do you think our generation is lost in relationships?

[MrCastle]

I read the first two pages so forgive me if someone brought this up but...doesn't seem like anyone is discussing the very obvious but not often talked about life expectancy.

 

People are settling down later and getting married later because we're living longer.

 

There's a thread in the dating section about a girl planning to get married at 21. I don't know what she expects to happen when you add 20 years and she's still a very young 41 years old -- if she still expects to feel the same for her husband then as she does now, but I'm willing to bet no.

 

Hell, even if you add another 20 years to that, she's 61, which given the life expectancy, is still young. In the grand scheme of things.

 

I'm 25 and of the belief the later you decide to settle down, the better your odds are of actually staying with that partner.

 

People got married at 18 back in the day because that's what society's expectation was.

 

People aren't doing that anymore.

 

What is the incentive of settling down in your early-mid 20s? Being with someone for a long stretch of time when the odds say you are going to break up with them at some point.

 

Why waste your time trying to make that work when you can work on yourself and not be chained to the responsibilities and sacrifice that come with a relationship?

 

Some people try to rush into adulthood without enjoying their youth first.

 

You have your whole life to settle down. Why start now?

 

Not just marriage, but relationships in general?

[Pyro]

What is the incentive of settling down in your early-mid 20s? Being with someone for a long stretch of time when the odds say you are going to break up with them at some point.

 

Why waste your time trying to make that work when you can work on yourself and not be chained to the responsibilities and sacrifice that come with a relationship?

 

Some people try to rush into adulthood without enjoying their youth first.

 

You have your whole life to settle down. Why start now?

 

Not just marriage, but relationships in general?

 

If you are in your early to mid 20s and meet someone whom you have a great connection with why the hell not?

[Woggle]

If you are in your early to mid 20s and meet someone whom you have a great connection with why the hell not?

 

True but I must admit he has a point. GIGS is pretty much an epidemic these days.

[Pyro]

True but I must admit he has a point. GIGS is pretty much an epidemic these days.

 

And so are car accidents but we all drive.

[Els]

What is the incentive of settling down in your early-mid 20s? Being with someone for a long stretch of time when the odds say you are going to break up with them at some point.

 

Why waste your time trying to make that work when you can work on yourself and not be chained to the responsibilities and sacrifice that come with a relationship?

 

Some people try to rush into adulthood without enjoying their youth first.

 

You have your whole life to settle down. Why start now?

 

Not just marriage, but relationships in general?

 

Well, that's like asking me why I'm drinking tea now when I'm in my mid-twenties and should be alternating solely between diet coke and alcohol, as so many of my peers do.

 

The answer is that I like drinking tea. I have zero desire to drink diet coke or beer, and I see no reason to trade tea in for that simply because of my age.

 

You look at a relationship and you see only chains and sacrifice. Some of us look at ours and see much, much more than that. We see love, a nourishing companionship, and a person whom we actually want to be with. Even if things end up not working out (and truly, nobody can foresee the future), we would have already 'gained' something invaluable in our lives being with that person, even if only for a season.

 

I think that when you finally do fall in love, you may feel the same way.

[Revolver]

They're not lost they just don't want relationships like in days past, and especially marriage.

 

The days of people being married 20,30,40,50 years are over

 

Being married for 10 years is the new 20

[Adele0908]

I think my generation is redefining what a relationship means to us.

 

Men and women are equal, marriage is now optional and many opt not to have children. Our goals often lie in our achievements. We strive to create, learn, and be self-sufficient, But we still desire relationships, and many of us are finding that to make these relationships work, we have to accept our differences as men and women.

 

Personally, I've learned that relationships and marriage are not things to check off on a persons list of accomplishments. Relationships are there to help you grow in knowledge of yourself and to learn to love yourself and others, through good times and bad. What I've also learned is that if you settle for what's comfortable and easy, out of fear or a need to be married by age 25 or 30, you can miss that opportunity for growth.

 

I can't speak for anyone but what I've noticed on LS and even in my own experience is that many relationships bring up deep seated fear and anxiety in people,and instead of recognizing the fear as nothing more than an ego-based reaction and a sabotaging emotion, people think that fear actually has merit and end up skipping out of a relationship that could have been successful if they learned to love through fear. There is often an expectation that the relationship should be going a certain way or that a person SHOULD be calling them more, asking them out, should be doing this or that. This is how we set up relationships to fail, because people will never do what you think they SHOULD do 100% of the time.

 

Instead of pointing the finger at our partner, we have to become more self aware and look in the mirror. You know that saying, when you point the finger at someone else, there are 3 fingers pointing back at you. I think that's where relationships are headed in my generation, increased self awareness, but before we get there, we are going to make a lot of mistakes, and that's what i think is happening now. Every mistake that we are making in my generation has its purpose.

[Woggle]

Well, that's like asking me why I'm drinking tea now when I'm in my mid-twenties and should be alternating solely between diet coke and alcohol, as so many of my peers do.

 

The answer is that I like drinking tea. I have zero desire to drink diet coke or beer, and I see no reason to trade tea in for that simply because of my age.

 

You look at a relationship and you see only chains and sacrifice. Some of us look at ours and see much, much more than that. We see love, a nourishing companionship, and a person whom we actually want to be with. Even if things end up not working out (and truly, nobody can foresee the future), we would have already 'gained' something invaluable in our lives being with that person, even if only for a season.

 

I think that when you finally do fall in love, you may feel the same way.

The difference is that if you prefer tea now you can switch to soda without any financial obligation to tea and you don't have a bunch of little tea babies that need caring for.

 

If you still choose to drink tea it won't just one day up and decide it doesn't want you to drink it anymore because something is missing.

[MrCastle]

They're not lost they just don't want relationships like in days past, and especially marriage.

 

The days of people being married 20,30,40,50 years are over

 

Being married for 10 years is the new 20

 

Exactly. Marriage is an antiquated institution.

 

The world is constantly changing and evolving. Peoples feelings on relationships and love also change. The culture changes. Numbers back it up. Women don't want kids at 20 anymore. They don't want to be a stay at home mom at 25. They want careers. They want to enjoy their lives and the freedoms being single gives them.

 

Those days of people lasting for decades are over. The internet/technology has played a large part in that as well.

[thefooloftheyear]

Exactly. Marriage is an antiquated institution.

 

The world is constantly changing and evolving. Peoples feelings on relationships and love also change. The culture changes. Numbers back it up. Women don't want kids at 20 anymore. They don't want to be a stay at home mom at 25. They want careers. They want to enjoy their lives and the freedoms being single gives them.

 

Those days of people lasting for decades are over. The internet/technology has played a large part in that as well.

 

Ill agree with everything you are saying...The only area I differ in is that as much as women want careers now(and why not), they still want kids and if given the choice, most want to be a SAHM...Most cant afford to these days because unlike in years past, unless you make big Jack, your SO is going to HAVE to work to stay off the bread line..

 

Bottom line though, and this is sad that I have to say this...We live in such a "throw away" society that it has crept into everything..Years ago, people worked at things like problems in marriages..Now, its cut and run..Its unfortunate...In many instances, you wind up leaving the kettle and going right into the fire..

 

And the sad part is that the kids suffer..Im sorry, even a marginally bad relationship is better than a split-where the kids are concerned..Kids, in many cases dont really think about how bad a relationship is between their parents as long as both show them a lot of love..But when there is a split and the kids get displaced and shuffled around, thats when they start to really suffer..I lived it, so I can relate..

 

TFY

[Woggle]

Well, that's like asking me why I'm drinking tea now when I'm in my mid-twenties and should be alternating solely between diet coke and alcohol, as so many of my peers do.

 

The answer is that I like drinking tea. I have zero desire to drink diet coke or beer, and I see no reason to trade tea in for that simply because of my age.

 

You look at a relationship and you see only chains and sacrifice. Some of us look at ours and see much, much more than that. We see love, a nourishing companionship, and a person whom we actually want to be with. Even if things end up not working out (and truly, nobody can foresee the future), we would have already 'gained' something invaluable in our lives being with that person, even if only for a season.

 

I think that when you finally do fall in love, you may feel the same way.

 

You might feel this way now but who's to say that in ten years you won't catch gigs and want to experience things that you feel you only can when single?

[RedRobin]

Well, that's like asking me why I'm drinking tea now when I'm in my mid-twenties and should be alternating solely between diet coke and alcohol, as so many of my peers do.

 

The answer is that I like drinking tea. I have zero desire to drink diet coke or beer, and I see no reason to trade tea in for that simply because of my age.

 

You look at a relationship and you see only chains and sacrifice. Some of us look at ours and see much, much more than that. We see love, a nourishing companionship, and a person whom we actually want to be with. Even if things end up not working out (and truly, nobody can foresee the future), we would have already 'gained' something invaluable in our lives being with that person, even if only for a season.

 

I think that when you finally do fall in love, you may feel the same way.

 

Exactly.

 

My parents have been married nearly 50 years now. Got married at 20 and 21.

 

My dad is here helping me with house projects through the month of August... He can't wait to get back home to my mom. Although, I think that might have something to do with my cooking, ha ha.

 

Seriously, they are very sweet with each other. Still goin' at it like a couple of teenagers.

 

... I'm envious of them, and proud of them at the same time.

[Woggle]

Exactly.

 

My parents have been married nearly 50 years now. Got married at 20 and 21.

 

My dad is here helping me with house projects through the month of August... He can't wait to get back home to my mom. Although, I think that might have something to do with my cooking, ha ha.

 

Seriously, they are very sweet with each other. Still goin' at it like a couple of teenagers.

 

... I'm envious of them, and proud of them at the same time.

 

Your parents are from a different generation. Their days might as well be the stone age when you consider how much has changed.

[Pyro]

You might feel this way now but who's to say that in ten years you won't catch gigs and want to experience things that you feel you only can when single?

 

and who is to say if you will catch the GIG syndrome. You still chose to get married so everyone else should if they find the right person.

 

Not everyone lets their fears dictate how they feel like you do.

[Woggle]

and who is to say if you will catch the GIG syndrome. You still chose to get married so everyone else should if they find the right person.

 

Not everyone lets their fears dictate how they feel like you do.

 

What I am saying is that she is so sure that it is a good thing to be committed early on but who is to say that one day she won't be posting a thread about how her husband is a great guy but she doesn't have that in love feeling anymore.

[Unicorn8]

I agree there are so many people around my age like this and I was caught up in it for a couple of years, my first two years in college, and then I began to realize how self destructive my behavior was. I straightened up and shortly after met my wonderful husband would agree with your post as well. So there is definitely some new social norm for teens and 20 something's but there are also many who do not go down that path.

[Pyro]

What I am saying is that she is so sure that it is a good thing to be committed early on but who is to say that one day she won't be posting a thread about how her husband is a great guy but she doesn't have that in love feeling anymore.

 

She isn't speaking for anyone but herself.

 

Your reading skills suck.

 

If you meet someone at a young age and connect strongly and end up marrying then there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. Maybe you Woggle fear a commitment that extensive but others don't

[sweetjasmine]

You might feel this way now but who's to say that in ten years you won't catch gigs and want to experience things that you feel you only can when single?

 

GIGS is not a disease that you catch if someone sneezes in your face.

 

It's a mindset that you either cultivate or keep away. It's your choice.

 

People act as if the success of a relationship is based on pure, dumb luck. If that's what you really believe, do yourself a favor and don't ever get married.

[tbf]

GIGS is not a disease that you catch if someone sneezes in your face.

Ewww. It's airborne!

[Pyro]

GIGS is not a disease that you catch if someone sneezes in your face.

 

It's a mindset that you either cultivate or keep away. It's your choice.

 

People act as if the success of a relationship is based on pure, dumb luck. If that's what you really believe, do yourself a favor and don't ever get married.

 

He IS married (or a huge troll). That is why it is hard to take his beliefs seriously.

[Pyro]

Ewww. It's airborne!

 

Cooties do exist.

[sweetjasmine]

He IS married (or a huge troll). That is why it is hard to take his beliefs seriously.

 

I know he's married. And I'm sure he's dead serious. It's a wonder someone who thinks the way he does doesn't pre-emptively divorce his wife. After all, someone might accidentally infect her with GIGS tomorrow.

[Woggle]

GIGS is not a disease that you catch if someone sneezes in your face.

 

It's a mindset that you either cultivate or keep away. It's your choice.

 

People act as if the success of a relationship is based on pure, dumb luck. If that's what you really believe, do yourself a favor and don't ever get married.

 

It is a psychological condition and if you live in an age where commitment and marriage are considered to be stifling and compared to a prison it is a very for a person to buy into that.

[Pyro]

I know he's married. And I'm sure he's dead serious. It's a wonder someone who thinks the way he does doesn't pre-emptively divorce his wife. After all, someone might accidentally infect her with GIGS tomorrow.

 

Who is to say that she hasn't sneezed on him and now Woggle has caught the GIGS. It is an epidemic afterall.

 

We better go find the cure

[Els]

The difference is that if you prefer tea now you can switch to soda without any financial obligation to tea and you don't have a bunch of little tea babies that need caring for.

 

If you still choose to drink tea it won't just one day up and decide it doesn't want you to drink it anymore because something is missing.

 

You might feel this way now but who's to say that in ten years you won't catch gigs and want to experience things that you feel you only can when single?

 

Was my post so compelling, that you felt the compulsion to respond twice to it, several hours apart?

 

With regards to your first post, I think you're missing the context of Castle's post that I was responding to. He was comparing casual sex/dating to any form of committed monogamous relationship, and questioning why anyone in their mid-twenties would want to do the latter. You are talking about a very specific subgroup, namely a certain % of American marriages with kids who end up in divorce. Apples to oranges.

 

With regards to your second post, I don't think anyone can foresee the future with certainty. How will you even know you will be alive ten years from now? Is there really a point in working, saving, learning, improving, doing ANYthing at all? If you're wanting a 100% guarantee for anything you invest in, you aren't going to get it.

 

Exactly.

 

My parents have been married nearly 50 years now. Got married at 20 and 21.

 

My dad is here helping me with house projects through the month of August... He can't wait to get back home to my mom. Although, I think that might have something to do with my cooking, ha ha.

 

Seriously, they are very sweet with each other. Still goin' at it like a couple of teenagers.

 

... I'm envious of them, and proud of them at the same time.

 

:laugh: Glad to hear this.