thefooloftheyear Posted July 23, 2013 Share Posted July 23, 2013 What a clusterfck.. TFY 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted July 23, 2013 Share Posted July 23, 2013 What a clusterfck.. TFY Since this is LS I don't know whether this is approval or disapproval? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author RedRobin Posted July 23, 2013 Author Share Posted July 23, 2013 Anyway, there is no drama involved. Usually I dump guys who insist on having sex early, regardless of what they say their intentions are... but without having sex with them. The only thing I'm proposing now is to go along with sex with a few who I'm physically attracted to, then dumping them afterward. They can spare me the speeches and BS romance talk while they 'work' their way towards exclusivity, or whatever. So, the outcome is the same. They are getting dumped for insisting on early sex... and if they don't like it, they can stop insisting on early sex as a way to test for 'compatibility' or whatever before a relationship is established. It's not like I'm intentionally testing their limits.... I'm not pushing for early sex myself just to see if I can bend his will so I can dump him. Unlike the guys with double standards. It's not that way at all. They are the ones pushing for early sex... so if they get dumped, then it's their problem for choosing not to wait to get to know me. It's more like that than some well-crafted 'plan'. Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted July 23, 2013 Share Posted July 23, 2013 Since this is LS I don't know whether this is approval or disapproval? I forgot the rolleyes... TFY 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author RedRobin Posted July 23, 2013 Author Share Posted July 23, 2013 (edited) What a clusterfck.. TFY That's funny. Your signature line pretty much sums up what I've been saying this whole thread. "Expect nothing and you will never be disappointed." Is what you said... I expect nothing from men who insist on early sex and claim to have other intentions... So I dump them.... or would. Easy. Understand now? Edited July 23, 2013 by RedRobin 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Eve Posted July 23, 2013 Share Posted July 23, 2013 Idk, I am still thinking about the Ryan Gosling lookalike. RR, you are STRONG girl. The universe OWES you now for that level of dedication. Seriously. That would mess with my head too. It has already and I am happily married, lol. Wow, that is a test and a half. Take care, Eve x Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted July 23, 2013 Share Posted July 23, 2013 That's funny. Your signature line pretty much sums up what I've been saying this whole thread. "Expect nothing and you will never be disappointed." Is what you said... I expect nothing from men who insist on early sex and claim to have other intentions... So I dump them.... or would. Easy. Understand now? I get it,,,its tough job being Wonder Woman...but someone has to do it.,,, TFY 2 Link to post Share on other sites
therhythm Posted July 23, 2013 Share Posted July 23, 2013 (edited) Anyway, there is no drama involved. Usually I dump guys who insist on having sex early, regardless of what they say their intentions are... but without having sex with them. The only thing I'm proposing now is to go along with sex with a few who I'm physically attracted to, then dumping them afterward. They can spare me the speeches and BS romance talk while they 'work' their way towards exclusivity, or whatever. So, the outcome is the same. They are getting dumped for insisting on early sex... and if they don't like it, they can stop insisting on early sex as a way to test for 'compatibility' or whatever before a relationship is established. It's not like I'm intentionally testing their limits.... I'm not pushing for early sex myself just to see if I can bend his will so I can dump him. Unlike the guys with double standards. It's not that way at all. They are the ones pushing for early sex... so if they get dumped, then it's their problem for choosing not to wait to get to know me. It's more like that than some well-crafted 'plan'. Congratulations! you just have become what you hate so much I hope you will feel good being a "user".... The only problem I have with you is the inconsistency you have when judging men vs women (including here yourself) for the exact same thing :lmao: By the way... I also think that guys who pressure a woman for having sex early on a relationship should be dumped right away... I never pressure women to have sex with me... they are very willing to do it themselves :p Edited July 23, 2013 by therhythm 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author RedRobin Posted July 23, 2013 Author Share Posted July 23, 2013 Idk, I am still thinking about the Ryan Gosling lookalike. RR, you are STRONG girl. The universe OWES you now for that level of dedication. Seriously. That would mess with my head too. It has already and I am happily married, lol. Wow, that is a test and a half. Take care, Eve x thanks for the vote of confidence Link to post Share on other sites
iris219 Posted July 23, 2013 Share Posted July 23, 2013 I've never had a man tell me he wanted a relationship in order to sleep with me. That's really cruel. I hope this isn't prevalent. I've had men push for it in a general way, and when they push me, it's not going to happened. So annoying. When I was younger, I tried to have sex (or sexual contact) a couple of times without establishing a relationship because I thought that's what people did and it was a disaster. I need an emotional connection or I can't enjoy anything sexual. I have felt disgusted after sex with a nice looking, nice guy to the point where I was unable to ever speak to him again. This is why I no longer do this and was celibate for years. I need to have an emotional connection first, though this doesn't necessarily mean we've had the exclusive talk. I noticed you shun sex early on in a relationship, though for me it's not about sex happening early or later. My current bf and I had sex early, by my standards, but we had already established an emotional connection and we were both starting to fall in love. And he didn't push for it. He asked me if I was sure I wanted to do it. On the other hand, I've waited months and felt gross afterwards because I realized there was nothing between me and the guy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author RedRobin Posted July 23, 2013 Author Share Posted July 23, 2013 Congratulations! you just have become what you hate so much Like I said, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em.... That seems to be the dating world we live in. Screw strangers. Cross your fingers. I hope you will feel good being a "user".... Ah well... guess I'm not BS'ing well enough just yet about being all fun and light. Go with the flow and all that. Care to give me some tips? I never pressure women to have sex with me... they are very willing to do it themselves :p I never pressure men to have sex with me either. They are very willing to do it themselves. See? I can use that logic too. Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted July 23, 2013 Share Posted July 23, 2013 Like I said, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em.... That seems to be the dating world we live in. Screw strangers. Cross your fingers. ............ I never pressure men to have sex with me either. They are very willing to do it themselves. See? I can use that logic too. I'm seriously worried about you. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
therhythm Posted July 23, 2013 Share Posted July 23, 2013 Like I said, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em.... That seems to be the dating world we live in. Screw strangers. Cross your fingers. Ah well... guess I'm not BS'ing well enough just yet about being all fun and light. Go with the flow and all that. Care to give me some tips? I never pressure men to have sex with me either. They are very willing to do it themselves. See? I can use that logic too. The thing is RR that you can decide do with your life what you want... there will always people who will judge you (whatever you decide to do). If you like to enjoy casual sex... it is ok to do that... if you still don't want to date a guy who have had casual sex himself... it is even ok for me too (who am I to tell you who you need to date?)... But don't pass judgement or shame others for what you are more than willing to do yourself... that is hypocrite and stupid. I don't need to teach you any BS about casual sex... you have your own excuses to indulge yourself casual sex quite good worked already... (I have sex with them and then I dump them so I can say it was in a relationship :lmao:) I am not saying that you do pressure anyone for sex... but you make them believe that you want a relationship with them and then you dump then... that is using someone Women who have sex with me know very good where they are going and in which conditions.... no surprises for anyone there... I don't think you can say the same about the guys you are dumping after having sex with them... Link to post Share on other sites
Author RedRobin Posted July 23, 2013 Author Share Posted July 23, 2013 I'm seriously worried about you. I'm seriously worried about me too. I think I'm depressed... my dad is here helping me with some house projects... maybe I should just go do that and get my mind off of things... 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted July 23, 2013 Share Posted July 23, 2013 I'm seriously worried about me too. I think I'm depressed... my dad is here helping me with some house projects... maybe I should just go do that and get my mind off of things... That sounds about right. I think switching this thing off for a while might help, yes. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Dread Pirate Roberts Posted July 23, 2013 Share Posted July 23, 2013 I think a woman's own ideals and fantasies as well as insecurities play far more into the "game" than what a man says and does. Let's be realistic, most guys are pretty full of shet and it doesn't take too long to see through the thinly veiled BS that doesn't quite "add up"...it's not rocket science here, it's really the potential and self-manipulation that a woman does to ignore those signs of when he says he wants a relationship but she doesn't actually trust him...for good reason, but she does it anyway and chalks it up to paranoia/over-thinking, whatever it takes to keep the blinders on so she can continue moving on and "seeing where it goes". So it's not that women are essentially believing what the guy is doing or saying as much as they're trying to believe that something will "hopefully" come out of it to their liking...If that doesn't progress to a relationship or what not, then that's just the "chance" you take, you try to live in the moment and all of that and enjoy it to a degree. They're still OK with it not going anywhere or just ending up to casual sex and of course If the woman is after just the sex then she just lets the idiot run his mouth while he could be getting some without all of the "game" that he thinks he's playing to successful land her in bed. Men actually think that they're making the decisions and calling the shots. Unfortunately, that's why women are so scrutinous of decent guys. They have assumptions and expectations and pick him apart until she's so full of her own **** she's ruined any chances on having a good man. By the way, there are plenty of women out there that are full of **** and play games. Link to post Share on other sites
therhythm Posted July 23, 2013 Share Posted July 23, 2013 I'm seriously worried about me too. I think I'm depressed... I am very sorry to read that I think maybe you should get some therapy and take some time to get better yourself before you do something you may regret later... Enjoy the time with your father and try to concentrate in that... I wish you the best and I let you now be in peace... I don't want to make you feel worse. Take care lady 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Eve Posted July 23, 2013 Share Posted July 23, 2013 thanks for the vote of confidence I don't believe it is an easy thing to go against how we are wired so really I wouldn't worry about it. Enjoy your life foremostly. Thinking about it all too much makes it worse. Take care, Eve x 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted July 23, 2013 Share Posted July 23, 2013 RR, I have been taking serious issue with and even been quite offended on a personal level by much of the stuff you've written about men and what jerks they are if they don't successfully jump through every hoop you set for them. I'm seriously against sexism and it angers me a lot. I'm very consistent in that. But I do like you and really want you to be happy. By embracing all of this bitterness, you are harming yourself. You are not protecting yourself. YOU are the one doing the damage to yourself. You're walling yourself off and probably transforming yourself into a kind of ugly person, to be blunt. Even if you're physically gorgeous and professionally stellar. I KNOW there are bad men out there who will lie and cheat. Most of us women have encountered even more than one of them. But if you sincerely want to date with a goal of being in a deep and intimate relationship with a good, caring, fair, honest, loving man, you simply CANNOT go into it with the mindset that you are somehow perfect and unreachable, while any guy you might date is flawed and guilty of being a scumbag until he "proves" he's not. Your "standards" really are not standards, they are unfair tests. If you want a good man to be open to you, you will have to be open to him, and be willing to trust yourself to take the risks necessary to get to know different men in order to someday find him. By "get to know," I do NOT mean have sex with. But putting up a massive wall of tests for a guy to pass in order to prove to you that he's not a piece of crap? NO good man is EVER going to hang in there for that. Frankly, a woman (or any person) who does that is going to ultimately be quite repelling. A good man probably wants to enjoy dating a woman he truly likes. If he has any self respect and a well formed sense of self, he won't stick around for a moment once he gets an idea of what you're about. It sounds the opposite of enjoyable, fun, fair or healthy. And a good man like you want will probably have no trouble meeting a woman who IS enjoyable to get to know, and who is not making him do all kinds of stunts to prove himself. Even if he and said woman do not make it to a lifetime of togetherness. Also, please try to internalize what I posted earlier. Dating IS supposed to be about getting to know one another. A man telling you he's interested in a relationship and then not having one with YOU is not feeding you BS by definition. Certainly he might be. But just as likely, he's learned that you are not compatible. Just as you might learn after dating a man for a while. That does not make somebody a liar. Maybe you should stop trying to date or even thinking about it, and possibly get help moving to a more neutral place when it comes to your perception of men. Because the one you have now is harming you. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
ThaWholigan Posted July 23, 2013 Share Posted July 23, 2013 I think time away from dating would do good. Its what I'm doing right now, at least until I feel ready. Give yourself the opportunity to have a more balanced and refreshed perspective on dating. Doesn't mean you have to compromise, but be willing to take the occasional risk every now and then. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
therhythm Posted July 23, 2013 Share Posted July 23, 2013 RR, I have been taking serious issue with and even been quite offended on a personal level by much of the stuff you've written about men and what jerks they are if they don't successfully jump through every hoop you set for them. I'm seriously against sexism and it angers me a lot. I'm very consistent in that. But I do like you and really want you to be happy. By embracing all of this bitterness, you are harming yourself. You are not protecting yourself. YOU are the one doing the damage to yourself. You're walling yourself off and probably transforming yourself into a kind of ugly person, to be blunt. Even if you're physically gorgeous and professionally stellar. I KNOW there are bad men out there who will lie and cheat. Most of us women have encountered even more than one of them. But if you sincerely want to date with a goal of being in a deep and intimate relationship with a good, caring, fair, honest, loving man, you simply CANNOT go into it with the mindset that you are somehow perfect and unreachable, while any guy you might date is flawed and guilty of being a scumbag until he "proves" he's not. Your "standards" really are not standards, they are unfair tests. If you want a good man to be open to you, you will have to be open to him, and be willing to trust yourself to take the risks necessary to get to know different men in order to someday find him. By "get to know," I do NOT mean have sex with. But putting up a massive wall of tests for a guy to pass in order to prove to you that he's not a piece of crap? NO good man is EVER going to hang in there for that. Frankly, a woman (or any person) who does that is going to ultimately be quite repelling. A good man probably wants to enjoy dating a woman he truly likes. If he has any self respect and a well formed sense of self, he won't stick around for a moment once he gets an idea of what you're about. It sounds the opposite of enjoyable, fun, fair or healthy. And a good man like you want will probably have no trouble meeting a woman who IS enjoyable to get to know, and who is not making him do all kinds of stunts to prove himself. Even if he and said woman do not make it to a lifetime of togetherness. Also, please try to internalize what I posted earlier. Dating IS supposed to be about getting to know one another. A man telling you he's interested in a relationship and then not having one with YOU is not feeding you BS by definition. Certainly he might be. But just as likely, he's learned that you are not compatible. Just as you might learn after dating a man for a while. That does not make somebody a liar. Maybe you should stop trying to date or even thinking about it, and possibly get help moving to a more neutral place when it comes to your perception of men. Because the one you have now is harming you. I am in love :love: Your husband is a lucky man Mme. Chaucer! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Eve Posted July 23, 2013 Share Posted July 23, 2013 One day they just show up. That seems to be how it goes... I have seen too many combinations off people falling for each other to state anything other than it is better not to worry an ounce and just live your life authentically. Most importantly, stay away from the biscuits when you are feeling like this RR. Fickle advice but true. Breathe, think about the hips and do something else instead. .. I'm rooting for you. You got my respect with the whole Ryan Gosling lookalike thing. It can't be long now for you to get yours now that you resisted that.. seriously. Take care, Eve x 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author RedRobin Posted July 23, 2013 Author Share Posted July 23, 2013 RR, I have been taking serious issue with and even been quite offended on a personal level by much of the stuff you've written about men and what jerks they are if they don't successfully jump through every hoop you set for them. I'm seriously against sexism and it angers me a lot. I'm very consistent in that. But I do like you and really want you to be happy. By embracing all of this bitterness, you are harming yourself. You are not protecting yourself. YOU are the one doing the damage to yourself. You're walling yourself off and probably transforming yourself into a kind of ugly person, to be blunt. Even if you're physically gorgeous and professionally stellar. I KNOW there are bad men out there who will lie and cheat. Most of us women have encountered even more than one of them. But if you sincerely want to date with a goal of being in a deep and intimate relationship with a good, caring, fair, honest, loving man, you simply CANNOT go into it with the mindset that you are somehow perfect and unreachable, while any guy you might date is flawed and guilty of being a scumbag until he "proves" he's not. Your "standards" really are not standards, they are unfair tests. If you want a good man to be open to you, you will have to be open to him, and be willing to trust yourself to take the risks necessary to get to know different men in order to someday find him. By "get to know," I do NOT mean have sex with. But putting up a massive wall of tests for a guy to pass in order to prove to you that he's not a piece of crap? NO good man is EVER going to hang in there for that. Frankly, a woman (or any person) who does that is going to ultimately be quite repelling. A good man probably wants to enjoy dating a woman he truly likes. If he has any self respect and a well formed sense of self, he won't stick around for a moment once he gets an idea of what you're about. It sounds the opposite of enjoyable, fun, fair or healthy. And a good man like you want will probably have no trouble meeting a woman who IS enjoyable to get to know, and who is not making him do all kinds of stunts to prove himself. Even if he and said woman do not make it to a lifetime of togetherness. Also, please try to internalize what I posted earlier. Dating IS supposed to be about getting to know one another. A man telling you he's interested in a relationship and then not having one with YOU is not feeding you BS by definition. Certainly he might be. But just as likely, he's learned that you are not compatible. Just as you might learn after dating a man for a while. That does not make somebody a liar. Maybe you should stop trying to date or even thinking about it, and possibly get help moving to a more neutral place when it comes to your perception of men. Because the one you have now is harming you. Yea, well I'm offended at your need to routinely pile on after I already said I needed a break. You did this on my last thread too. Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
Author RedRobin Posted July 23, 2013 Author Share Posted July 23, 2013 One day they just show up. That seems to be how it goes... I have seen too many combinations off people falling for each other to state anything other than it is better not to worry an ounce and just live your life authentically. Most importantly, stay away from the biscuits when you are feeling like this RR. Fickle advice but true. Breathe, think about the hips and do something else instead. .. I'm rooting for you. You got my respect with the whole Ryan Gosling lookalike thing. It can't be long now for you to get yours now that you resisted that.. seriously. Take care, Eve x no worries about me staying away from the biscuits. If anything, I can't eat when I'm stressed. I also become rather superhuman with the work projects and other things I put on my plate. If I have a vice, it is working too much... Thank you again for the reassuring words. The Ryan Gosling look alike did take effort... but he wasn't the first beautiful man I've let go. I've fallen much harder for men whose looks aren't nearly so outstanding. It is much more about character and shared interests to me. He and I shared a lot of similar interests... just not the character... which is disappointing. Se la vie. Link to post Share on other sites
therhythm Posted July 23, 2013 Share Posted July 23, 2013 Yea, well I'm offended at your need to routinely pile on after I already said I needed a break. You did this on my last thread too. Thanks. I know you are now feeling down and you are angry but her post didn't contain any aggressiveness or negativity against you, in fact she is trying to help you. You know Red Robin?, I think you are an amazing person... we are all what our life experience have made of us and you are dealing your own way with the world as it is. Please take a break from LS, enjoy the time with your father and try to avoid thinking about this subjects if they get your moral down. You deserve to be happy, just work on yourself and you will find there is always light at the end of the tunnel. My heart is with you lady... I just wish you will get what you need in this life... sometimes you need to get very low to appreciate it when you are high 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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