A generational pattern of unstable women.

[Mrlonelyone]

I have just realized that my family shows a generational pattern of unstable women.

 

My father married my mother. She's kinda unstable and has severe mood swings. At one time she was somewhat physically abusive. However she is small so dad just let it bounce off him.

 

My uncle married one woman who was just plain crazy. His second wife tried to have him killed. His third wife has lasted for about 40 years. So eventually it did work out for him.

 

Now there is the panoply of women (and some men) I have dealt with. All of whom have had real issues with emotional stability. Being all over me one minute and schewing me away just as intensely the next, rinse, repeat.

 

 

I would ask my uncle how he broke the cycle all I can think is he got lucky.

[Philosoraptor]

You are imprinted at a young age regarding what a relationship is supposed to look like and consist of. I've met many ladies back when I was dating that had clear issues regarding what a healthy relationship was supposed to look like.

 

Be thankful that you're wise enough to see through this pattern.

[Mrlonelyone]

You are imprinted at a young age regarding what a relationship is supposed to look like and consist of. I've met many ladies back when I was dating that had clear issues regarding what a healthy relationship was supposed to look like.

 

Be thankful that you're wise enough to see through this pattern.

 

 

I don't know about the bolded. I know the pattern exist but I have no idea how to avoid it. I know that I want a woman who can be stable and there for me, but who has a little bit of a crazy side. Just enough to be an interesting person. Yet I keep getting people who are off scale crazy, or I make them crazy.

[xxoo]

I don't know about the bolded. I know the pattern exist but I have no idea how to avoid it. I know that I want a woman who can be stable and there for me, but who has a little bit of a crazy side. Just enough to be an interesting person. Yet I keep getting people who are off scale crazy, or I make them crazy.

 

Does a woman need to have a crazy side to be interesting, from your perspective?

[Philosoraptor]

Eh, you get away from them at some point apparently. At least you recognize it, as your uncle must have (or your aunt was crazy as well but didn't show it in public).

[sweetkiwi]

And what exacctly is wrong with the men in your family who chose those women??

[Mrlonelyone]

And what exacctly is wrong with the men in your family who chose those women??

 

My uncle has a certain degree of crazy in him as does my father and as do I. So one could say like attracts like.

 

There is crazy quirky... the kind that dosen't do any harm to anyone. Then there is crazy dangerous.

 

Eh, you get away from them at some point apparently. At least you recognize it, as your uncle must have (or your aunt was crazy as well but didn't show it in public).

 

Perhaps. I mean when they argue it gets so intense that me and my cousins would hide under the bed. Then the rest of the time she was just so sweet and boring.

 

Maybe it's just a matter of finding someone who's got that bit of crazy to them, but is still able to control their emotions. Like me, I know I have certain issues, but I have done the work to address them.

 

Does a woman need to have a crazy side to be interesting, from your perspective?

 

I know that if someone so so stable that they were 100% predictable i would get bored with them.

 

What I am looking for is someone who's crazy quirky (not crazy dangerous). Someone who through their own ups and downs is always on my side. VS someone who every time their mood changes I am either loved or hated.

[tbf]

Consider how it works. When both sides are crazy, even mildly, drama ramps up fights which they consider "passion" and gets their unhealthy comfortable-level stress hormones pumping. The more they interact through conflict, the more they need to escalate, in order to get their fix.

 

If you make women crazy, you're recreating the comfortable drama environment.

 

This is why the abuse cycle continues for many. Unless they can break the cycle by breaking their addiction through admittance, then understanding, then hard work at rerouting neural pathways and neurological chemical levels, they'll continue the cycle.

[xxoo]

I know that if someone so so stable that they were 100% predictable i would get bored with them.

 

What I am looking for is someone who's crazy quirky (not crazy dangerous). Someone who through their own ups and downs is always on my side. VS someone who every time their mood changes I am either loved or hated.

 

Can you give an example of crazy quirky vs. crazy dangerous?

 

A person doesn't need to be crazy to be spontaneous, adventurous, curious, etc. These are qualities that a stable person can possess.

[Mrlonelyone]

Consider how it works. When both sides are crazy, even mildly, drama ramps up fights which they consider "passion" and gets their unhealthy comfortable-level stress hormones pumping. The more they interact through conflict, the more they need to escalate, in order to get their fix.

 

If you make women crazy, you're recreating the comfortable drama environment.

 

This is why the abuse cycle continues for many. Unless they can break the cycle by breaking their addiction through admittance, then understanding, then hard work at rerouting neural pathways and neurological chemical levels, they'll continue the cycle.

 

This makes a great deal of sense. Kinda like being addicted to a drug. So instead of taking a step back, breathing and calming things down for a while, we ramp up the drama (positively or negatively).

 

 

Can you give an example of crazy quirky vs. crazy dangerous?

 

A person doesn't need to be crazy to be spontaneous, adventurous, curious, etc. These are qualities that a stable person can possess.

 

The kind of spontaneous I am thinking of is the kind that comes up with new ideas and new ways of doing things. The kind that might create art or invent the improbable. The word eccentric fits what I have in mind. Crazy but with no need to physically or emotionally hurt others.

 

Just plain crazy is the kind of person who will harm you.

[tbf]

This makes a great deal of sense. Kinda like being addicted to a drug. So instead of taking a step back, breathing and calming things down for a while, we ramp up the drama (positively or negatively).

Yes, until the chemical levels hit the optimum point. But what can happen is that since there are two tangling, the escalation gets out of hand since there's no way to control the other person and both are trying to win the engagement, so it gets to destructively violent levels. The more crazy the starting point, the sooner destruction begins.

 

In many ways, you can see this cycle happening throughout humanity in social interactions. It's how bar fights and wars begin.

[Mrlonelyone]

Yes, until the chemical levels hit the optimum point. But what can happen is that since there are two tangling, the escalation gets out of hand since there's no way to control the other person and both are trying to win the engagement, so it gets to destructively violent levels. The more crazy the starting point, the sooner destruction begins.

 

In many ways, you can see this cycle happening throughout humanity in social interactions. It's how bar fights and wars begin.

 

I guess the question is why do I need the stimulation of someone who is a bit on the crazier side? I have been doing some reasoning. I am not alone in only being attracted to people who have a screw that's a little loose.

[xxoo]

The kind of spontaneous I am thinking of is the kind that comes up with new ideas and new ways of doing things. The kind that might create art or invent the improbable. The word eccentric fits what I have in mind. Crazy but with no need to physically or emotionally hurt others.

 

My H and I are both that type of person. That's not crazy at all. Just non-conformist. Although crazies might be overepresented among the non-conformists, so you need to recognize and weed them out.

 

It might be difficult to tell the difference in the first few months, but eventually it becomes quite clear to which group a person belongs: eccentric or crazy. The trick is to recognize red flags and be willing to walk away when they appear.

[tbf]

I guess the question is why do I need the stimulation of someone who is a bit on the crazier side? I have been doing some reasoning. I am not alone in only being attracted to people who have a screw that's a little loose.

Which I've already addressed. It's your comfort zone and if you don't get the fix, you subconsciously agitate for it. Within your mind's paradigm, love = drama/abuse.

[Mrlonelyone]

My H and I are both that type of person. That's not crazy at all. Just non-conformist. Although crazies might be overepresented among the non-conformists, so you need to recognize and weed them out.

 

It might be difficult to tell the difference in the first few months, but eventually it becomes quite clear to which group a person belongs: eccentric or crazy. The trick is to recognize red flags and be willing to walk away when they appear.

 

It could be said that that is what I am looking for.

[Woggle]

I think the fact that you grew up in that environment is why craziness excites you. You can be with a sane and rational person and still have a lot of fun and excitement.

[Mrlonelyone]

I think the fact that you grew up in that environment is why craziness excites you. You can be with a sane and rational person and still have a lot of fun and excitement.

 

That may be possible. I mean, I have seen two long lasting marriages with women in them who, on occasion, totally lose their minds. I have also seen the upsides to them. They are 10x as fierce towards people they don't like and in the protection of those that they do. This perhaps taught me to look for those qualities in a woman.

 

The thing is I never realized how hard it is to find someone who has a certain level and kind of "crazy".