Inflikted Posted July 20, 2013 Posted July 20, 2013 Seems to me that I never find any girls I connect with enough to date, as it is. Then I finally find an awesome girl, like the one I met last year, but she rejects me and chooses instead to date guys that end up hurting her and/ or cheating on her. It never makes sense to me; I like to think I convey the sense that I would treat someone right, that I'd never hurt them, so it boggles my mind that I'm "unattractive", yet they'd rather chase after guys that mistreat them. In the case of the girl I mentioned from last year, I recently learned stuff about her that leads me to believe she might have slight "daddy issues", which would explain a lot. It's such a shame, because for as many "issues" as I have, I grow to care deeply for people I like, so it bums me out to see these people have their own issues. They could be so much happier, but instead, they chase after the same kind of guys over and over without even realizing it. The sad thing is, I could probably relate a lot to these girls in the sense that I, myself, have a pretty awful family situation (except it's my mother that's the issue, not my dad)... *sigh* Why does it have to be this way with people, yanno? I don't connect with many girls as it is, and the few I do connect with end up having issues, or whatever. v_v
Woggle Posted July 20, 2013 Posted July 20, 2013 I know this is completely hypocritical but this is why despite the issues I have with my mother if I were single it would be a must that a woman has a positive relationship with her father. There are a large number of women incapable of having a healthy relationship because of daddy issues. 1
Adele0908 Posted July 20, 2013 Posted July 20, 2013 Well based on the law of attraction, you attract what you are. You attract your mirror. So maybe it's you. Hows your relationship with your mother? 2
theonlyjuan Posted July 20, 2013 Posted July 20, 2013 I guess they would grow up with a bad impression on men. If they can't trust their dad, what man can they trust. It must be hard. If it ain't their dad, it's an ex boyfriend. Most people have some issues. I don't really read into it
Dread Pirate Roberts Posted July 20, 2013 Posted July 20, 2013 Seems to me that I never find any girls I connect with enough to date, as it is. Then I finally find an awesome girl, like the one I met last year, but she rejects me and chooses instead to date guys that end up hurting her and/ or cheating on her. It never makes sense to me; I like to think I convey the sense that I would treat someone right, that I'd never hurt them, so it boggles my mind that I'm "unattractive", yet they'd rather chase after guys that mistreat them. In the case of the girl I mentioned from last year, I recently learned stuff about her that leads me to believe she might have slight "daddy issues", which would explain a lot. It's such a shame, because for as many "issues" as I have, I grow to care deeply for people I like, so it bums me out to see these people have their own issues. They could be so much happier, but instead, they chase after the same kind of guys over and over without even realizing it. The sad thing is, I could probably relate a lot to these girls in the sense that I, myself, have a pretty awful family situation (except it's my mother that's the issue, not my dad)... *sigh* Why does it have to be this way with people, yanno? I don't connect with many girls as it is, and the few I do connect with end up having issues, or whatever. v_v Because their daddy is the first male role model they are bonded to. Even if that man is an ******* and they do not like him...even if he abuses them emotionally, physically, sexually they will be instinctively drawn to that kind of man, because either consciously or subconsciously they think that's how men are. They're trying to find a way to please a person like that and are used to being hurt. It's a viscous cycle and these girls end up taking it out on decent people. Either they don't believe that person is good (insecurity) or they push them away so they don't have to get hurt, when they realize people are getting too close to them (vulnerability). They know what to expect with an *******.
crude Posted July 20, 2013 Posted July 20, 2013 I like to think I convey the sense that I would treat someone right, that I'd never hurt them, so it boggles my mind that I'm "unattractive", yet they'd rather chase after guys that mistreat them. I think if you're too nice, you're boring and women look at you as a wimp. Too dependent, needy, and weak.
Author Inflikted Posted July 20, 2013 Author Posted July 20, 2013 Well based on the law of attraction, you attract what you are. You attract your mirror. So maybe it's you. Hows your relationship with your mother? I used to have a great relationship with my mom, but over the last few years, I've learned what a horrible person she is. In my defense, I'm justified in saying that. I don't know how to have a positive relationship with someone that is legitimately a bad person. I actually actively avoid women (in a romantic sense) that remind me of my mom in even the tiniest way. Perhaps that's why I don't date, because most women do. Only girls I really want to date are those that don't remind me of her at all. I guess they would grow up with a bad impression on men. If they can't trust their dad, what man can they trust. It must be hard. If it ain't their dad, it's an ex boyfriend. Most people have some issues. I don't really read into it Yeah, it just bums me out, because like I said, after years of looking, I finally found an amazing girl that I could really see myself with, but she's not attracted to me and would rather date stupid guys that mistreat her. I think if you're too nice, you're boring and women look at you as a wimp. Too dependent, needy, and weak. Eh. There's a fine line between being "gentleman-like" and being a "nice wimpy guy". I'd like to think of myself as the former, at least that's what I go for. Women with daddy-issues are NOT "awesome". Like I said, I was applying it to one specific girl I know. Everything about her personality is awesome and exactly what I want in a partner, but she's got her "daddy issues" that may be preventing her from dating me otherwise.
phineas Posted July 20, 2013 Posted July 20, 2013 (edited) Women with daddy-issues are NOT "awesome". Yes. someone attracted to a d-bag (just like daddy) is someone I don't want to be in a relationship with. honestly, I know women who date d-bag after d-bag after d-bag and when it ends the guy is a complete jerk-hole. Hell, he's a jerk-hole while dating him. A guy who would just end it & walkaway & not look back is not the type of guy they are interested in. Edited July 20, 2013 by phineas
FebruaryAmor Posted July 21, 2013 Posted July 21, 2013 I think its psychologically intriguing. How ppl end up dating ppl like their fathers/mothers even though they promise to themselves time and time again they will find better. I wish every1 cud b raised in perfect full house families but thats not real. Women with daddy issues deserved to be loved too. But first they must tackle their issues whether through therapy or something else and not let it affect their relationship. if every1 was perfect then there wouldnt b a loveshack.org
hppr Posted July 21, 2013 Posted July 21, 2013 Yes. someone attracted to a d-bag (just like daddy) is someone I don't want to be in a relationship with. honestly, I know women who date d-bag after d-bag after d-bag and when it ends the guy is a complete jerk-hole. Hell, he's a jerk-hole while dating him. A guy who would just end it & walkaway & not look back is not the type of guy they are interested in. Yeah. The problem for single guys like the OP is that women like that are usually very giving, friendly, and reasonably attractive. So he thinks that they are conscious of their options and their worth...then they run off with some guy who beats em or whatever and he's thrown for a loop. If you read his other thread and look at his pics he just needs to figure out who he is. A little bit of growing up, get a bit more established in life and he'll be fine.
hppr Posted July 21, 2013 Posted July 21, 2013 Women with daddy issues deserved to be loved too. Lots of times those women are both victims and abusers though. They date tons of crappy guys then find a good guy and cause drama/cheat on him etc, hence the victim-abuser dichotomy. OP, if you find yourself REALLY CONNECTING with women who date men that are total crap...ask yourself why. Do you want to save them? Do you think she's really so much better than that sort of thing, and if she got with a good guy then she could truly be happy?
Author Inflikted Posted July 21, 2013 Author Posted July 21, 2013 (edited) OP, if you find yourself REALLY CONNECTING with women who date men that are total crap...ask yourself why. Do you want to save them? Do you think she's really so much better than that sort of thing, and if she got with a good guy then she could truly be happy? Well, in the case of the girl I described earlier, I didn't really know she had these issues until recently, and I fell for her a long time ago. So, I wasn't interested in "saving her". What I liked about her was that we were always such "kindred spirits", we were always on the same "wave length", so to speak. Tons in common, same sense of humor, same outlooks, even now, we often find ourselves thinking the exact same thing about stuff. It was such an uncanny connection, and from day one, it just felt... natural. I can honestly say, I've never once felt that way about a girl. I've spent a lot of time lamenting over her rejecting me, as well as lamenting over the knowledge of two other guys she's dated that both ended up cheating on her. I never really put much thought into her family life, it was never something we went deep into. She had made vague statements about her living with her mom and doing stuff with her mom, but it never occurred to me that her dad is married to someone else until she made an offhand comment about something the other day. To be honest, there's a lot about her family life I don't really understand. She has an older sister, but her dad's wife seems to be her sister's mother. So I don't get how that happened, unless they were married first, had a daughter, split up, he had another daughter with this girl's mom, then got back together with his first wife. I don't know. I've never asked her about it, and it doesn't make much sense to me, but I guess it's all a moot point. The truth is, it just sucks, because I feel like I KNOW that we would be a good couple, and I know I sure as heck wouldn't cheat on her or do anything to hurt her, but she's apparently not attracted to me, and was more attracted to two different guys that both ended up cheating on her. I know I can't "save" her or help her through her issues, but it just feels awful to know someone that you know you'd be so good with, only for them to be stuck dealing with their own set of issues. I think a part of me wishes there was just some way she could work through her issues and realize what's right here in front of her (me), but I know there's nothing I can do, and I know that probably won't ever happen, since it doesn't seem she's even consciously aware of what she's doing. I can't help but wonder, too, because every now and then, she'll say or do something that makes me think she might feel SOMETHING. I know it's probably just me looking for signs that aren't actually there, but like I said, it just makes me wonder, yanno? Edited July 21, 2013 by Inflikted
RedRobin Posted July 21, 2013 Posted July 21, 2013 As you go through life, there will likely be many 'if only' type situations with various people you come across. In some circumstances, it is helpful to ponder the possibilities only if it helps you make constructive changes in your own approach or life. Otherwise, it will help you more to focus on those people who can appreciate you... and not worry about those who can't or won't.
StayBeautiful Posted July 21, 2013 Posted July 21, 2013 Why do you regularly end up with women with daddy issues? There's a school of thought that would say it's your mommy issues at play here. In other words, you're the daddy trying to make her into the mommy you want? I don't mean that in a confontational way. But I'm always curious about people who complain how they always end up with this or that type of person. It's like when you see on dating sites men saying "no drama queens, I've had enough of women who nag and create drama". Instead of thinking, gosh he must have had bad experiences, I think... hmmm, if it happens so much he has to comment on it, probably a man who likely drives women nuts with his jerkiness, and then projects it onto them. In other words, if the common denominator is you, you're probably the issue. Perhaps what you see as conveying a caring attitude comes across as something else. 1
Author Inflikted Posted July 21, 2013 Author Posted July 21, 2013 As you go through life, there will likely be many 'if only' type situations with various people you come across. In some circumstances, it is helpful to ponder the possibilities only if it helps you make constructive changes in your own approach or life. Otherwise, it will help you more to focus on those people who can appreciate you... and not worry about those who can't or won't. I guess. It's just extra frustrating because they come along so very rarely for me that I really have to make them count. So it really sucks to find someone that I have such a natural chemistry with, only for her to not be attracted to me and choose instead to date guys that cheat on her. Why do you regularly end up with women with daddy issues? There's a school of thought that would say it's your mommy issues at play here. In other words, you're the daddy trying to make her into the mommy you want? Well, I guess I should clarify, I never actually end up dating girls (honestly, I've never had a date in my life). I just tend to not find girls I connect with enough to want to date, and when I do find someone, they have issues that seem to prevent them from dating me. It's like, I try to find girls I like and want to date, but always come up empty handed, then someone amazing wanders into my life, but it turns out that she has hang ups that cause her to only pursue guys that will hurt her in the end. One issue that I think I've become painfully aware of is that I absolutely positively do not want to end up with someone that's like my mom in any way. The problem is, most girls I come across share some basic similarity with her enough to turn me off and not want to pursue them romantically. Typically when I "like" a girl (which again, is extremely rare), it's because she doesn't remind me of my mother in any way. So, again, it's super depressing to find someone like that, only for them to have their own issues that prevent me from being an option to them. Does that make sense?
phineas Posted July 21, 2013 Posted July 21, 2013 Yeah. The problem for single guys like the OP is that women like that are usually very giving, friendly, and reasonably attractive. So he thinks that they are conscious of their options and their worth...then they run off with some guy who beats em or whatever and he's thrown for a loop. If you read his other thread and look at his pics he just needs to figure out who he is. A little bit of growing up, get a bit more established in life and he'll be fine. Lots of times those women are both victims and abusers though. They date tons of crappy guys then find a good guy and cause drama/cheat on him etc, hence the victim-abuser dichotomy. OP, if you find yourself REALLY CONNECTING with women who date men that are total crap...ask yourself why. Do you want to save them? Do you think she's really so much better than that sort of thing, and if she got with a good guy then she could truly be happy? I dated a few women like this after my divorce. They chumped me & chumped me hard. When I meet these women now I friendzone them. If they tell me they want to be more than friends I tell them we are either friends or we are sleeping together & there is nothing in between. I do this because women like this LOVE to play the victim card & how they were hurt & need to take it slow & blah,blah,blah & just use a guy until someone they really want comes along & then hop into bed with him ASAP or they got a secret FWB. I will say since i've stopped being a push-over with these women plus the fact they arn't getting any younger & the available stock of men my age is well....just as poor as the women all I gotta do is basically make it clear that I won't waste my time with them unless they got something real to offer me. Essentially, I won't use them because I am a decent guy, however i'll also walk away at the first sign of disrespect or shadyness. also, I got options. I may not care for those options & don't consider them options but it's weird, I don't know why but a hot woman will get jealous of an average girl vying for my attentions. OP needs to learn this.
Author Inflikted Posted July 21, 2013 Author Posted July 21, 2013 Yeah, but I don't have "options". Of all the girls I meet, I only end up wanting to date about one every 4-5 years. So, it just sucks to find a girl who is completely awesome otherwise, only for her to have issues that stop her from wanting to date me. That's the point I'm trying to make. Because I know it'll probably be another 3-4 years before I find another girl I like, then I have to hope that girl doesn't have similar issues herself.
shexy Posted July 21, 2013 Posted July 21, 2013 I have major daddy issues and my man-picker is totally broken, so I believe there's truth to that. I don't intentionally WANT to be treated badly, but my dad convinced me for so many years I wasn't worth a crap that I never believed I deserved a good man....if that makes sense.
Author Inflikted Posted July 22, 2013 Author Posted July 22, 2013 I dunno. As stupid as it is, I still really wish there was a way I could "win her over". I wish there was something I could say or do, I wish there was just... something. Such a waste of good chemistry, and god knows when I'll meet another girl like her (minus the "daddy issues", of course). *sigh*
phineas Posted July 22, 2013 Posted July 22, 2013 I dunno. As stupid as it is, I still really wish there was a way I could "win her over". I wish there was something I could say or do, I wish there was just... something. Such a waste of good chemistry, and god knows when I'll meet another girl like her (minus the "daddy issues", of course). *sigh* You can't win her over. Simply because you are who you are. She needs a man who belittles her & treats her like she isn't good enough and at the same time genuinely believes he is god's gift to women and is selfish and only thinks about himself. A man who can sleep with other women at the drop of the hat & whom she can loose at any moment. you are not that man and never will be. sorry.
Author Inflikted Posted July 22, 2013 Author Posted July 22, 2013 You know something else I don't understand? Okay, so I've been told many times that women can sense and also detest "desperation" in guys. Correct? So this girl, in particular, briefly dated a male mutual friend who is quite obviously a sleazy silver-tongued womanizer that literally tries to sleep with every girl he comes across. But of course, they didn't last, because he was seeing another girl at the same time. From what a female mutual friend has told me, this girl and this guy never slept together before they broke up. He went on to date his other girl for a while, while this girl would go on to date another guy who would end up cheating on her much later on. Now that she's single again, she and the first ex have been awful chummy. I'll be honest, I'm positive that first guy desperately wants to sleep with this girl. From what I've seen of him, getting rejected by a girl is a blow to his ego, and he NEEDS to sleep with a girl if he sets his sights on her. Personally, I can tell that he's desperately trying to bed this girl. Perhaps he's using his "silver tongue" to make himself seem more cool about it, but I can see the desperation on him a mile away. But strangely enough, this girl seems to be falling for it. If they're not already sleeping together, I imagine they definitely will in the future. I just don't understand. I mean, desperation is desperation. Why can he get away with it and still get the girl?
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