Am I difficult to be satisfied or he is a player?

[picturerockz]

I am new here... I have been confused and hurt in last one and half years with this man... any kind of suggestion/comments are appreciated here, because I don't know whether I make myself upset or what he does makes me upset...or he just doesn't want the same thing I want..

 

we both divorced and seeing each other for one year. It has always been frustrated to date him. At beginning, he was very warm to approach me, seemed like he cares everything about me and wants to give more attention. Later on, I found out he treats every woman like that. It is not because he is interested in them, he just wants to care them. Anyway, we began to go out for sort of 'date' like since early last year, and I thought he likes me a lot, but one night he told me, he wants to take things slow, and just be friends at this point is better. I was bit hurt by what he said, and continued to see each other... At the same time, he sees several other women, who he refers as "female friends".

 

Towards the end of last year, our birthdays are five days apart in December, so we celebrated the birthdays together and he told me he had so much fun with me, and he took me out for a fancy restaurant for my birthday. But we had never had sex, nor kiss because he said he doesnt want to hurt people if he is not sure to be with them, though he touched me all the time. Then, after that birthday weekend, one night we met then we had sex finally.. after that, I left for Mexico for Christmas, and we had been texted each other everyday, and talked on phone everyday. After I came back and I stayed with him in his apartment for a week, we had lot of good time.

 

If I didn't find the receipt of a box of chocolate and found out some other woman, I would be always happy and thought I was the only one with him. We met two days before the Valentines' Day, and I slept at his place that night, but he didnt mention to have a date on V-day. Somehow, that morning, I found a receipt with a box of candy he bought. However, this candy was ended up for another woman, who late on he claimed to be a co-worker has a legal issue that he helps on. I was so upset because I didn't get a candy from him, while he gave a candy to some other woman. I began to look into his phones, and read all his text messages to this woman. The texts don't really sound like just an ordinary friend, more like he is chasing her. Texts everyday to ask for lunch date, coffee date, sometimes, dinner dates, he was trying to find every opportunities to get close to her. But she seems have less interested in him. Anyway, I was devastating about that, but I didnt know how to confront him, so I kept silence and finally broke up with him on the first week of April. He wanted to meet after I broke up, and we met and ended up hook-up again...Then I decided to make my decision affirmative. So we broke up in the mid April.

 

I made efforts to move on myself, and it was pretty well actually. However, one Saturday, he texted me and emailed me at the same time, said he missed me so much, and no one really cares about him except me. I replied him a long email and told him why I was upset and didn't want to get back to him because I didn't know what he wants from that woman.

He was shocked and emailed me for how sorry he was to hurt me. After three weeks no contact, we finally met each other, and fought....then we got back together, because he said he doesnt want me go.

 

It has been two months after we reconciled. We went on a three-week road trip, had lots of fighting, mostly my insecurity about his boundary with those female friends.. He insisted that this woman is just a regular friend, not even a close friend, but I do find he deleted her text on his phone; now he told me he didn't talk to this woman, but I know they are still talking on facebook. This thing totally shattered my trust on him, I don't know how I gonna trust him again. He told me he cares me a lot, all the others are just friends; he also tells me that he does do lots of things to show his caring to other people, but that doesnt mean he doesnt love me. He told me that he wants to be with me, he also composed two music and made one painting for me.

 

Honestly, I feel all of these can't bring my heart back, I feel I can't really feel his love, although he sent me love emails everyday since our reconcile. I feel I am just no difference from his other female friends, if he cares about them as the same way about me. The only difference is we have sexual relationship, but they don't have. We have been fought on this same thing again and again, i am so tired of this relationship, which brings anything but happiness. I often question about his honesty.

 

Is he worth to trust? or I probably turn a person truly loves me away? Please give me some clues.. also I am not a native speaker, sometimes misunderstanding gets worse.. He does have some personality annoys me, but overall, he is a nice person regardless our relationship...

[imfine]

You are unhappy. That's all you need to know. You don't trust him. He contacted you & said you are the only one that cares for him? Who cares about you? It should be you.