Goodbye Posted July 22, 2013 Share Posted July 22, 2013 My exMM called me from a new number. He stated the purpose of his call was to clarify that he had not used me, that he was in love with me, that he was getting a divorce and would come for me. I said nothing. He started pushing hard to engage me, as I was clearly disconnected. I responded by telling him that I had a rough time without him initially, but that I'd made positive changes in my life and thought of him less and less with each passing day. All of that is true. The phone call didn't make me "relapse," go back to the rough days of early April. It showed me I've developed a thick callous over a spot in my heart that had previously been rubbed raw. I guess all of this is good. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
BrokenPrincess Posted July 22, 2013 Share Posted July 22, 2013 Oh wow. What a way to start the week. You might still be in shock. When my xMM broke NC, I felt neutral for a few days, then the waterworks came full-force, sending me reeling. Of course, I don't hope that for you, but if it happens, just let it out. I don't know how far you truly are in your healing, but I think it would be very hard not to feel a glimmer of hope after that, no matter what your anger & hurt & logic tells you. (((Goodbye))) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Goodbye Posted July 22, 2013 Author Share Posted July 22, 2013 Oh wow. What a way to start the week. You might still be in shock. When my xMM broke NC, I felt neutral for a few days, then the waterworks came full-force, sending me reeling. Of course, I don't hope that for you, but if it happens, just let it out. I don't know how far you truly are in your healing, but I think it would be very hard not to feel a glimmer of hope after that, no matter what your anger & hurt & logic tells you. (((Goodbye))) Actually, he called me Thursday morning. I was waiting for a more emotional reaction to strike over the weekend, but not yet. This is good. Even the fact that I didn't feel compelled to come here and write about it or four days says something to me. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
hippetyhop Posted July 22, 2013 Share Posted July 22, 2013 Good for you for standing your ground. Keep yourself protected through all of this. Actions speak louder than words. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BruisedBNBroken Posted July 22, 2013 Share Posted July 22, 2013 Goodbye, so happy to come on here this morning and read your post!! Good for you. You've made amazing and positive strides since April. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GettingOver Posted July 22, 2013 Share Posted July 22, 2013 I am also happy for you that you are staying strong, cause my exMM is trying to break NC and is using my friends for this... And I feel weak again. If what he said was true and he got a divorce, would you be with him?... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Goodbye Posted July 22, 2013 Author Share Posted July 22, 2013 I am also happy for you that you are staying strong, cause my exMM is trying to break NC and is using my friends for this... And I feel weak again. If what he said was true and he got a divorce, would you be with him?... GettingOver, my story with exMM is a long and confusing one. To answer your question: I don't know. Not any time soon, at least. I've known exMM for 27 years. We were a couple for a long time. While I've written horrible things about him on here (I've needed to do so for my own cathartic process), there are some very fine things about him, and yes...I will always love him. What he has done in the past year makes me squirm. I no longer look at him as an upstanding man. I've also had some more distance from my own divorce and I'm starting to believe that I need to focus on my home life, rehabbing my career and thinking about the next "chapter", whatever that is. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Goodbye Posted July 22, 2013 Author Share Posted July 22, 2013 I am also happy for you that you are staying strong, cause my exMM is trying to break NC and is using my friends for this... And I feel weak again. If what he said was true and he got a divorce, would you be with him?... I read your post. I guess I'm "lucky" in that exMM doesn't share mutual friends with me. I think you need to completely ignore your exMM's attempts at contact...pretend they don't phase you whatsoever. Not easy, I know. Link to post Share on other sites
GettingOver Posted July 22, 2013 Share Posted July 22, 2013 I read your post. I guess I'm "lucky" in that exMM doesn't share mutual friends with me. I think you need to completely ignore your exMM's attempts at contact...pretend they don't phase you whatsoever. Not easy, I know. She is not a friend of his even. He never ever wrote her before, just added on a business social network cause me all met at work. Do you trust your xMM's words that he is divorcing to be with you?... Link to post Share on other sites
Praying4Peace Posted July 22, 2013 Share Posted July 22, 2013 Wow Goodbye...as someone who has followed your story...that must have been a shock. Do you feel angry with him or indifferent? if you are angry, describe where that anger comes from. He hasn't really contacted you after the few false start "NC"'s right? And the bday card? I saw that as a level of respect...to not string you along and continue to cake eat. I guess he just wanted to let you know how he felt. I agree that he would need some 'alone' time after his divorce. Link to post Share on other sites
Sarabi Posted July 22, 2013 Share Posted July 22, 2013 Do you trust your xMM's words that he is divorcing to be with you?... It might well be true but I think it is rubbish. That message was just to pique your interest and make you go running. As if you are that desperate...All these men are just so rubbish its unreal (God bless their wives/girlfriends for all they endure honestly ) Why doesn't he just contact when all is said and done and instead of saying "I am divorcING"...he can just say "I am divorcED."? What is the point in saying to someone "I really fancy you but let me split up with this one first then I will come for you..." He'a an idiot. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GettingOver Posted July 22, 2013 Share Posted July 22, 2013 GettingOver, my story with exMM is a long and confusing one. To answer your question: I don't know. Not any time soon, at least. I've known exMM for 27 years. We were a couple for a long time. While I've written horrible things about him on here (I've needed to do so for my own cathartic process), there are some very fine things about him, and yes...I will always love him. What he has done in the past year makes me squirm. I no longer look at him as an upstanding man. I've also had some more distance from my own divorce and I'm starting to believe that I need to focus on my home life, rehabbing my career and thinking about the next "chapter", whatever that is. I wish you all the best, Goodbye! With or without him. I remember one post here... I don't remember who wrote it though... She used to be the OW and cut contact with MM because she did not want to be second best. Each time her exMM tried to contact her she wouldn't respond. He wrote and wrote to her, he eventually got a divorce in a couple of years, and only then she met him and it started working, but in a different way - a healthy way. I admire this lady. I wish you and myself the power she had. And self respect that she had. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Goodbye Posted July 22, 2013 Author Share Posted July 22, 2013 She is not a friend of his even. He never ever wrote her before, just added on a business social network cause me all met at work. Do you trust your xMM's words that he is divorcing to be with you?... No, I don't have reason to trust him. He lost my trust. And I don't want him to divorce "to be with me." When he previously made claims of divorcing, it was because his marriage was so awful...then he retracted all of that, saying his marriage was good but he wanted to leave for me. I ended my marriage because it was not a healthy one, not because I wanted someone else in particular. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Goodbye Posted July 22, 2013 Author Share Posted July 22, 2013 Wow Goodbye...as someone who has followed your story...that must have been a shock. Do you feel angry with him or indifferent? if you are angry, describe where that anger comes from. He hasn't really contacted you after the few false start "NC"'s right? And the bday card? I saw that as a level of respect...to not string you along and continue to cake eat. I guess he just wanted to let you know how he felt. I agree that he would need some 'alone' time after his divorce. No, he hasn't been contacting me. I guess I feel a bit angry...or annoyed. The anger comes from being mislead by him in the recent past, not so much over this communication. Link to post Share on other sites
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