do you think our generation is lost in relationships?

[Pyro]

I don't think LS is a great place to compare to real life.

 

Neither is any other forum online, but people like Woggle seem to think so.

[Woggle]

Neither is any other forum online, but people like Woggle seem to think so.

 

Do you think I don't see the same in real life?

[Pyro]

Do you think I don't see the same in real life?

 

This has been said to you countless times, so once more won't hurt

 

You see what you personally choose to see. You ignore anything that proves you wrong.

[Woggle]

This has been said to you countless times, so once more won't hurt

 

You see what you personally choose to see. You ignore anything that proves you wrong.

 

Are the OP and RR also ignoring everything that proves them wrong? I am not the only in this thread saying these things.

[tbf]

Do you think I don't see the same in real life?

Frankly, you're far from objective and are drawn to people who are similar in mindset. You look for examples to reinforce your personal views instead of objectively looking around and perceiving differences.

[Eve]

It is all just probably a larger scale of what has always been going on in the world. Same characters mixing the brew whether they are single, married or whatever. I bet if we could go through the ages moment by moment it would be far easier to comprehend

 

In amongst it all the ones wanting something genuine meet and get on with things. Outlets such as social media can make it all seem new but really it isn't. Same old same old.

 

.. but I tend to look at individuals rather than lump people into groups.

 

Take care,

Eve x

[tbf]

Yes, you're part of Generation X, which is considered similar to Generation Y.

 

Most people that I know that describe a different time do so from the time that the Baby Boomers were young.

 

If you travel to different cultures, you will realize that the western world (especially the US) is an anomaly.

Are you talking about the golden 50s which I've already addressed earlier in the thread?

 

My parents are boomers and in the last ten years, they've let slip some hellion incidents when they were young. Neither was very dewy-eyed to say the least, particularly my most wonderful father. Most would probably call him a very bad boy.

 

"The problem with internet quotes is that you can't always depend on their accuracy." - Abraham Lincoln

Haha! Love it.

 

The quote has been ascribed to Socrates, Plato and Kenneth John Freeman who summarized ancient Greek parental complaints in his 1907 dissertation.

[Els]

My current bf made me realise this because his approach to me was shy, took a long time and was natural and unforced compared to men of my age who really have no game...just an aggressive macho facade.

 

This is a very cultural thing, I think, and really just a matter of preference. In fact, even the whole concept of 'game' seems very American to me. Your bf's approach is common where he lives, IME. It's also the way I personally prefer to be approached, although I can understand how others would not prefer it.

 

In the end, though, I don't think there is a point in comparing relationship styles and ranking one above the other. Simply a matter of seeking compatible partners whose styles match ours.

[thefooloftheyear]

I disagree with a lot of you. I think relationships now and days are improving.

 

 

Only now people are in them because they genuinely want to be, not because society will shun them if they aren't.

Same with divorce, instead of being stuck in loveless marriages people, it is now acceptable to NOT stay married.

 

 

 

I feel like everyone is more happy all around.

I don't think LS is a great place to compare to real life.

 

 

 

Oh and about FWB? I have had one. I have no problem being in a relationship. He was a friend and I wanted to get laid. Easy enough, as soon as I wanted to start dating we stopped. NBD.

 

Translation. I do whats best for ME and eff everyone else...It makes ME happy..Dont work on things for the the sake of saving a home , another persons feelings, or a childs upbringing..Just toss it in the trash and start over..Happy happy joy .

 

Yep, everyone is just so ducky these days.....

 

TFY

[miss_jaclynrae]

Translation. I do whats best for ME and eff everyone else...It makes ME happy..Dont work on things for the the sake of saving a home , another persons feelings, or a childs upbringing..Just toss it in the trash and start over..Happy happy joy .

 

Yep, everyone is just so ducky these days.....

 

TFY

 

 

 

Where do you get this stuff?

Who said people don't work on things? Why is divorce painted so horribly.

 

There are stories of people who just leave to leave, but lots of divorces happen for valid reasons.

[thefooloftheyear]

Where do you get this stuff?

Who said people don't work on things? Why is divorce painted so horribly.

 

There are stories of people who just leave to leave, but lots of divorces happen for valid reasons.

 

 

Why is it horrible? because in most cases it is horrible..I take it you dont have kids? And if you talk to a lot of people who have gotten divorced, after some time has passed, many(not all) believe they made the wrong decision and should have worked harder at making it work..Mostly because if they are leaving to go to someone else in many cases its just the "same old same old" or worse...

 

 

 

TFY

Edited July 24, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[hotpotato]

Why is it horrible? because in most cases it is horrible..I take it you dont have kids? And if you talk to a lot of people who have gotten divorced, after some time has passed, many(not all) believe they made the wrong decision and should have worked harder at making it work..Mostly because if they are leaving to go to someone else in many cases its just the "same old same old" or worse...

 

 

 

TFY

I can agree...

I cant talk about other times or generations, but I do think people nowadays give up too easily on their relationships. We live in a throw away culture. Oh this is broke? Ill just get a new one!

 

A lot of people are stuck in a repetition compulsion and dont realize it until time has passed.

People also forget that they are 1/2 the problem. Someone will always have issues no matter how much they play musical spouses if they dont fix themselves.

Edited July 24, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[RedRobin]

I can agree...

I cant talk about other times or generations, but I do think people nowadays give up too easily on their relationships. We live in a throw away culture. Oh this is broke? Ill just get a new one!

 

A lot of people are stuck in a repetition compulsion and dont realize it until time has passed.

People also forget that they are 1/2 the problem. Someone will always have issues no matter how much they play musical spouses if they dont fix themselves.

 

Lots of people jump into 'relationships' the wrong way to begin with.

 

They mistakenly believe that long-term happiness is based mostly on 'chemistry'... so they jump into sex ASAP... rather than focus on what really makes or breaks couples in the long run, such as...

 

- communication issues

- financial issues

- shared interests

 

etc...

 

Also, there are way too many relationship 'freeloaders' and 'renters' out there... We are all told that relationships should be easy and don't require effort of any kind... despite the fact that there is nothing in life worth having that doesn't require some effort....probably ALOT of effort at some point or other....

[Pyro]

Also, there are way too many relationship 'freeloaders' and 'renters' out there... We are all told that relationships should be easy and don't require effort of any kind... despite the fact that there is nothing in life worth having that doesn't require some effort....probably ALOT of effort at some point or other....

 

People are misinformed who believe that NO work is required for a successful relationship. We're not talking back breaking effort here but standing by on neutral isn't going to work either.

[therhythm]

Lots of people jump into 'relationships' the wrong way to begin with.

 

They mistakenly believe that long-term happiness is based mostly on 'chemistry'... so they jump into sex ASAP... rather than focus on what really makes or breaks couples in the long run, such as...

 

- communication issues

- financial issues

- shared interests

 

etc...

 

ahh I see you are back... with new energies against people who think sex is important in a relationship

 

Have you ever look around in the Marriage and infidelity area? If you go there you can see how the lack of Chemistry that you find so unimportant affects to people.

[thefooloftheyear]

People are misinformed who believe that NO work is required for a successful relationship. We're not talking back breaking effort here but standing by on neutral isn't going to work either.

 

Why bother?...the "better" option is right behind door number two...Divorce? Whats the big deal, lets just shake hands and move on..

 

Of course I am being sarcastic..

 

TFY

[RedRobin]

ahh I see you are back... with new energies against people who think sex is important in a relationship

 

Have you ever look around in the Marriage and infidelity area? If you go there you can see how the lack of Chemistry that you find so unimportant affects to people.

 

Have you tried being married?? Do you have any friends/family with very long-term marriages?

 

Mine didn't fail because of lack of chemistry. We had great sex almost up to the day we agreed to divorce.... even through the period we were seeing counselors.

 

So no... I don't believe that at all...

 

Mine failed because my spouse was a relationship freeloader/renter. He was in it only as long as things were convenient for him...

 

That works if you don't care about finding someone to spend the rest of your life with, which you don't seem to be, so no worries.

[therhythm]

Have you tried being married?? Do you have any friends/family with very long-term marriages?

 

Mine didn't fail because of lack of chemistry. We had great sex almost up to the day we agreed to divorce.... even through the period we were seeing counselors.

 

So no... I don't believe that at all...

 

Mine failed because my spouse was a relationship freeloader/renter. He was in it only as long as things were convenient for him...

 

That works if you don't care about finding someone to spend the rest of your life with, which you don't seem to be, so no worries.

 

Red Robin... it is your personal case..but is not everyones personal case...

 

Please read around the forum and just try to analyse what drives people... what makes people insecure, which are the bigger break up factors... and you will find that sex is one of the answers in each of the previous questions.

 

Do we need to focus only in sex? Of course not...but we do need to make sure that part of the equation works as well.

 

By the way, I am as I have told you many times looking for a person I can expend my life with... but I find other things important for that matter than you... that doesn't make me wrong ... just different than you

[Woggle]

ahh I see you are back... with new energies against people who think sex is important in a relationship

 

Have you ever look around in the Marriage and infidelity area? If you go there you can see how the lack of Chemistry that you find so unimportant affects to people.

 

Sex is very important but it's like it's the only that matters these days. You need all the ingredients to make a good and lasting relationship. You can't have a successful relationship without things like communication, mutual respect and shared goals. It's like a building a building without a foundation.

[therhythm]

Sex is very important but it's like it's the only that matters these days. You need all the ingredients to make a good and lasting relationship. You can't have a successful relationship without things like communication, mutual respect and shared goals. It's like a building a building without a foundation.

 

Hey I totally agree with you, all those things matter but all those things are important with my friends too... what makes the difference between good friends and a life partner is intimacy

[Woggle]

Hey I totally agree with you, all those things matter but all those things are important with my friends too... what makes the difference between good friends and a life partner is intimacy

 

I live with my wife, share a bed with her, plus share a house and finances with her. As much as I love my friends I don't do that with them. Add in the fact that many couples have kids even though that doesn't apply to us and even without the sex a relationship or marriage is much more than friendship.

[therhythm]

I live with my wife, share a bed with her, plus share a house and finances with her. As much as I love my friends I don't do that with them. Add in the fact that many couples have kids even though that doesn't apply to us and even without the sex a relationship or marriage is much more than friendship.

 

Mmm I do live alone now but during some time I had a room mate (my friend)... I didn't sleep with him in the same bed obviously but we shared room... I guess I should have call him wify sometimes ( doubt he would have appreciated it thought :laugh:).

 

Living with someone in a house doesn't make it your life partner...it is the intimacy you share with that person what makes it special... without that... there is no much difference with a siblings or friendships relationship.

[RedRobin]

Red Robin... it is your personal case..but is not everyones personal case...

 

Please read around the forum and just try to analyse what drives people... what makes people insecure, which are the bigger break up factors... and you will find that sex is one of the answers in each of the previous questions.

 

Do we need to focus only in sex? Of course not...but we do need to make sure that part of the equation works as well.

 

By the way, I am as I have told you many times looking for a person I can expend my life with... but I find other things important for that matter than you... that doesn't make me wrong ... just different than you

 

You are right... in the relationship world, people with your style are called 'freeloaders' or 'renters'... Nothing wrong with that, as long as you are with other 'freeloaders' and 'renters'...

 

I'm a 'buyer'... So I'm doing my best to avoid the freeloaders and renters. Unfortunately, most people who are divorced or never married near my age are single precisely because they are freeloaders or renters.

 

So my only choices if I want a relationship of any kind seems to be to pinch my nose, dive in, and pretend that a 'freeloader' or a 'renter' actually gives a sh*t about me or anyone but themselves.

 

The Center for Professional Psychology: Articles-How A Relationship Goes from Great to Gone

 

A Freeloader's creed is likely to show that relationships shouldn't be work. He/she says love me as I am or not at all. Bargaining and negotiating is not for lovers.

 

The Renter's creed is that relationships require care, but only if it seems fair.

 

The Buyer's Creed shows that relationships require consistent and effective mutual care. They expect to adjust to each other as often as necessary. They want long-term solutions that make both partners happy, not short-term fixes that work for one and not the other.

[Woggle]

You are right... in the relationship world, people with your style are called 'freeloaders' or 'renters'... Nothing wrong with that, as long as you are with other 'freeloaders' and 'renters'...

 

I'm a 'buyer'... So I'm doing my best to avoid the freeloaders and renters. Unfortunately, most people who are divorced or never married near my age are single precisely because they are freeloaders or renters.

 

So my only choices if I want a relationship of any kind seems to be to pinch my nose, dive in, and pretend that a 'freeloader' or a 'renter' actually gives a sh*t about me or anyone but themselves.

 

The Center for Professional Psychology: Articles-How A Relationship Goes from Great to Gone

 

A Freeloader's creed is likely to show that relationships shouldn't be work. He/she says love me as I am or not at all. Bargaining and negotiating is not for lovers.

 

The Renter's creed is that relationships require care, but only if it seems fair.

 

The Buyer's Creed shows that relationships require consistent and effective mutual care. They expect to adjust to each other as often as necessary. They want long-term solutions that make both partners happy, not short-term fixes that work for one and not the other.

 

I agree with you for the most part but what about people who look around and decide there is nothing worth buying? Like I always say it is brutal in this day and age for commitment minded people.

[therhythm]

You are right... in the relationship world, people with your style are called 'freeloaders' or 'renters'... Nothing wrong with that, as long as you are with other 'freeloaders' and 'renters'...

 

I'm a 'buyer'... So I'm doing my best to avoid the freeloaders and renters. Unfortunately, most people who are divorced or never married near my age are single precisely because they are freeloaders or renters.

 

So my only choices if I want a relationship of any kind seems to be to pinch my nose, dive in, and pretend that a 'freeloader' or a 'renter' actually gives a sh*t about me or anyone but themselves.

 

The Center for Professional Psychology: Articles-How A Relationship Goes from Great to Gone

 

A Freeloader's creed is likely to show that relationships shouldn't be work. He/she says love me as I am or not at all. Bargaining and negotiating is not for lovers.

 

The Renter's creed is that relationships require care, but only if it seems fair.

 

The Buyer's Creed shows that relationships require consistent and effective mutual care. They expect to adjust to each other as often as necessary. They want long-term solutions that make both partners happy, not short-term fixes that work for one and not the other.

 

OK , I am going to try to rationalize with you but for once (even if only one time) I would like you to try to do something for me.... just read my whole post before you begin to think how you want to react to it... just read it and then you can reply how you prefer.

I would like to say first that you don't know me (at all), I am a random internet poster and trying to define me is pointless... I don't believe in your 3 groups of people (freeloaders , renters and buyers ), I think we all can be the three of them in a given moment and we all get invested when we get into a relationship.

 

I do find sex a very important factor in my relationships (a key factor actually) but it doesn't mean that I do not care for the person I am getting in a relationship with... your assumptions are again wrong.

 

Since you like to link psychology articles I think you would find the bellow very interesting.

 

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/science-and-sensibility/201209/love-sex-and-relationship-stuff

 

Specially point 3.

 

3. Sex and love are not the same. However, a great sex relationship can lead to love. Love can lead to a great sex relationship. (In choosing a life partner, seek someone whose sexual interests and desires roughly match your own. You'll have fewer sexual conflicts and better times for loving.)

 

Please stop trying to define me... I do seek a relationship, I do find love important, I do think people need to work in their relationships... I do think love needs to be fair (or at least well balanced) and I do think that when you love someone you need to love that person as he/she is... if you don't then you better look for another person... why would you choose one person to go and change him? Is stupid... but I also believe in compromise...

 

As you can see things are not that white and black... there are many colors in the middle and you are missing them all.