thefooloftheyear Posted July 23, 2013 Share Posted July 23, 2013 I dunno ...Im having a hard time believing the BS from some of the posters in this thread.. where is the whistling emoticon?? TFY Link to post Share on other sites
Author RedRobin Posted July 23, 2013 Author Share Posted July 23, 2013 (edited) I'm disappointed that YOU out of all people is considering this. If you do this, then you basically become what you've hated most. Hey... if you can't beat 'em, join 'em.... Just kidding... But seriously... seems to be how people date these days, right? 1-5 dates right? Can anyone seriously claim to have a real connection in that period of time? No. They have sex first, then cross their fingers. Problem with me, is that I'm not so good at crossing my fingers... and I'm getting tired of having to be the one to exercise restraint. If a guy can't exercise restraint himself long enough to prove he really wants a relationship, then maybe it's on him too for a change... and there is a price for him to pay too. Just sick of it. Edited July 23, 2013 by RedRobin Link to post Share on other sites
Author RedRobin Posted July 23, 2013 Author Share Posted July 23, 2013 I can't imagine actually wanting to be sexual with someone who is full of crap Odds are, you already have. Some of us just see through the BS better than others. Kinda like the Matrix. Some take the blue pill, others take the red. Guess this thread is about taking the red one. Sad to say... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sdraw108 Posted July 23, 2013 Share Posted July 23, 2013 I too don't understand how people claim to have build a real connection in 5 dates or less. It's definitely possible to build a connection in 5 dates, but it probably depends on your personality type, and how much of a good match the other person is. At the very least you should be able to tell whether a connection is "in progress" or not after 5 dates (which in my mind is basically the same thing anyway). Personally, if I didn't feel things were at least heading in that direction after 5 dates, I would assume there's no chemistry and move on. In fact, my longest and most successful relationships were ones where a connection was built after just a few dates (but invariably also involved plenty of communicating in between dates), and my least successful ones didn't seem have that emotional "spark" even after more than 5 dates. In summary: I don't understand how you don't understand Link to post Share on other sites
kaylan Posted July 23, 2013 Share Posted July 23, 2013 Hey... if you can't beat 'em, join 'em.... Just kidding... But seriously... seems to be how people date these days, right? 1-5 dates right? Can anyone seriously claim to have a real connection in that period of time? No. They have sex first, then cross their fingers. Problem with me, is that I'm not so good at crossing my fingers... and I'm getting tired of having to be the one to exercise restraint. If a guy can't exercise restraint himself long enough to prove he really wants a relationship, then maybe it's on him too for a change... and there is a price for him to pay too. Just sick of it. All this seems hypocritical and like you hold the guys to a different standard than yourself. Could they not say you arent worthy of a relationship either, and call you a liar based on you having early sex? Why should he believe youre a good gf candidate if hes not offered the same sentiment? Sometimes people wait a little bit, and sometimes they have sex quickly. I know most women dont behave the way youre saying you will. And at the end of the day, I HIGHLY doubt youd toss away a guy whos seems great for you all because you two had sex earlier than you expected to. Link to post Share on other sites
Author RedRobin Posted July 23, 2013 Author Share Posted July 23, 2013 In that case simply tell that you really like him a lot and want to wait having sex. Agree on a number of days if necessary. If a guy is really, really into you, the he's even willing to wait a 100 days or more for you. But don't pump and dump a guy that says he is looking for a relationship. That guy could be like me and I would be heartbroken and feel played. This sort of thing goes both ways. Here is the thing though.. I wouldn't go in purposely pumping and dumping. I just know that if it happens early, it is dead. Over. Something inside me just turns off. Can't explain it. It's not intentional. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted July 23, 2013 Share Posted July 23, 2013 RR have you ever considered just staying single? You don't seem to like men very much so why do you keep claiming to want one in your life? 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author RedRobin Posted July 23, 2013 Author Share Posted July 23, 2013 Sometimes people wait a little bit, and sometimes they have sex quickly. I know most women dont behave the way youre saying you will. And at the end of the day, I HIGHLY doubt youd toss away a guy whos seems great for you all because you two had sex earlier than you expected to. Yes, and that is what lots of guys count on. I have tossed away guys who seemed 'great' for me when sex happened early. It was weird. Like a scene from a Charlie Brown movie. You know how when the adults talk, and it is all "wha, wa, wa.... wha, wa, wa, wa"... that is what it is like for me. He's talking.... and could be saying just about anything... and it goes nowhere. Almost like I'm watching a movie of two other people in bed. That is how disconnected I am in those situations. Link to post Share on other sites
gaius Posted July 23, 2013 Share Posted July 23, 2013 But don't pump and dump a guy that says he is looking for a relationship. That guy could be like me and I would be heartbroken and feel played. This sort of thing goes both ways. If a guy feels heartbroken because a woman has sex with him and doesn't call then he needs to man up a little bit. It's a honor when a woman has sex with you. If Red wants to start dipping her toe back in the dating pool by doing something she finds safe then all the power to her. Even if some guy might end up crying because a woman had sex with him. Link to post Share on other sites
crude Posted July 23, 2013 Share Posted July 23, 2013 It's definitely possible to build a connection in 5 dates, but it probably depends on your personality type, and how much of a good match the other person is. Also it depends on whether you're desperate to be in a LTR or not. A 37 year old woman might declare a man "the one", but if she was 19 and met the same guy, she'd pass. If a woman is poor and sees little future for herself, she magically falls in love with the guy who makes $100,000 a year, but if she wins a $30,000,000 lottery prize, the same woman wouldn't give the same guy a second thought. Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted July 23, 2013 Share Posted July 23, 2013 I have been celibate many years now, i think my celibacy occurred the day i realised i shouldnt drink.......any casual sex i have had has involved alcohol......i am shy to a fault when it comes to intimacy......which seems strange considering my past.......but.....i am....i dont believe in casual sex......i dont like it......and that emotional connection to me contains a level of compassionate understanding on any partner i have...which is a lot to put on a guy......takes a certain type...any time i have had casual sex in the past...i ask them not to bother with the lie...its one thing i cant stand.........i have actually had very few casual sex encounters ....if you dont include my working history...which.....a lot of men wouldnt accept anyway.....they wouldnt feel i was relationship material.......i actually am....they would see me......i dont know...dont want to think about it.......sorry fro the confused post red robin.......deb Link to post Share on other sites
Author RedRobin Posted July 23, 2013 Author Share Posted July 23, 2013 RR have you ever considered just staying single? You don't seem to like men very much so why do you keep claiming to want one in your life? Leave it to you to jump to that conclusion. :rolleyes: What... did the FWB comment annoy you?? Sorry. I don't trust men who have FWB then claim to want a relationship with me... like hers is for 'using' and mine is for 'committing'?? Cheer up though... at least I'm not proposing to lure men into relationships then cheat on them.... Just have sex with ones who are hot and can't BS me quite well enough... It is a tempting thought sometimes... not like it isn't something you haven't done yourself, my friend. At least all I'm doing is talking about it. Link to post Share on other sites
bluegreen Posted July 23, 2013 Share Posted July 23, 2013 The point is not the sex. The point is about getting played, about getting deceived and about getting used, when you think you were building something with that person. You open yourself up when you genuinely go for a relationship. Someone that takes advantage of that by playing you can cause quite a lot of hurt. I like RR she seems sound stable and has down to earth thing its really surprising 2 me that she would make such mistakes you mention unless you know her in real life. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted July 23, 2013 Share Posted July 23, 2013 Leave it to you to jump to that conclusion. :rolleyes: What... did the FWB comment annoy you?? Sorry. I don't trust men who have FWB then claim to want a relationship with me... like hers is for 'using' and mine is for 'committing'?? Cheer up though... at least I'm not proposing to lure men into relationships then cheat on them.... Just have sex with ones who are hot and can't BS me quite well enough... It is a tempting thought sometimes... not like it isn't something you haven't done yourself, my friend. At least all I'm doing is talking about it. It's your posting history in general. You act like men are going using women for sport while women are a bunch of innocent victims while in reality both genders use the other equally. Link to post Share on other sites
Author RedRobin Posted July 23, 2013 Author Share Posted July 23, 2013 I think RR is just sick and tired of getting played and hurt. I can see where she's coming from in that sense, as she's more traditional in the sense that she wants a real relationship and something real and lasting. Someone to grow old with. However a lot of people these days are playing the field and it's creating victims among people that are serious about finding the love of their life. I think RR is just sick and tired of being on the victim end in the game. I don't think she hates men, I think she hates being played and getting hurt. Thank you... I don't feel like a victim. I do have choices... one of which I'm pondering on this thread. I also don't feel like I've been played... but it is exhausting having to keep up these walls, knowing full well that I'm right... and these men who claim to want relationships... (whatever THAT means these days) ... who claim to feel a 'connection' after a small handful of dates... and try to convince me of that.... are really just incredibly selfish and lazy in my book... They don't care about me... They don't even know me. Why should I feel guilty for walking away after the fact? Link to post Share on other sites
ThaWholigan Posted July 23, 2013 Share Posted July 23, 2013 I've known some girls to do this. They know they wanna f*ck him and not much else, so no matter what BS he says, they will f*ck him and then go about their business. They got their orgasm, they bounce. Trust me, some guys do think twice after that. Others don't care, pussy is pussy as far as they're concerned. With you RR, I wonder if you really should go down that rabbit hole, you will ever be able to come out? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
gaius Posted July 23, 2013 Share Posted July 23, 2013 The point is not the sex. The point is about getting played, about getting deceived and about getting used, when you think you were building something with that person. You open yourself up when you genuinely go for a relationship. Someone that takes advantage of that by playing you can cause quite a lot of hurt. Let's face it, most guys who say they're looking for a relationship would accept some sex without one. I don't think based on what I've seen here she would deliberately go out of her way to deceive a guy about her intentions. Maybe just end up in bed with a guy who's claiming he wants a relationship? And quite frankly, the women who talk about guys a ton on here, often in irritated terms are just showing you how sexual they are at their core. All that passion and sexuality has to go somewhere. If they really didn't like men or didn't care they wouldn't waste a minute talking about them at all. I don't know how Red has managed to hold out this long from being with anyone. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sdraw108 Posted July 23, 2013 Share Posted July 23, 2013 these men who claim to want relationships... (whatever THAT means these days) ... who claim to feel a 'connection' after a small handful of dates... and try to convince me of that....are really just incredibly selfish and lazy in my book... They don't care about me... They don't even know me. This is kind of insulting, actually. You're making a generalisation and tarring all men with the same brush. Link to post Share on other sites
Author RedRobin Posted July 23, 2013 Author Share Posted July 23, 2013 The point is not the sex. The point is about getting played, about getting deceived and about getting used, when you think you were building something with that person. You open yourself up when you genuinely go for a relationship. Someone that takes advantage of that by playing you can cause quite a lot of hurt. Hmm... well, this last one took quite awhile to see through. Lots of people here told me I was full of it for rejecting someone just based on the fact that he had a FWB... but it wasn't just that. And after I finally ended it, I saw his true colors and I was right. It sucks to be right sometimes. I think what I resent the most is people assuming I'm not investing my time in these men... or that I'm somehow 'withholding' out of spite. When the reality is, my sex drive is very high... and any withholding is done out of care for both of us... because I know very well that I could just go along with it... then dump him afterwards. Link to post Share on other sites
Author RedRobin Posted July 23, 2013 Author Share Posted July 23, 2013 Let's face it, most guys who say they're looking for a relationship would accept some sex without one. I don't think based on what I've seen here she would deliberately go out of her way to deceive a guy about her intentions. Maybe just end up in bed with a guy who's claiming he wants a relationship? And quite frankly, the women who talk about guys a ton on here, often in irritated terms are just showing you how sexual they are at their core. All that passion and sexuality has to go somewhere. If they really didn't like men or didn't care they wouldn't waste a minute talking about them at all. I don't know how Red has managed to hold out this long from being with anyone. Thank you for acknowledging... and yes, I'm a busy, busy girl. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
sdraw108 Posted July 23, 2013 Share Posted July 23, 2013 because I know very well that I could just go along with it... then dump him afterwards. You do realise that this is your issue, and not an issue with men, I hope? I mean what you're saying is perfectly reasonable if the guy is just playing you and pretending to care about wanting a relationship just to bed you. But I find it extremely weird that you'd dump a genuine guy that you like, just because you had sex too early. You can't blame the "genuine nice guy" in that scenario for what is basically your problem, not his. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted July 23, 2013 Share Posted July 23, 2013 I have no issue with you rejecting men who have FWBs. I just don't like people who don't hold themselves the same standards they do for others. I have never asked anything from a woman I can't deliver myself. I only did FWB once and that was right after my divorce. Link to post Share on other sites
Author RedRobin Posted July 23, 2013 Author Share Posted July 23, 2013 You do realise that this is your issue, and not an issue with men, I hope? I mean what you're saying is perfectly reasonable if the guy is just playing you and pretending to care about wanting a relationship just to bed you. But I find it extremely weird that you'd dump a genuine guy that you like, just because you had sex too early. You can't blame the "genuine nice guy" in that scenario for what is basically your problem, not his. Yes I can, because there is no difference between a genuine 'nice' guy and any other guy if they are both strangers. How much I may 'like' him in that moment is irrelevant. That is just tricks one's mind plays...oh, and hormones of course. Let's not forget those. If he's sleeping with me (a near stranger) then I have my doubts about his intentions... by default. It is just that men have less to lose by sleeping with strange women... and he's proving just how little he has to lose by doing so. There is just no unwinding that ball of yarn after the fact. It's just over. Link to post Share on other sites
dasein Posted July 23, 2013 Share Posted July 23, 2013 I mean, men have something to gain by playing this charade as well. Some claim to want a relationship so that they get to choose how to treat a woman after the fact. It's important to be careful about language here, and I agree with you that lying and misrepresenting oneself is wrong. But the history of seduction and relations between men and women creates a big gray swath between manipulative dishonesty and manipulative seduction. We have a long long history of what I'll call "harmless insincerity in persuasion and reaction" associated with seduction conducted by both men and women. One slang term for it is "slap and tickle." Not sure that is such a bad or even really dishonest thing. We hear the desire for more romance, and romance in its emotional basis, is not usually on the firmest rational, purely sincere grounds. Link to post Share on other sites
Author RedRobin Posted July 23, 2013 Author Share Posted July 23, 2013 I've known some girls to do this. They know they wanna f*ck him and not much else, so no matter what BS he says, they will f*ck him and then go about their business. They got their orgasm, they bounce. Trust me, some guys do think twice after that. Others don't care, pussy is pussy as far as they're concerned. With you RR, I wonder if you really should go down that rabbit hole, you will ever be able to come out? I'm trying to convince myself I could. Maybe. Link to post Share on other sites
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