BrookeM Posted July 21, 2013 Share Posted July 21, 2013 Ten days ago exactly my MM broke it off with me due to his wife's illness. Since then, I have not in anyway, shape, or form contacted him. I have left him alone and respected his decision. Today, I participated in a 5k. He was there as well. I had no clue he was there until I saw him out of the corner of my eye standing right behind me. We exchanged awkward hellos and I tried to be cordial, and at first, he was too. Our conversation was extremely casual. For the first few exchanges he was polite, but then he began to behave very coldly toward me and even gave me a very sarcastic eye brow raise. Thinking that perhaps I was being too friendly, I turned back around and walked away. If I was bothering him, I wasn't going to stand around and continue to speak to him. Not sure why he even came up behind me in the first place. I didn't see him after that. Later on this afternoon, I was sitting on my front porch. Unfortunately, he lives very close to my home and his street is across a pond that is next to my house. I see him come and go often, and yes, I plan on moving asap. I want no part of him or his life, or a constant reminder of him when I see him driving. I've had a painful week and a half without him but I haven't felt this great in months not being a slave to my phone or his schedule. I feel free again and this is definitely worth the few pangs of loneliness I feel here and there. Anywho, I was sitting on my porch enjoying a book when I see him leave his home. As he's passing my house, he slows down his vehicle as if he was looking in my direction. I ignored it and thought nothing of it. Maybe he was replying to a text? Or changing the radio station? Roughly 10 minutes later he returns only to do the same thing again as he passes my home, only this time, he comes to a damn near stop. Then once he passes, he accelerates and continues to drive normally. Wtf??! I haven't seen him do this since we were together, and I've seen him come and go several times since our "breakup". He always used to say he would look up at my house as he passed by, and if I was outside, he would slow down exactly how he did today to look at me longer. Not sure what to make of this since I was convinced at the 5k he wanted nothing to do with me. I just continued on with my day and tried my best not to think about it. But I am curious. Thoughts anyone? Link to post Share on other sites
Eggplant Posted July 21, 2013 Share Posted July 21, 2013 He's conflicted. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted July 21, 2013 Share Posted July 21, 2013 See, I have a totally different take on it, from what you've said so far...No he isn't conflicted. If he was, he wouldn't have been rude to you during that 5 k run. He's purposely showing you WHO he is and rubbing it in your face, trying to make you feel worse. He asked you to please respect his wishes for NC .. yet he drives by and KNOWS it's probably killing you. Sorry (maybe I am wrong here) but he is doing it on purpose so you'll feel bad. He's hurting and he wants you to hurt as well. Just my 2 cents. Anyway, I say IGNORE him and do your best to NEVER show him any emotion or that it upsets you. Hope the move goes well and it happens quicker rather than later! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author BrookeM Posted July 21, 2013 Author Share Posted July 21, 2013 His rudeness at the run followed by the lurking at my house has really confused me. I've heard when people are rude for what appears to be no reason, it's a defense mechanism. But what is he defending? He broke up with me! Is he upset I'm not groveling at his feet? I usually spend my breakups improving myself and keeping faith in the future - not plotting a return. Perhaps his ego is a little bruised? Link to post Share on other sites
Sarabi Posted July 21, 2013 Share Posted July 21, 2013 His rudeness at the run followed by the lurking at my house has really confused me. I've heard when people are rude for what appears to be no reason, it's a defense mechanism. But what is he defending? He broke up with me! Is he upset I'm not groveling at his feet? I usually spend my breakups improving myself and keeping faith in the future - not plotting a return. Perhaps his ego is a little bruised? Yeah his ego is more than a little bruised and I imagine he is very upset you're not grovelling at his feet. Honestly. He thinks he is soooooo iressistible(after all, he had two women)...& not too long ago you were probably like me, checking the phone waiting for calls/texts. I bet he is wondering how it is possible you are still alive, still functioning...and not begging him to be in your life. How can you keep fit, look good, run 5K...& not be begging for him at the finish line? How can you live in your house and go about your business without even batting an eyelid when he goes past? Lol...that must be going through his head...and he needs to get over himself he is desperate for attention... He's an idiot. All of them who do this to us and their wives are. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author BrookeM Posted July 21, 2013 Author Share Posted July 21, 2013 Yeah his ego is more than a little bruised and I imagine he is very upset you're not grovelling at his feet. Honestly. He thinks he is soooooo iressistible(after all, he had two women)...& not too long ago you were probably like me, checking the phone waiting for calls/texts. I bet he is wondering how it is possible you are still alive, still functioning...and not begging him to be in your life. How can you keep fit, look good, run 5K...& not be begging for him at the finish line? How can you live in your house and go about your business without even batting an eyelid when he goes past? Lol...that must be going through his head...and he needs to get over himself he is desperate for attention... He's an idiot. All of them who do this to us and their wives are. Seriously laughing out loud I've accepted it's over. Has he?! Lol! Link to post Share on other sites
Author BrookeM Posted July 21, 2013 Author Share Posted July 21, 2013 My MM does/did the car-stalking thing often. I think it is a game. He doesn't know it's a game. He thinks he's just "captivated," or missing you, or conflicted or wants to keep a sliver of your attention or whatever. But don't you worry cause he's just going to flip back 'round to the other thing (i.e. cutting you off); and he's going to do it juuuust when you reciprocate those feeling and tell him you want him again. When he knows he's 'got you' he will drop the chase. He wants to keep you interested because he wants hope of falling into bed with you again. But, feeling guilty about his W's illness, he can't REALLY pursue you. So he will pursue just enough for YOU to pursue him, so he can say he didn't mean it. Don't believe me? Lemme hear an update in a couple of weeks' time. Completely agree and couldn't have said it better myself. He doesn't want me, but he doesn't want me to NOT want him. What a one way street that is! No thanks sir, I've had all about I could take from you. Run along. You are no longer any fun. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author BrookeM Posted July 21, 2013 Author Share Posted July 21, 2013 Forgot to mention, I was at the pool today and saw his best friend (who is also a serial cheater) there with his family. He kept looking over at me but I didn't acknowledge him. I'm sure when Monday morning rolls around, the friend will be at MM's office telling him all about it! Smh... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Pastypop Posted July 22, 2013 Share Posted July 22, 2013 These type of guys are weirdos. Who knows why they do the things they do or what they are thinking. Let it be known that you want nothing to do with this guy and his serial cheating buddy and they will go else where. These guys always try to come off as normal people when they really have issues. I had one try to break in my house once while I was at home because I passed him on the interstate on my way home from work. After he realized that I wasn't a poor, defenseless, weak woman, he thought the better of trying to break in my home and has never bothered me again. You might want to get some sort of protection. This guy sounds creepy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted July 22, 2013 Share Posted July 22, 2013 His rudeness at the run followed by the lurking at my house has really confused me. I've heard when people are rude for what appears to be no reason, it's a defense mechanism. But what is he defending? He broke up with me! Is he upset I'm not groveling at his feet? I usually spend my breakups improving myself and keeping faith in the future - not plotting a return. Perhaps his ego is a little bruised? Yes. You're not pining for him (at least if you are, he is unaware) so his ego IS hurting. His pride too, and he'll never show you if he's hurting. Instead he'll (and he is) being a total d.ick. Continue to stay in NC, remember NC is for you to heal and work through the pain of your A ending. It's all about you and your healing well. Do your best to not notice what he is or isn't doing. Let alone over think this, really it doesn't matter anymore so keep busy and distract yourself as much as possible. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author BrookeM Posted July 22, 2013 Author Share Posted July 22, 2013 These type of guys are weirdos. Who knows why they do the things they do or what they are thinking. Let it be known that you want nothing to do with this guy and his serial cheating buddy and they will go else where. These guys always try to come off as normal people when they really have issues. I had one try to break in my house once while I was at home because I passed him on the interstate on my way home from work. After he realized that I wasn't a poor, defenseless, weak woman, he thought the better of trying to break in my home and has never bothered me again. You might want to get some sort of protection. This guy sounds creepy. Definitely not the first time I've heard someone say that, even when we were still together. I guess I was so blinded by the affair itself that I didn't stop and really take a good inventory of it all. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BrookeM Posted July 22, 2013 Author Share Posted July 22, 2013 Yes. You're not pining for him (at least if you are, he is unaware) so his ego IS hurting. His pride too, and he'll never show you if he's hurting. Instead he'll (and he is) being a total d.ick. Continue to stay in NC, remember NC is for you to heal and work through the pain of your A ending. It's all about you and your healing well. Do your best to not notice what he is or isn't doing. Let alone over think this, really it doesn't matter anymore so keep busy and distract yourself as much as possible. You're right. I try to push him out of my mind when I catch myself over thinking about this and that. I've been focusing on my house, working out, going back to school, and improving my self esteem. None of these things mattered when I was with him. His texts and phone calls took priority over my life and several things that were important to me suffered because of it. I rolled over and allowed him full control for 5 months of my life. I regret all of it but I take from this a valuable lesson learned. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Goodbye Posted July 22, 2013 Share Posted July 22, 2013 Brooke, I think you are on track. Just keep focusing on your own life. So much gets neglected during an affair...or ANY relationship where someone else gets so much focus, for that matter. You can fill your time doing things for your self, home and career and come out doing better. Eventually you will find that HE is irrelevant, that he has no place in your tidy life. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BrookeM Posted July 22, 2013 Author Share Posted July 22, 2013 (edited) Brooke, I think you are on track. Just keep focusing on your own life. So much gets neglected during an affair...or ANY relationship where someone else gets so much focus, for that matter. You can fill your time doing things for your self, home and career and come out doing better. Eventually you will find that HE is irrelevant, that he has no place in your tidy life. Thank you :-). I still miss him. But what I'm beginning to understand it's not *him* that I miss, rather, it's the companionship I had to fill my lonely nights. And then I start to think - How can I want to be with someone who treated me like an option, who made me feel so irrelevant to his fabulous and important life. Who was glad to come over, eat my food, drink my beer, and order movies on my Dish account (WITHOUT my permission, I might add) and I barely received a thank you in return. Disgusting. I was very thrown off by his rude attitude at the 5k, especially since throughout the duration of our affair I treated him like nothing short of a king. I cooked for him, loved him like crazy, bought him small gifts here and there. I never once started drama or threatened to tell his family. I knew my place as the side girl and I stayed there. And when he wanted to end it, I accepted it and quietly went away. I guess Nicki Manaj was right...if you treat him like a rockstar, he'll treat you like a fan. Edited July 22, 2013 by BrookeM misspelled word Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted July 23, 2013 Share Posted July 23, 2013 Sounds to me like his ego is bruised because you are not trailing around after him and showing signs of being lovesick and despairing after he dumped you. It's all ego. He wants to feel in control and the fact that you are ignoring him and getting on with your life shakes his belief that he was the one running the show and who got to make the choices. I can't see what good would come of you responding to his childish attempts to attract your attention. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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