She left me for THIS kinda guy?

[CazK88]

My ex-gf left me because she said she lost attraction for me and her feelings were not growing. I don't know how this was because we always travelled together, she is a virgin and wants to stay that way until marriage and we talked on the phone and saw each other at least 4 times a week. When we talked she said that she could not explain how or why her feelings are gone, but she hinted that I didn;'t treat her life a lady according to HER standards which was to pick up the tab when we went out 98% of the time, surprise her, sweep her off her feet all the time and have that "honeymoon" stage all the time. She felt that I got too comfortable when things were not constantly growing as they should've. No excitement according to her...

 

Again, I don't see how this is the case when in 7 months in the relationship we travelled to three places: NYC, India and Miami and all of a sudden there is no excitement?

 

So, it was indeed another guy involved and she confessed and told me that he really knows how to "spoil" a woman and he fulfills her. Blah blah...but this guy is 9 years older than her, divorced with two kids over in Chicago and he lives in Virginia, he had a girlfriend in Bolivia because he was in the army and stationed there and apparently he is a woman pleaser. They both met at the job and must 've connected that way, and still work together. So this is basically a work relationship, turned personal relationship.

 

What made her leave me for this person? She always admired a stable family, but she is running into instability and future heartache, IMO. Why do some women do this? Leave a "green" zone and then enter into landmine territory? It just doesn't make any sense to me! Any advice?

[The Way I Am]

With the limited details available, it sounds like you were a spineless pushover. Taking trips was not the excitement she was looking for. She meant attraction/sexual excitement, not exciting activities.

 

Treat women well, but don't be a pushover. Don't be afraid to tell a woman what you want and make sure you're doing what makes you happy not just everything she tells you to do.

[CazK88]

With the limited details available, it sounds like you were a spineless pushover. Taking trips was not the excitement she was looking for. She meant attraction/sexual excitement, not exciting activities.

 

Treat women well, but don't be a pushover. Don't be afraid to tell a woman what you want and make sure you're doing what makes you happy not just everything she tells you to do.

 

 

I think I was far from a spineless pushover especially sicne she charged me with not doing much to fulfill her. I had gotten the assurance from her that she enjoyed each of those trips. What I missed out was that she is a virgin and wants to stay that way until marriage. So, in terms of physical/sexual excitement, we were quite limited. What we did do (fingering, kissing, touching)...we did rarely because she says she does not focus much attention to those areas. I recall her complaining about how it hurts when I fingered her, but that primarily occurs since she is a virgin. Though she did say others in the past did not make it hurt.

 

I don't know. It is so hard figuring out these women it gives me a headache trying. I didn't do everything she told me to...I believed in balance and we would basically come to an agreement on things. In a way, we told each other what to do but in a civil manner.

 

CAZ

[The Way I Am]

Kind of doubting you lack of pushover status considering you went on 3 trips with her in 7 months... Or are you really wealthy or travel for work or something and that's your norm?

 

Don't know your relationship in person, but your words read like those of a pushover who doesn't really know how to deal with women. In my experience, these types of guys often overcompensate for their lack of ability to excite women by trying pushing back in the wrong ways and end up being even less attractive. If you weren't a pushover or a pushover who tries to overcompensate, then maybe your personality is just boring to her.

 

If a woman is telling you she wants excitement, she wants YOU to excite HER with the way you act. And the end result in this case supports that theory.

[The Way I Am]

I think I was far from a spineless pushover especially sicne she charged me with not doing much to fulfill her.

 

Take the word of a woman here. The second half of that sentence is not backing up the first half. The fact that she said you don't fulfill her, is evidence FOR the fact that you're a pushover not against it -- that is unless you were being a total a-hole and not giving her the time of day. But we know that's not the case, because you were going on 3 trips in 7 months with her. So we eliminate a-hole, and that leaves pushover. When you're being spineless, a woman is not going to feel fulfilled.

 

I had gotten the assurance from her that she enjoyed each of those trips.

She probably did. She just would have enjoyed them more with someone who excited her.

 

What I missed out was that she is a virgin and wants to stay that way until marriage. So, in terms of physical/sexual excitement, we were quite limited. What we did do (fingering, kissing, touching)...we did rarely because she says she does not focus much attention to those areas. I recall her complaining about how it hurts when I fingered her, but that primarily occurs since she is a virgin. Though she did say others in the past did not make it hurt.

Wow. You really are clueless. None of those things are the key to exciting a women. They're what happens after you excite her. I think I see why she wasn't fulfilled.

 

Being a pushover isn't about "not doing everything she wants". I've dated pushovers who ended up annoying the hell out of me, and they didn't do 100% of everything I asked. Sorry, but you sound like a pushover to me.

Edited July 22, 2013 by The Way I Am

[ChessPieceFace]

Again, I don't see how this is the case when in 7 months in the relationship we travelled to three places: NYC, India and Miami and all of a sudden there is no excitement?

 

Sorry you wasted your money. But most modern/western women are just that. A waste of money.

 

So, it was indeed another guy involved

 

It always is. She isn't going to give up free vacations and meals until she has what looks like the more "alpha" male available to her. As soon as she does, she throws you in the trash.

 

this guy is 9 years older than her, divorced with two kids

 

...

 

What made her leave me for this person? She always admired a stable family, but she is running into instability and future heartache, IMO. Why do some women do this? Leave a "green" zone and then enter into landmine territory?

 

Women are controlled primarily by emotion, not reason. All the things they say and think that they believe go out the window once a "real man" like the divorced loser in question comes into the picture. Animal behavior.

 

Most confusion about female behavior comes from the male presumption that reason and rational thought should be paramount. You have to discard that idea to understand women.

 

That said, some women are worse/better than others. You don't have to give up entirely. Just start learning what to look for, learn to recognize these patterns of behavior and facets of personality that indicate that a given woman is more irrational, flighty and self-serving than others. Good, loyal and sensible women are very rare but they still exist... I think...

[Chi townD]

This girl is immature as hell.

 

She expected you to put her on a pedestal and keep her there permanently. That's not how a relationship works. You should have a partner in life through the fun times and through the tough times.

 

She should be your best and closest friend, and yet the girl you had fallen in love with.

 

Give it time. When that guy gets what he wants and then sends her to the kitchen to make him a sandwich and bring him a beer, she'll have some self reflection to think about.

 

In the meantime, go NC on her. All the money that you've been spending on her, save it up and go somewhere that YOU want to go. she wanted you out of her life, so you give her exactly that.

[darkmoon]

she got angry at not being allowed to freeload? unless you are rich, it is childish, spoiled childish to want to be treated the whole time, unless she is very beautiful, but that all slows down with age, so she is in for a rude awakening

[Woggle]

Consider it a bullet dodged.

[The Way I Am]

like the divorced loser in question comes into the picture. Animal behavior.

 

What makes this guy a loser? Is there a piece of info you have about him that's not given here. (I realize there very well could be given the excessive neediness and insecurity OP has displayed by posting his many threads.)

 

Or are you just assuming this guy is a loser because it fits your preconceived idea that women like losers? Being divorced, having an ex in Bolivia, an being in the military do not equate to loser. So unless there's something else you're basing that statement on, please stop trashing members of the military because you don't know how to keep a woman.

Edited July 22, 2013 by The Way I Am

[hoping2heal]

What made her leave me for this person? She always admired a stable family,

 

Uh, No..she has admired a fat wallet and a luxurious material environment. If she admired a stable family she wouldn't be getting involved with other men while dating you. Is that stable? No of course not. She also would realize that when in a relationship two adults are not teenagers. They need to go to work, clean the house, do the laundry, pay bills, and other various responsibilities. It is not play time every single day but when it's not she is flighty and bounces. Again, not stable and certainly not a mature and self-actualized perspective. She may have said she admires a stable family dynamic but you know..money talks and bullsheet walks.

 

 

 

but she is running into instability and future heartache, IMO. Why do some women do this? Leave a "green" zone and then enter into landmine territory? It just doesn't make any sense to me! Any advice?

 

Some women are greedy and material minded. Some women are immature and young and follow their influences. Maybe she was raised to believe that love is shown by material things and so she equates it as such. Maybe it's a combo of both. She's not just running into instability and future heartache..the men pursuing her are! She's shallow, flakey, and not worthy of trust.

 

She can try and fluff herself up all she wants; oh she's a sweet and good girl, oh she's family oriented, oh phoney baloney. Don't worry about her nonsense she's no good. Maybe it's due to her age or maybe it's a symptom of a deeper problem but she uses people to her benefit and she has no loyalty. She did you a favor by breaking up with you, more than you know.

[KathyM]

You can't buy a woman's love or make her fall in love with you by spending a ton of money on her. She will only lose respect for you if that is what you were trying to do. You need to have respect for yourself and learn how to romance a woman and build attraction. Sounds like you just threw money into the process and thought that would be enough. Going overboard on the spending just makes you look like a desperate doormat, and no woman is going to be attracted to that. Some might string you along for the perks (trips, gifts, or whatever) for awhile, but that is not how to build a relationship with women. And it comes on way too strong and desperate if you are taking her on all these elaborate trips when you are just in the early dating process. Learn to be creative with your dating ideas, and don't go overboard with the spending. It's not necessary, and makes you look like you are trying to buy her love. I know a couple of men who made that mistake, spent a ton of money on a woman they were dating, taking her to all these expensive places, and it did not end well for them. Women don't respect a man who comes off so desperate that they try to buy the woman's love.

[CazK88]

Take the word of a woman here. The second half of that sentence is not backing up the first half. The fact that she said you don't fulfill her, is evidence FOR the fact that you're a pushover not against it -- that is unless you were being a total a-hole and not giving her the time of day. But we know that's not the case, because you were going on 3 trips in 7 months with her. So we eliminate a-hole, and that leaves pushover. When you're being spineless, a woman is not going to feel fulfilled.

 

She probably did. She just would have enjoyed them more with someone who excited her.

 

Wow. You really are clueless. None of those things are the key to exciting a women. They're what happens after you excite her. I think I see why she wasn't fulfilled.

 

Being a pushover isn't about "not doing everything she wants". I've dated pushovers who ended up annoying the hell out of me, and they didn't do 100% of everything I asked. Sorry, but you sound like a pushover to me.

 

 

The Way I Am, Let me try and respond to each one of your points here. Regarding the trips, we equally paid for these trips. This is nothing I just shot out my pcoket and paid for everything. She paid ehr share and I paid mine on all three. I did spend more than she did, simply because I have more flexibility with my money than she does; reason being, she pays the mortgage in full WHILE both of her parents are working but are overseas. Her sister lives with her and doesn't pay a dime. So the family obviously is taking advantage of her. She feels that the man should pay for the majority of things or a 3-to-1 scenario where she would pitch in once to my every three or so. Not saying it has to be that way, but she feels as she is Dominican, thats how the values should be. When it comes to a home and other assets, they would be split evenly. I remember she and I had a talk about how she felt things were too much like a business where it once was 50/50 paying for things. After she expressed her feelings, and knowing how much of a financial burden she already is in, I said I would be fine with paying for more of our activities that we do, but she will need to still pay her share when it comes to things. I don't think any relationship would be so cruel to make the woman pay for more things. Sure there should be reciprocity, but everything doesn't have to be 50/50. I don't see this being passive, or in your sense a pushover.

 

Boring personality? Far from that. Let's put it this way, anything is broing to someone who has their standards up way too high (as I mentioned about the paying for everything ordeal, she wanted to be in that "honeymoon stage" forever and felt that I didn't balance things in the relationship). Mind you, no relationship has the "honeymoon stage" last forever. It's common for it to go from 2 months to 2 years, depending on the couple. SOme women lack reality, and they fantasize all the dam* time by reading these lvoe stories and placing themselves in the women's shoes. All relationships get comfortable, and that is where I would say I did. Just got comfortable being with her and apparently she was looking for more. When I mentioned "excitment" that was what I thought, she didn't actually say that. She said:

1. Her feelings weren't "growing"

2. She lost attraction to me (mind you, she wants to be a virgin until marriage and doesn't like oral sex unless she is in love with someone - so basically the emotional attraction is what she apparently didn't feel)

3. She felt she had to constantly tell me how to do things that met HER standards like how to be a gentleman, how a man should always pick up the tab when out, and that her "Dominican" values stressed this.

4. She didn't become surprised enough - she always felt I needed to surprise her with things and sweep her off her feet all the time

5. She said I never visited her enough, when there was not a month past that I didn't

 

I mean it's realy nit-picky things all the while she says that I did everything right, I am a nice guy and you never know what the future holds with us. This is what we did over the course of 7 months:

 

1. Went to dinner every night on the 1-month anniversary (Every month from when we started the relationship we would do something special)

2. We travelled to New York City for a long weekend, travelled to India and Miami all in 7 months.

3. We got to know each other's family, friends and did not exclude each other from happy hours

4. Spoke on the phone daily

5. Saw each other almost daily because we got a gym membership together and after work we would go

 

I just think she was selfish, but put the blame on me. I never had no girl tell me that I was not exciting. As boring as she is (no sex, constantly had to always plan for things but no room to improvize, she didn't want to move in with a guy until after marriage, she was afraid of love, she would be socially standoffish at general happy hours even with her own friends)...and you've gota nerve to say I am boring? I was the one who accepted her flaws, but she could not deal with mine? That, sir is SELFISH to me.

 

Pushover, psh! Explain to me your definition of a pushover, and give me some examples of NOT being a pushover since you appear to be an expert at this. And how does one gauge the point that they are crossing the waters as a pushover?

 

CAZ

[Chi townD]

3. She felt she had to constantly tell me how to do things that met HER standards like how to be a gentleman, how a man should always pick up the tab when out, and that her "Dominican" values stressed this.

 

 

WHAT?!?!? REALLY?!?!? I take it that she never wanted to take you to the Dominican Republic. I've been there and I can tell you right now, the streets are not full of prissy Diva's waiting for guys to open doors for them and pay for everything for them. So, she's giving you a line of bullsh*t!

 

So, she DEMANDED that you do all of this stuff for her and you get no loving in return for your efforts? I wouldn't call you a pushover I'd call you a Saint. Or the most patient man on earth!!!!!

[The Way I Am]

The Way I Am, Let me try and respond to each one of your points here. Regarding the trips, we equally paid for these trips. This is nothing I just shot out my pcoket and paid for everything.

 

I didn't assume you did pay for everything. I assumed you at least paid for yourself though. Unless you're rich and/or travel regularly, then you were doing it to impress her/win her love. That doesn't work and actually has the opposite effect.

 

It's fine to pay for things for a woman. I know some men actually enjoy it. But it's not fine to bend over backward to try to make a person like you whether it's paying for someone or taking an unusual amount of vacations you each pay for yourself because the other person doesn't find you interesting enough staying at home.

 

she wanted to be in that "honeymoon stage" forever and felt that I didn't balance things in the relationship). Mind you, no relationship has the "honeymoon stage" last forever. It's common for it to go from 2 months to 2 years, depending on the couple. SOme women lack reality, and they fantasize all the dam* time by reading these lvoe stories and placing themselves in the women's shoes.

 

Wow. You think just 2 months of the "honeymoon stage" is normal? Maybe for a relationship where you realize the other person is not right for you in that short span of time.

 

She lost attraction to me (mind you, she wants to be a virgin until marriage and doesn't like oral sex unless she is in love with someone - so basically the emotional attraction is what she apparently didn't feel)

 

Yeah. Because women who are virgins can't feel sexual attraction... Having been a female virgin at one point, I can assure you that's not the case.

 

That, sir is SELFISH to me.

 

As I'm pretty sure I mentioned a few posts ago, I'm not a "sir".

 

Pushover, psh! Explain to me your definition of a pushover, and give me some examples of NOT being a pushover since you appear to be an expert at this. And how does one gauge the point that they are crossing the waters as a pushover?

 

I'm an expert at knowing what's attractive to a woman, because I am one. It's really odd to me that you're being completely contradictory and don't seem to realize it. You say you're not a pushover but then describe all the ways you bent over backward for her when she wasn't reciprocating any of it. How do you not see that as being a pushover? Not being a pushover is having the self respect and confidence to walk away from someone when they tell you you're not good enough.

 

You can treat a woman well and spoil her but ONLY if she's spoiling you back. If a woman keeps telling you she isn't feeling it for you and wants you to spoil her in spite of her lack of feelings, and you comply, you're a pushover.

 

You keep posting all these "what's wrong with her" threads. She's done and gone. What's going on with her doesn't matter. What's wrong with you? Why did you not walk away when she all but told you she was losing interest in you? Instead of planning vacations, why didn't you stand up for yourself and say "Sorry, this is who I am. I'm not enough, I'm not going to buy you dinners and go on vacations to excite you."

 

If you don't want to work on yourself and want to keep blaming the woman entirely, then that's fine with me. -- Not saying she's perfect. Everyone has their issues, but focusing on what's supposedly wrong with her isn't going to help you in the future.

Edited July 22, 2013 by The Way I Am

[Darren Steez]

OP, whether you spent money, whether this or that. It seems you're comparing yourself to this guy either based on your monetary standing, lifestyle or status. Heck you may even be a nicer guy than him. He maybe an total A**.

 

After all the analysis you may have skipped over the one crucial fact.

 

She's a douche.

 

She's a cheater, a liar. Call it what you will.

 

Maybe now's the time to stop analyzing and beating yourself over someone who might have left you anyway down the . Imagine it further down the road, she had all the thoughts all along down the years and you proposed to her and she did the dirty after that? Imagine the devastation. It hurts now but it would hurt a damn sight more if you had continued.

 

Breathe a sign of relief and move on. Plenty of fish in the sea bro!

[The Way I Am]

So Caz, did I explain well enough how you were acting like a pushover/doormat/jellyfish/[insert term of choice]?

 

Not trying to pick on you. I just want you to see how your behavior affected the situation so you don't do it again. If you're willing to walk away from a woman who doesn't treat you right and/or tells you she's not really into you, you'll have a lot less heartache. 1. Because that kind of confidence is attractive in itself. 2. Because you won't further emotionally invest yourself in women who aren't emotionally invested in you.

 

This girl may or may not have had a number of big issues, but even stable women (and men) aren't attracted to people who allow themselves to be mistreated.

[CazK88]

I didn't assume you did pay for everything. I assumed you at least paid for yourself though. Unless you're rich and/or travel regularly, then you were doing it to impress her/win her love. That doesn't work and actually has the opposite effect.

 

It's fine to pay for things for a woman. I know some men actually enjoy it. But it's not fine to bend over backward to try to make a person like you whether it's paying for someone or taking an unusual amount of vacations you each pay for yourself because the other person doesn't find you interesting enough staying at home.

 

 

 

Wow. You think just 2 months of the "honeymoon stage" is normal? Maybe for a relationship where you realize the other person is not right for you in that short span of time.

 

 

 

Yeah. Because women who are virgins can't feel sexual attraction... Having been a female virgin at one point, I can assure you that's not the case.

 

 

 

As I'm pretty sure I mentioned a few posts ago, I'm not a "sir".

 

 

 

I'm an expert at knowing what's attractive to a woman, because I am one. It's really odd to me that you're being completely contradictory and don't seem to realize it. You say you're not a pushover but then describe all the ways you bent over backward for her when she wasn't reciprocating any of it. How do you not see that as being a pushover? Not being a pushover is having the self respect and confidence to walk away from someone when they tell you you're not good enough.

 

You can treat a woman well and spoil her but ONLY if she's spoiling you back. If a woman keeps telling you she isn't feeling it for you and wants you to spoil her in spite of her lack of feelings, and you comply, you're a pushover.

 

You keep posting all these "what's wrong with her" threads. She's done and gone. What's going on with her doesn't matter. What's wrong with you? Why did you not walk away when she all but told you she was losing interest in you? Instead of planning vacations, why didn't you stand up for yourself and say "Sorry, this is who I am. I'm not enough, I'm not going to buy you dinners and go on vacations to excite you."

 

If you don't want to work on yourself and want to keep blaming the woman entirely, then that's fine with me. -- Not saying she's perfect. Everyone has their issues, but focusing on what's supposedly wrong with her isn't going to help you in the future.

 

 

The Way I Am, You have this entirely wrong - all wrong especially to assume that I am a pushover. You are overanalyzing this thing way too much. As opposed to your biased definition of a pushover/nice guy, try looking up what a nice guy/push over is. I do not let women walk over me. I have qualities of a MAN, and was raised as such, and you appear to be questioning my manhood. I'm sorry, but you as a woman haven't the right to judge that just based off the words that I type in this forum. You know nothing about me. Let's make sure you process that first.

 

Second, the trips have nothing to do with anyone being rich. If you had read the full length of the story, I made it clear that she was ultra aggressive to ask me to go to India only 3 months of knowing her. We weren't even in a relationship last October 2012 when she and I booked the trip with our OWN money. The trip was only $1600 that included airfare, hotel and meals and it gave you the option to pay in installments. There are good deal trips out there in case you haven't noticed. So before you jump the gun to say we are rich to book a trip to go to India, I suggest you understand the facts first. I saw it as aggressive to ask me to go to a trip with her when I barely knew her. I could've questioned it then, but when interest and attraction finds you, you are blinded of the red flags. That to me, is a red flag - especially to one day tell me she doesn't have guy friends, but she books a trip with me to go to India April 2013 when there was no incentive that we would've still been friends like that 6 months later. It's almost as if she held onto me until India when things started turning south. That just does not make sense now that I look back on that. Either way, I paid my share of the $1600 and so did she. The other trips we had done (New York City and Miami) was a joint decision and a joint effort. She paid for the rental cars/gas and I handled the hotel and some meals. So this was a reciprocal process in which both played a role. Being a pushover is one who paid for the entire trips without her even getting involved. That miss, is not what happened. SO please squash this pushover/nice guy fiasco. The only time she mentioned that she doesn't like the whole 50/50 approach because to her it felt like a business and that she is handling a mortgage on her own WHILE her parents and sister are both living there and not contributing. Her Dad goes back and forth to Dominican Republic, Mom has no job and takes care of the daughters baby (while she works and goes out clubbing). At times my ex had to do the watching and nurturing while little sister pole dances. The family is taking advantage of her obviously. SO I said, sure, since my money is more flexible, and I have very little expenses, I don't mind doing a 3-to-1 share where I would pay for things 3 times to her 1. I don't see how this is being a pushover. I call it being flexible on my part to help her as she had reached a financial ceiling. But it got to the point that when I would ask her if she was hungry, she would say No, 30 minutes later she goes and buys food and then gets mad that I saw her go to the counter and pay and I didn't offer to pay it for her. That to me is selfish and gold-digging.

 

Third, I did not pay for her to like me as you state. There obviously was some type of attraction or connection that she saw in me in the beginning that 1) made her aggressively want to have me go to India with her as a MALE and she barely knew me 2) the fact that she invited me to her parents' home only 2 months of knowing her closer that being co-workers 3) the overall fact of her deciding to be ina relationship with me. I have no doubt there was a strong connection in the beginning, but its possible that she may have placed a lot of expectations in me and they just did not meet HER demands. She was just too high maintenance.

 

Let me again point out that she felt that in order for a relationship to stay "alive" it is to have that "honeymoon stage" literally all the time. Meaning she likes being surprised, she wants me to visit her every weekend at her parents home, she wanted there to be emotional connections..etc and to almost sweep her off her feet even though we had been in this relationship for 7 months. Mind you, I said she was clinically depressed, and she was an emotional wreck, so there would be times she would just blirt out and cry for no reason. Sure, we all have emotions, but if you are expecting a guy to make you feel better when you are randomly crying over random things, that's just far and beyond what most guys can even do. Even a male counselor would encourage you to let your sorrow out. Not only did I do those things here and there (not ALL the time), the trips must be given some credit. She all of a sudden says that her feelings are not growing towards me and she has lost an emotional attraction with me. So she cheats and when she admits that she did, she says the guy is handsome, he knows how to "spoil" a woman, he does everything right the way SHE see's it without her even telling him how. But she's so blind to even see how much baggage this guy may have with his divorce, 2 kids and less visitation rights with the ex-wife way over in Chicago. To me it's selfish. Some women want a guy to blow sunshine up their tails all the time. I will say she did her part in making me feel warm and comfy in the relationship. She would cook, etc., but I just feel that she wanted more than any guy would naturally be able to give. SHe's a walking love story and she wants to be part of it, when in reality, the honeymoon stage can generally last for up to a year before things start to settle down and get comfortable. I said 2 months just to throw a wild number out there. Statistics and studies have shown that it can range between 2 months to 2 years depending on the couple. Honestly, why would one want to put 10 times as much energy to "sweep someone off their feet" when they already have them? Sure, don't let the relationship go stale, but who are you competing against?! That's just how I see, but you are a woman, so obviously you may see it with rose colored glasses on. In your world it is often subjectivity that supercedes objectivity. No pun intended.

 

To answer your question, when she first mentioned that she lost feelings, the trips had already been done. It was not like I had planned a trip after the fact that she mentioned she lost feelings. Though she may have felt wrong that I was putting a lot of effort into the relationship, which is why she was the one to say she could not compare to me and that I was doing "everything right". Had you not noticed, when women say this, they know they are the suspect and had done something wrong, but just don't have the gall or the chutzpah to face their fears and confess. Though she did after I had to literally ask her several questions to get the truth out, initially her reason was her feelings were not growing and that I was a perfect guy and encouraged me to not change.

 

The last few things she said to me was that she hated what she did and knows it was wrong. So she felt to help ME mend is to have each other not contact one another. She also just dones't want to see me in person. Though she did want me to transfer the pictures from our trips on her computer, wanted to remain friends on Facebook and wanted each other to alert one another if and when we change cell numbers, etc. But maybe she was saying that to make me feel good? But if you really think she was totally done, it's hard to say. Maybe she was just one who was not ready as she thought. Regardless, she was in a conscious state when she decided to cheat on me and she knew it was wrong. So she is only feeling guilt and she actually said this. She didn't even want me to tell my parents or her friends that she cheated on me - how can one have their cake and eat it too? Heck no, I told her friends. She's not gonna run around town making everyone think that it was the man's fault. Thats the problem with society today. Nah honey, that's gonna change with this situation.

Edited July 25, 2013 by CazK88

[Jbum5]

Listen, the answer is simple:

 

She's a self-centered, spoiled brat who hides behind a virgin-status curtain while demanding a gold pedestal.

 

And you are a lovesick fool who really needs to accept the above as is and move on. Quick.

 

As an aside, she likely places an over-inflated black-hole value on her virginity and womanhood which then causes her to seek a type of compensation that you clearly can't provide. Not that you'd want to provide it anyway.

[ChessPieceFace]

What makes this guy a loser? ...Being divorced, having an ex in Bolivia, an being in the military do not equate to loser.

 

Since I'm the one typing my posts, I'm the one that's allowed to dictate what qualifies as a loser in my book. And there were quite a few indicators both on and between the lines of the OP which give me reasons to make this statement.

 

But since you so angrily bring it up - no, I do not respect someone's decision to accept money from the corporate/government fascist state to kill innocent people in Afghanistan and Iraq. At best they are ignorant of the true nature of the military industrial complex. At worst they are willful paid murderers. I will never respect murderers under any pretense you want to use, nor any threat you want to make. Get informed. You're on the wrong side.

[Try]

So she cheats and when she admits that she did, she says the guy is handsome, he knows how to "spoil" a woman, he does everything right the way SHE see's it without her even telling him how. But she's so blind to even see how much baggage this guy may have with his divorce, 2 kids and less visitation rights with the ex-wife way over in Chicago.

No divorced guy with 2 kids that is 9 years older than her would tolerate a relationship with her that did not include sex. She may have been a virgin with you, but she did not stay a virgin with the other man (OM). With him being her first, you did not stand a chance in the excitement department. Being many years older than you, the OM is more financially established than you even after the divorce, and thus he can afford to pick up the tab for her for a few months until he gets what he wants, and trust me he is getting it now. Edited July 25, 2013 by Try

[The Way I Am]

Since I'm the one typing my posts, I'm the one that's allowed to dictate what qualifies as a loser in my book.

 

Fair enough. I'm allowed to "dictate what qualifies as a loser in my book" as well. And given the details we have of her new bf, there's nothing that makes him one.

 

But since you so angrily bring it up

 

Not angry at all...

 

no, I do not respect someone's decision to accept money from the corporate/government fascist state to kill innocent people in Afghanistan and Iraq. At best they are ignorant of the true nature of the military industrial complex.

 

All the info I needed to frame your opinions right there. Thanks for providing.

[The Way I Am]

I'm sorry, but you as a woman haven't the right to judge that just based off the words that I type in this forum.

 

So only men have the right to judge what you write on the forum?

 

Caz, you're a huge f*cking whiner! There's just nothing attractive about that.

 

I read your first paragraph and didn't read your ridiculously long ramble that probably repeats for the 4th or 5th time the exact same details of your situation.

 

Sorry, but I'm judging you by your descriptions of your own actions. If you don't want to accept reality, not my problem. Good luck with women in the future. If you don't get a backbone, you're definitely in for a lot more heartache.

 

It's obvious you've no interest in help, so I'm not going to spend any more time trying to give you advice.

 

TWIA out.

[MrBossMan]

Consider it a bullet dodged.

 

Exactly what I was thinking.

[dasein]

Didn't read whole thread so sorry if I missed useful detail. Agree with woggle, you dodged a bullet. She is high maintenance and materialistic with unrealistic expectations. In all likelihood, given that, she thinks the guy has or will have more money than you, or will spend more money on her. All the talk about stability is bogus and can be translated into "$$."

 

Good for you for getting shed of this one onto someone else. Good luck moving forward to better options.