Re: Anyone... Adivce needed...

[Tony T]

You keep doing this stuff with a guy and you'll be signing your name "Sitting and Wondering" for a long time.

 

Guys really aren't challenged by a chick who will jump in the sack with them right away, no matter how great the conversation is, no matter how good looking she is, no matter what her education, manners, wealth, etc. MEN NEED A CHALLENGE.

 

If a guy knows he can go over to a gal's apartment, give her a rose, and get laid, sure he'll go for it...but once the orgasm is over...the whole thing's over until he's horny again. Once the girl catches on, then he moves on to another chick.

 

Women are always complaining about one night stands. But they create them just by what you are doing here. Why should he call you so soon. I mean you have showed him just how easy you are. Now I'm not criticizing you for taking advantage of the moment. Hey, I'm a guy and if I can jump right in I will. But, I am a guy and I can tell you...sex that is immediately and freely available so soon is just not nearly as appetizing as that which has to be nurtured and worked for.

 

Yes, you knew him from before but you have to understand the two of you are entirely different people. You have been thinking about this guy for a long time and you just didn't want to pass up the opportunity. Oh, yeah, he may have been thinking about you too for a long time...wondering what you were like in the sack. And you have showed him. (I'd bet you big bucks he has fantasized about having sex with you for a long time).

 

So, if you are interested in this or any other guy in terms of a long term relationship, put off the sex for a period of time. Get the guy interested in you, your feelings, your likes and dislikes and then move on to the sex.

 

You know, so many people miss out on so much because they just don't understand. There has got to be an element of challenge to create a spark...to drive someone to want to be with another person.

 

If a guy just threw himself at you, was too available, too nice, just jumped at whatever you wanted to do, I am absolutely positive it would make you sick.

 

You may have a chance to turn this around. Now, if it's just sex you want, accomodate him but only expect him to call you when he wants sex. If you want him as a love interest, you are going to have to go about it a whole lot differently. Cut off the sex for a while, and make him work for you. Don't go out with him everytime he asks and don't return his phone calls so quickly.

 

Don't trust what I say here, ask your girlfriends...ask around.

[Tony T]

If you aren't the captain of your body, who is???

 

First, you need to tell him NOT to just drop by your place unannounced. That is awfully presumptuous and also very disrespectful of your privacy and inconsiderate. Have him call for a date just like any other guy. There are other things for a guy and gal to do than screw. Have him take you out on a date (movie, dinner, concert, bowling, miniature golf, a walk, etc.). You can do some petting somewhere in the middle. When he brings you home, don't ask him in until you've gone on a few dates. Let him know you're tired and you have a busy day tomorrow. Give him a healthy kiss, etc., and send him on his way. When you finally do ask him in, stop short of sex. Just let him know you don't want that right now. That's all you need to say. If he pushes the point, ask him to please leave.

 

You are not obligated to go to bed with a guy just because he shows up at your place, my God!!!

 

You need to be coy, skillful and discrete in how you handle this situation. But you need to take charge and put this in the right direction. Right now, this guy is basically using you for sex. I don't care how much you care about him or are infatuated with him, you don't need to let yourself be used...if you are looking for more.

 

Now if you just want to enjoy this guy when he makes himself available, that's a different story...but that doesn't sound like what you want.

 

When you get really good at this, it becomes second nature. You just naturally stop caring so much...and you get your way in love. The person who cares less controls the relationship. The less you appear to care, the more men will eat out of your hands...remember that always.

 

After a period of time, then you can show your feelings. Do this once you are absolutely sure this guy cares about YOU.

[Deejette]

I don't think it is very nice of this guy to keep you wondering about where you stand with him. The part about not calling after having such a great time with you is not very hopeful as a sign of caring about you.

 

Honestly, it sounds like he is there for a "booty call" and you are so thrilled to have him there you will give into his desires. Everything is on his terms and not yours. You are the one waiting by the phone, making up excuses for why he doesn't call.

 

A guy that cares plans ahead, works out a great date, and just doens't show up with a rose, unannounced, for a little roll in the hay when he has some free time in his busy life.

If you aren't the captain of your body, who is??? First, you need to tell him NOT to just drop by your place unannounced. That is awfully presumptuous and also very disrespectful of your privacy and inconsiderate. Have him call for a date just like any other guy. There are other things for a guy and gal to do than screw. Have him take you out on a date (movie, dinner, concert, bowling, miniature golf, a walk, etc.). You can do some petting somewhere in the middle. When he brings you home, don't ask him in until you've gone on a few dates. Let him know you're tired and you have a busy day tomorrow. Give him a healthy kiss, etc., and send him on his way. When you finally do ask him in, stop short of sex. Just let him know you don't want that right now. That's all you need to say. If he pushes the point, ask him to please leave.

 

You are not obligated to go to bed with a guy just because he shows up at your place, my God!!! You need to be coy, skillful and discrete in how you handle this situation. But you need to take charge and put this in the right direction. Right now, this guy is basically using you for sex. I don't care how much you care about him or are infatuated with him, you don't need to let yourself be used...if you are looking for more. Now if you just want to enjoy this guy when he makes himself available, that's a different story...but that doesn't sound like what you want.

 

When you get really good at this, it becomes second nature. You just naturally stop caring so much...and you get your way in love. The person who cares less controls the relationship. The less you appear to care, the more men will eat out of your hands...remember that always. After a period of time, then you can show your feelings. Do this once you are absolutely sure this guy cares about YOU.

[Really Sad and Confused]

Do you guys live in the same town? You said he had to go out of town, etc...did he travel to see you?

 

Well what do I do if he shows up? He does talk to me, he listens he cuddles with me before and after. I know I jumped the gun, but how do I reverse the situation? This is pathetic... I am normally the un-have-able but I really do like this guy. I don't want to play games with im and I hope he is not paying with me. I have a feeling he will appear tonight either by phone or in person how the hell should I dealw ith that? I have a family dinner I am running off to but I won't be out all night. I am not insulted by anything you have said, in fact I have given the same advice to others.