Am I in the wrong to feel this way?

[Xerces]

Or how to react for that matter.

 

So my girlfriend and I have been dating for almost a year and a half now (in High School). Now I'm going to college and she's still going to be in HS.

She's had a hard time adjusting to this from the start, and it's constantly worried me that she'll find someone else when I'm not there (she's a very clingy, very needy girlfriend quite frankly) , and I feel like when I'm not there, she'll find someone else to lean on.

 

Here's where my current issue lies:

At the beginning of our relationship, we made a deal that we would stay off of social networking 'cause we've seen it ruin relationships in the past (including mine). It was mutual and respectable, and we made the deal. Since, she's gotten on one site, and I asked her about it and she deleted it, and was pretty cool about it. She completely remembered our agreement and everything, and deleted it.

 

Then I found out maybe a month ago she made a Twitter, and I had noticed she was talking bad about me behind my back, and would say one thing to me in our conversations in text, but post the opposite on Twitter. I never confronted her about it because I tried to get over it for one, and two, I kinda wanted to see how she'd act without me seeing (so she thinks at least).

-I felt almost betrayed she broke our agreement again.

-She talks bad about me ("I want to punch you in the ****ing throat" kinda thing)

-She always posts and commentates our arguments, always making me to be the bad guy.

-Contradicts herself, etc.

 

Recently, she's been acting sorta flirty towards guys and I don't really appreciate it. I'll loosely quote the conversation.

Ex: Guy breaks up with his girlfriend - context

Her "Oh I'm so sorry, you deserve so much better"

Him Thanks that made me feel better

Her Why don't we talk anymore?

Him I don't know I guess we just stopped

Her Well we should start talking again

Him Okay, message me your number on here

______

Taken into consideration they weren't friends while we started dating, and the guy is a huge player, pothead, party-goer (opposite of me, and opposite as to how my girlfriend tells me she is/wants to be) this really bothered me.

 

Not to mention the next tweet was "I really need to get out and meet new people"

 

It's like, she acts one way towards me and tells me one thing, but she acts totally different towards other people, especially guys.

 

I talked to my close friends about it, and they read the tweets too and said it would really bother them too, the entire situation that is, and the way she's acting towards this guy in particular. They suggested I look at her texts next time we're together and see if she deleted messages, or what she's saying to him, just so I know the truth. I felt like that would be wrong of me, but the next time we were together, she hid her phone completely from view for the entire night at her house, which is reallllyyyyy unlike her. It just made me suspicious.

 

I know the whole social media thing probably sounds stupid to some people, but it was a mutual agreement we both had, and I felt she broke it.

 

I'm just confused whether I'm just being a jealous boyfriend, or am I justified in feeling this way.

How exactly should I handle this? I don't really want to mention the fact I know about her twitter, because it's really enlightening to me finding out how she'll act when I'm not here and at college.

 

This just tops off a long, complicated list of issues we've had this entire summer before college, and quite frankly I don't know if I even want or need to deal with this stress in addition to my first year of college.

 

Thanks for reading, I'll answer any extra questions you guys may have about the situation.

[Xerces]

That's what everyone keeps telling me, I just feel like I'm overreacting. And it's so hard because we've been dating for so long.

[crederer]

Probably not what you want to hear but this is activity an unhappy partner demonstrates and she is looking for other options.

 

Sorry bro, but you're young as hell and you'll meet someone else.

 

If I were you I'd break it off with her before she does with you because, as childish as it sounds, it has a kind of psychological advantage for you to be the one that ended it rather than her giving coming home to you and giving you the "turkey dump" as she met someone else. Seriously.

[Xerces]

Yeah I just found out he's been telling people they're talking, and since she was the instigator of the whole thing between them, it's kind of actually pissing me off now.

[Darren Steez]

Where's your self respect? Someone is talking smack about you and you're letting it slide.

 

Time to grow a pair and confront, ask her about the twitter and what she's saying.

 

Any excuses other than I actually did write that and it was about you..then dump her right there. If she says she did write that and it was about you, dump her right there.

[CC12]

Then I found out maybe a month ago she made a Twitter, and I had noticed she was talking bad about me behind my back, and would say one thing to me in our conversations in text, but post the opposite on Twitter. I never confronted her about it because I tried to get over it for one, and two, I kinda wanted to see how she'd act without me seeing (so she thinks at least).

 

...

 

I don't really want to mention the fact I know about her twitter, because it's really enlightening to me finding out how she'll act when I'm not here and at college.

 

Well, you saw how she acts when she thinks you're not looking. It obviously bothered you, so why not address it? I think you need to come clean about what you know and either work it out, or end it. But for you to know about her Twitter account and not mention it to her so that you can secretly keep her under surveillance is honestly kind of weird and intrusive. You should be able to trust your girlfriend while you're away at college, and if you can't, then the best course of action is to end the relationship.

 

There are a lot of things that are going wrong in your relationship right now, and it would take time, effort, open and honest communication, and a trust in each other to have a hope of making it work. Do you think even a few of those things could be established before you leave for school?