How can you tell when a single lady likes you as just a friend, or more?

[Lani]

You did do the right thing. No matter the outcome.

 

She needed to know for your sake as well as her own.

Continuing your relationship the way it was would have been disastrous at some stage when it all became too much for you.

 

I understand its tough, but hang in there. There could be any number of reasons why you haven't heard back yet.

I'm still crossing my fingers for you

[Teknoe]

d00d, I cannot disagree with you. I was definitely way too invested in her. I fell hard, and when I fall hard, I become super loyal. I was willing to lay my life down for her. Like, seriously. I was even willing to switch positions at my job so she could take my spot. (same pay and everything, I would just be functioning in a slightly different role). When I offered her that, she was extremely humbled and honored, but it ended up not working out as my company did eventually hire someone to take the slot I was considering moving to.

 

As best as I can, I am moving on.

 

 

You did do the right thing. No matter the outcome.

 

She needed to know for your sake as well as her own.

Continuing your relationship the way it was would have been disastrous at some stage when it all became too much for you.

 

I understand its tough, but hang in there. There could be any number of reasons why you haven't heard back yet.

I'm still crossing my fingers for you

 

Thanks Lani. You are sweet. I actually have a good college friend named Lani. I am still holding out a bit of hope. She is out of the country until late August, so maybe she is taking a week to process things, make sure she doesn't jump in too fast. I guess at this point it's a win win for me. If she ends up being open to us dating, then it's a win. If she ends up ignoring me completely ("worst case scenario") then at least my heart can slowly mend and I can finally move the freak on, lol. You know? I guess in hindsight, it really isn't THAT bad a place to be in. It just hurts now, but eventually healing will happen.

 

And who knows, maybe in September when she gets back she'll be lonely, think about me, my confession and be more open to trying. I could get a text from her when she comes back saying "Hey Tek, dinner Saturday?" and IF we ever hang out again, at least it will be with her knowing my true feelings, and I knowing she knows without a shadow of a doubt, which could create opportunities for romance that weren't quite there before.

 

I woke up this morning feeling MUCH better. Last night/yesterday was just kind of crappy, but today I'm feeling pretty good. I guess it's like running 5 miles. I always find around lap 7 or 8 your body tells you to shut it down, but if you can power on through lap 10 or so, your body (mine anyway) starts to put itself into "OK I can do 20!" mode.

 

I feel like yesterday was lap 7 or 8 for me.

 

Today feels like lap 10 where I'm determined to power through (on no contact and feeling no regrets)

 

[Teknoe]

Big time update:

 

After 8 days' silence, I finally swallowed my pride, threw the "player's manual" out the window and initiated a conversation with her last night. She replied and we had a good chat, but she had to leave before I could ask her about the email. Later that night I messaged her and rambled on, before asking her finally about the email. She never replied. I saw her sign off and so I wrote her a brief email, apologizing for rambling on (said it's a defense mechanism of mine), and asking her to please let me know where she stands.

 

She emailed me back this morning. It was long and detailed. In a nutshell:

 

-She left the US for a month to find herself, but feels she has been stressed and not able to do much soul searching. She is in angst

 

-She is surprised by my romantic interest. Always saw me as "safe" (said don't be offended when I say "safe") because Christians are supposed to only date Christians, etc. Saw me as a guy buddy she could confide in

 

-Loved my email though, said it made her smile and smile more each time she read it (2-3x she said). Said "You definitely have got game, Mr. Tek!"

 

-Not ready to seriously date, but would still love to spend time together. Doesn't want to lead me on unintentionally though

 

-Wrote me a long email about her issues with her sister, but decided not to send it now because it might be inappropriate. However, the fact that she wrote it with the intent to send to me says quite a bit, IMHO

 

I replied this morning and thanked her for being direct and clear. I said I agree with her. She's not in a frame of mind currently to date seriously, but I have missed her friendship, and would be content if friendship is "all it is." Told her I'd still love to hang out when she gets back, with no date labels, no monikers, and just let it play out as it's gonna play out.

 

I actually think we're in a pretty good place now.

She still wants to hang out, but now she knows I like her. She didn't know before, but she knows now. So, if she wishes to initiate something physical, she knows she can without fear of being cut down. For me it's good to know where she's at, as I can pull back expectations and always wondering what if.

 

Hopefully our friendship continues to grow and yeah, we'll see where it goes from here. No expectations, just good times.

[karnak]

If she's not romantically interested in you, your relationship will start to die, from now on. Until it eventually ceases and desintegrates into oblivion.

 

But if she's into you, then sooner or later she'll be in your arms.

[Teknoe]

If she's not romantically interested in you, your relationship will start to die, from now on. Until it eventually ceases and desintegrates into oblivion.

 

But if she's into you, then sooner or later she'll be in your arms.

 

I see some truth in this. Or a lot of truth.

 

She already suggested:

 

1. Hanging out when she gets back

2. Me being her new movie buddy (because I sent her a trailer and she says I'm the biggest movie trailer BUFF she knows, lol)

 

So far, so good. Seems like she's adamant on still hanging out, saying stuff like "I enjoy your company." So it seems like she's unsure, but open to me romantically, and willing to take it slow to see where she is at.

 

Interestingly enough, of all the confessions in my life, this one has gone the best. Others said "Just a friend, Tek, sorry" and then the friendship either quickly faded, or slowly over a period of months. This girl, on the other hand, seems to still enjoy the idea of us hanging out, despite knowing I like her. So she's gotta be halfway open, otherwise, she wouldn't see the payoff of enjoying my company as a friend be worth the potential heartache of me coming on too strong and having to turn me down.

 

So while we're friends now, there's no saying we couldn't get physical later on down the road as we continue to get to know one another better.

 

Interesting to note is that she is also going through a bit of a life crisis right now. She is currently without a job, just broke up with her boyfriend of 2 years, and is struggling to find a place to live. I know she's not in the best stage of her life right now, but I still like her a lot. She also confessed to me that she lacks really good, genuine friendships, and maybe that's why we get along so well. We're both looking for good friends that lift us up... and we provide that to one another. It'd be nice to get the physical benefits too of a romantic relationship, but a really good friend is not a bad thing at all.