Friend ---> girlfriend

[spiders]

I've known her for over 5 years now, and we speak every so often as friends, but we've been in different cities till recently.

 

Over the last few weeks I've asked her to come to lunch and the cinema which she has accepted, and we've had a great time. There was no connotations that these were dates but it was just the two of us.

 

Neither of us have ever been in a relationship before, and I just don't know how to bring myself to make that move of actually revealing my feelings/intentions. I thought to do this at the last encounter, but I just didn't feel the vibe was there.

 

Any ideas of how I can tell her comfortably, minimising the chance of rejection?

[white]

You can't minimise the chance of rejection. That's lesson number 1. That's the line of thinking that leads to obsessive behaviour, believing you can do everything just exactly right. It doesn't work like that, if he or she likes you, they like you, if they don't, they don't. Unless you experience a psychotic break or take the Bumper Book Of Racist Jokes with you on a date, and you won't do that will you? This is why the first advice everyone in the world offers is "be yourself".

 

All you can do, or anyone can ever do, is gird your loins, make the move, and take the outcome. The more you accept this the easier it gets.

 

In your case I would first advise that if you've been friends for 5 years, and you "didn't feel the vibe", you're probably out of luck - she just wants to be better friends now you're local. That isn't a bad thing. You probably won't ruin it by expressing your feelings either. Then, try being more straightforward about your feelings. Tell her you like her more than as friends, and that you really enjoy her company, and would want to spend more time with her. That sort of thing.

[spiders]

You can't minimise the chance of rejection. That's lesson number 1. That's the line of thinking that leads to obsessive behaviour, believing you can do everything just exactly right. It doesn't work like that, if he or she likes you, they like you, if they don't, they don't. Unless you experience a psychotic break or take the Bumper Book Of Racist Jokes with you on a date, and you won't do that will you? This is why the first advice everyone in the world offers is "be yourself".

 

All you can do, or anyone can ever do, is gird your loins, make the move, and take the outcome. The more you accept this the easier it gets.

 

In your case I would first advise that if you've been friends for 5 years, and you "didn't feel the vibe", you're probably out of luck - she just wants to be better friends now you're local. That isn't a bad thing. You probably won't ruin it by expressing your feelings either. Then, try being more straightforward about your feelings. Tell her you like her more than as friends, and that you really enjoy her company, and would want to spend more time with her. That sort of thing.

 

 

Thank you for the response

 

We have been friends for a long time but there has always been teasing from friends, which put the idea in my mind, so its surely in hers?

 

I told another friend and she definitely classed these as 'dates' even though I didn't see them as so.

 

I shall 'gird my loins'!