no gift ?

[velicity]

Tell me if I am wrong ?? I have been married for over ten years have three children and I am an excellent mother , MY husband and i are having big problems and are headed for divorce most definitely , but I want to remain friends when all is said and done ,(he says he does to) I didn't really want anything from him for xmas, but thought that he should have givin me something simple from the girls which is what I did for him , I am not a material person but just feel this was very hurtful, and insensitive .

 

Am I wrong for feeling this way considering our relationship problems ??

[Tony T]

You are never wrong for feeling what you feel.

 

However, it is much better NOT to receive a gift that is given begrudgingly. If your husband didn't want to give you a gift for some reason, that's OK. He owns his feelings and you own yours.

 

I think you better get used to a lot of changes real quick. Divorce is divorce. It is not a conversion from marriage to friendship. It is at best a process of gradually downgrading a marriage to an acquaintanceship...if you're lucky. Many people get divorced and never see each other again. Most likely, the kids you have in common are the only thing that will prevent that.

 

I think you got a wake up call and an advance warning that things are going to be much different in the future. The best possible gift he could give you is to be civil until you are officially divorced. Then, the best possible gift he could give you is to stay out of your face while you get on with your life.

 

Since you do have kids together and after a cooling off period after the divorce, if you create a friendly environment and your ex husband isn't too busy with other things, there may be a chance for some level of friendship. That remains to be seen. But he will still not be obligated to give gifts on any occasion.

 

I am really sorry this disturbed you. Our feelings can really go wacky over the holidays for some reason. But try to work on you not being so sensitive about what your husband does or doesn't do because divorce brings on very major changes in people's behavior.

[Dominic]

I would say that it was very thoughtless of him, but I wouldn't think he didn't get you a gift because of the problems you are having, more that you are having problems because of things like this. I know in the grand scheme of things it is only a small thing,but the small things matter too. Of course, I don't know much about your situation, but I really wouldn't think a small gift would have been to much to expect.

 

Dominic

 

xxxx

[Deejette]

A small gift to show friendship would have been the ideal, but, as Tony says, divorce is not a nicey-nice scene and there could be a lot of resentments that he is feeling and expressing through purposefully not getting you a gift.

 

And Dominic is right too, showing that he has not devoted much thought to you may have been the basis of why the marriage did not work out.

I would say that it was very thoughtless of him, but I wouldn't think he didn't get you a gift because of the problems you are having, more that you are having problems because of things like this. I know in the grand scheme of things it is only a small thing,but the small things matter too. Of course, I don't know much about your situation, but I really wouldn't think a small gift would have been to much to expect.

 

Dominic xxxx

[valicity]

Our marriage is over due to his selfisness,immaturity,neglect and lack of respect . The thing is, he always thought a simple sorry was always gonna fix it . I didn't think it was to much to ask for him to think about the mother of his children and someone he says he still loves deeply. Even just to show appreatiation, especially when he expected me to make his xmas nice ( I even aloud him to sleep over so he could be here for xmas morning)

 

AM i CRAZY???

[Tony T]

YOU WROTE: "Our marriage is over due to his selfisness,immaturity,neglect and lack of respect"

 

Well, now that you are getting a divorce, he now longer has to force what little selflessness, maturity, attention and respect that he actually was able to muster. He can be the actual total selfish, immature, neglectful and disrespectful butthole he has always been.

 

Isn't it odd how we see all this stuff when it's a bit too late.