TrueSmiles12 Posted October 26, 2004 Share Posted October 26, 2004 I hope some of you can remember my situation... I started posting here after my ex and I broke up over the summer and now, after a lot of on and off communication, we are what seems to be undergoing a second chance stage... We came back to school (3rd year college) and began acting like we didn't know each other -- it was very awkward. But we would occasionally text each other back and forth over the weekends... We began talking online and slowly worked our way back into communicating. And... we started seeing each other and hanging out (well on weekends at least) a couple of weeks ago. When we're alone together, it feels like we're back together again and it just feels so right. But when we stop to seriously talk about our relationship, he continues to state that he can't do commitment, that he still loves me, but he just can't go back to the way things were when he felt that he couldn't make decisions on his own (he was torn between making me happy and making himself happy). So here we are -- hanging out on weekends, being really close when we're together, but when we see each other during the weekdays (we have the same major), he seems distant... I don't really know what to make of this situation. He says he wants us both to be happy and right now, he sees it as something "in between", it's not randomly hooking up, but it's not commitment either. He likes the way things are right now and wants to see where it can lead us.. We tell each other that we miss each other when we're not together and like I said, everything just seems to be falling into place again.. That is until I recently talked to one of our mutual friends and his advice was to give him his space because he was told that I 'crowd his space'. ??? If I am crowding his space, then I wish he would make that evident to me, because I don't want to continue to act like everything is well again ya know... I want to sit and talk to my ex and find out what is going on for sure, but I know that everytime I do, even begin to talk serious with him, he gets aggravated, because it seems like I'm making a big deal out of everything (and he hates that)... So what should I do??? Thanks.. Link to post Share on other sites
Weird Posted October 26, 2004 Share Posted October 26, 2004 I say just keep doing what you have been doing with hanging out and let time sort things out. Link to post Share on other sites
suggestions2004 Posted October 26, 2004 Share Posted October 26, 2004 Originally posted by TrueSmiles12 I hope some of you can remember my situation... I started posting here after my ex and I broke up over the summer and now, after a lot of on and off communication, we are what seems to be undergoing a second chance stage... We came back to school (3rd year college) and began acting like we didn't know each other -- it was very awkward. But we would occasionally text each other back and forth over the weekends... We began talking online and slowly worked our way back into communicating. And... we started seeing each other and hanging out (well on weekends at least) a couple of weeks ago. When we're alone together, it feels like we're back together again and it just feels so right. But when we stop to seriously talk about our relationship, he continues to state that he can't do commitment, that he still loves me, but he just can't go back to the way things were when he felt that he couldn't make decisions on his own (he was torn between making me happy and making himself happy). So here we are -- hanging out on weekends, being really close when we're together, but when we see each other during the weekdays (we have the same major), he seems distant... I don't really know what to make of this situation. He says he wants us both to be happy and right now, he sees it as something "in between", it's not randomly hooking up, but it's not commitment either. He likes the way things are right now and wants to see where it can lead us.. We tell each other that we miss each other when we're not together and like I said, everything just seems to be falling into place again.. That is until I recently talked to one of our mutual friends and his advice was to give him his space because he was told that I 'crowd his space'. ??? If I am crowding his space, then I wish he would make that evident to me, because I don't want to continue to act like everything is well again ya know... I want to sit and talk to my ex and find out what is going on for sure, but I know that everytime I do, even begin to talk serious with him, he gets aggravated, because it seems like I'm making a big deal out of everything (and he hates that)... So what should I do??? Thanks.. It seems like he's ashamed of you. He's wants the cake and eat it too if you know what I mean. I say move on, if he can't commit then he's just an associate, don't waiste your time with him when you could be in a healthy, good, and happy relationship. There's somebody out there waiting for you!! Link to post Share on other sites
bluechocolate Posted October 26, 2004 Share Posted October 26, 2004 But when we stop to seriously talk about our relationship, he continues to state that he can't do commitment He's told you that he won't commit to you and no commitment means he is free to see other people. He likes the way things are right now and wants to see where it can lead us.. Of course he likes the way things are right now - he gets the prize without having to enter the contest. I don't think this will lead you anywhere but exactly where you are right now. If you're happy with that then stick to it. it's not randomly hooking up, but it's not commitment either For him it's a bit of hassle free nookie on the weekends. He's distant with you during the week at college because he doesn't want you "cramping his style". What do you want? Do you want to be "in-between"? And most importantly, what do you feel you deserve? Link to post Share on other sites
Weird Posted October 26, 2004 Share Posted October 26, 2004 doh. I didn't make the connection that you are humping this guy. I thought you were just hanging out enjoying the company of each other. Since you are humping him my advice changes... don't hump the guy but still hang out in a friendly way. If he doesn't then you have your answer of what he is truly after with you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TrueSmiles12 Posted October 27, 2004 Author Share Posted October 27, 2004 I appreciate all your responses, and please keep them coming! However, for the record... we're not "humping." When we hang out, we do just hang out, sometimes cuddle, sometimes kiss, but that's it.. It is all just confusing because yea, there are still very strong feelings there and he's admitted them to me, but I'm not about to force him to be in a relationship with me again, especially since we still have to take the time to figure out how to make another relationship with us work right... And I'll admit it... As much as this may not the best, most ideal situation for me to be in, I still choose to be in it. I still have a lot of really strong feelings for him and I know that the feelings are mutual. And since we have broken up, I still have not been able to let go completely... I still feel that there is a chance for us. I hope that time can sort things out here.. But how do I not become more and more attached so easily?? Link to post Share on other sites
Weird Posted October 27, 2004 Share Posted October 27, 2004 oh ok well if you aren't fuggin then I dont see what is so wrong to hang in a friendly way, although I would stop the kissing stuff. Oh and yes, time will sort things out. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TrueSmiles12 Posted November 9, 2004 Author Share Posted November 9, 2004 UPDATE, UPDATE, UPDATE! well, as of last saturday (halloween), we have been sorta back together. we had a very emotional talk saturday night (the most emotional talk we've ever had) and a lot of feelings came out that night, including how upset he felt about me and who i had been seeing since our breakup. he even got so upset that he up and was ready to walk out the door until i had to stop him and really break down. he held me and told me that everything would be okay and that we would make things right this time. sounds great, huh? well.... since then, however, things have not been so peachy. he's been having second thoughts about everything and claims that he doesnt think anything can change from our previous relationship together. i am so persistent about this second chance, because i dont feel as if he has given it a real chance. but how long must i be this persistent before i simply have to give up and walk away?? Link to post Share on other sites
Layzie1207 Posted November 9, 2004 Share Posted November 9, 2004 i dont understand why one night he claims everything can work and the next night hes not so sure, hmmm Link to post Share on other sites
Weird Posted November 9, 2004 Share Posted November 9, 2004 he prolly is afraid stuff will fail and instead of growing some balls and trying it out he will play the easy odds of not even seeing if it will or will not work. He could however, feel that both of you haven't changed and if nothing changes in people then a 2nd chance is bound to fail like the first. Have things changed within you and with him? Do you both see the problems that caused the first time to end and will do your best to not let those problems happen again? Link to post Share on other sites
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