Was SHE Selfish?

[CazK88]

I have an ex who cheated on me and one of her reasons for doing it were the following:

 

1. Her feelings weren't "growing"

2. She lost attraction to me (mind you, she wants to be a virgin until marriage and doesn't like oral sex unless she is in love with someone - so basically the emotional attraction is what she apparently didn't feel)

3. She felt she had to constantly tell me how to do things that met HER standards like how to be a gentleman, how a man should always pick up the tab when out, and that her "Dominican" values stressed this.

4. She didn't become surprised enough - she always felt I needed to surprise her with things and "sweep her off her feet" all the time. She basically wants that "honeymoon" stage all the time.

5. She said I never visited her enough, when there was not a month past that I didn't

 

I mean it's realy nit-picky things all the while she says that I did everything right, I am a nice guy and you never know what the future holds with us. This is what we did over the course of 7 months:

 

1. Went to dinner every night on the 1-month anniversary (Every month from when we started the relationship we would do something special)

2. We travelled to New York City for a long weekend, travelled to India and Miami all in 7 months.

3. We got to know each other's family, friends and did not exclude each other from happy hours

4. Spoke on the phone daily

5. Saw each other almost daily because we got a gym membership together and after work we would go

 

And after all of that she says she was not fulfilled and doesn't know why her feelings weren't growing for me? She later confessed while discussing that she cheated on me for a guy at her job. It made me realize that she was agressive with me when we met because we too met at work before she switched jobs. She said the guy knows how to "spoil" her, surprises her, very handsome, and on and on...What I will lastly say is that this guy is 9 years older than her, was divorced and 2 kids who live in Chicago and he is in Virginia. Might I also add that she is medically depressed and has to take meds and see a therapist each week.

 

So what is your view about her? Selfish? Fantasized? Honestly, how long does one think the honeymoon stage should last in a relationship?

 

Caz

[New User]

Yes, she was selfish. Try not to waste another moment thinking about her.

[CrazyConcept]

Selfish idiot. If your needs aren't met in a relationship, how about talking about it first with your partner instead of jumping to conclusion right away and finding yourself another boytoy?

 

All I'd say to her would be "And why exactly you didn't tell me that before you cheated?". Wonder what sort of witty response would that bring...

[CazK88]

Selfish idiot. If your needs aren't met in a relationship, how about talking about it first with your partner instead of jumping to conclusion right away and finding yourself another boytoy?

 

All I'd say to her would be "And why exactly you didn't tell me that before you cheated?". Wonder what sort of witty response would that bring...

 

 

CrazyConcept, thank you for highlighting this for me. I wanted to see if I was in the wrong at all. She tried to balem me for not treatign her like a lady according to HER standards, and it bothers me how the blame went on me to try to sugarcoat what she did. I think ehr cheating supercedes all things. If she really had an issue at the way I did things she really could have communicated with me. Instead, she wanted to chase boytoy at her job and then it came crashing down.

 

Come to think of it, thats how we met. She was VERY aggressive trying to get me and wanted me to go on a trip to India with her after only knowing her for 3 months. So, with that in mind, she was the same way with this guy.

 

I think she also is making a sad mistake too. The guy is 9 years older than her, divorced with 2 kids that lives way over in Chicago and has a "girlfriend" in Bolivia he met while he was stationed there in the army. De ja vu anyone?