all the other text messages i sent him, and today threatening him about going to his house or job, made things much worse, i just coudlnt take how he ignored me for weeks,and today he finally deleted me from facebook..... I think i screwed everything up , if i had remained calm after he said he didnt feel like discussing anything with me right now, maybe in some months we would make up, but not anymore...... You screwed up when you wouldn't let him leave your friends house. I have no idea what you mean by that. As in, you begged and begged him to stay and emotionally ployed him into staying or you physically wouldn't let him leave? Both are bad, both cross boundaries, and to be honest? I wouldn't want to see someone again who did that to me. That's just no way to treat people and you might feel emotionally dependent on him but you wouldn't want to harm someone you loved. Your understanding of love needs to mature. Loving someone isn't just the emotional feelings of attachment we feel. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted July 20, 2013 Share Posted July 20, 2013 my questions is, i know he liked me at least as a friend, i scared him off acting like a FREAK begging for kisses and not letting him leave from my friends house, i really freaked him out, few days after that day, through facebook he told me "I JUST DONT WANT TO DISCUSS ANYTHING WITH YOU RIGHT NOW" like he needed time, and maybe in the future.....and then he started the silent treatment to all the other text messages i sent him, and today threatening him about going to his house or job, made things much worse, i just coudlnt take how he ignored me for weeks,and today he finally deleted me from facebook..... I think i screwed everything up , if i had remained calm after he said he didnt feel like discussing anything with me right now, maybe in some months we would make up, but not anymore...... You need to stay away from him. It hurts, but if you continue you will likely get a visit from the police. Do not send him any more messages or text or call him, as that could be used against you if he takes legal action. Stop right away. That's all there is to it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TheSea Posted July 20, 2013 Author Share Posted July 20, 2013 should i wait 2 months and half with NO contact or any type until his bday and send him something and an apologize letter? Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted July 20, 2013 Share Posted July 20, 2013 should i wait 2 months and half with NO contact or any type until his bday and send him something and an apologize letter? No. Do not contact him again. If he wants to speak to you, he will reach out to you. Unless and until he does, stay away. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author TheSea Posted July 22, 2013 Author Share Posted July 22, 2013 You screwed up when you wouldn't let him leave your friends house. I have no idea what you mean by that. As in, you begged and begged him to stay and emotionally ployed him into staying or you physically wouldn't let him leave? Both are bad, both cross boundaries, and to be honest? I wouldn't want to see someone again who did that to me. That's just no way to treat people and you might feel emotionally dependent on him but you wouldn't want to harm someone you loved. Your understanding of love needs to mature. Loving someone isn't just the emotional feelings of attachment we feel. I started to beg him to stay, and everytime he would get up to open the door i would not let him open it, and beg him to stay a bit longer, but i wasnt violent, just acted like a kid..... I just blame everything to my looks, i have a very low self confidence, and i think if i was hot, he would have wanted at least to kiss me....but he avoid that so bad Link to post Share on other sites
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