How can you tell when a single lady likes you as just a friend, or more?

[Teknoe]

I got a crush on a lady friend who, a month ago, finally became single. We have been friends for the past year, but even when she was in a relationship, we would hang out 1 on 1 and I felt like she was always very comfortable with me. Laughing at my stupid jokes, maintaining great eye contact, we really enjoyed each other's company, but obviously never did anything physical since she was taken.

 

Now she's back on the market and we're continuing our connection.

 

She'll be going on vacation for 5 weeks coming up here, so I expect us to reconnect in person in early September. Is it time for me to make some sort of move? Ask her out on a real date? Go for a kiss? Or should I ask her just to meet up and continue the connection level with no pressure for anything more -- kind of just wait and see how things naturally progress (or doesn't) ?

 

Yes, I really like her as a friend and as a potential partner. I know she really likes me as a friend. I'd just hate to go for it and have her reject me, then the friendship is ruined as well.

 

Been hard for me to get a read on her. I know she likes me, but I don't know if she LIKES LIKES me, ya know?

 

Any thoughts?

[Woop1337]

Ask her on a date. Go for it. Only one way to find out. And there's always risk involved.

 

You said she's coming up there to where you are for 5 weeks? So she does not live in the same area? Then don't start anything.

[white]

Fundamental flaw in your thinking here (my opinion of course) that many people think and would save everyone a lot of time if they thought clearer;

 

If you're really friends, telling her you're into her when she doesn't feel the same won't necessarily ruin your friendship. Depending on how you do it of course, try and jump her bones when you're drunk and she won't want to hang around again. But expressing your interest shouldn't upset her. You're civilised people. So you hold a torch for her, big deal. It doesn't change anything. If she laughs you off and tells you you really need to get laid, by someone other than her, are you going to cry? Never speak to her again? Are you going to get depressed? Is she? Reverse the tables. A female friend you aren't interested in tells you she's into you. Will you hate her for it? Will you avoid her because it's suddenly awkward, even though it actually isn't because she isn't hung up on you, you just had a frank conversation, and you carried on with your lives?

 

Of course, if you weren't really friends to begin with, and your entire history consists of flattery, attempts to gauge her interest and hovering in the wings waiting for her to be single, then revealing your feelings could cast it all in a suddenly poor light, as the facts you're a bit of a creeper all click into place. Only you know what your relationship really is.

[Teknoe]

Well, after meeting up with an old college friend who help set me straight, I decided I am going to ask her out. Since she is out of the country right now, I'm going to keep my email brief and to the point. I won't mention date, because I think it creates a label, but this is pretty plain as day:

 

"Hey __,

I've been thinking about our relationship since you left the US. I have really enjoyed getting to know you better these past couple months. I would like to take you out when you come back, to see where this can go."

 

Short, simple, to the point. And since she is out of the country right now, it makes an email more appropriate... which I feel most comfortable sending out.

 

Wow, this is good. I can know 1 way or another! And so not drive myself insane wondering

[hudson701]

"Our relationship"..... Lol?

 

Fail right there. You're not in a relationship, don't jump the gun.

[crederer]

"I like you, I'm just not IN like with you"

 

^^^yah, actually friendships are relationships too, just like you have relationships with family and coworkers. The term isn't exclusive to lovers.

 

and OP, most often if a girl likes you it's pretty obvious in the body language. I wouldn't get right in there and confess your undying love for her or whatever but drop a few hints yourself and her body language will likely let you know if she's interested or not.

 

And don't ask her out over e-mail man, are you mad? Do not do that! Ask her in person like a confidant man if you feel you must go for it that hard.

[OfficeGirl253]

Go for it. The only way you'll know is if you try.

Yes, rejection is a possibility, but again... you won't know unless you try.

[Teknoe]

Go for it. The only way you'll know is if you try.

Yes, rejection is a possibility, but again... you won't know unless you try.

 

 

Update: I am going for it. I am emailing her and being upfront tomorrow. One way or another, clarity would be awesome.

 

Seeking clarity in less than 24 hours!

 

Wish me luck...

[KathyM]

I vote for not asking for a date in an Email. Wait until she gets back into the country, arrange a meet up, and then state your interest in taking her on a date when you are face to face. Good luck. I hope it works out for you.

[somedude81]

Don't try to talk about "us" or any sort of a relationship stuff.

 

Just ask her out, let her know that you want a casual date.

 

It doesn't have to be a big production.

[Teknoe]

I vote for not asking for a date in an Email. Wait until she gets back into the country, arrange a meet up, and then state your interest in taking her on a date when you are face to face. Good luck. I hope it works out for you.

 

Kathy, that was my original plan. But certain events happened online between her and me the last 48 hours that I will not go into detail about. Let's just say, we are in the gray zone. I am not going to wait a month.

 

Bottom line: if she likes me romantically, any sort of admission works, whether it's an email or in person.

 

If she doesn't like me romantically, any sort of admission would NOT work.

 

I've been listening to outside voices too much. This feels right... the timing... the email... I'm going for it and not looking back. No regrets.

 

Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

[Lani]

Yup, go for it!

And please report back and let us know how it goes. Good luck

[KathyM]

Kathy, that was my original plan. But certain events happened online between her and me the last 48 hours that I will not go into detail about. Let's just say, we are in the gray zone. I am not going to wait a month.

 

Bottom line: if she likes me romantically, any sort of admission works, whether it's an email or in person.

 

If she doesn't like me romantically, any sort of admission would NOT work.

 

I've been listening to outside voices too much. This feels right... the timing... the email... I'm going for it and not looking back. No regrets.

 

Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

Suit yourself. It's good that you are taking action, although I think face to face would be better, since you already have a friendship going, and asking for a date a month in advance is kind of questionable. It's like, you were friends and meeting up on a friendship basis face to face and said nothing about romantic interest, but now that she is out of the country for a month, you are Emailing your interest. I think the face to face invitation when she gets back would be more personal, but whatever you decide, I'm glad you are taking the next step.

[Teknoe]

Suit yourself. It's good that you are taking action, although I think face to face would be better, since you already have a friendship going, and asking for a date a month in advance is kind of questionable. It's like, you were friends and meeting up on a friendship basis face to face and said nothing about romantic interest, but now that she is out of the country for a month, you are Emailing your interest. I think the face to face invitation when she gets back would be more personal, but whatever you decide, I'm glad you are taking the next step.

 

I prefer face to face... but Sunday's events pushed us into a weird zone... and I am not going to let it linger on 30 days... she basically came onto me... flirted... and I choked. I was stuck in friend mode... and didn't know how to talk back to her. The next day I instant messaged her and she was very distant... first time ever. Dry replies, long waits. It's like her attempt to show her interest got shot down in her face, when I simply choked. She probably feels a bit embarrassed and like a fool. When I am actually CRAZY about her! But choked.

 

So, I need to clarify and finally state my interest for the record. I already worked my email draft and showed it to a female friend who whole heartedly approved of it. Not too long, not too emotional, but it states clearly my interest in her and that I'm looking for something more.

 

I'll update later!

 

Excited. Oddly... no longer super nervous. Just... excited. One way or another, I can move on with my life. With or without her.

[WordvAction]

Dude send that email! Time is not your "friend" right now!

[KathyM]

I prefer face to face... but Sunday's events pushed us into a weird zone... and I am not going to let it linger on 30 days... she basically came onto me... flirted... and I choked. I was stuck in friend mode... and didn't know how to talk back to her. The next day I instant messaged her and she was very distant... first time ever. Dry replies, long waits. It's like her attempt to show her interest got shot down in her face, when I simply choked. She probably feels a bit embarrassed and like a fool. When I am actually CRAZY about her! But choked.

 

So, I need to clarify and finally state my interest for the record. I already worked my email draft and showed it to a female friend who whole heartedly approved of it. Not too long, not too emotional, but it states clearly my interest in her and that I'm looking for something more.

 

I'll update later!

 

Excited. Oddly... no longer super nervous. Just... excited. One way or another, I can move on with my life. With or without her.

Oh, well that clarifies your urgency. I can see if she showed interest and you did not at the time, that you would want to make sure she knew you were interested ASAP, so go ahead and send the Email. I agree that, under the circumstances, waiting until she gets back to express your interest would not be the better plan.

[Teknoe]

Oh, well that clarifies your urgency. I can see if she showed interest and you did not at the time, that you would want to make sure she knew you were interested ASAP, so go ahead and send the Email. I agree that, under the circumstances, waiting until she gets back to express your interest would not be the better plan.

 

 

Yup, that's why. It's easy for a 3rd party member to go "OMG SMH *slap forehead* doooood you totally gonna get shot down... do you have any ounce of dignity in your body???!?!!!"

 

But when you hear the background details, then you oughta see why.

 

Due to my rejection issues, and fear of the unknown (our friendship is close, tight and comfortable), I just didn't want to rock the boat. The fear of rejection overrided the possibility of what could be a beautiful learning and growing opportunity.

 

 

Dude send that email! Time is not your "friend" right now!

 

Yup, sent it at noon. She most likely has read it by now because she tends to check her email first thing in the morning. I have been out all day, and now feel a bit nervous to check, lol. I'm gonna work out, shower and then check. We'll see how it goes. There's no guarantee she will reciprocate, because her flirting might have just been playful and in jest, rather than direct and sincere, if that makes sense. Well, either way, I'll find out real soon where she stands.

 

As the guy I realize how important it is to take the lead. We as men should take the risks (at least, to begin a relationship with).

 

Next time I post, I will have a real update!

 

BTW, we were talking about Wolverine the movie and how Jean Gray lying on her side was totally showing off cleavage. What she did next shocked me. She emailed me a pic of her lying on her side, staring into the camera (had sort of a dreamy look in her eyes) and she showed me a little bit of cleavage. WOW!

 

She goes "Haha inappropriate?"

 

I go no, just unexpected! LOL.

 

So I mean, if she doesn't like me, then I wonder what kinds of pictures she sends to guys who she DOES like, lol.

[vanhalenfan]

I hope it turned out in your favor!

[somedude81]

A better response would have been something like.

 

She goes "Haha inappropriate?"

 

I go no, not at all. You're really sexy.

 

If she asks for clarification or reassurance which she most likely would.

 

Then you would say something like.

 

"Yes I really mean it. I think you're attractive. We should go on a date when you get back."

[Teknoe]

Just checked my email. No reply. Don't know if she hasn't checked her email yet or if she did and what she's doing (i.e. freaked out, or processing it)

 

Either way, I actually feel... OK. It's out in the open, and there's a certain amount of invaluable peace in that

 

Besides, it's only been what, 11 hours?

 

No reason to sweat just yet.

 

One way or another, she will get back to me... she ain't gonna just ignore me forever based on our friendship. Ball's in her court. I'll stay busy, and eventually I'll hear clarification on her part. Not a bad place to be, actually. Perhaps a whole hell lot better than being good friends and secretly pining for her.

[WordvAction]

Yup, that's why. It's easy for a 3rd party member to go "OMG SMH *slap forehead* doooood you totally gonna get shot down... do you have any ounce of dignity in your body???!?!!!"

 

But when you hear the background details, then you oughta see why.

 

Due to my rejection issues, and fear of the unknown (our friendship is close, tight and comfortable), I just didn't want to rock the boat. The fear of rejection overrided the possibility of what could be a beautiful learning and growing opportunity.

 

 

 

 

Yup, sent it at noon. She most likely has read it by now because she tends to check her email first thing in the morning. I have been out all day, and now feel a bit nervous to check, lol. I'm gonna work out, shower and then check. We'll see how it goes. There's no guarantee she will reciprocate, because her flirting might have just been playful and in jest, rather than direct and sincere, if that makes sense. Well, either way, I'll find out real soon where she stands.

 

As the guy I realize how important it is to take the lead. We as men should take the risks (at least, to begin a relationship with).

 

Next time I post, I will have a real update!

 

BTW, we were talking about Wolverine the movie and how Jean Gray lying on her side was totally showing off cleavage. What she did next shocked me. She emailed me a pic of her lying on her side, staring into the camera (had sort of a dreamy look in her eyes) and she showed me a little bit of cleavage. WOW!

 

She goes "Haha inappropriate?"

 

I go no, just unexpected! LOL.

 

So I mean, if she doesn't like me, then I wonder what kinds of pictures she sends to guys who she DOES like, lol.

 

Sounds like she was testing the waters with you. Either that or she feels really comfortable with you. Either way congrats on sending that e-mail and actually having the guts to take a chance. Good luck either way broski

[Lansing]

Hope she responds but next time I would be less "serious".. That e-mail might have come across as "I want to be your boyfriend" vs. "I am open to exploring this" type thing. You are always better off doing these type of thing in person and just seeing where things go from my experience. The letters/etc can make things weird.

[Teknoe]

Hope she responds but next time I would be less "serious".. That e-mail might have come across as "I want to be your boyfriend" vs. "I am open to exploring this" type thing. You are always better off doing these type of thing in person and just seeing where things go from my experience. The letters/etc can make things weird.

 

Haha yeah. I think if nothing else, this is yet another lesson for me to be more forward early on... before getting in some sort of strange friend zone.

 

Still no response.

 

And yeah, she was either testing the water or just really comfortable with me. Don't know which one. This girl has been really hard to read. Sometimes it feels like both.

 

Whatever, what's done is done. We'll see how she responds.

[vanhalenfan]

Anything yet??

[Teknoe]

Anything yet??

 

Not yet

 

It's been about, hmmm, 3 and a half days now... like 80 hours?

 

I told her in the original email if she needs time to process it, it's fair and that she's worth waiting for. Haha, kind of heavy... I have not talked to her since and will not until she contacts me next.

 

Honestly, the last 24 hours have been hardest. The first 48 was cool, the truth is out there now. The last 24 though I've been thinking of the friendship I could very well have lost out on by making that email confession. It was a nice albeit UNHEALTHY friendship... I just got way too high and low with her.

 

In the end though, I still believe I have no regrets. I think I did the right thing for me. As much as it hurts now, it would have hurt more being her "friend" and seeing her get with a new BF in October, and always left wondering WHAT IF?

 

At least now, I'll know whether I ever had a shot or not.

 

I'm not ruling myself out yet until I hear back definitively from her. It's possible (although perhaps unlikely but STILL possible) that she's conflicted and weighing her options.

 

The truth sets you free, but that doesn't mean that it won't also hurt like hell. But, like a surgical cut, it will lead to ultimate healing. Yeah I could have continued the fun friendship we had, but like I said it wasn't the healthiest around and I was too deep in with her to just see her as a friend.

 

I still believe I did the right thing for myself in the end. Despite the outcome.