My Girlfriend of 4 years left me....

[Sideshow82]

I met my girlfriend when I was grade 12 and she was in grade 10 (I know we were young) we lived in a small town (about 5000 people)we started dating and soon we're spending every moment we had together. I graduated and worked nights, so I would pick her up at lunch and we would have lunch everyday. things were perfect. we were together about a year and a half, and things were not going good with my family I soon moved in with her mom and her. (her mom divorced her dad, and he's had clinical depression ever since) we had to sleep in seperate rooms. Our plans were to move to calgary and she would go to University, and I would work full time. (we've lived here for 2 years now) I was never a city boy and we started fighting every now and then. I don't really like to go out to bars because both my parents were alcoholics, and didn't like being around people like that. we would go to the mall, and just hang out.

The past year was pretty tough, I lost my job and it took me awhile to find a new one, but it was graveyard shift so we didn't see much of each other. I finally found a better job and things were looking good. about a month and a half ago she came home from work and said we needed to talk. she said that she thought we needed to spend some time apart. I was taken by suprise. she said that she thought I should go stay at my friends for about 2 weeks and see how things go, meanwhile still hanging out every so often. I Agreed and went over there.

The next day I went over to visit her and she said that she didn't think things were gonna work out. I was devastated. I sat there in disbelief. she left to a friends and I tried calling her asking her if we could work things out. she said yes. so we hung out a couple more times within a week. and things went really well. then I went to see her and she said the same thing.

she moved out and I stayed at our old place by myself for the past month. the thing I don't get is things were not that bad and I was happy, she said she still loved me and that we could still hang out every so often and maybe things would work out. things between us have gotten worse and worse. I still love her so much and miss her so much, to the point of where I tried to take my own life.

she started hanging out with this guy that she works with about a week after we broke up. I always trusted her and she always told me she would never ever cheat on me. she used to get upset when we watched a movie and someone would cheat on someone else.

 

The thing I can't understand is how after 4 years she could just give up and throw things away. I've been a mess since she left and things don't seem to be getting better. I know she was my first love, and that people will say i'll get over it. I'll always wonder what could have been or what I should do from here?

I've skipped a lot of filler just cause I don't want to bore people. I miss her so much and still love her very much. I just don't know what I should do.

 

Thanks for listening

[Starnette83]

Hi,

 

first off im really sorry what you are going thru, i know its not easy breaking up, especially being broken up with by someone u love so much.

 

I'm almost 4 years with my b/f and when i think of him breaking up with me, i seriously just want to cry cuz i cant imagine my life without him, to the point were it really begins to worry me because everytime i mention marriage he brushes it off and makes me feel like he doesnt ever consider that with me, making it feel that there will be others after me..totally crushing!!!

 

First of all if she dumped u to be with smeone else, she has made a huge mistake and i think that finally she will realize it, i dont know why she broke up with u, and maybe u dont either, but all we know is she has broken up despite the long time u spent together...

Just know that its normal all the feelings u r going through....hurt, sadness, despair, confusion etc...

You love her and she was your first love so there is no one else to compare to and right now all u can thinkis stuff like "shes the one for me", "i will never find anything liek this again, this is it for me".."Now ill be alone forever"

Its normal....the person u were super close to is now gone, and whether she will come back or not..ud ont know!!

 

right now the best thing u can do is give her space, maybe if she sees u doing ure own thing and not contacting her she will begin to miss u "U never know what u have until its gone" ...

Also for ure own sake u need the distance, cuz if u remain in contact it wont fix anything..just give it 2 weeks or a month then maybe talk and see if maybe she wants to try again...

 

If she doesnt u need to slowly help yourself, it wont be easy......it takes time, and its a day by day process, and dont jump into dating cuz most likely it will only make u feel worse cuz u will compare evryone to ure ex!!

 

Here is what i did when my bf broke up with me...

I cried..but not to him..i told him to not call me again, and so he didnt..so we spent a month not talking...basically 30 days not talking, not seeing eachother..NOTHIGN..it was horrible, my days just went by slowly, and everyday i battled to get thru the day.....

Id wake up thinking of him, and id sleep crying thinking of him...

Anyways after the 30th day i drank too much and called him.....i acted normal and then he told me he missed me, i acted kinda cold, cuz he broke up with me and i was still hurt and yet ashamed that i was the one who did the contact and he hadnt even bothered..anyways we are now back together and ever since he has been good to me...even tho im finding myself clinging to him again, so im trying to not cuz this annoys people...

 

So give it time...dont call her...dont email her, basically dont bug her..

then after a month or more...u might wanna try contact..if she still doesnt wanna give it another try..then truly its meant to be...which means to not be togehter

 

im sorry, but it sux, and lots and lots of people go thru it everyday, and it hurts a whole lot....

in my case, i just try to be strong about it and remind myself im not alone....

Maybe truly there is someone better out there for u, and right now u cant see that cuz ure so hung up on this one person...its better now then later..now that ure young and u can still meet new girls..

 

 

Goodluck and just think positive!!!

 

when true love comes, neither partner gives up!!

[Sideshow82]

thanks a lot for those kind words. It's tough not talking to her at the moment because she just moved out, and I'm moving soon and theres still some of her stuff here, I have tried not talking to her. It's very hard, I miss the sound of her voice and I keep thinking about all the good times we had in the past.

She told me that the reason that she was breaking up with me was because she didn't love me like she used to. which I didn't understand because I still loved her so much, and I would do anything for her.

I always believed people could work out their problems no matter what. she said she still loved me. If she still loved me, wouldn't she want to at least try to make things better? I never realized what I lost until it was gone, and I would do anything to get her back. I see a lot of people are going through the same thing. It's just like a bad nightmare that I can't wake up from. I truely thought that she was the "one" that she was my soulmate. it's hard to explain the whole relationship on a few posts, but I thought I had to get it off my chest.

What hurts the most is knowing that she's hanging out with this guy and not even thinking about me. When I have talked to her, shes always so cheerful, like nothing ever happened, but I hurt every single day. I also started working 12-16 hour days just so I don't have to come home and see what we used to have. I work and sleep as much as I can so I can just not think about it.

I know i'm not perfect, but neither was she, but I still loved her despite her flaws.

 

I miss her smile, and her laugh.............

[BlueLP]

Sideshow,

 

Sometimes with love things don't make any sense, and don't work out how they are "supposed to." It's so hurtful and maddening, huh? Love is wonderful because it is a gift given to others, and it also sucks because it can be taken away for no good reason. I'm sorry that you're dealing with the latter, I feel for ya.

 

You could have the best relationship going, but for reasons unknown have your partner go through something like this and leave. A cruel game.

 

Just know that you are not the first one to go through this, and people much less emotionally capable than you have made it through the pain. Reading your post, you sound like a very thoughtful, kind, caring person. Recognize these values in yourself, you are worth a lot in the relationship game. Try not to be too concerned over her decisions....I guarantee that she thinks of you still regardless of this other guy. And whether she comes to her senses or you find someone else, you'll make it through this eventually and make yourself and someone else very happy, I promise.

 

Keep working, getting enough sleep, & distracting yourself. Hang in there

[Starnette83]

Ahh i know it sucks, when my bf broke up with me he broke up wiht me saying "i dont love you anymore" anyways it hurt and i dont even know how i took him back and am still with him despite how much he hurt me, i guess when u love someone we just forgive them,love them despite what they do or say...but in a way we need to see that we deserve to be with soemone who loves us and respects us just as much as we love them, im already thinking twice of my bf right now when i think of how much he hurt me in the past...

 

Relationships are so confusing but they can be even more confusing when someone u love so mucha nd someone who u think loves u so much hurts u this way...

 

how can they be so inconsiderate and pretend like nothing? wow thats something i pondered alot, i really started to feel like "damn i must really mean nothing for him to not even miss me and be able to go back to life like nothing happened" it really made my self esteem go down and i just felt depressed alot!!

 

But my best advice is to just believe in yourself, and believe that you can and will meet someone who will love you, respect you and make u feel so special!!! isnt that what we all want? i want that...i dunno im starting to douibt my bf cuz i know that i do love him, and how ive been the best gf ever, ya i have flaws but ive never mest up as bad as he has, i mean he lied and has hurt me...he really is lucky that i gave him another chance and that despite that i havent thought about revenge or done anything to get back at him,. ...all i know is i dont wanna get hurt again, espcially by him, so if he pops up with "i dont know if i love u" or if he breaks up..imma just say "ok, bye" even if it kills me inside...

(i know it will)

 

Anyways we cant let this kind of people bring us down, or make us stop believing in trust or love, there is someone out there who can and will respect us!

 

I dunno....sometimes when its all cloudy its hard to see any kind of light or brightness out of it...

trust me many times ive lost hope and i feel pretty helpless and like AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH .....

but its better to be alone then be with soemeon who doesnt love us as much as we love them, i think in the long run they will realize the great catch they lost, by that time...too late..cuz most likely we will have found someone who makes us SUPER happy and then they will be in our feet ....ahh

HAVE FAITH!!!

[Sukotto]

Basically my ex said a month ago that she didn't feel the same way any more. I found out 2 weeks after we split up that she had been chatting to this guy she'd met on holiday in September, well its now been 6 weeks since she came back her holiday and 4 weeks since we split up.

 

I was gutted at first and done everything I could to try and reconcile, we went away 2 weeks ago to a show and stayed overnight at a hotel, this is when I found out about this other guy. Well after that we didn't talk for a week, she tried to ask how I was on MSN but was ignored. We started talking again and its still wierd, we made an arrangement to go to the cinema but thats been cancelled due to university work.

 

I'd like to say things HAVE got better, over time I've realised that I treated her well throughout the relationship and even after the breakup. I dont think about her as much, when I start thinking about her I just tell myself "No" and start thinking about other stuff. Then when I get home at night I let myself have a few minutes to think about her. It seems to be a good way to deal with it.

 

So what have I done in 4 weeks?

Gym 4 times a week = Lost 20lbs

Worked more = 60 hours overtime

 

Started looking at a flat too.